Question about tickling "needs"...

[Bored Now]

Okay, so I'm a 19 year old girl in a very happy relationship of 3 years. My boyfriend is incredible and has been very supportive of my tickling fetish from the first time I told him about it. However, my fetish has become a little more prevalent lately... I don't know if it has something to do with hormones or if I've just become more comfortable with it or what, but it seems like there are two completely different sexual sides of me. There's the regular sexual side (which he has NO problem dealing with, of course) and the tickling side.

Unfortunately, he isn't into tickling at all except to please me, and I feel like I've been bugging him a lot lately. He's far too ticklish for me to take control of, and since he doesn't get anything out of it he really doesn't get into tickling ME. I've explained that I understand entirely, but I don't think this is going to go away.

Anyone have any suggestions for me? Outside of hiring a "professional", of course, haha.

 

[method11236]

Are there really two sides to you? Or has there been a schism cleaved in your sexuality by partners who don't share your love for tickling? Only when these two so-called sides become one, shall you truly be fulfilled.

xoxo,
Buddha

 

[Capnmad]

Method asks a good question. Are there really both a "vanilla" sexual side and a tickling sexual side to you, or do you subvert the tickling to avoid conflict. Sure, you can like sex independently, but would or would you not almost always consider it better with tickle-play if your boyfriend's inability to "get it" wasn't an issue? Give it some thought.

You have an incredible guy. Excellent! Maybe some encouragement is in order. It seems reasonable that he likes to give you pleasure, and this is the reason he's entertained your fetish so far. That's a great thing. In all likelihood, the pleasure he gives you is a turn-on to him in some way, regardless of how it's administered. He loves you and wants to pleasure you and make you happy. Those are powerful motivators.

Allow me to suggest you read a little bit of psychology along the lines of conditioning and shaping behavior through pairing stimuli. If you're creative, there are countless ways to involve tickling or aspects thereof to sex-play, and I'm sure there are dozens here with ideas and time-tested methods of how it can be done. It's reasonable to suggest that you may be able to pair his own sexual pleasure (or the pleasure he gets from pleasuring you) to tickling. If he sees how much it turns you on... ...or "gets you off", he might begin seeing tickling as part of a sexual repertoire he'd like to revisit from time to time with you. Once those pleasures are connected, you may very well have a convert.

Admittedly, one shouldn't get one's hopes up, as some people may be more averse or completely immune to "conversion" because of cultural or other influences, but I believe it's worth giving it a try for you both to be maximally happy.

Good luck, do some reading, and if you still need specific suggestions, I'm sure the folks here would be more than happy to help you out.

 

[maniactickler]

Easy solution, find a man into tickling! like me! 😉

 

[drew70]

I think you should try to get him interested in tickling. Give him very mild tickles, so as not to overwhelm him. Than, as he gets more comfortable with it, gradually increase the dosage. 😀

 

[LindyHopper]

Maybe my husband will pop in on this thread - he's a convert, more or less. He's never been into tickling for its own sake, but once he understood what it did for me, he's been happy to participate.

I disagree with method and Capnmad's suggestion that your "vanilla" sexual side can't, or shouldn't, exist separately from your tickling side. As much as I love tickling, I don't always want it. Sometimes, I'm just in the mood for a straight-up makeout session and passionate sex. 😉

As far as converting him, it sounds like you've tried, and you say that he's always been supportive. So what's the thing that's not satisfying you now? Is it that you want more tickling? Or "better" tickling? Or is it that you feel like you're "bugging" him, because you get the impression that he doesn't really want to be doing this?

 

[Sunjob]

Relationships are all about compromise. As such it's great that he's willing to engage in your fetish, but the fact that he's not sexually interested in tickling might make it hard. In the end you could always try asking him to tickle you during sex, which is likely to have a more of an effect on your reactions. Reactions which (speaking from a guys perspective) he'd probably be happy to tickle you for. You could also maybe motivate him with the tickling, by suggesting rewards for letting you tickle him or to get him into tickling you more?

