Outing yourself - worst experiences

[Kyle1986]

Now for the most part we all enjoy hearing stories of success when it comes to outing yourself as a tickle enthusiast, or simply just expressing an interest in tickling to someone else. Personally I enjoy hearing about successful endeavors in this area, as it has given me the courage to be more open about my interests.

However, I'm a realist, and know that most likely I'll find the opposite response one day, and I'll find myself in a fairly uncomfortable situation. So I'm looking for stories from those of you who have experienced nightmare scenarios. Has anyone here opened up to someone you were hoping would indulge you in your tickle interests, whether it be a close friend, someone you were dating, in a relationship with, or god forbid, married to, and gotten a horrifying response? For example, being flat out disgusted, weirded out, or refusing to show any understanding for the idea that some peoples clocks simply tick ina different way.

I think for the most part people are decent enough to appreciate someone else putting themselves in a vulnerable position by opening up like this, and will cater their responses accordingly even if they might be a little freaked out. But there must be exceptions...

 

[ticklishfeetnyc]

I have mostly had positive experiences openining up about tickling. The majority of the girls I dated knew about it and accepted it like no big deal. I am very lucky and my wife enjoys being a ler to me. Even though she does not have the fetish she will induldge me by letting me play with her feet and loves to tickle mine. One bad experience though is when I was dating someone for over a year and I opened up to her about the foot and tickle fetish about 3 months into it. She was cool about it at first but gradually began to tire of it and tease me about it and in public too. One time we were at a summer bbq and her friend had her feet on the table and she told her friend that she better be careful because I liked to tickle feet. There were other times in public she made me feel awkward but I am lucky that is all behind me now.

 

[BellybTickler]

My entire high school found out .... needless to say it wasn't the best years of my life.

 

[Hobobeard]

Entire High School? Shit, sorry to hear that.

 

[sealdan]

Ouch! I can't say I've had any particularly negative experiences with it. This one girl I went on a date with told me afterwards that she hated having her feet touched, and I imagine that if I felt more okay with my desires, I would've gotten curious with her as to why and held space for her to explore that.

But instead, I got really nervous because I didn't want to "lose" her, but I also wanted to be honest about my desires. So I just spewed awkwardly, "Ummm... uhhh... no it's not a problem," and an awkward funk permeated the rest of the call.

Needless to say, she never called me back

Luckily, my girlfriend lets me indulge in my fetish even though she's not into it herself

 

[wishfoot88]

trusting my best friend who i have known since i was just a couple of months old with it was a bad idea. a mere day after telling him, he shouts it out during conversation in class. so loud in fact that the class rooms to either side of us, and above us, were both able to hear it. and those that didnt, soon found out. though it was a bad week, most people forgot soon after.

 

[Sunriseticklee]

Obviously, the worse outting I ever had was when my mother found out. Oh I so broke her heart.

I think I posted the entire story on the forum already. I'll search for it and post the link. There is just so many layers, that it would take 30 minutes to get it all in.

There was my mother staying up all night, her printing out all of my tickle related yahoo messages, her calling a guy who I had met from Atlanta into tickling, my sister calling him and saying that she was going to kill him, her asking why and what did I get out of it, her feeling betrayed by friends from CA "Jan? Terry too?" hahaha, her asking if I knew that some guys would be turned on even if I didn't, ewww oh and the worst, her asking me if I would stay home and let HER tickle me instead of meeting people and going to gatherings, me waking up in the middle of the night hearing her crying and praying, "Lord, please save my daughter." Oh my goodness- I guess that is half the story in about 5 minutes.

She thinks it is funny now. When I first started dating Alexwarfield (who I met on TMF), she asked if he was one of those "Tickle people". (You mean like your daughter?) I told her it was none of her business.

I do think I scarred her for life though.

And yeah, well... it's still pretty funny.

 

[Kyle1986]

Bellyb that is a nightmare come true. Did any positive come from that? Sounds like a dumb question but I can imagine there's a slight chance atleast 1 or 2 people in a large highschool might be intrigued by it and come forward to you knowing you've been outed. Maybe that's wishful thinking.

My father found out while I was in Highschool by searching through the history on my computer. That was the worst experience I could have ever imagined. It still creates an awkwardness in me 8 years later when we talk about dating/sex. Even if it's unsaid I know he's thinking about it. When he found out he called me a pervert and asked me how I could be interested in that. Relentless teasing, he told his friends and some family, right in front of me at times to humiliate me. Poorly handled on his part. That was my nightmare come to life.

