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Relationship Problems, Tickling/Foot Fetishes

I normally encourage full throttle to judge a relationship on the person and the rest of the relationship and not a fetish, however your situation seems more sensitive, she appears to have little regard for the way you are and how you feel, a little empathy on her part would help. This is a little bigger than just how things are with yous fetish's. The problem lies with how she treats you as a person. How are things besides her reactions to this? Does she treat everything she disagree's with you on like this? It's great that she can see where she's upset you and apologized. But has the way she's treated you ruined it or is there room to move on from this? Can you see yourself getting over what she's reacted like or will it haunt you thru out your time with her? All things to consider here.
 
What should you do? Man the fuck up! Tell her you are into tickling, tell her what you want and how you want it. If she thinks its weird, fine. It is a little weird. If she is not that into it, cool. It is hard to get into when you are vanilla. If she needs time to come to terms, great. Give her all the time she needs! She doesn't have to "understand how", just understand.

She purposely said things to hurt. She brought out personal things you trusted her not to judge you for, and she used them against you to put your balls through a shredder! UN-FUCKING-COOL! Never be ashamed of what turns you on. You haven't done anything wrong. In fact, you forgave her which puts you just below sainthood!

But do not let her emotionally abuse you!!! If you ever get into a fight again and she tries to make you feel ashamed for liking feet and tickling just say, "Look and listen, you vanilla bitch: I am who I am, and I like what I like! I didn't chose it! It just happens! It is weird, fucked up and outside the social norm: true! But there is nothing wrong with it! And if you have a problem with it, there IS something wrong with you!"

You are a human being and if you treat her like one she needs to do the same! I think this goes beyond your fetish and just into your relationship! DTMFA!!!



Side note: her other boyfriend having a huge foot fetish is a coincidence, not irony.
 
Should I stay or should I go?

Life and relationships are one big balancing act. Or, putting it another way, life and relationships are like having to give a solo recital while learning to play the instrument.

Love or lust? Companionship or excitement? The thrill of novelty or the peace of the familiar?

Is your situation unchangeable, or can you sit down and have a heart-to heart with her, being honest and negotiating what you want? It's a pretty harmless combination of quirks- it's not as if you suffer from an irrepressible desire to seduce the local cub scout troop while dressed in your girlfriend's underwear.

Both you and she sound relatively young, and at an age where kinks are odd things only posessed by people mentioned in the headlines of the National Enquirer. Believe me, that ain't the case. Everyone's odd in one way or another. She should be grateful your oddities are of the sort which are easy to satisfy without breaking the law.

Ask her what she likes, and agree to indulge her in return for a tradeoff. Her kink satisfied in return for your kink satisfied.
 
Welcome to the forum, wormhole.

I'm one who advocates trying to work at a relationship at any cost. I don't believe in things like breakups. You mentioned having a unique bond, and that a good thing.

However, I'm very uncomfortable with her reactions toward the things you like to do to her sexually. The whole idea of her mocking you about your foot fetish, and saying things like "That's so weird" about you tying up and tickling her, is, to me, her belittling your wants, needs, and desires. That isnt behavior of someone who wants to try and compromise with, and accomdate their partner. A better thing for her to have said would have been something like "Even though I myself am not into foot fetishes, or tickling, I want to accomadate you with these things, because I love you, and because of our good relationship". Her mocking attitude makes things far worse for you, in a situation which is already uncomfortable to you in the first place.

I dont advocate "Just leaving" if you have a rapport with her on other levels. My advice would be to sit down and have a talk with her, when you are both dressed, and not in a sexual mood or mode. Tell her how you feel, about what she is doing, her reactions, and the sex part in general. Explain to her that her mocking you about your desires is hurtful, and makes you feel bad. Tell her that in a relationship, it is the responsibility of both of you to lift each other up, and make each other feel better, instead of her putting you down about your needs and desires.

I hope what I said will help. Good Luck. I hope you can work things out with her, to improve this situation.

Mitch
 
My Opinion . . .

