Ok, TMF.....Show Us How Stupid You Really Are...

[Dave2112]

Greetings pervs and pervettes. It's your friendly neighborhood Dave with a challenge for ya. It's always good to be able to laugh at yourself, so.....

Tell us the stupidest thing you ever did. Something that was just boneheaded, or something that may have started small and got out of hand....whatever.

Let's see who's done the dumbest fucking thing ever. I was thinking of starting...but I'm gonna hold off to see who's got the nut to go first....and...well, mine's kinda really stupid...and it amuses me to be able to trump whatever comes along, hopefully.

Have fun...let's get stupid, people.

 

[kered]

The stupidest (and most noble) thing I've ever done was letting her go.

 

[Tomskee]

This was not only stupid but it's a gigantic FAIL as well.

As a freshman in college, I unwisely accepted the open challenge of a small, 50ish Korean judo instructor (Why Lord, oh why did you make this po child so dumb). I was easily a hundred pounds heavier and 20 yrs younger. I also had 4 yrs of jiu jitsu and 3 yrs of wrestling. So I could hold my own, right? 😀

...ahh no, nada, nine, nyet, negative, nope, uh-uh with a hell naw and some nigga please sprinkled on top...

What no one told me was that he won the silver medal at the 84 Olympics and he is knowledgeable in other martial arts such as aikido and tae kwon do. In Japan, he met and sparred with Steven Segal and Allen Coage (Bad News Brown).

This man didn't just whoop me, he held a clinic...on my ass. He beat the black right off my ass. Right now my behind is kinda mocha colored compared to the chocolate rest of me. My whole body was sore for days after that.

That was by far the stoopeedist thing I have ever done.

 

[xSamanthax]

Tomskee, that absolutely cracked me up. /wipes away tears

Unfortunately, my stupidest moment was in no way funny and I paid for it dearly.

I was 15, parents out of town. Wooo hoooo Party time!!!!

Mistake #1 - Drinking games with Everclear
Mistake #2 - Forgetting to invite any other girls (making me the only piece of ass swimming in a broth of testosterone and alcohol).

I am sure everyone can guess the rest.

Oh and then there was the day when I said....Oh I bet missing a couple birth control pills doesn't make any difference! /facepalm

 

[Strider]

When I was 18, I was absolutely desperate for money and agreed to a one-off job transporting a tube sock full of cash on the behalf of a, um... local businessman, shall we say.

When I show up at the guy's house to get the package, he tosses me the sock full of money like it's a football, and then says "(my given name here), don't fumble this pass."

I actually laugh about that now, but at the time, it was quite fucking chilling to hear.

 

[Deleted member 66627]

I have too many moments to get into the individual stories.

Some of those include:

- Falling off a two-story playhouse.

- Breaking into an abandoned house.

- Getting stoned for the first time with the threat of security around.

- Jumping an individual without considering the after effects. (see: police.)

- Mixing Chardonnay and Green Apple Smirnoff.

- Learning how to drive stick in a parking lot of black ice.

- Under-estimating the size of my old Mercury Grand Marquis and ramming the front end into the ass end of a parked car.

- Racing BMWs.

- Smoking blunts.

- Getting lost roughly 5 minutes from my own house.

- Stashing water pipes in my purse.

- Making a bet with Ray.

- Posting a public discussion thread on my thoughts about a Hello sub-forum.

- Jumping off a well in a church parking lot and under-estimating my distance, catching my leg on the step and skidding across the parking lot.

- Taking dares to streak through my neighborhood.

- Finding a dimebag at work.

- Mixing Whippets and Vics..

- .. Then trying to play Eueker.

- Taking guitar lessons.

- Locking horns with men bigger then me.

- Getting lost in deep downtown (see: murderville) in the middle of the summer.. on a nice warm day..


I have more. But, I think this is enough.

 

[FlockOfSeagulls]

I have too many moments to get into the individual stories.

Some of those include:

- Falling off a two-story playhouse.