 

[WorkInProgress]

Sunriseticklee: That's a really moving story, with your mother. It sounds as if she is a devout Christian who was worried for your soul, and her reaction is probably similar to the way many parents react to learning of a son or daughter being gay. Offering to tickle you herself is poignant: it sounds as if she would do anything to save your soul. It's good to know that she eventually got used to the idea and developed a sense of humor for it. And to be fair, the setup of a fetish community like this is likely to be pretty heavy for someone on the outside to look at.

Now, for my own bad self-outing experience. I've written this here before. A few years ago, I met a woman through Yahoo Personals. We had dinner together. In the course of the three hours, while there was no trace of romantic chemistry, there was good potential for a casual platonic friendship with the occasional evening out for dinner and live music and conversation, which for me is of great value in itself. And then, at the end of the evening, because we seemed to be trusting each other with a lot of personal sharing, I told her about my fetish life. She showed no reaction, but five minutes later made an excuse to leave, and at that point was clearly frantic to get away from me, despite her effort to be subtle. When she got home, she immediately yanked her personal ad and her blog from public viewing. Months later, when she put her blog back up, I read her account of the evening. She described my actions accurately, and even so, made it crystal-clear that she was afraid of me, afraid I might become a stalker.

When it comes to telling friends about your fetish life, my suggestion continues to be: (1) if it feels uncomfortable, there's probably a reason, and (2) it only makes sense to discuss it if you would be discussing sex in general.

I was certainly an idiot in that instance.

 

[WorkInProgress]

Further notes:

Kyle's experience with his father raises a question that could make a good General Discussion thread, which is, how much privacy do parents owe their children in the growing-up years? (My own opinion is that the ideal parents will respect their children's privacy to the fullest, while being the kind of parents whom children won't want to keep a lot of secrets from. Believe it or not, that feat has been pulled off successfully by some.)

And...also about parents... I certainly didn't let my mother know about my fetish life. Heck, she didn't even know I was a nudist!

 

[Sunriseticklee]

My mother is a very devout Christian. I adore her greatly as she tried very hard to understand why her daughter- the only one who finished college, the only one who did not get pregnant (or get someone pregnant) at an early age, the only one who followed the rules to the "T" growing up would run off to California and Pennsylvania and other places to meet people and be tickled.

I'm not describing myself in that way to appear better than my siblings (because I love them too, and I am flawed). I'm just stating what was said to me. Everyone expected me to be perfect. It was hard to explain to her how tickling was a big deal to me, but shouldn't be a big deal to her. She even asked me how it happened, and it was so hard to keep from telling her that part of it was due to the constant tickling I got from her sister (my aunt) LOL. That would have been just cruel. I couldn't have the same conversation with her that I had with my sisters.

But she's totally cool with it now that I'm married.

You're experience is pretty tough. Had it been me, it would have been an extremely long time before I shared that part of me with someone. But I certainly do agree with number 2.

 

[Babbles]

Useful thread!!

Two guys I didn't date very long. One already thought I was odd, but so was he
The other was a total jerk and he purposely overdid it. I'm sure he's some sort of closet sadist, among other things, but not an honest or considerate one.

Last I told a close longtime friend, which I regret as I wonder if she's mentioned it to one or two of her family members. With time I realized she may not be trustworthy, she's embarrassed me publicly with other behaviors.

So don't tell friends as I'm sorry some people above found out the very hard way... Especially Belly....

If you're meeting someone for this, find another reason as an explanation -- at LEAST one person you trust should know you're meeting a stranger, even if it's just in a Starbucks or a diner at noon, but --- they can think it's just a "date" you're protecting yourself for.

Even in a relationship, it's hard to gauge, maybe after a few dates...
It's awful if they're not as nice as you thought, and then if they share other (mutual) friends.... that's awkward...

EDIT ------ I see Kyle & WIP already had these problems And Sunriseticklee, OMG...

Make sure you clear your search histories on any computer
Or iphone, ipad, whatever

If you ever leave (shared computer/email, cell/texts, laptop) behind or open... you might regret it, and that can happen more easily than you think, if you're tired or in a rush ---
or someone close needs to use it fast in an emergency.... It could be awkward finding an excuse not to let a friend use it to send an email or text message to their boss or spouse in a pinch or something like that...

If the history's clear & the autoprompt can't start spelling out "ticklingforum" or a foot-fetish email or whatever you won't need to worry if the person hits "t" or "f" (or whatever)

Just my luck, something like that happened once too....
but I think the person was looking down at the keyboard & missed it....

I also wonder if an old physical paper stash wasn't once found by a family member long ago I'd rather not think about that one.