My advice to you is this . . . . get out of this relationship.
Why? Because she apparently is not into what you like & I, personally, HATE it when people 'accomodate' me just to please me. If they're not into it then I don't want it from them. Because it just isn't sincere & you're then basing your relationship on a lie.
Of course sex is not the WHOLE problem. it's her attitude towards you as a human being that bothers me. She will not accept you as you are. Why should you be miserable staying with her if she does not & obviously WILL not understand you.
Move on to someone who appreciates you for YOU.
I know, I know . . easier said than done.
I'd rather be alone than to be with someone JUST for the sake of being with them. Not worth the heartache.
 
Haribish! said:
I normally encourage full throttle to judge a relationship on the person and the rest of the relationship and not a fetish, however your situation seems more sensitive, she appears to have little regard for the way you are and how you feel, a little empathy on her part would help. This is a little bigger than just how things are with yous fetish's. The problem lies with how she treats you as a person. How are things besides her reactions to this? Does she treat everything she disagree's with you on like this? It's great that she can see where she's upset you and apologized. But has the way she's treated you ruined it or is there room to move on from this? Can you see yourself getting over what she's reacted like or will it haunt you thru out your time with her? All things to consider here.
Click to expand...

Absolutely excellent response! I had to quote it all.......

To take off on that....

Dump her.

Really, dump her. As soon as you're done reading this.

Sorry, Mitchell, I respect where you're coming from, and if it's a WORKABLE problem, like a married couple sharing chores, yeah, that should be worked through. Don't divorce because the man won't wash the dishes, or the wife won't take out the trash.

But I think this relationship is beyond "sitting down and talking."

AOL had one of their little articles about "When to leave a relationship, and I was expecting some specifics, but they were very general, and it was excellent:

Things like, "Are you happy?" "Do you feel better about yourself when you're with her, or just thinking about her, and her attitude toward you, makes you feel like a worthy human being, so you really wish you were with someone else, maybe a specific someone......" things like that.

Wormhole, reading your talk....you failed on all of them. That is not a healthy relationship.

Ask yourself, "Why am I even IN a relationship?" For sex, for sexual pleasure, for companionship, for someone to accept me, or lastly, for the purpose of finding someone to be married to, and live happily ever after? (Oh, and contrary to what the asshole cynics say, yes, I know people who lived happily ever after, it's possible.)
Obviously, you're not getting sexual pleasure, and if you are, you certainly can't enjoy it to the full extent, because deep down, AND on the surface, you know she's disgusted, since she's told you more than once. This will obviously carry over into normal sex, along with her overall disrespectful treatment of you. She doesn't accept you, so you lose on that count too.
And that apologizing after hurting you...dude, I've seen that before. That's the sign of an abusive person with a few mental problems. She'll hurt you, then apologize...then hurt you again, then apologize...etc.

Lastly, why stay in this relationship, and it leads to marriage? At this point, she's made her self perfectly clear to you - she doesn't accept your fetishes, and she is disgusted by them. If she says anything otherwise, she's not telling the truth, because you already know what it is. Maybe she'll humor you because she doesn't want to talk about it anymore, she hopes you'll "get over the fetish," or she wants something else, material wise, not lovewise.
AND that's a factor, if this relationship lasts any longer, she will start to tear down that fetish, which we all know is impossible, if you like tickling, you always will. And you'll both be frustrated and angry, which will quickly turn into hatred, because you ain't changing, and she'll be hell bent on changing you. Or, you will stifle your feelings and desires....and soon resent the hell out of her for it.

