Online sexual gratification: normal or addiction?

[YouNeverKnow175]

I’m a 30-yr-old guy, in a reasonably healthy, loving relationship with a beautiful woman (for about a year and a half) who embraces my fetishes for tickling and feet (although for whom being tickled is torturous). Our sex life is good, and she is always generous with sharing true tickling stories with me - one of my main turn-ons.

All the while, I still have a strong pull to spend time pursuing sexual arousal online. I don’t have much of a chance to do it, which may be part of the pull - and I only end up really going all-out with it once every month or two.

What “pursuing sexual arousal online” means for me is usually looking at tickling or foot pictures or videos, reading or writing stories and discussion on the TMF, and occasionally chatting with women about tickling. The chats almost always center around wanting to talk about how ticklish my girlfriend is and some of her true stories - or those of past girlfriends - which has become a little sub-fetish of mine somehow.

I’m not particularly open with my girlfriend about doing this, but she has expressed to me that she thinks looking at porn etc online is completely normal and natural and that everyone does it. She has also expressed to me a hope that I would not chat with people online about tickling.

I know that I can get sucked into the online thing and it can have an addictive quality to it for me. Once I start it’s hard to stop and I can go on for hours at a time. There’s a thrill that comes along with it - something about not knowing what I might encounter, or just the relaxed anonymity of sitting alone, enjoying sexual pleasure.

I’ve always enjoyed this, and I think it’s curbed a lot since I was in my teens and early twenties - when it more often had an overpowering quality. I also back then had the luxury of being in high school and college and being able to somewhat innocently pursue one of my favorite online sexual activities - bringing up tickling with female friends on Instant Messenger/chat etc. I don’t do that too much anymore, mainly because I’m in a relationship, and also because it’s harder to do it without seeming creepy at age 30!

So my main question is....how normal is this longing for online sexual gratification? Is it strange that there’d be something more alluring about online sexual satisfaction than being with a human being? Again - it’s not like this is every day - it’s occasionally. I’m just curious to know if this is essentially the typical male experience, or if I have some propensity towards online sexual addiction that I need to be careful of.

I know that asking this question at an online tickling site isn’t exactly taking a random sample of opinions, but I’d appreciate anyone’s thoughts. Thanks!

 

[AmericaRocks]

This thread seems appropriate, seeing as I've recently gotten myself hurt because of online sexual gratification.

This is not to say that it's a bad thing. I think that looking at porn etc. is totally normal and natural, and to my understanding, is something most people do. What you have to be careful about is when "real" people get involved. When you chat with a woman purely for sexual gratification, things can get complicated.

I made friends with a guy I met online, and eventually totally fell for him. I kept my crush secret because he lived far away and because I didn't want to lose him as a friend. Eventually, he told me that he found me attractive and we started flirting more and more. Then, we started to do more than just flirt.

It's caused confusion for both of us. He says he wants us to just be a sexual thing, but I still care about him as more than that. He's now seeing somebody else, and has stopped speaking to me, I'm guessing so he can remain faithful to her.

Sorry for my little whiny story, but yeah, my point is that talking to women online for sexual gratification can end up being confusing if you don't make your intentions clear. Also, since your girlfriend doesn't want you to do it, it's probably best to avoid it all together.

 

[Backstep]

YouNeverKnow175, it sounds like you have a good solid relationship and a woman who is appreciative of your needs. If she has no problem with pornography and you don't abuse the privelege of looking (that is, it doesn't interfere with your sex life), then it doesn't seem to be that big an issue.

You mentioned your appreciation of sharing true stories, which I'm sure many people here are happy to do either via PM or in the True Stories forum. But that's why I'm confused about the statement "She has also expressed to me a hope that I would not chat with people online about tickling." Do you mean she doesn't want you to roleplay (which I can understand)? Or not at all, which seems odd.

After all, even with full disclosure, someone in a loving relationship with a tickle fixation might need to express him or herself emotionally and creatively to like-minded people or seek out advice that someone who isn't into it can't quite understand.