That all depends on your relationship though. You're very lucky that the guy you're with and who you feel is right for you, accepts your fetish and is willing to compromise. However it's still not a perfect scenario and there are bound to be bumps in the road! Just make sure to communicate your issues with him before they cause any major upsets.

 

[One&OnlyShadow]

You should find someone that shares your fetish and it will all be good. By the way my number is............. just kidding.

Shadow

 

[Bored Now]

Maybe my husband will pop in on this thread - he's a convert, more or less. He's never been into tickling for its own sake, but once he understood what it did for me, he's been happy to participate.

I disagree with method and Capnmad's suggestion that your "vanilla" sexual side can't, or shouldn't, exist separately from your tickling side. As much as I love tickling, I don't always want it. Sometimes, I'm just in the mood for a straight-up makeout session and passionate sex. 😉

As far as converting him, it sounds like you've tried, and you say that he's always been supportive. So what's the thing that's not satisfying you now? Is it that you want more tickling? Or "better" tickling? Or is it that you feel like you're "bugging" him, because you get the impression that he doesn't really want to be doing this?

Thanks everyone for your input.

Yeah, Lindy, that's a better way to describe it... sometime I just want regular sex, even though tickling tossed in never hurts, but other times I just want him to tickle me and then do something sexual. Or even just the tickling...

And yeah, a little bit of A and B. He's not really tickling me THAT often, and when he does... well, he's not a tickler. So at the risk of sounding bitchy, he just doesn't do it that well unless he's feeling really playful. I don't want to hurt his feelings by saying "Hey, could you do that better?" or anything like that. But I also don't know how to get him more interested in it.

He's doing great, don't get me wrong. But sometimes it's just not enough, sadly.

 

[LindyHopper]

And yeah, a little bit of A and B. He's not really tickling me THAT often, and when he does... well, he's not a tickler. So at the risk of sounding bitchy, he just doesn't do it that well unless he's feeling really playful. I don't want to hurt his feelings by saying "Hey, could you do that better?" or anything like that. But I also don't know how to get him more interested in it.

He's doing great, don't get me wrong. But sometimes it's just not enough, sadly.

Yeah, that's a tough one. My husband's not a tickler either, and though he's as generous and eager to please as I could possibly wish, it's still not the same as playing with a ticker. I think it takes a person with that fetish to devote the time and attention needed to make a really satisfying experience.

I'm not sure what I can suggest that would be helpful. My solution has been to get together and play with "real" ticklers, with the full knowledge and consent of all parties involved. I'm not sure you want to go that way, but you might want to look into meeting ticklers at events in your area. You and your boyfriend might make some friends, learn some tickling tips, and maybe have some good times. Provided he's not the jealous type. 😉

 

[Icycle]

Hello! I'm Lindy's husband.

When she first introduced her fetish to me, it took me quite a while to really understand how important it was to her. It didn't really do anything for me, but I was certainly happy to indulge her. Now, I rather enjoy tickling her, because I know how much she enjoys it, and how much of an affect it has on her. Tickling is a very important part of our sex life, and also just our casual playing.

But, as Lindy pointed out, I will never be as interested in tickling her as a 'ler who shares her fetish. Luckily for her, I am not the jealous type, so she gets plenty of opportunities for tickling play with other partners, both at gatherings that we attend together, as well as one-on-one with some of her favorite 'lers.

 

[Capnmad]

I disagree with method and Capnmad's suggestion that your "vanilla" sexual side can't, or shouldn't, exist separately from your tickling side.

I didn't mean that a vanilla side can't or shouldn't exist independently from the tickling side. Pardon me if my phrasing might have implied that. I only wished that she question herself to find her true feelings on the matter. Too often, people will repress their own feelings and neglect their own needs in the mistaken belief that this will better serve their mate. While doing so may reduce conflict in the short term, those needs eventually need to be met or dissatisfaction or bitterness often result and manifest themselves in other ways in the relationship.

LindyHopper seems to offer good advice from experience, though, as does Icycle. I hope the thread, support and advice continue to be fruitful for you.