There are maybe three kinds of partners out there - the ones who share your fetish....you're lucky if you find one of those, but since you've been here a while, you know many here have discovered them. There's the ones who don't share your fetish, but love you so damn much, they'll tolerate it because they love you. You know what I"m talking about. I guarantee there are girls in your life that you JUST WERE ATTRACTED to. "If I could be with them, I wouldn't look at another woman ever again..." kinds of women. If that women confessed to you that she really enjoyed sex with the man tied up, for example, you'd be like "I'll buy the rope, what kind do you like!!" Even if you got in a fight, you'd never use that fetish against her, because you enjoy the sex too much, and respect her on a level that you wouldn't go there. Then there's the girl like you met, who thinks you're gross, and is judgemental. And I bet she's judgemental about other stuff, too. And I bet deep down, you're not happy. And I bet you'll spend a lot of time with her....really hoping you were with someone else maybe anyone else, or maybe someone specific. You have to be truthful with yourself.

I don't want to see you (or anyone else who's reading this) to get trapped in a bad relationship. There are many men, and women, who get in a relationship, get stuck in it, don't feel like leaving, or have such low self esteem that they think they'll never find anyone who'll put up with them, and some of that is because the one they're with has no respect for them....
or doesn't want to hurt the other person, even though the other person has no problem hurting them, or just doesn't want to stir up any trouble, and finds it easier to just tolerate their crappy existence, and learns to kind of, "live life AROUND the other person," not with them. That's a horrible existence.
And I know, several guys who are like that, and a few women. They're not happy, but it's a "not bad enough to leave" kind of situation. They're partner isn't beating them, they're not having an affair or using drugs.....they're just not happy.

You can find someone out there who will accept you and make you happy. Be confident, and most importantly, be yourself. A life partner, or just a friend, should lift you up, and make you happy, and accept you for who you are, OR, make you a better person. If anyone has someone in their life who drags them down, like my frind once told me, "I choose not to hang around negative people..." So simple!

Good luck!
 
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Think on these things

i know how the dude feels. Many of us are very terrified that people find out aobut our fetish. Well i think its more that we are more than a lil hesitant how people will react when they find out/ What they will do. I dont want somoene running around sayin Jim likes tickling he is a freak or something stoopid like that. So can u imagine how it would feel if some you loved rediculed for this. A person you are supposed to be able to share anything with. Like Haribish said its also has to do with the way she treats you as a person. You do have a lot ot think about my friend. Welcome to the forum by the way
 
Her behavior speaks volumes.

Cut her loose and you can both be happier with other people.
 
I have to agree with the general consensus that she isn't treating you right. Her reactions are disrespecting and belittling. Whether you told her you like tickling or you like liver and onions, making you feel like there's something wrong with you is unacceptable.

I'm not saying "ditch the bitch" (although that is quite catchy and I may use it some other time LOL) because only you know the extent of your relationship and how important this aspect of your relationship is. However, I would like to point out that the best person to be in any relationship with, whether it's romantic, platonic or familial, is someone who makes you feel GOOD about yourself, and she clearly does not do that, sexually or otherwise.
 
3xPIN said:
Alright, listen: Maybe my...uh, *looks up*... our advice has seemed a little harsh. But don't take my/our word(s) for it; check this out:

Now this one is important, It was written for you and people like you.

http://www.avclub.com/content/node/56474
Click to expand...

Too harsh? This link is actually right on the money....and hilarious, ...because it's true!
Thanks for introducing us to this guy, I love his articles!

Here it is!:

I'm a 20-year-old straight girl. For six months, I was dating a guy I thought was nice and normal. One way my boyfriend showed he cared, or so I thought, was by massaging my feet after work. (I wait tables to pay my tuition.) Then he confessed that he has a foot fetish. He wasn't rubbing my feet to be sweet or tender or considerate, but for his own selfish reasons. I dumped him. He was very upset and is still begging me to take him back.

We had been talking about marriage, but that's over now. I don't want to be with someone who has a fetish. How can I know if he wants me back or just my feet? I know a lot of freaks write to you, and I enjoy reading about freaks, but I don't want to date a freak. Where can I find a normal man?
Freaked Out Girl

I owe you an answer, FOG, considering the number of new assholes I've ripped you since your letter arrived in September. At speaking gigs around the country, I've held you up as a shining example of sexual selfishness. Your most recent asshole dates from my talk at Cornell two weeks ago, where I spoke to a few hundred students about politics, dungeons, butt-plugs, and you. (Sorry I couldn't make porn night, Risley, and thanks for everything, Lauren.)