 

[tickledorange]

I've told everyone, except maybe some people in my family. There's just some things parents should never know about their daughter. I have told a lot of my friends, and if any of them did have a problem with me and Ryan, then we can't be friends anymore. It's that easy.

 

[WorkInProgress]

Oh, absolutely, I endorse Babbles' suggestion 100%: Make good and constant use of the "Clear Browsing History" function on both private and shared computers. I also never, never, never access this site from my teaching job, where I'm logged in via a user account and I'm positive records exist (though I doubt anybody ever looks at mine).

 

[Persephone]

I have never told a single person in my family or friends...because I really feel it isn't any of their business. I know tickling can be considered light and playful, but also it's an erotic and sexual side of myself that my family and friends really don't have any business knowing about. I don't ask about their more intimate/sex life...and in return they don't inquire about mine!

 

[Sunriseticklee]

I don't access TMF from my school either or on my school laptop.

And there is one sister who does not know, and I don't want her to know.

She has a habit of copying off of everyone! If I go to a munch or a gathering and she is there.... EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW times 1 million. My father never knew and my brother doesn't know, but shrug.

One of my sisters actually attended NEST with me. Yeah, but she was that cool. And vanilla.

 

[Kyle1986]

Hah it's funny hearing someone else describe the frantic reasoning for not letting a friend use your computer. Friends in college must have known I was hiding something intriguing. If I let someone check email on my laptop to this day I have a whirlwind of panic swirling within me.

Freshmen year a drunk female friend was hanging out in my dorm and went on my computer when I had my back turned, looking through my recent documents. I hear from my computer "Locked in the stocks and tickled? What is this?" she read aloud what she found, I freaked and closed the computer. Either she instantly dropped it or instantly forgot, because it was never mentioned again. Lucky me. Oh yea, my roomate was in the room while this happened, noticeably uncomfortable. Funny thing though, because he accidentally left his computer open for me to use one day, I found out he had a foot fetish because of the search bar automatically filling in recent searches. I never told him about it or anyone else for that matter. Karma. So he wasnt really one to judge. Small world...

 

[WorkInProgress]

Kyle: I'm not clear whether you're still in college or not, but I would have three suggestions for you on those incidents. One, use the Delete Browsing History function all the time. Second, have your fetish files in some obscure recess of a subdirectory of a subdirectory with nondescript names, like Notes or Review. Third, when someone does stumble upon something kinky like the TMF site, just say "Oh yeah, that site is a riot!" Whatever you do, don't act as if you have something to hide. That's the surest way to out yourself. And, if they do get conclusive proof that you're kinky, shrug and say "Yeah, I'm kinky." Don't buy into the notion that it's a big deal, and it won't be.

 

[Babbles]

Yeah, no such thing as privacy in public (especially )

Oh, absolutely, I endorse Babbles' suggestion 100%: Make good and constant use of the "Clear Browsing History" function on both private and shared computers. I also never, never, never access this site from my teaching job, where I'm logged in via a user account and I'm positive records exist (though I doubt anybody ever looks at mine).

OMG yes, you and (all the above ) are correct about

public computers --- school, work, library, internet cafe' ---- they all DO pay attention & keep records, I've been told.

All it takes is one mistake or one nosy (or nasty) person and you can be ousted

Even if you *think you have complete privacy at a glance, in a corner or whatever....

EDIT: AFTER HOURS, on a break, ETC...
for those who unimaginatively assume we're automatically referring to wasting our employers' time...
when you can get in just as much trouble using YOUR OWN laptop, ipad or cellphone for these txts, emails, or webpages.... when you're OUT OF YOUR HOUSE all day.... and perhaps work an hour or so distant in addition...

Not that you can't get busted on your OWN PC or cell or whatever, in your home, or out with friends, if you leave a history....

This is a porn site, so if you access (a site like this), even if you're not looking at anything "compromising" --- the pictures on the side, the HUGE "TMF TICKLING MEDIA FORUM" will give you away
----- and/or the records of your online activity, even if the above imagery is not spotted
will likely get you in huge trouble in a workplace especially...

 

[InThreeColors]

I don't know if anyone else has had this experience but I've noticed that I've spent so much time and effort to not get 'caught' that I have a real hard time opening up about tickling around people I know are into the kink. All that time spent clearing internet histories, clearing recently viewed documents, password protecting Instant Messangers, hiding files and then making sure I never overtly noticed a cute barefoot girl or tickled anyone for too long, too intently. The whole thing can get you into a mindset that this has to stay secret, that this shouldn't be talked about, even in a kink friendly environment. Even now at gatherings it is tough to just say "yeah, I want to tickle your feet, I think they're cute." Weird how that stuff messes with your mind.

