>>Dress Code:
>>You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
>> If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we
>>will
>>assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a
>>raise.
>> If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money
>>better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not
need
a
>>raise.
>> If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and
>>therefore you do not need a raise.
>>
>>Sick Days:
>>We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.
>>If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
>>
>>Personal Days:
>>Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are
>>called Saturdays & Sundays.
>>
>>Bereavement Leave:
>>This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for
>>dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to
>>have nonemployees attend the funeral arrangements. In rare cases
where
>>employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled
>>in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through
>>your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
>>
>>Bathroom Breaks:
>>Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a
>>strict threeminute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three
>>minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract,
>>the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your
>>second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin
board
>>under the "Chronic Offenders" category. Anyone caught smiling in the
>>picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.
>>
>>Lunch Break:
>> Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more,
>>so that they can look healthy.
>> Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced
>>meal to maintain their average figure.
>> Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the
>>time needed to drink a SlimFast.
>>Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
>>positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,
>>concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
>>insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations,
>>consternation
>>and input should be directed elsewhere.
>>
>>The Management
>>You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
>> If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we
>>will
>>assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a
>>raise.
>> If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money
>>better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not
need
a
>>raise.
>> If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and
>>therefore you do not need a raise.
>>
>>Sick Days:
>>We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.
>>If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
>>
>>Personal Days:
>>Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are
>>called Saturdays & Sundays.
>>
>>Bereavement Leave:
>>This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for
>>dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to
>>have nonemployees attend the funeral arrangements. In rare cases
where
>>employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled
>>in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through
>>your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
>>
>>Bathroom Breaks:
>>Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a
>>strict threeminute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three
>>minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract,
>>the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your
>>second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin
board
>>under the "Chronic Offenders" category. Anyone caught smiling in the
>>picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.
>>
>>Lunch Break:
>> Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more,
>>so that they can look healthy.
>> Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced
>>meal to maintain their average figure.
>> Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the
>>time needed to drink a SlimFast.
>>Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
>>positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,
>>concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
>>insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations,
>>consternation
>>and input should be directed elsewhere.
>>
>>The Management
