Non Consensual? "White Knighting"

[tickling=feet]

I was at a small play party last night, the first i had attended outside out a professional setting. It was a change of scenery but the host was very good at rope so safety wise it was good situation. A couple showed up who were friends with the host and i noticed the girl seemed very uncomfortable. Her new boyfriend, i found out in conversation was tickling others alot and kept trying to get her to play. Even when other people asked her if she wanted to play he was like go! have fun! She clearly didnt want to and said no to all of them. Fast forward to the end of the party.

The last ones left were me, this couple, and our host. We were cleaning up when the guy started to really harass the girl to be tickled. She brushed him off over and over but he was consistant about it. Eventually she said fine and he tickled her in the main room. The host had left me in charge of the place while he was gone (ive known him for awhile) and i was in the garage. I heard the usual 'stop' 'no' 'please' through laughter but it started to sound very panicked. I ASSUMED he knew 'SSC' but went to go check. The girl was tied by her wrists and ankles in a basic knot fashion and i could see pretty heavy rope burn. She was bawling and basically screaming please as he was on top of her just going at it.

Now, i know proper etiquette. Dont 'white knight' because you dont know the relationship or what they agreed upon but this just didn't seem appropriate to me and i told him he had to stop. He basically told me to F off and that it was none of my business. The girl gasped 'please' again to him so i said to him do what you want but not here and to gtf out of the house. I've been talking it over with some people and have gotten mixed responses so i wanted to ask the community. Did i do the right thing or did i step over the line?

 

[MrTicklefeet]

Yes you did.

 

[a7hgsir4h3jk]

Fuck, reading this makes me very uncomfortable. Sounds like she clearly didn't want to and yet he wouldn't respect her boundaries. If I were tickling someone who was crying, screaming, or had heavy rope burn I would at least stop to check if they were okay. Did they not have a safe word? Or a time limit? Sounds almost abusive imo...

 

[Sensualswitch10]

You were left in charge by the host, and made a judgement call. No one should fault you for that, IMO.

Was there any input from the lady after the fact?

 

[tickling=feet]

You were left in charge by the host, and made a judgement call. No one should fault you for that, IMO.

Was there any input from the lady after the fact?

No she was silent and didnt make eye contact. She looked embarrassed/ashamed.

 

[tickling=feet]

Fuck, reading this makes me very uncomfortable. Sounds like she clearly didn't want to and yet he wouldn't respect her boundaries. If I were tickling someone who was crying, screaming, or had heavy rope burn I would at least stop to check if they were okay. Did they not have a safe word? Or a time limit? Sounds almost abusive imo...

I dont know what they discussed before they started. Thats the problem. I should have asked but i was amped up on the thought of save this person/white knighting

 

[a7hgsir4h3jk]

I dont know what they discussed before they started. Thats the problem. I should have asked but i was amped up on the thought of save this person/white knighting

I wouldn't call it "white knighting", since that phrase carries very negative connotations. What you did, I would call being a decent human being. Unlike that asshole boyfriend of hers.

Are you able to contact the girl in any way? Or maybe you could ask the host to contact her?

 

[Myriads]

No you did not act incorrectly.

You were in charge and unsure of the condition of the woman. At the very least that calls for stopping the scene and you getting a direct confirmation from her that she is okay and well. If she confirmed that, then things could start again. If not then it ends.

You acted responsibly, and based on what you saw over the night were careful.

If that couple was playing in private then the woman security was on her. But in a public setting, that security was on the events host, and by delegation you. And being overly careful is ALWAYS the right path there.

Myriads

 

[CapturedDoll]

The fact that this guy told you to F off rather than try to ask you why you would say such a thing... or have his slave/wife/ gf whatever tell you herself she was alright... or... "No no don't worry this is how we play... she's fine... right honey? You remember your safe word... right slave?" Nope.. you received an F off and that tells me everything I need to know right there. You absolutely did the right thing. Bravo!!

 

[Darkknight]

You did the right thing, I've white knighted in my life time. Had the ticklee said it was ok, it was part of their thing, ok but she didn't say a word.