- Breaking into an abandoned house.

- Getting stoned for the first time with the threat of security around.

- Jumping an individual without considering the after effects. (see: police.)

- Mixing Chardonnay and Green Apple Smirnoff.

- Learning how to drive stick in a parking lot of black ice.

- Under-estimating the size of my old Mercury Grand Marquis and ramming the front end into the ass end of a parked car.

- Racing BMWs.

- Smoking blunts.

- Getting lost roughly 5 minutes from my own house.

- Stashing water pipes in my purse.

- Making a bet with Ray.

- Posting a public discussion thread on my thoughts about a Hello sub-forum.

- Jumping off a well in a church parking lot and under-estimating my distance, catching my leg on the step and skidding across the parking lot.

- Taking dares to streak through my neighborhood.

- Finding a dimebag at work.

- Mixing Whippets and Vics..

- .. Then trying to play Eueker.

- Taking guitar lessons.

- Locking horns with men bigger then me.

- Getting lost in deep downtown (see: murderville) in the middle of the summer.. on a nice warm day..


I have more. But, I think this is enough.

Alright [you know who you are] , I win the bet....I knew she wasn`t playing with a FULL deck. now pay up !!!!

 

[Dave2112]

Nice to see responses so quickly...and these have been great!

Tomskee, I feel your pain, I feel into that same trap as a student of Aikido and again studying Katana. Yep...testosterone is powerful fuckin' drug, my friend....

Joana...knowing the stories behind so many of those things really made your post even funnier. You go, baby. 😉

Ok...here's my story of stupidity, one that will leave people shaking thier heads and going "Dave...you ignint fuckin' bastahd...."

I was 14 and I had a MAJOR science project coming up. Wound up hanging out with friends the whole week, screwing off and being 14. So, the day came for the project...and this is like 50% of my science grade for the year...and I got nuthin'. Fuckin' squat. So, I walk into science class and my brain is doing backflips...whatdoIdowhatdoIdo...Oh yeah! I know! *dingdingdingding* Fake being sick.

Sure, why not? Of course, this is a rather obvious thing to do, so I had to really play this bitch up. I'm clutching my stomach, howloing...all that shit. They send me donw to the nurse and she starts poking around, asks me if THIS hurts when she presses my side (which it does, chick had sausage fingers big time, people) and I'm like "Ok, she'll say I gotta go home, I can slap something together tonight and I'll be gold...I got this...no sweat. Yeah! I fuckin' Rock man!"

She calls my house, talks to Mom, says she has to take me to the doctor. Mom comes flying down and pulls me out, and takes me in. I'm like...ooooo...kaaaayyyy...just play along, I've got a bad stomach ache, I get some medicine, I go home.

"Mrs. Dave's Mom....we gotta admit him, he's got appendicitis"

FUCK.

And, I canNOT back out of this now...I'm in wwaaaaayyyy too deep. Played along with everything he asked me like.."Uh huh...uh huh...yep...ok..." and he's got me going in to get shit taken out.

Which happened the next day.

Yep.....I wound up getting surgery and losing a small body part to get out of a science project.Started small...snowballed and the next thing ya know...I got one less part and scar to remind me of my stupidity to this day.

Hmmm...wondering if I should tell people how I passed my road test.....

 

[Tomskee]

DAAAAMN Crystal! If you lived near me you would want, no need me as a homie.

There is no way we could kick it all the time. If you came in contact with folks I used to run with... Bottom line:




WE WOULD BOTH DIE!!!













At least we'd go down swinging. 🙂

 

[Saeria]

I managed 8 full years of stupidity, but that isn't an entertaining story, so i'd like to tell you the tale of the drunken artist and the "Four Horsmen of the Apocalpse".