On to your question: Where do you find a normal man? I have no fucking idea, as I've never met one. Kink and variance seem to be a natural, intrinsic aspect of male sexuality. And while most men, like your ex, fall on the mild end of the mild-to-wild continuum, if you can't handle the odd non-normal sexual interest, FOG, I urge you to stop dating men, get a vibrator, and pack it in.

But here's what I really want to say to you:

Those foot-rubs were fine—they were wonderful!—so long as you believed your boyfriend derived no pleasure from them. The moment you learned he enjoyed those foot-rubs, too—my goodness, they turned him on!—you were no longer capable of deriving any pleasure from them yourself.

You know what, FOG? You suck.

You are the worst kind of sex partner: judgmental, selfish, and cruel. Should your boyfriend have come clean about his foot fetish sooner? Sure, maybe a month or two earlier. But not because you had some right to know what a freak he was, FOG, but because it would have spared him from getting more emotionally invested in a freakishly petty, sexually immature dumbfuck.

I predict—no, I guarantee—that this is going to come back to haunt you. There is a Karmic Rule Of Kink (KROK), FOG, and it goes something like this: "Dump the honest foot fetishist, and you will marry the dishonest necrophiliac." Break up with a guy over his relatively tame fetish—and a foot fetish is about as tame as they get—and KROK will make sure your next boyfriend is some lying corpse-fucker who tells you only what you want to hear. ("Honestly, honey, I only like live girls!") Only after you've married the corpse-fucker and had a few kids—once extricating yourself from the marriage becomes a hugely complicated ordeal—will he ask you to lie in a tub of ice until you're good and cold.

And when you're lying in that tub of ice—and odds are you will, FOG, because you won't want to put your poor kids through a divorce—you'll remember that sweet, harmless foot fetishist whose heart you broke back in college, the man you could have married.

And your heart will break.

Dan Savage
 
mabus said:
Too harsh? This link is actually right on the money....and hilarious, ...because it's true!
Thanks for introducing us to this guy, I love his articles!

Here it is!:

I'm a 20-year-old straight girl. For six months, I was dating a guy I thought was nice and normal. One way my boyfriend showed he cared, or so I thought, was by massaging my feet after work. (I wait tables to pay my tuition.) Then he confessed that he has a foot fetish. He wasn't rubbing my feet to be sweet or tender or considerate, but for his own selfish reasons. I dumped him. He was very upset and is still begging me to take him back.

We had been talking about marriage, but that's over now. I don't want to be with someone who has a fetish. How can I know if he wants me back or just my feet? I know a lot of freaks write to you, and I enjoy reading about freaks, but I don't want to date a freak. Where can I find a normal man?
Freaked Out Girl

I owe you an answer, FOG, considering the number of new assholes I've ripped you since your letter arrived in September. At speaking gigs around the country, I've held you up as a shining example of sexual selfishness. Your most recent asshole dates from my talk at Cornell two weeks ago, where I spoke to a few hundred students about politics, dungeons, butt-plugs, and you. (Sorry I couldn't make porn night, Risley, and thanks for everything, Lauren.)

On to your question: Where do you find a normal man? I have no fucking idea, as I've never met one. Kink and variance seem to be a natural, intrinsic aspect of male sexuality. And while most men, like your ex, fall on the mild end of the mild-to-wild continuum, if you can't handle the odd non-normal sexual interest, FOG, I urge you to stop dating men, get a vibrator, and pack it in.

But here's what I really want to say to you:

Those foot-rubs were fine—they were wonderful!—so long as you believed your boyfriend derived no pleasure from them. The moment you learned he enjoyed those foot-rubs, too—my goodness, they turned him on!—you were no longer capable of deriving any pleasure from them yourself.

You know what, FOG? You suck.

