Reasons why holidays suck for me!

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

Okay I will try very hard to be brief on this but I'll give it a try. While I was growing up, holidays were good because my grandparents were around and would bring the family together and have fun.

Since they have died, to make a long story short my Mom's side of the family is very dysfunctional and really doesn't have anything to do with us. They have no sense of family unity outside their own families. Most of the people on my Dad's side of the family has very little contact with us. So, for the holidays it's just my parents and I which is too quiet. My Mom's oldest brother passed away, her other brother we think is manic depressive and I saw him living on the streets in the city of Philadelphia, PA. My Dad's brother just got married for the first time at 59 back in January but he lives in Washington D.C with his wife and we hardly ever see them. I am an only child and my cousins only care about themselves. I have a few friends but friends don't replace family .

So, does anyone have any suggestions as to how to make lemons into lemonade here? Just wondering.

 

[Knox The Hatter]

Channel this into a creative outlet. Your grandparents aren't coming back, and you're not gonna be able to change your families. What matters is your own well being... 😉

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

I agree with you Knox. I was merely trying to ask for suggestions on how to make things better for myself that's all. I KNOW my grandparents aren't coming back and I do miss them but it's just hard to deal with the way things are now that's all.

 

[chicago]

I'd say to just accept what you have.

Holidays, like they say, is a time to be thankful for what you have, not resentful for what you don't have.

So just take it as a time to be grateful that you have people to spend the holidays with at all.

Because there are those of us that have to spend them alone.

 

[maniactickler]

Jen, relax, your problems are over. ill be spending the holiday with you this year.

 

[steph]

I hate the holidays too Jen. My folks split up when I was a kid and every major holiday was an excuse for an East Coast vs. West Coast screamfight about "who got to have the kids for the day." I solved the problem once I was on my own~left home at 17 when I graduated H.S. (ran screaming from the building was more like it.) 😉 and started my own tradition. Holiday was at my place, an all day open house. Come if you want. Don't come if you don't want, no questions asked, no guilt trips but if you do want to come, please bring a dish of something yummy that feeds several and please call me in advance and ask for a general idea of what's needed so I can make sure I don't get 17 people showing up with pumpkin pie. I hate pumpkin pie.
It's worked pretty good so far...
XOXO

 

[QBWeaver]

I bet you have lots of friends who are in the same boat as you. Why not create your own "holiday family" and have them over for food, fun and family time. You can create your own holiday traditions and carry them on from year to year.

Another idea is to give of yourself by going to a soup kitchen and volunteering. I've done that several times myself especially on Thanksgiving cookiing over 150 turkeys, making gallons and gallons of gravy and all the other fixins that go along with it. There's nothing more heartwarming that giving of yourself and sharing that with those much less fortunate.

Working at a food bank is also not only lots of fun but you meet the most wonderful people. You spend the time sorting food, packing bags and boxes to give to those less fortunate.

Find something to warm your soul... there's lots of opportunity out there.

 

[jaba]

Q B gives good advice, Jen....

There is a phrase that goes something like," you can't pick your family, but you pick your friends".....

So, make your "friends" your "family" Jen.....I am much closer to some of my friends than I am to some of my family members, and I wouldn't trade these relationships with my "friends/family for anything....

And like QB says, nothing is more rewarding than doing something for the less fortunate on the holidays. Feeding and helping to clothe someone who has no food or clothes fills you with so much gratitude for the things and relationships you do have....the change in the outlook on your life is a true blessing....

You are a sweet lady, with a kind heart, Jen....your "friends" will be fortunate to have you as "family"....... 🙂

 

[Merseymidge]

Don't shut the door on your family, like you, they evolve over time, they're human. Don't let them eclipse you either.

Sound advice in this thread.

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

Q B gives good advice, Jen....

There is a phrase that goes something like," you can't pick your family, but you pick your friends".....

So, make your "friends" your "family" Jen.....I am much closer to some of my friends than I am to some of my family members, and I wouldn't trade these relationships with my "friends/family for anything....

