Post a pun!!

[milagros317]

A chef who cooks carrots and peas in the same pot is a very unsanitary cook. 😛

 

[Xodlirv]

Joseph Ratzinger, the Pope Emeritus, will no longer be able to take the communion wafers. Because you can't abdicate and eat it, too.

 

[PiedPiper]

In a bar, two women are being relentlessly hit on by some jerk when one of them turns to him in annoyance and says, "Look fella,.. we're lesbians, ok?" To which the guy replies, "Oh? So how are things in Beirut?"

 

[Xodlirv]

Why did the Indian chef put extra seasoning on the food critic's rice? He was trying to curry favor.

 

[Bohemianne]

- Let’s talk about rights and lefts. You’re right, so I left.

- Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

- When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

- A boiled egg every morning is hard to beat.

- Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Err...so how do you drive this thing?”

- I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn't find any.

- I've been to the dentist many times so I know the drill.

- Being struck by lightning is a shocking experience!

- Without geometry, life is pointless.

- A chicken crossing the road is truly poultry in motion.

- The roundest knight at King Arthur’s table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from far too much pi.

- I went to a seafood disco last week....and pulled a mussel.

- She had a photographic memory but never developed it.

- Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was brilliant!

source: Net

 

[Xodlirv]

"I can't marry you; you're penniless!"
"That's nothing. The Czar of Russia was Nicholas."

 

[Xodlirv]

Here's a somewhat topical pun: about the Playboy Playmate who became an anesthesiologist. She's an ether bunny.

 

[mark_johnson_15]

http://i.imgur.com/3FKzS.png

Sorry for the repeats, but I thought the format was clever 🙂

 

[mark_johnson_15]

Also:

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran 😀

 

[Xodlirv]

If a parsley grower doesn't pay his taxes, can the IRS garnish his wages?

 

[sole seeker]

Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

 

[sole seeker]

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

 

[paracarl44]

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

 

[Xodlirv]

A little mid-April humor: how does Santa list his wife on his taxes? As a dependent Claus.

 

[paracarl44]

Two Eskimos were sitting in a kayak and got a bit chilly so they lit a fire. It was no surprise that the kayak sank which proves you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

 

[manga_geek13]

Hehehehe! 😀​

 

[Xodlirv]

View attachment 350791
Hehehehe! 😀​

...following which, Rabbit strangled Pooh with his bare paws.

 

[paracarl44]

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

 

[Xodlirv]

Why is Heidi Klum like a car with a leaking radiator?

They've both blown a Seal.

 

[rdhd]

Those were all terrible, horrible, groaners,......keep 'em coming!😉

 

[Xodlirv]

What do you get when you cross the Berlin Wall with an East German?

About halfway.

 

[shiftdown]

I just realized that all these puns are as bad*funny* as a fart in a space suit

 

[Xodlirv]

When Captain Marvel first joined the Justice League, Batman was worried that he wouldn't be a successful replacement for Superman. After all, Superman has several super-powers that Captain Marvel doesn't have, such as X-ray vision, heat vision, and telescopic vision.

However, Captain Marvel quickly proved himself a valuable asset to the team. So much so that Batman felt confident in writing in the Captain's performance evaluation:

"Works well without super-vision."

 

[C.A.B.]

When Captain Marvel first joined the Justice League, Batman was worried that he wouldn't be a successful replacement for Superman. After all, Superman has several super-powers that Captain Marvel doesn't have, such as X-ray vision, heat vision, and telescopic vision.

However, Captain Marvel quickly proved himself a valuable asset to the team. So much so that Batman felt confident in writing in the Captain's performance evaluation:

"Works well without super-vision."

"aaaaaaaRRGH!" *feints backwards out of frame

 

[Xodlirv]

I'm glad folks are enjoying these jokes! I actually come from a long line of Scotsmen known for our clever wordplay. For many years we were in servitude to a famous Oriental criminal mastermind.

Maybe you've heard of us: The Punning Clan of Fu Manchu.