You are the worst kind of sex partner: judgmental, selfish, and cruel. Should your boyfriend have come clean about his foot fetish sooner? Sure, maybe a month or two earlier. But not because you had some right to know what a freak he was, FOG, but because it would have spared him from getting more emotionally invested in a freakishly petty, sexually immature dumbfuck.

I predict—no, I guarantee—that this is going to come back to haunt you. There is a Karmic Rule Of Kink (KROK), FOG, and it goes something like this: "Dump the honest foot fetishist, and you will marry the dishonest necrophiliac." Break up with a guy over his relatively tame fetish—and a foot fetish is about as tame as they get—and KROK will make sure your next boyfriend is some lying corpse-fucker who tells you only what you want to hear. ("Honestly, honey, I only like live girls!") Only after you've married the corpse-fucker and had a few kids—once extricating yourself from the marriage becomes a hugely complicated ordeal—will he ask you to lie in a tub of ice until you're good and cold.

And when you're lying in that tub of ice—and odds are you will, FOG, because you won't want to put your poor kids through a divorce—you'll remember that sweet, harmless foot fetishist whose heart you broke back in college, the man you could have married.

And your heart will break.

Dan Savage
Click to expand...

HAH! F*CK YEAH! Finally, an advice columnist-type who has a grasp on the real world, isn't afraid to call a rose a rose and is willing to give close-minded morons a well-deserved slap in the face! YES!

And he's absolutely right.
 
Get out of that relationship. I'm sure she is a good person, but she doesn't seem very empathetic.

Some good news.. none of the 'normal' college girls that I've hired for my videos knew what a tickling fetish was. After doing a shoot, they all found out that it wasn't that bad, and they kind of liked it. That's why most have come back.

Find a girl who is more open minded, and eventually share your fetish with her. If you can get her to try it once, there's a pretty good chance that she'll learn to love it. Just go easy on her the first time!
 
mabus said:
Too harsh? This link is actually right on the money....and hilarious, ...because it's true!
Thanks for introducing us to this guy, I love his articles!

Here it is!:

I'm a 20-year-old straight girl. For six months, I was dating a guy I thought was nice and normal. One way my boyfriend showed he cared, or so I thought, was by massaging my feet after work. (I wait tables to pay my tuition.) Then he confessed that he has a foot fetish. He wasn't rubbing my feet to be sweet or tender or considerate, but for his own selfish reasons. I dumped him. He was very upset and is still begging me to take him back.

We had been talking about marriage, but that's over now. I don't want to be with someone who has a fetish. How can I know if he wants me back or just my feet? I know a lot of freaks write to you, and I enjoy reading about freaks, but I don't want to date a freak. Where can I find a normal man?
Freaked Out Girl

I owe you an answer, FOG, considering the number of new assholes I've ripped you since your letter arrived in September. At speaking gigs around the country, I've held you up as a shining example of sexual selfishness. Your most recent asshole dates from my talk at Cornell two weeks ago, where I spoke to a few hundred students about politics, dungeons, butt-plugs, and you. (Sorry I couldn't make porn night, Risley, and thanks for everything, Lauren.)

On to your question: Where do you find a normal man? I have no fucking idea, as I've never met one. Kink and variance seem to be a natural, intrinsic aspect of male sexuality. And while most men, like your ex, fall on the mild end of the mild-to-wild continuum, if you can't handle the odd non-normal sexual interest, FOG, I urge you to stop dating men, get a vibrator, and pack it in.

But here's what I really want to say to you:

Those foot-rubs were fine—they were wonderful!—so long as you believed your boyfriend derived no pleasure from them. The moment you learned he enjoyed those foot-rubs, too—my goodness, they turned him on!—you were no longer capable of deriving any pleasure from them yourself.

You know what, FOG? You suck.

You are the worst kind of sex partner: judgmental, selfish, and cruel. Should your boyfriend have come clean about his foot fetish sooner? Sure, maybe a month or two earlier. But not because you had some right to know what a freak he was, FOG, but because it would have spared him from getting more emotionally invested in a freakishly petty, sexually immature dumbfuck.

