This was forwarded by a friend, some are pretty funny...
> 1. I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most
people
> die of natural causes.
>
>
>
> 2. Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are
> removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it
comes
> out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
>
>
>
> 3. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy
a
> replacement.
>
>
>
> 4. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway.
>
>
>
> 5. There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead.
>
>
>
> 6. Life is sexually transmitted.
>
>
>
> 7. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
>
>
>
> 8. The only difference between a rut and the grave is the depth.
>
>
>
> 9. Some people are like Slinkies -- not really good for anything, but
you
> still can't help but smile when you kick one down the stairs.
>
>
>
> 10. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals,
> dying of nothing.
>
>
>
> 11. Have you noticed that since everyone has a camcorder these days
no one
> talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
>
>
>
> 12. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
>
>
>
> 13. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no
attention
> to criticism.
>
>
>
> 14. In the 60s people took acid to make the world weird; Now the
world is
> weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
>
>
>
> 15. Politics is supposed to be the world's second oldest profession.
I
> have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the
> first.
>
>
>
> 16. How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it
> takes a whole box to start a campfire?
>
>
>
> 17. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
> squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?
>
>
>
> 18. Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm
gonna
> eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."?
>
>
>
> 19. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
>
>
>
> 20. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about
him?
>
>
>
> 22. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
don't
> point to their crotch when asking where the bathroom is?
>
>
>
> 23. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room while you get undressed if he
is
> going to look up there anyway?
>
>
>
> 24.0Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're
> both dogs!
>
>
>
> 25. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
>
>
>
> 26. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
> vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
>
>
>
> 27. Why do the Alphabet Song and Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star have
the
> same tune?
>
>
>
> 28. Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
>
>
>
> 29. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets
mad at
> you, but when you take him on car rides, he sticks his head out of
> the window?
>
>
>
> 30. Does pushing the elevator button more make it arrive faster?
>
>
>
> 31. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the tube?
>
>
> 1. I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most
people
> die of natural causes.
>
>
>
> 2. Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are
> removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it
comes
> out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
>
>
>
> 3. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy
a
> replacement.
>
>
>
> 4. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway.
>
>
>
> 5. There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead.
>
>
>
> 6. Life is sexually transmitted.
>
>
>
> 7. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
>
>
>
> 8. The only difference between a rut and the grave is the depth.
>
>
>
> 9. Some people are like Slinkies -- not really good for anything, but
you
> still can't help but smile when you kick one down the stairs.
>
>
>
> 10. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals,
> dying of nothing.
>
>
>
> 11. Have you noticed that since everyone has a camcorder these days
no one
> talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
>
>
>
> 12. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
>
>
>
> 13. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no
attention
> to criticism.
>
>
>
> 14. In the 60s people took acid to make the world weird; Now the
world is
> weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
>
>
>
> 15. Politics is supposed to be the world's second oldest profession.
I
> have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the
> first.
>
>
>
> 16. How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it
> takes a whole box to start a campfire?
>
>
>
> 17. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
> squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?
>
>
>
> 18. Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm
gonna
> eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."?
>
>
>
> 19. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
>
>
>
> 20. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about
him?
>
>
>
> 22. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
don't
> point to their crotch when asking where the bathroom is?
>
>
>
> 23. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room while you get undressed if he
is
> going to look up there anyway?
>
>
>
> 24.0Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're
> both dogs!
>
>
>
> 25. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
>
>
>
> 26. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
> vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
>
>
>
> 27. Why do the Alphabet Song and Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star have
the
> same tune?
>
>
>
> 28. Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
>
>
>
> 29. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets
mad at
> you, but when you take him on car rides, he sticks his head out of
> the window?
>
>
>
> 30. Does pushing the elevator button more make it arrive faster?
>
>
>
> 31. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the tube?
>
>