Once upon a time there was a rather cute and busty 18 year old woman that lived in a tent and drank like a fish. She had the most awesomest job ever painting and designing sets for a haunted dungeon at the local renaissance faire. It was a mere 2 hours before the first opening of the season and she was suddenly informed that she had to paint a giant 10x25 ft canvas banner showcasing our "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" theme this season. She was already partially lit, a belly full of spiced wine and honey mead, but decided she would attempt it the very best she could. She raced to finish it before cannon and had just hung the banner from the last peg from the turret of the dungeon. As the cannon resounded across the grounds, she let the banner unfurl and met the faces of expectant onlookers. There was joy and surprise, then suddenly quite a great deal of laughter. For almost the entire day no one told her why the banner was so funny, and no matter how many times she looked at it, it seemed fine to her. Yet as she paraded about in her rather obnoxious costume, she saw more and more people point and chuckle slightly. By the end of the day, the banner had become a spectacle and people were coming from their shops to see it. It was then she learned the humor of the Banner.

"Chateau du Macabre
The Four Horsmen of the Apocalpse" ... well shit on my spelling, afterall... oh well. Nothing says stupid like displaying your poor spelling tendencies on such a grand scale. The End

 

[venray]

I have too many moments to get into the individual stories.

Some of those include:


-- Smoking blunts.

-- Making a bet with Ray.

-- Taking dares to streak through my neighborhood.

-.

Making notes for New Hampshire....

 

[Tomskee]

Super Dave...yous a damn fool. Master Yoda should expel your dumbass from the Jedi.

 

[Snail Shell]

The second-stupidest thing I've ever done is attempt a backflip in a breakdancing circle at a dance club without any prior experience or training.

I sprained my wrist, but I'm told it looked cool. 🙂

Snail Shell

 

[Gothika]

ok here i go with my stupidity

ok well once when i lived with my sister i got realy wasted and striped naked and ran around the house like an idiout.

i told a cop off once and got a huge fine for that one and a ride in a police car how fun that was.

i have in the past broken into many abandond houses.

when i was a kid i stole lots of stuff from various places i dont do that crap anymore tho.


i set firecrackers off at school.

i rode my bike throu the halls of the school

i skipped a few times

i hacked the computer system at school when i was in school

cannot think of anything else right now and this stuff is not as bad as anyone elses tho.

 

[Ayla ny]

Going to my first “Cool Kids” party at 13, drinking for the first time, and then throwing up all over the feet of the most popular guy in school.

Asking complete strangers for directions back to Port Authority, while lost on 42nd Street, in the 1980’s, at 14.

Visiting a boyfriend while he was in Med-School at Temple in Philly and deciding to take a walk to the corner store, at midnight, because I was bored and he was studying.

There are more. Soooo many more…

 

[Saeria]

AHAHAH i forgot all about the time i almost got stuck in Canada! I don't know what it is now, but back when i went to Maine in 2000, legal drinking age in canada was 19.. hey, i'd just turned 19 and i was hanging out with a bunch of people at the UMFK campus, just a hop skip and jump from New Brunswick... we went to a club called Le Ronde Ponte (sp?) and i was smashed beyond smashed... we had walked there and were on our way back and i decide (or so i'm told) to harass the guard. I was deemed too intoxicated to cross back into the US so i had to wait at the kiosk until i sobered up some... i dont remember the incident all that well.

 

[slacker2114]

HAHAHAHAHA......you bunch of numbnuts! I can't believe some of the stupid shit you've all done. I've never done anythig that stupid...

Except....

- the time I challenged my step-dad at 15. (That was an ass-kicking that spilled outdoors so it could be put on display for the neighbors. Don't quite remember the details on it to this day, though.)

- sledding down the old slate banks in the wintertime. (Trees hurt when you hit them at about 25 mph and you're laying on your stomach, unprotected, on nothing but a piece of wood and metal.)

- moving road construction horses from one side of the road to the other in the middle of the night so cars would drive over 12 inch hole in the street. (Dangerous stupid. I'll never forget the sound of that car bottoming out over that hole. Only damamge to the car though. No one was hurt.)

