Please Help me!

[mosteya4]

I just recently got a new girlfriend who is into my tickling and foot fetish...which is awesome. We do that stuff alot and it really turns me on. Here is the problem that i am having and have had with girlfriends in the past. I have tried and tried to pinpoint the issue but unfortunately it always tends to popup. Whenever i am about to have sex with a new partner, i get nervous and lose my erection and many times i cannot get it back up. I am 23 years old, i am athletic and do not drink too much alcohol, i do not smoke or use illegal drugs, nor do i have health problems. This has been an issue with girlfriends in the past, i get nervous when about to have sex and it becomes a self fulfilling prophesy. Whenever im about to have sex, the image is pouring in my mind, "am i going to be able to get it up? is this going to happen?" and then it does. This does not ALWAYS happen. Sometimes i can get a boner and have good sex, sometimes i can get a boner but i go soft during sex, but my last girlfriend wasnt into my foot fetish so thats not a problem this time. It seems as though when i am masturbating i do not get as hard as i used to. I guess i should see a urologist...i dont know.

My possible solutions are

1. I am going to stop masturbating so much, i do it once a day, sometimes twice. I am going to stop doing that up to two or three days before i have to have sex.

2. I am going to delete all of the porn on my computer to help #1.

3. It has been said that some doctors give erection inducing medicine to people my age to "kick start" my confidence so that when the medicine runs out i figure out that it was all in my head. Should i see a doctor about this?

4. My girlfriend seems to think it is a nervous problem, we talked about this and communicate to one another. I can get a boner by just looking at her and kissing her, but then when we go to have sex, i fail. This has only happened twice with her.

This is ruining my sex life and i want it to stop NOW. I am willing to do WHATEVER it takes to get rid of this problem. I want to please myself and my partner. PLEASE HELP!

 

[Budweiserbob!]

Dude, don't panic about this, it happens to the best of us. 😛

If what you're saying is true, the chances of it being erectile dysfunction are pretty slim. The problem you're having, as you stated, is lack of confidence. ^^

whenever im about to have sex, the image is pouring in my mind, "am i going to be able to get it up? is this going to happen?"

That's your first problem. Don't think that. You're about to have the best experience physically known to man, you shouldn't have these thoughts going through your head. You should be thinking more along the lines of "Wahey, this is going to be fun". 😛

If you lose it during, it means you're not getting enough sexual pleasure out of this. Do what you think is necessary to keep it up (that your partner agrees with, obviously). Try something you know gets it up, or think of something sexual that you and your partner have done in the past (I would say "think of a clip online you really liked" but that can lead to more problems).

A lot of the issues are just psychological and all that is needed is good "practise". You say you're with a lady who enjoys your fetish. That's perfect. Get her to help you past your fears. In fact, if you trust her a lot, even ask for her help. You may think "no way am I going to tell her about my problem, she'll freak", but if you think about it she's losing out too. If she loves you and cares about you, she'll want to help.

But if you do feel like this could be a physical problem and/or illness, go see a doctor. you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. He'll be able to tell you for definite whether or not this is a physical or mental problem and tell you how to overcome it.

Like I said, don't panic. This isn't a serious matter, nor is it an unfixable one. 😀

I'm not the most "medically sound" person on TT, and not 100% sure my advice will work, but I hope I helped in someway. 🙂

 

[Nyperold]

...before i have to have sex.

I found this phrase interesting. "Have to"? Is it required?

 

[mosteya4]

thank you very much for the advice, its good to talk to someone about this....
🙂

oh and that was just a typo haha.

 

[Budweiserbob!]

No problem. 😛

I know how traumatising it is for a man to go through this. It's distressing! XD

*goes into a typical male rant*

Women are lucky. They don't have to experience problems like this. They got it easy! XD

 

[Cbarton]

No problem. 😛

I know how traumatising it is for a man to go through this. It's distressing! XD

*goes into a typical male rant*

Women are lucky. They don't have to experience problems like this. They got it easy! XD

No, they only have to put up with us hitting on them 24/7 for 'action'....

 

[Griffsy]

Glad to see somebody else shares my paranoias... sometimes I fear my fetishism with feet is so extreme to the point I can't get excited for traditional "sex".

What really helps is to just not think about it I like somebody else said. If you just kinda let your instincts take over nature will take it's course. 🙂

 

[MistressValerie1]

"Sensate focus" is a time-honoured technique that was designed specifically for problems like what you are describing. One guide is available here: http://www.soc.ucsb.edu/sexinfo/?article=difficulty&refid=016