I predict—no, I guarantee—that this is going to come back to haunt you. There is a Karmic Rule Of Kink (KROK), FOG, and it goes something like this: "Dump the honest foot fetishist, and you will marry the dishonest necrophiliac." Break up with a guy over his relatively tame fetish—and a foot fetish is about as tame as they get—and KROK will make sure your next boyfriend is some lying corpse-fucker who tells you only what you want to hear. ("Honestly, honey, I only like live girls!") Only after you've married the corpse-fucker and had a few kids—once extricating yourself from the marriage becomes a hugely complicated ordeal—will he ask you to lie in a tub of ice until you're good and cold.

And when you're lying in that tub of ice—and odds are you will, FOG, because you won't want to put your poor kids through a divorce—you'll remember that sweet, harmless foot fetishist whose heart you broke back in college, the man you could have married.

And your heart will break.

Dan Savage
Click to expand...

Damn, talk about hitting the nail on the head! I would so love to buy this Dan Savage a few shots! Seriously though, this FOG is just more extreme, but possibly a future version of your girlfriend Wormhole. She seems all nice and whatnot, but to come out and viciously attack someone where it really does the most damage is downright cruel. Ok, so she apologized, and perhaps she was really sorry about it, but this is no excuse for her actions. I hate to say it, but this relationship seems like it might already be on the road to being over. You need to have one of those 'this is it' talks with her. You know, the kind of talk that basically determines the future that you two may or may not have together. And this talk needs to be blunt as hell. I mean, super blunt. Like telling-the-harsh-truth blunt. Like for example if someone asks you if they look ugly in that dress, this is the time that you say 'Hell fucking yes you do! OMG you look like you fell out of the ugly tree and hit every damn branch on the way down, and then the damn thing fell over on you!' For all intensive purposes, you need to be Simon Cowell blunt. And you need to make this the last talk. If you don't feel that a very profound change is going to occur, then you need to cut this relationship off. Period.
 
The problem is not that she made you feel ashamed. You were ALREADY ashamed of your fetish on some level and she just capatilized on it. If that weren't the case, then nothing she could have said about it would have fazed you.

If you want to be free of this, you need to find a quiet place, spend some time and do some soul searching. If you honestly look at your foot fetish objectively you'll see it is completely benign. You get off on a female body part. What's so awful about that?

Compare your tickling fetish to some of the other shit that's out there - Golden showers, brown showers, S&M, etc. Imagine if you were stuck with something like that. How hard would it be for somebody to accept any of that? Ask yourself these questions, and you begin to put the feet and tickling into perspective. Feet are cool! Tickling is cool! There's nothing to be ashamed of.

Now get out there and tickle that girlfriend of yours!
__________________

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Hi, Wormhole,

Thank you for finally joining and posting.

A couple of commenters have advised you explicitly to end your relationship. They say that because they think it's clear that the sexual aspect of your relationship is genuinely important to you, and they know that some people are too ashamed of that trait to feel validated on their own.

As with others who have posted on the forum, you seem to prefer shying away from the topic of your sexual interests rather than upset your significant other.

Honestly, it's a mark of a good boyfriend to tell the truth to his girlfriend, and it's the mark of a bad boyfriend to avoid the truth because he wants to protect his girlfriend's feelings.

So... you really need to be able to talk about your sexual interests confidently, without being discouraged if she scoffs at you or makes fun of you.

The people who are successful at finding significant others that share their love of sexuality and fetishes are the ones who realize there's nothing wrong with their choice to search for that. They do it openly, candidly, and honestly (in appropriate places such as the TMF). You're obviously good with conventions and can articulate well using only text; I'm sure you'd succeed in meeting some enjoyable people here (and probably elsewhere) who share your interests.

