School. And how it shapes people...

[Sunday_10pm]

I went for a drink with someone who used to go to my school the other day. We were best mates at about the age of 13, but then, as it has a way of doing, the whole social dynamic of the school year changed when people started hitting puberty. The cool/sad divide opened up, and we were on different sides of it. I was both chubby and a late bloomer whereas he developed quickly, and was at the time alot better looking than me. At that kind of age, it's unlikely that two friends who become so different are going to remain close. Anyway, to cut a long story short, we followed different roads through school.

Having come back from his first year at uni, it seems that at the age of 20, he finally sees what I came to see when I was about 15. I think he's realised that his mates from school are really quite unpleasant people and he feels less than proud to call them his friends. We had a big discussion about the whole "popularity" thing in school, and how it means shit when you go to uni etc... He basically sounded both angry and sad about who he made/stayed friends with when we were younger and I don't blame him, I know his friends and they are cnuts: They were back then, and they still are. It was strange. It was as though we were back on a level playing field. He was being himself again, but he had somehow come out the other side of the whole school experience worse off than me. 4 or 5 years ago, I would never have seen that one coming.

It only confirmed what I've been thinking for years now: Whether you got jip for having spots, being fat, or whatever: Having a harder time in school teaches you humility, respect, modesty, empathy and much more. You make better friends. It builds your character even though at the time it feels like you are being demolished. Some people never get to experience that and I think they're worse off for having never been through it. It basically teaches you to be a NICER human being, and in the long run, you benefit from being a nice person. It may sound like a bit of a cliche, but when people say "always be true to yourself", do it!

 

[Sunday_10pm]

Also, i'm not saying that you have to have been hard done by to be a nice person when you're older. It's just a bit of a confused rant about school and "popularity" in general...

 

[qjakal]

Nicely put...

You're wise beyond your years Sunday. Most people don't figure this out at all, ot at least until they have another decade or so under their belt. Nicely done. Sometimes adversity and hardships are a blessing disguised as a tough break. I've learned to keep my eye out for opportunities when I'm being stressed and during the worst times in life.

Q

 

[Mitchell]

Adversity certainly turned me into a more humble person. In high school, I had exactly two friends. (One of them TMF member Russy who has been my best friend since I was 11, and still is today) I was a thin, nervous, shy person who had no confidence at all. I attribute part of it to adolescence, and another part of it (I know I've discussed this ad naseaum) to my father who was so emotionally abusive to me. This was proven when I went to college, and then my parents split up. I gained weight, my GPA rose dramatically, and I had a great time socially. All this while feeling infinitely better about myself, with him out of my life.
Many of us grow up to be radically different people than we were in high school. I know Iam. Even with my recent situations since I've been here with business, and being estranged from my father again, Iam still a completely different and more well rounded person than I was in high school. I believe that adversity can be a good thing. It teaches you to appreciate what you have, and makes you work harder to overcome the adversity, and makes the victories once you overcome the adversity that much sweeter.

Mitch

 

[Knox The Hatter]

I was a genuine individualist back in High School. Very self centered. I guess it might have been a defense mechanism of sorts. I hung out with only one group, per se: the guys in the long hair and the denim jackets and boots who hung out in the bathroom in between periods, smoking what was in those days, a virulent strain of Acapulco Gold. I didn't do it myself, I just hung out with them. I guess the biggest reason was because they didn't judge me.
It was a sort of interesting situation: the majority of the student body pretty much was a white bread mass; very bourgeois, very Amy Heckerling. They had their own interests. There was no antagonism from them, really, the crowd I hung out with made them laugh, for the most part...and I suspect that they kind of rooted for us. The 'In Crowd', by official sanction of our Type 'A', megalomaniacal vice-principal, consisted not of nerds, really, but by the kind of people you'd find in a sanctioned 'In Crowd'. The vice-principal made sure that it was this crowd running the show. He rigged the school elections in order to ensure this.
As a result, everyone hated our class leaders, and usually laughed at our senior class president when he spoke. The truth was, the In Crowd was actually the out, and we, who smoked pot and grew facial hair and wore Led Zeppelin t-shirts were really the in. One year, in order to protest...well...truth be told, I can't remember what the hell we were protesting, we had a student walk out. You should've seen the vice-principal. He was on the phone, I imagine he was pleading with someone in the Pentagon to conduct a tactical air strike.
It was not exactly 'Revenge of the Nerds'. It was people who were used to being outside, finally running the show. It was a bit more sane in those days.
It was from those people that I learned tolerance. I grew up in a house where all I learned was Judgement. It helped me along.