Bravo on you man.

 

[Teal]

No, you definitely did the right thing. The whole idea of "white knighting" is absurd anyway - put it this way: if you're overly cautious the worst thing that happens is you interrupt someone's play session for 30 seconds, but if you turn a blind eye you could be letting someone get assaulted.

 

[a7hgsir4h3jk]

No, you definitely did the right thing. The whole idea of "white knighting" is absurd anyway - put it this way: if you're overly cautious the worst thing that happens is you interrupt someone's play session for 30 seconds, but if you turn a blind eye you could be letting someone get assaulted.

This.

 

[hoseman2248]

You should've addressed the female and asked her if she wanted the tickling to continue or not. If she said "no," and he continues, let him know the police are being called. That's assault and intimidation of a witness (intimidation of a witness is loosely based and can mean taking measures to prevent someone from seeking help, such as keeping them restrained when they don't want to be). It does not matter if she agreed to be tickled, and if police were to come, her agreeing to be tickled after saying "no" several times, but only agreeing after being essentially harassed, also is the charge of harassment and intimidation against the male tickler.

It does not matter what their agreement was, and I sincerely doubt she agreed to be tickled beyond her limits by someone she kept telling "no" to the entire night. It sounds like she essentially conceded based on his harassment, and perhaps felt nobody else was standing up for her, so she gave in out of fear. People on here can disagree with me, but that tickler sounds like a scumbag human being, and honestly, after he told you to fuck off when you asked him to stop, you should've called the police on him.


Oh sh**, I didn't realize they were a couple. That changes everything. It's no longer just assault. It now falls under domestic battery. That man exhibited classic mentality of an abuser, and he 100% committed domestic assault and battery there (battery isn't just hitting for all those that wanna say it wasn't assault). Assault and battery is any attempt to physically touch someone against there will in a manner that places them in fear or suffering. Once she begins crying frantically and saying "stop," he is now touching her against her will and causing panic and fear, as well as suffering. This clearly falls under domestic assault and battery. Most women that are abused feel ashamed, as this girl seems like she demonstrated when you entered the room. They will not come out and say they need help because they protect their abuser, which is exhibited by her laying in silence rather than saying either "she wanted it that way (which she didn't, clearly), or saying to you that she needs help." They fear retaliation or even guilt if they get their abuser in trouble. Honestly bro, you should've gotten this ahole arrested and away from this poor woman.

 

[Alliekat]

In my opinion, you did the noble thing.

 

[rdhd]

I too agree you did the right thing. Let's say it was an actual assault on the gal, which she then reported. If neither you or the host didn't try to intervene, both of you could then become involved as abetting the assault. Better safe on your side than sorry (which describes that guy).

 

[hoseman2248]

I too agree you did the right thing. Let's say it was an actual assault on the gal, which she then reported. If neither you or the host didn't try to intervene, both of you could then become involved as abetting the assault. Better safe on your side than sorry (which describes that guy).

Agreed, this is 100% an assault, and stopping it very likely saved the op from being considered an accomplice (by doing nothing) to a domestic battery. I can assure anyone here that if that girl's hands were free she would've been scratching and punching at her boyfriend in real desperation to get him off of her.

 

[chicago]

I think you did the right thing, based on having to think quickly in the situation.

That said, whoever was in charge should have gone over some basic rules for playing safely including consent and safe words and using bondage equipment correctly and safetly.

And people in general need to learn to be direct and assertive about what they want or don't want

 

[shippyshippy]

You did good. Fuck that jerkoff creep.

 

[chicago]

It's easy to blame the ler, that's like the thing white knights do, isn't it?

But according to the OP, the female CONSENTED and we all know how the 'stop' 'don't' 'please' type begging can be part of the scene.

If either of the two had half a brain cell to know what they were doing, they should have gone over safewords, negotiated a time limit, bondage, etc. Obviously, the chick didn't protest when dude tied her up AFTER she gave said consent.

All in all, it seems two dumbasses didn't know how to communicate and whoever was supposed to be the DM dipped out.