- popping the chain off my bike when I was 14 and speeding down a hill towards the woods with no brakes. (Seeing a pattern here? Again, I tell you....trees HURT!)

I could think of a LOT more, but I'll save some for future stories. If I ever meet any of you and get to tell them.

 

[..Glamorous..]

Drunk sledding in the middle of the summer.. using cooking spray and sleds. DUMB DUMB idea!

 

[tickmankyle1]

ok i had a truck that you could take the key out while still having it in in gear. me and my buddy were drunk and took the key out while it was in Neutral and got out of my turck thinking it was in park. We started to panic when it went rolling down the hill. thank God it only hit a tree and smashed up the front end.
that is my one very stupid thing for now kyle

 

[Headsnap]

The Scene: Istanbul, May 26 2005.

The Scenario: Liverpool have just won their 5th European Cup final in a truly epic game against AC Milan. Five lads from the outskirts of Liverpool, that's me, my dad and three other doofers, had been at the game and returned to the Old Town to get pissed and celebrate. My dad and uncle left early to get back to the hotel but myself and a pair of young gentlemen decided to get a bit more drunk. So we did. Then we decided we didn't need no stinkin' taxi and could easily navigate our way 5 miles through a shit-hole of a city we'd only been in for 48 hours at three in the morning. On the way we were accosted by a large well-dressed gentleman standing outside a lively nightclub-looking place and asked if we would like a drink; of course we said yes and went inside. Inside the place was full of women; not fantastic looking but hardly hackett, there were at least 20 of them and there was only one other bloke aside from the DJ who was spinning some serious Islamic house on his decks (wearing a Muslim robe). We got a pint each and sat feeling quite pleased with ourselves until one of the women came over and got Ray, who was by this point out of his skull, up to dance with her. Another came over and sat where he'd been and started making small talk with Wayne, before asking him which of the girls he liked and asking how much money he had to spend. Spend on what, Wayne replied naively. Why, his female companion of course!...

Within about five seconds of us twigging the place was a brothel we decided to make a dart for the door although Ray, being pissed and Ray-like as he was, couldn't conceive of the idea that the 10 women gyrating around him were not, in fact, drawn to his animal magnetism and brick-laying charms but were actually after his wallet in an active way, and so we had to pretty much carry him from the place on our shoulders as he remonstrated and demanded to be left alone and the Turkish bloke from outside harangued us all the way out the door then refused to get us a taxi. In the end we walked down to the Bosphorous and had to ring the poor travel rep, who was soundly asleep in bed, to give us directions back to the hotel.

And that, dear readers, is why all continental Europeans despise British tourists 😀

 

[ticklesaurus]

Doing ludes and driving around Philadelphia at night.....long before they had GPS.Jeff Spicoli was so right...."people on ludes should not drive"
My second one,I can now look back on and laugh.After being in the ER for kidney stones and my insides being backed up for like a week,I was sent home with meds for the stones and this thing called a suposatory.For the first 40 years of my life,I never had a use for them nor did I know how they totally worked.The next morning I inserted it and decided to run a few errands........BAD MOVE.As I'm leaving the store,my body decides that an evacuation plan is now in effect.Well,you can guess the rest,lol.I got from the car to the house walking like a fricken hunchback penguin.And they say God doesn't have a sense of humor,lol.

 

[-Hari-]

stupid.... just watch me on a day to day basis....

the worst thoo..hmmm.

i cant decide between these..