Either way, you have a good relationship foundation on which to build. Just remember to be as attentive to her desires as she is to yours. 🙂

 

[cue]

Actually, I can understand that part, because Scott is the same way.

He has absolutely no problem with me looking at clips or reading stories or whatever when it comes to tickling. But he sort of draws the line at me talking to actual people online about it. Now whether he's afraid that someone will entice me to meet up with them, I don't know.

Now he knows that I come here to look at the clips and read the board and that. But he doesn't know that I'm actually registered here, nor that there's a few people that I talk to via PM.

So, yeah. He, too, tells me that he doesn't want me talking to others online about it. But, the ones that I talk are married and they know that I'm not interested in meeting for any private sessions. That I'm happy and content to having Scott tickling me to my heart's content.

 

[YouNeverKnow175]

You mentioned your appreciation of sharing true stories, which I'm sure many people here are happy to do either via PM or in the True Stories forum. But that's why I'm confused about the statement "She has also expressed to me a hope that I would not chat with people online about tickling." Do you mean she doesn't want you to roleplay (which I can understand)? Or not at all, which seems odd.

After all, even with full disclosure, someone in a loving relationship with a tickle fixation might need to express him or herself emotionally and creatively to like-minded people or seek out advice that someone who isn't into it can't quite understand.

I appreciate what you're saying here in this second paragraph a lot. I think that's a key point for me - being able to talk about tickling with other people who are into it. It's a somewhat-relatively uncommon affinity, and it's a significant aspect of who I am.

In terms of chatting, I think what she doesn't want (I've never talked specifically about what I do or don't do) is for me to chat w/other women, live, about tickling - even about her own ticklishness, which she views as a private aspect of our intimacy.

I'm not really into role play. I'd say, on a scale of innocent to questionable for me and my relationship, my very occasional, limited chatting/discussion activity entails:

-Genuine interest in discussing tickling on the forum to further self-understanding and connect with others who have this unique affinity

-Writing stories of true experiences/stories I've heard from ex-gfs or my current gf, because a) I want someone who can appreciate them to appreciate how amazing they are and b) there's something sexually intriguing about sharing these stories.

-Chatting live with a woman to share these kinds of stories for the same reasons as above.

-Chatting live with a woman and including conversations about her own ticklishness and tickling experiences.

 

[YouNeverKnow175]

Actually, I can understand that part, because Scott is the same way.

He has absolutely no problem with me looking at clips or reading stories or whatever when it comes to tickling. But he sort of draws the line at me talking to actual people online about it. Now whether he's afraid that someone will entice me to meet up with them, I don't know.

Now he knows that I come here to look at the clips and read the board and that. But he doesn't know that I'm actually registered here, nor that there's a few people that I talk to via PM.

So, yeah. He, too, tells me that he doesn't want me talking to others online about it. But, the ones that I talk are married and they know that I'm not interested in meeting for any private sessions. That I'm happy and content to having Scott tickling me to my heart's content.

Thanks cue - sounds really similar. I'm not at all interested in meeting up with anyone. And my gf (although we never specifically have talked about this site) I'm sure has a sense that I do occasionally look at pictures, videos, or read stories - and someday I hope to feel comfortable enough to tell her more directly about this site. She has a mean jealous streak, which is my hesitation. At the same time, as I said, she's expressed that she believes that looking at porn is something as natural as breathing and everyone does it.

Chatting crosses an intimacy line in her mind - which I totally understand. It's just that on some level I feel compelled to do it (see post immediately above this one in reply to backstep).

 

[cue]

I do understand. And Scott's the same exact way. He gets jealous if I talk to other males, but I could care less if he talks to another female. It doesn't bother me.

The reason that I do come on here and swap PMs with a couple people is because it is nice to be able to talk "shop" with someone. There might be a question that I ask them, that I might not want the whole board to read about. Plus, it just gives me a sense of being one in a "community". I could tell Scott until I'm blue in the face that it's just harmless discussions. That I just get an idea of how better he could attack my ticklish spots or what else he could try to get maxium effect or even something that I never thought of.