The first thing you should do is evaluate your own ability to do that right now, and work on it if necessary. Be able to think of yourself as someone who can be open and honest about their fetishes, and <I>then</I> talk with your girlfriend. You should be able to come to a mutual understanding about whether you're the boyfriend she really wants, and whether she's the girlfriend you really want.

If you break up, then you'll be better-equipped to talk about your sexual interests earlier and more openly with potential future girlfriends.

I'm sure you're capable of that, and it'll be worth your effort.
 
ftkl_haha said:
HAH! F*CK YEAH! Finally, an advice columnist-type who has a grasp on the real world, isn't afraid to call a rose a rose and is willing to give close-minded morons a well-deserved slap in the face! YES!

And he's absolutely right.
Click to expand...

Dan Savage rules!
 
...

Wormhole said:
I have to make this short, as I am off to work in a few. I tried to post earlier today, but the confirmation email didn't arrive right away.

First of all, hi. I have been an avid viewer of the forums for about the past decade or so, but never have really gotten involved in the discussions. I hope to change that now, and will introduce my self more when I get out of work.

Anyway, here is what happened:

I have had a really bad, intense foot fetish for my entire life, and lived for awhile with the pain of fearing I would never find a woman with whom I could be open about it with, and truly enjoy it.

As luck would have it, (maybe not so much luck) I met a woman a few years ago, who has now become my girlfriend, and my foot fetish is a regular part of our sex life, however all only on my part. She never does anything actively to turn me on with her feet, she only passively lets me do whatever.

Well see, ironically, her boyfriend before me, also had a huge foot fetish, and they ended on extremely bad terms, so when I finally told her at first, she almost broke up with me, and she mocked me to the point I couldn't even look her in the eye. She attacked me where I was most vulnerable, and made me feel really ashamed about my sexuality.

Eventually, after the fight, she was really sorry, etc. Apologized, and from then on had no problem with it, and said she (supposedly) enjoys it, etc. But keep in mind this was before I told her about the tickling stuff.

Since she made me feel so ashamed about merely being attracted to a certain body part, I have always been very apprehensive about telling her I want to tie her up and tickle her.

Well, over time, I've discussed it more and more with her, told her tickling turns me on, didn't get really deep into it yet though, for example I haven't been so blunt as to say, "I want to tie you up and tickle torture you until you pee yourself!" etc. but I have told her that tickling is really sexual for me.

She seemed okay with it in talking, but the other day during foreplay, I was tickling her lightly, no bondage or anything, and she gets really disgusted and says, "That's so weird. I don't understand how you could like that at all."

So I just got up, and said fuck it.

She appologized again, etc. Except now, I feel so judged and ashamed every time I try to be sexual with her. I feel like a weirdo. I know I'm not, and I know there's nothing wrong with my sexuality, but she has made me feel so terrible about myself, and even after appologizing, the shame and embarrasment just stay.

What do I? As far as I know, this is the only life I've got, so I might as well not compromise myself for anyone.

I deserve a healthy and happy relationship, where I am unashamed of, and free to explore my sexuality. However as time goes on, it really seems that if I stay with her, it will not be this way. I love her, and have known her for many years, we have a unique bond, but I am starting to feel that because of our sexual issues, this is not going to work out, and I don't know how she would freak out over me leaving her because of that.

I really don't know what to do, or anything. Any advice?
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She clearly cannot accept you for who you are. This can't end well. My best advice would be to get out.
 
I think it's great that you had a good talk with her, and were open about your feelings and what you want. Good for you!!! I really hope that things continue to improve 🙂 Good luck!!

And good for your girlfriend if she's really taking what you want into consideration. Alot of significant others don't do that. If she seems receptive to the tickling thing, maybe invite her to take a look at the TMF. If she realizes there are "normal" people out there into something she sees as not so normal, she might feel better about it.
 
Wormhole said:
Wow! So many replies! : )

Sorry I haven't been able to respond any sooner. Working the graveyard shift can do that to you.

I have to read through all these again, they are all very helpful.
3xPIN, and Poetic, thank you especially, your replies help a lot, not to say the other posts aren't as rich in wisdom, but as I've said I need to read through them again. But thank each of you for all your advice.

