Responding to STEPH's thread- calling on all wise one's

[ticklingfeet4fu]

I want to take timeout to respond and spinoff Steph's Thread calling all wise ones. I will be very longwinded and I will be crying alot as I type this. So sit back and understand this will come straight from the heart. On October 3rd,1998, I hired a 16 year old young lady named Tina. Tina was a real hard working lady who made me a promise to be my best worker. She fulfilled that. She was a very kind and sweet young lady. I had a really good hire. I promise my employees when I hire them that I will protect them. Well on January 31st Tina came up behind me and put her arms around me and said"let's make out". I turned around and looked into her deep blue eyes and told her"I am your boss". She looked at me and said " I love you and you love me so let's make out." I said to her "get back to work." She complied. That is my last shift I worked with her. I called her because there was an emergency with my assistant manager. I had worked since 5am on that Monday Feb 7th. I did not want to work until 11:30 at night. So I called Tina and asked her if she could come in and close the store. She told me she had exams she was studying for. I was begged her to come in to work. She finally relented and came in. When Tina closed up the store at 11:00pm she left about a half hour later where a drunk driver awaited my beautiful friend. All memories flood back. The meals her mom made for me. The nights Tina wanted me to meet potential boyfriends. I was a focal point in her life. I loved her and I knew she loved me. I did not protect Tina. I failed her. I can't help my feelings. That girl layed in a coma for 8 days before passing due to internal injuries.Tina was 22 years old. After her death her parents asked me to do a eulogy. In front of over 600 people I told stories like the one I told earlier. My words told stories about a sweet young lady was who die long before your time. While I looked out I could see everyone was crying as I was crying like I am now. When I was finish I hugged the casket and told her I loved and I was sorry I let her down.I kissed the casket and walked away and into her older brothers arms who told me that I was great and that he and the family loved me. We buried her at sunset because she loved sunsets and figured she would like that. I was told by family and friends that Tina always spoke highly of me. I feel like I let her down. I should have work,not her. So as Tina looks down on us I want to thank the following people who have been with me everyday through phone calls and IM's and posts. Please bear with me. I want to thank Stephanie. She tried to do everything for me. Steph I love you and you know I do. You mean everything to me and I am always yours. To Sadira who stayed up with me all hours of the night to comfort me. I love you Sadira. You are so special and I am so happy you are my friend.And I too Sadira am always yours. To Tickleshotel thank you for being there and listening. To Giggles32, I thank you and Thunder for your thoughts prayers and IM's. These people cried with me on the phone for hours as they listened to sh*t come spewing out of my mouth. I love you people for your time and efforts. I also want to thank Gigglegal76 for IM'ing me even though she was under the weather. To ticklkitten who allowed me to forget for a little while by allow me to chase her all over the boards. I thank you all. I love you . I share this because the person who "called on all wise ones" told me this is family. Finally I thank those who posted to Steph's thread. I will PM all of you and thank you personally. I really hope you all understand now and I appreciate your thoughts and prayers during this terrible time. I will look for you on the boards and thank you for reading. I love you my friends and family.

 

[tickleshotel]

Ticklingfeet4fu I am finding myself at a loss for words but I am going to try to say a few thoughts.
I did not know Tina except for what you have expressed but I do know that she knew you extremely well for the person you are not only as a friend,confidant,but also a Boss that she made a promise to be the best worker there which she fulfilled as well as looking up to you that she knew she could ask for advice,support getting a honest sincere thoughtful answer .
It is my own opinion that you did not fail her as I am thinking that those 8 days she was in a Coma that you visited her that you might be doubting if Tina knew that you were there,it is my belief that while she may not have been conscious that she *did* know and sense her friends and family were there watching over her. If she could have, i think she would have done something to signal that she appreciated,loved seeing you and her family be by her side and maybe wanting to comfort others ,she might have made a comment to the effect of " it'll be alright" ..
My hope is that she felt no pain,anguish on her last few hours and that she felt peace,solitude,knowing that she was loved , still is loved and always will be by those that had the privilege of knowing her,having her in their life..I believe that Tina is in a wonderful place right now and her spirit is alive and glowing brightly and she is looking down at all those that knew her,loved her.
Ticklingfeet4fu I thank you for mentioning me in this thread though I want to sincerely say that it is really a honor to have you as a new friend and to have been there for you especially when you need a friend to be there for you whether to listen,be a shoulder to cry on ,share a laugh ,ect though I hope you know that I am a friend to stay by your side for years to come whether good times ,bad times or/and the times that are not happy nor sad but in the middle.YOu are loved here ticklingfeet4u !

 

[steph]

My thoughts echo Laurie's. You are loved. 'Nuff said hon.

XOXO

 

[Mitchell]

4U, Iam terribly sorry to hear about this awful tradegy and about your loss. It sounds as if Tina was a wonderful and special person, and the feelings you had for one another understandable, loving, and beautiful, first as friends, and then as more.
I think in any tradegy such as this, it is human nature for the person left behind to sometimes "blame" themselves for what happened to the one who has passed on, and that they are in some way "responsible" for the tradegy. Words cannot help what you feel, but I can tell you, that it was in no way your fault. You loved this girl, and had a wonderful relationship with her. You were not responsible for her death. It was a horrific, untimely event.
While it may sound like a cliche that time heals wounds, I do believe this: While time may not exactly heal your loss or the feelings you have about Tina's passing, hopefully, in time, you will come to realize that the wonderful relationship you had with Tina, and the happiness you brought to each other's lives is the key here. In time, comfortable and happy memories of your times together during Tina's life will flood back to you, and, I believe, aid you in coping with your feelings about her passing. It has only been a bit over a week since Tina passed away. It cannot be expected that one will come to terms with such a terrible situation this soon. Allow yourself time to reflect, to remember, to grieve, to mourn, and, in time, I believe you will be able to come to terms with this. I would also suggest talking to a third party about the issues you feel, the loss of Tina, the loss of the relationship, the guilt, and such. Sometimes a sounding board, or a person not directly involved with the situation can aid one in coping. You have friends here at the TMF to lean on, and hopefully others in real life.
Take care, and everything you feel now is normal, and understandable. It has only been a short time. Allow yourself time to deal with this. Hopefully, on the other side, in time, you will be able to achieve coming to terms with your feelings, and put into perspective your feelings for Tina, and the tradegy, and engage in coping strategies that will hopefully move your feelings from guilt and sadness and loss, to coping and persepctive.

Mitch