And like QB says, nothing is more rewarding than doing something for the less fortunate on the holidays. Feeding and helping to clothe someone who has no food or clothes fills you with so much gratitude for the things and relationships you do have....the change in the outlook on your life is a true blessing....

You are a sweet lady, with a kind heart, Jen....your "friends" will be fortunate to have you as "family"....... 🙂

Thanks for everyones support so far and for the great ideas. Thanks for your kind words jaba. I don't think it's out of line to make my "friends" your "family" in a sense. You are very sweet jaba. I will take what you said to heat QB & hope you're doing well and that you had a great trip to Europe this year.

 

[Speedbump]

I don't know, I've always thought of holidays as best celebrated with few people; usually immediate family, meaning my mom only, and my uncle, aunt and cousins for a bit on some occasions.

But that's just me. In any case, that means I can't sympathize with you, as my views are on the other end of the spectrum.

Good luck with making your holidays fun, though.

 

[Helena]

Okay I will try very hard to be brief on this but I'll give it a try. While I was growing up, holidays were good because my grandparents were around and would bring the family together and have fun.

Since they have died, to make a long story short my Mom's side of the family is very dysfunctional and really doesn't have anything to do with us. They have no sense of family unity outside their own families. Most of the people on my Dad's side of the family has very little contact with us. So, for the holidays it's just my parents and I which is too quiet. My Mom's oldest brother passed away, her other brother we think is manic depressive and I saw him living on the streets in the city of Philadelphia, PA. My Dad's brother just got married for the first time at 59 back in January but he lives in Washington D.C with his wife and we hardly ever see them. I am an only child and my cousins only care about themselves. I have a few friends but friends don't replace family .

So, does anyone have any suggestions as to how to make lemons into lemonade here? Just wondering.

Hi Jen,
I have no idea how old you are, but I'm guessing you are in your twenties. The reason I make this guess is because only a few grandparents are still in your "family of origin" by the time you are 30. I'm sorry for your loss.
Do you still live with your parents? I am unclear from your post if this is the case. It sounds as though your chief complaint is that you celebrate holidays with mom and dad, alone. You have parents that are still alive, and are still married. There are situations where friends of mine woud do just about anything to have a deceased parent back. You don't appreciate the gifts you have.
As you mature, you will discover that friends do become your family. No, they do not "replace" anyone. Rather, they make their own place in your life. As time passes, your relationships with your family and your friends will continue to grow and change.
Maybe you could serve your parents a glass or two of the lemonade you seek. They might be thirsty, also.

 

[laughinggaszone]

I don't normally get into these discussions, because they can be so subjective, but for what it's worth, I am in the opposite end of the same boat. I have no family. All my parents and grandparents died before I was 20. Cousins, aunts, uncles were never close and I only saw them once or twice when my parents were alive. So, for me, family cannot replace friends. If you are unhappy, then you are the only one who can fix that. You can either learn to appreciate your friends as family or you can make the most of the limited family that you have. If things are too quiet, liven them up. It's up to you to make your own happiness. I hope this helps.
webmaster joe

Okay I will try very hard to be brief on this but I'll give it a try. While I was growing up, holidays were good because my grandparents were around and would bring the family together and have fun.

Since they have died, to make a long story short my Mom's side of the family is very dysfunctional and really doesn't have anything to do with us. They have no sense of family unity outside their own families. Most of the people on my Dad's side of the family has very little contact with us. So, for the holidays it's just my parents and I which is too quiet. My Mom's oldest brother passed away, her other brother we think is manic depressive and I saw him living on the streets in the city of Philadelphia, PA. My Dad's brother just got married for the first time at 59 back in January but he lives in Washington D.C with his wife and we hardly ever see them. I am an only child and my cousins only care about themselves. I have a few friends but friends don't replace family .

So, does anyone have any suggestions as to how to make lemons into lemonade here? Just wondering.