 

[Backstep]

YouNeverKnow175, it's an interesting situation, actually. Maybe your girlfriend is afraid that you will connect emotionally with another woman online and begin shutting her out, while videos and photos are just images to fap with.

I totally understand your first two points about connection and the sexual desire that sharing a good story can bring, so I'm with you there. But maybe the question should be about specifically talking to a woman online about experiences for her to share. After all, lots of guys here (myself included) could talk about m/f things we've done or even f/f stuff we've witnessed as well. Granted, we couldn't talk about what it's like to be a female 'lee, but it's at least something to ponder.

 

[Morpheus72]

As to the question you posed, I think that it's "normal" in that most guys I know in relationships view porn online. Just because it's tickle-porn doesn't make it any different. If it is truly occasional, and you're not denying your girlfriend's advances in order to go online, I'd give it the thumbs-up. With one caveat....

These sections, where you said:

and occasionally chatting with women about tickling. The chats almost always center around wanting to talk about how ticklish my girlfriend is and some of her true stories - or those of past girlfriends - which has become a little sub-fetish of mine somehow.

I’m not particularly open with my girlfriend about doing this, but she has expressed to me that she thinks looking at porn etc online is completely normal and natural and that everyone does it. She has also expressed to me a hope that I would not chat with people online about tickling. (bolding mine)

seem to me to pose an issue. Here, you're expressly doing something your girlfriend has asked that you not do, and you're, as you say, not open about it.

This is the only part that might cause you some trouble, or maybe it already does, since you posted it here. That's not to say it's not normal, since I'm sure this goes on all the time in relationships. I'm not one to pass judgement, however, I'm just throwing in my two cents. If you don't want an opinion about that aspect, then by all means ignore what I said.

Dave

 

[sasaxrah]

If you're choosing online stuff over your girlfriend, or you're wacking off so much with your computer that you can't get off otherwise, then you have a problem. I don't see an issue otherwise. Almost every guy will look at porn, and it doesn't invalidate the otherwise healthy relationship. Variety is the spice of life.

 

[gitcheycoocoo]

If you are into it you are into it. Sounds like you have a wonderful partner that allows you to do "the real deal"...but then there is the imagination of being part of something else that can be found on clips and pics and stories, etc.

Too bad the TMF cannot be on network TV...wonder how gigantic the ratings would be for a reality show based on tickling?

 

[DownUnder]

very well put and well written post YNK. I'm 30 myself, M, loving relationship, stable job - similar circumstances as you. And yes, I need my online tickling/feet fix. I do tell my fiancee, who says it's normal. And yes, I DO feel guilt about it.

I'm also with Backstep. TMF gives an emotional and creative outlet for our fantasies. It's nothing against our loved ones, but there are some things about our fixation that our loved ones do not necessarily get. I personally don't think it's a sign of infidelity or mistrust, although my partner probably will think it is. It's a hard line to draw.

 

[YouNeverKnow175]

very well put and well written post YNK. I'm 30 myself, M, loving relationship, stable job - similar circumstances as you. And yes, I need my online tickling/feet fix. I do tell my fiancee, who says it's normal. And yes, I DO feel guilt about it.

I'm also with Backstep. TMF gives an emotional and creative outlet for our fantasies. It's nothing against our loved ones, but there are some things about our fixation that our loved ones do not necessarily get. I personally don't think it's a sign of infidelity or mistrust, although my partner probably will think it is. It's a hard line to draw.

Thanks, Downunder, I appreciate your post. The way you put it in the second paragraph hits the nail on the head.

 

[YouNeverKnow175]

"Is Pornography Adultery?"

I found this article from Atlantic Magazine entitled "Is Pornography Adultery?". It's really interesting - not specifically about tickling, of course, but hits somewhat on the general topic of this post.