Well, so far things already seem to have gotten a little better. I decided last night after dinner was a good time to bring up all the issues to her, and I think it really got through.

I told her she really hurt me, and I told her she's really fucked up for doing that, and that it's abusive. I asked her if she even understood how deeply abusive her behavior has been, and she does. She feels horrible about it.

I told her also, our sex life is boring and that we should really just let loose. She agreed, but we'll see if it actually happens. I told her more of what I want to do etc. I explained more in depth to her about why exactly tickling turns me on, and she said she understands now, and understands that it isn't weird, etc. and is going to experiment more with it she says. Time will tell.

After our talk last night though, she already is a lot better about the feet at least. She gave me the first real foot job she ever has, (I don't know if the expensive dinner had anything to do with it, lol.) and what I mean by that, is that all the other times, despite telling her what I like, all she would do is just keep her feet stiff and move them in the most cold, mechanical way possible. After talking with her last night, she actually did a lot of what I've been asking for; teasing, writhing, etc.

So, over the next few weeks we'll see what happens, especially with the tickling, but for the time being, thank all of you again for your very helpful and supportive advice. One way or another, I'm going to get and have what I want in life. I'm not going to compromise my sexuality, or well being for anyone.
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i'm going to first congratulate you on sticking around, however I'm going to say, if things go sour again, she's going to give you the whole "you changed me" bs. which IS true, but seriously, even if your eager......show a little hesitation.
 
Way to man up! and you did it maturely and with good timing. Now she is getting into it more. And don't rush things! Let her come to you when she wants to be tickled. That way it will be better for you, fun for her, and a more satisfying experience for you both. If she loves it, go you two! And if she doesn't like it after she tries it, fine. DON'T FREAK OUT! Thank her for giving it a shot, go down on her to show you care, and move on. Don't dwell on it. My ex gf couldn't get into it and we concentrated on me. Also, is she a vanilla? if not, find out what she likes and give her what she wants, no matter how kinky. Tell her you love her and will not judge her and just want to please her!

Oh yeah, and, uh, congrats... on the, uh, writhing...foot ju...job... thanks for sharing that...

(kidding)
 
I don't really see anything wrong or bad about a person having tickle/foot fetishes to be honest. To each their own, everyone has their own special and very unique individual kinks and passions. It makes each person different. Yeah, foot fetishes are definitely different but nothing wrong with that. Just like legs, some like butts, some like breasts, some like abs, some like tummies and so on.

Each kink and each passion makes each person unique and special and makes up one's personality. No crime if a person has a love and passion for tickling along with love for feet-have foot passions-foot kink.

The up side to someone's partner having a great intense love or passion for feet is that you are definitely probably very much guaranteed that your feet are going to get great special treatment and be pampered like crazy...get lots of foot massages, get your feet tickled, caressed, licked, and toes kissed, licked, and sucked and nibbled on, have your heels and soles licked and kissed and loved on...so if one likes or loves having his or her feet being loved and pampered big time-having a partner that loves tickling and loves having one's feet pampered-could be a dream come true.

Like any other kink and like any other passion-what is important between a couple is that there be communication between them-they discuss their likes and their dislikes. That they discuss and talk in depth on what fantasies they have had and what fantasies they could fulfill together.
Talk about their desires, dreams, goals, and passions. And as long as there is a mutual agreed upon mutual understanding between the couple and they can agree to enjoy and take joy in sharing each other's desires, fantasies, and passions then that is great. As long as each person's emotional and sexual needs and other needs are met and each are being fulfilled-then a person having a love for feet-having a tickling foot fetish does not have to be a make or break it. Respect, mutual understanding, emotional trust, friendship, and as long as there is affection, tenderness, and love abundant between the couple then nothing is impossible-love can conquer all whether that be there is a foot fetish incorporated in a loving relationship or not, does not matter. Love can persevere:tickle::cuddle:🙂
 
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