 

[frankied21]

I mean how could you be wrong? Honestly, seems to me you didn't tell him to gtfo bc of what he was doing. What he was doing was the reason you interrupted. But you told him to gtfo bc of the attitude and the disrespect he showed, which, if I was hosting or acting as host while the host was gone, I would not tolerate. Someone allowed yu to use his/her space and you treat it with disrespect? Guy must have been raised with a golden spoon.

 

[Sensualswitch10]

I think the calls to have the guy arrested are pretty overblown. They were at a tickle party for crying out loud. And as chicago pointed out, she consented to be tied up. I mean seriously, in our community when a safeword is involved no doesn't always mean no. As far as having 100% certainty what a person's reactions would be, having not been there, that's kind of a stretch.

I think tickling =feet did the right thing, both by stopping the scene and by not involving the authorities.

 

[knicks255]

You did the right thing, it was pretty clear that not only was this guy inexperienced and possibly didn't know how to use the tools correctly (You mentioned rope burn? And it doesn't sound like they were at this for long, so if it was "pretty heavy", he probably really fucked that up.), he was acting pretty oddly aggressive.

It also sounds like this 'ler was pushing her past what she was comfortable with. You mentioned him trying to force her into scenes all night she clearly didn't want to be involved in. And it sounds like you had the social instincts to read that. So, seeing that he took things too far after tying her might not be reading too far into it.

Honestly, though, that could all be part of a scene or whatever. Of course the pleading and stuff could be part of it as well. What pushes this into "You definitely did the right thing stepping in." for me is the reaction the woman apparently had.

He basically told me to F off and that it was none of my business. The girl gasped 'please' again to him

Like mentioned before by a few posters, yeah, his response was just rude, hers is scary. If this was all a session or a scene, she could just say to you "It's fine." or "I have a safeword." or any number of things to tell you that this was acceptable, it's what she wanted to do, SSC and all, just like Myriads said. Instead she kept begging the 'ler to stop. That's worrisome. When you came in to check on them, the fantasy takes a pause and either of them could have told you it was all consensual and you didn't need to worry. And it wasn't like you barged in the room and yelled "EVERYONE STOP NOW AND PUT YOUR HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM", you went to check politely if the session was okay, THEN asked them to stop so you could figure out what was going on.

In the end, you were the authority there, you saw something that could have been a breach of the rules, you investigated it, and you acted on it. It sounds like you did exactly what your job was.

 

[hoseman2248]

I think the calls to have the guy arrested are pretty overblown. They were at a tickle party for crying out loud. And as chicago pointed out, she consented to be tied up. I mean seriously, in our community when a safeword is involved no doesn't always mean no. As far as having 100% certainty what a person's reactions would be, having not been there, that's kind of a stretch.

I think tickling =feet did the right thing, both by stopping the scene and by not involving the authorities.

I politely disagree. You can be at a sexual gathering and consent, but then things get a little forceful and the girl wants it to stop but the guy keeps being aggressive. Could be the same deal here. If they are in a relationship and it's a situation where she legitimately wants it to end and he intentionally continues knowing it is causing anguish...that's domestic assault, and yes, a very arrestable offense. Had the guy refused to stop after a couple attempts by the OP, I would say that's 100% grounds for calling the police. Luckily it was able to be resolved without coming to those terms.

 

[SoleMates]

And as chicago pointed out, she consented to be tied up. I mean seriously, in our community when a safeword is involved no doesn't always mean no.

Yeah, but a "yes" after having been badgered all night can't really be considered a "yes", either. That's what the concept of "enthusiastic consent" is for. It teaches the difference between "Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes!" and "okay, fine, if I say yes will you shut the fuck up about it?" - and helpful hint, you want the former and not the latter.

 

[kcantankerous]

I'd stop it too. Hell, what would one think would happen if you seem to be going noncon, and the recipient seems panicky. The fact that no one seemed to be privy to this makes intervention more than reasonable. I'd intervene even if I wasn't the host. The recipient would scold me if they actually wanted things to continue. I'd gladly take that risk.

K