 

[Usually`Bubble]

I've actually been thinking about this the past few weeks. I've never 'outed myself' to anyone but my current boyfriend, and one of my close friends who introduced me to this forum know that I'm into tickling through guesswork. So anyway, I was browsing the TMF the other day on my bed, in my room and my brother's girlfriend walked straight in (she usually knocks, but I think she was a bit overexcited as she wanted to see the Pandora bracelet I'd received for Christmas). I turned around in shock horror, trying to minimise the windows and failing miserable (finding I had multiple windows opened to different threads on this forum) as she stopped mid sentence, stared at the screen filled with tickling images and slowly backed out of the room and shut my door again. My heart was racing and freak out emotions on overdrive at the time but nothing has been said about it by her or my brother so... Hopefully it stays that way

 

[WheresThe Clip?]

I have never told a single person in my family or friends...because I really feel it isn't any of their business. I know tickling can be considered light and playful, but also it's an erotic and sexual side of myself that my family and friends really don't have any business knowing about. I don't ask about their more intimate/sex life...and in return they don't inquire about mine!

Abso-bloody-lutely

Also without trying to be too specific on anyones elses posts, the fact is that people who: feel the need to go through your computer history, shout out personal details across a crowded room, or have their lives destroyed when they discover their daughter has a sexual interest/life beyond the need for mere procreation, are the ones with a serious problem.

That said always assume people are going to act like arseholes until you know them well enough to know better. So basically don't make a point of outing or sharing yourself with anyone, until you have enough intimate knowledge of their likes/history, to cause them a problem if they want to start acting like jerks.

Oh and one other thing, if they pay you at your job to do work, I suggest you get on with that instead, and buy a home computer (also known as a PC - personal computer) for use at home with the money they pay you.

 

[Hobobeard]

The whole thing can get you into a mindset that this has to stay secret, that this shouldn't be talked about, even in a kink friendly environment. Even now at gatherings it is tough to just say "yeah, I want to tickle your feet, I think they're cute." Weird how that stuff messes with your mind.

I agree. I still can't actually say "tickle" to the two people I've told, who have no problem with it, and I can only initiate a conversation about it with one of them.

 

[He-Man]

Oh yea, my roomate was in the room while this happened, noticeably uncomfortable. Funny thing though, because he accidentally left his computer open for me to use one day, I found out he had a foot fetish because of the search bar automatically filling in recent searches.

LOL I bet him being uncomfortable was probably because he thought HIS fetish was found out by your friend . lol

Did he accidentally leave the computer on AFTER you got found out? If he did, maybe he "accidentally" left it on , kinda like his way of saying "dude, it's cool... I like weird stuff, too"



Anyway, my worst experiences aren't that bad...I think my sis knows...and mayyybe my parents. But my parents are the type who'd just roll their eyes/smile and have a "whatever" attitude about it, as long as it isn't illegal, dangerous, etc.

 

[socktickler86]

Here are some tips for everyone. To repeat what everyone says, NEVER look at sites/save things on a computer that anyone else has access to. I personally have a laptop that is always at home which is passworded on the account and has a fingerprint ID scanner. If anyone is around and I leave the room, Ctrl + Alt + Del, Lock Computer.

All my files are set as hidden (but typically i show hidden files). When someone I know is going to come around, clear browser history, all my IM programs I turn off the auto-fill, clear login histories, deselect 'show hidden files',done. Takes like 2 minutes.Firefox even has a "private browsing" feature which doesn't save any information on your web browsing.

I've had ONE near miss with some stupid exfriend who was living with me and my family at the time. She just haaaaaad to check her e-mail and I was on my couch and I had checked a few sites the night before and forgot to clear everything. I was hovering over her shoulder because she wanted to show me something. She pulled down the URL bar with the history and noticed 2 sites like this (and not so modestly named) and I was like "oh shiiiiiiiit". I'm so glad she is suuuuuuuuuuuch an airhead and just went on her merry way going clicking on myspace on the list and didn't even notice.

So to the person who had their whole high school find out, how bad was it really? As I recall in high school, people forgot things so quickly and were on to the next person to gossip about within a week or two.

As for the person with the crazy mom.... wow! It amazes me that she could go so crazy. If it was apparent that it wasn't a sexual thing, how can someone go so nuts. It wouldn't be crazy if a kid liked to be tickled. So why not a young adult or teenager? Hell, I'm 24 and I still like lunchables (pizza only please!), grilled cheese sandwhiches, and certain cartoons, am I a weirdo for that too?

Don't answer that.