Filthyweasel
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A famous Beverly Hills plastic surgeon one day received another visit from his most frequent patient, a wealthy socialite.
Patient: Can't you do anything else? I'm developing a goose neck again, and look at these crows feet.
Surgeon: Madam, take a look in this mirror, you are absolutely radiant. I'm glad you've given me so much business, but I really can't do anything else for you.
Patient: You've got to be kidding! My lips are getting thin! You think my 20-something boytoy likes getting cold, clammy old-lady kisses?
Surgeon: (sighs) Okay. This is the last time. I can't do any more collagen injections. However, I can offer you an experimental procedure. Basically we install a special knob on the back of your head. It'll be hidden under your hair. Any time you feel you need to tighten yourself up, just give it a twist.
The procedure was a success, but 6 months later the surgeon received a phone call from the same woman.
Patient: Doctor, you have to help me!
Surgeon: What's the matter, Mrs. Hilton?
Patient: I have these awful bags under my eyes!
Surgeon: Have you been using the knob that I installed?
Patient: Yes!
Surgeon: How often, may I ask?
Patient: About once a week since it healed.
Surgeon: Oh...does each bag have what looks like a large pimple on it?
Patient: Yes! How did you know that?
Surgeon: Those bags are your breasts madam.
Patient: Oh my! I...guess that explains the goatee...
Patient: Can't you do anything else? I'm developing a goose neck again, and look at these crows feet.
Surgeon: Madam, take a look in this mirror, you are absolutely radiant. I'm glad you've given me so much business, but I really can't do anything else for you.
Patient: You've got to be kidding! My lips are getting thin! You think my 20-something boytoy likes getting cold, clammy old-lady kisses?
Surgeon: (sighs) Okay. This is the last time. I can't do any more collagen injections. However, I can offer you an experimental procedure. Basically we install a special knob on the back of your head. It'll be hidden under your hair. Any time you feel you need to tighten yourself up, just give it a twist.
The procedure was a success, but 6 months later the surgeon received a phone call from the same woman.
Patient: Doctor, you have to help me!
Surgeon: What's the matter, Mrs. Hilton?
Patient: I have these awful bags under my eyes!
Surgeon: Have you been using the knob that I installed?
Patient: Yes!
Surgeon: How often, may I ask?
Patient: About once a week since it healed.
Surgeon: Oh...does each bag have what looks like a large pimple on it?
Patient: Yes! How did you know that?
Surgeon: Those bags are your breasts madam.
Patient: Oh my! I...guess that explains the goatee...