1. when i was about 16 and at school, in the middle building we had a set of stairs going from the ground floor to the first, the hight was about 20ft from level to level, we used to see how hign we could jump down from over the rail to the floor, i could manage a little over half way,

on the last day of school my mate who was abit of a mentalist jumped from 1 step from the top
, i erged him to just jump the whole lot but the bell rang and we had to go to class, and being the last day, we couldnt have come back the next day, so we broke in later to do it and set of all the alarms and got chased home by the caretaker 😀




2. a few years before that we discovered the wonders of lighters and spray cans, and spent alot of time behind the community center spraying and lighting things, this went on for weeks and we didnt do uch damage until we accidently caught the back door on fire,,,..... but luckily i wasnt there on that occasion so i didnt have to pay for any of it, so lucky dodge but still really stupid




3. before i passed my driving test i was out drinking with a mate, he owed me 20 quid that i lent him for the fruit machine so i wanted it back, he propsed we drive to his house to get it, so he goes to drive and kept hitting the kerb and stuff, we make it to his and he handbrake turns it into a hedge and knocks off a wing mirror

he finds that he has no money at home but he finds his bank card, so we decide to drive to a bank, a little way down the road he knocks the other wing mirror off on a wall, and tells me he cant drive so i offer to, so there was me drunk and no test passed driving a car im not insured on,..... with no wing mirrors... so if a cop had seen it hed have pulled us over just cause of the mirrors... i was lucky that time...i got home fine.



4. i bought a really nice and fast BMW , i cost me 2 grand, 3 weeks later i wasnt paying attention to the road at all and wrote it off 😀 FAIL!!!!!



5. i thought ide lost my wallet once while ver drunk, so i managed to phone up and cncel all my bank cards... after doing that i sit down to find i put it in a different pocket to the one i normaly do..... so i had it all along




shit.....ive actually been a really stupid guy at times 😀

 

[wumbo17412]

money stealin and uncomfortable ass wipin'

Admittedly I'd have to say that I'm pretty lucky that I can't think of much that could compare with some of the stuff you other guys do, the only one I can think of is that I got busted for stealing money from my mom's wallet (somewhere in the $300-$400 range over a couple weeks) and got grounded from basically everything for two months, and right before it ended and before glorious summer vacation I decided to order some stuff off of amazon.com without telling my parents and using my debit card as acredit card # (it actually was some random dude's credit card # in arizona)And just like that, BOOM grounded through all summer.
The other thing I could think of isn't me being stupid, but more of me being a victim of circumstance, still it's a great story. I was in an overnight summer camp in southern Ontario, Canada and I just happened to be going the same week as that big blackout about 5 years ago (those from my area and some from NY Know what I'm talking about)We were catching frogs in the woods, all the sudden the lights in the shack we kept the frogs in went out, we didn't think anything of it. Later I went to the bathroom and when I turned on the tap no water came through. Later we learned there was a massive blackout all through the northeastern U.S. and southern Ontario and Quebec. I tried to resist going to the washroom but I couldn't take it any more, I went to the washroom and it was closed, the running water was powered by electricity so the only thing you could do is use outhouses. Finally I went into the outhouse to relieve myself and looked to find no toilet paper. I looked around to only find this, a coffee cup. The lessons I learned are to never go camping without your own personal army of generators and that a coffee cup and royale tissue feel very different when applied to a dirty ass.

 

[Dave2112]

Super Dave...yous a damn fool. Master Yoda should expel your dumbass from the Jedi.

Well, my friend...if I hadn't already left the Jedi on my own to assume the mantle of Overlord of the Sith (health plan was better, and the chicks...jeeez...), I'd seriously consider worrying about that.

And yes....I's a dayum fool for pulling that one. And, I'm running out of body parts I can sacrifice to get out of shit...

 

[xSamanthax]

here's another.

I'm 16 and in rehab. And, I might add, missing the Judas Priest concert I had tickets to see. Rehab was a drag so what did I do?

I called a taxi cab.

I'll be damned if one didn't show up - right to the front door! So I waltz out the door right past two orderlies. Didn't take them long to figure out that was my cab.

I got tackled. Took 6 of them (6 grown ass men vs. 1 skinny 16 year old, rofl) to finally get me down and pump me full of thorazine but I missed the concert. Then asked for more thorazine, lol. They said yes! So I had to ask....

How come I get the best drugs in rehab? If I had known that I would have checked in AGES ago!

All privileges suspended for that. But I got more thorazine!

/shuffle