A really interesting point is brought up in it - that pursuing arousal online may be a "lesser evil" - "that it represents a form of sexual progress, a more civilized approach to the problem of the male libido than either the toleration of mass prostitution or the attempt, from the Victorian era onward, to simultaneously legislate prostitution away and hold married couples to an unreasonably high standard of fidelity. Porn may be an evil, this argument goes, but it’s the least of several evils. The man who uses porn is cheating sexually, but he isn’t involving himself in an emotional relationship. He’s cheating in a way that carries none of the risks of intercourse, from pregnancy to venereal disease."

He also presents the paradoxical side of this, which is that "we’re ultimately universalizing, in a milder but not all that much milder form, the sort of degradation and betrayal that only a minority of men have traditionally been involved in."

Give it a read, it's worthwhile. I'd be curious what you think, especially in the context of this post.

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2008/10/is-pornography-adultery/6989/

 

[mabus]

I can totally see why she doesn't want you chatting with other women about tickling, and I don't think you should at all.

I'm afraid you'll post a thread in the future about you lost a great girl because she discovered you talking to other women online......

If she's okay with porn, it's because porn is impersonal. A pretty much nameless model who's getting paid to be tickled, take her clothes off, etc. Who will never go for you, you'll never go try to find her, she has a whole life outside of porn, which has nothing to do with anyone who looks at her pictures or videos. Total seperation.
It's like when she goes watch a romance movie.
She ain't ever hoking up with Ryan Reynolds, Ashton Kutcher, Brad Pitt, or whoever. She can swoon all day long over them, but I doubt you'd be worried at all. Hell, you'd BUY her any romance movie she wants, because there's zero chance she'll leave you to pursue one of those actors. She knows there's zero chance you'll hook up with the latest tickle model or other porn starlet of the week.

Actually chatting with a specific girl or girls is TOTALLY different. There's certainly chance of you attempting to hook up, or meet them. That happens all the time, in fact. Many, many, many relationships have been broken up when one partner meets someone else online, and begins a relationship with them that is sexual, or becomes sexual....which talking about your sexual fetish will happen pretty much immediately.
I've seen it happen in my life, to co-workers and friends.

If I had a girl, with some fetish, I'd have no problem with her visiting whatever porn sites that related too, or forums that suited her interest, clown fetish, pantyhose fetish, tickle fetish, whatever. But I'd have a HUGE problem if she began talking to specific guys on there. I'd look at that as cheating, because she's investing emotional energy into that relationship. In fact, it immediately becomes a "relationship."
Whacking off to Yulia Nova or Gianna Michaels isn't a relationship, jut as her crying over Ryan Reynolds breaking up with his woman on screen isn't a relationship.

You see, people online, by definition, can easily present themselves with zero flaws. They become the "perfect" man or woman. You, or her, in real life, have flaws, which she knows. She gets tired, gets a headache, gets sick, gets pissed off, gets angry, screws up the bills, burns the toast. The woman she know you're chatting with has no flaws. She may say she does, but you don't see them, so they're out of sight, out of mind.
Your girl knows she can't possibly compete. She knows that one day, she'll either find out you are having an affair, or you'll tell her you're leaving her for that online hottie.

Hopefully this opens your eyes to the thought processes behind her ONE objection, which completely agree with. If I had a girl who told me she wished to chat with other guys online, I'd just pack up and leave right there. There's no way in hell I'd wait around on pins and needles for the inevitable announcement that she "met someone else."

And again, I HATE hearing guys who say the've found the holy grail of a tickle fetishist, a girl who lets them tickle her, who also a great girl......and then do crazy things to screw it up!

I've never met anyone who's ever had a fetish in my life, except one guy with a redhead fetish! If I ever found a girl who liked to be tickled, liked to wear nylons, wore them specificaly for me, let me role play and tickle her, and we were compatible....I'd never look back!

Appreciate what you have. Many guys who pay a million dollars for a relationship like that.