simpson quotes

[goddess_nemesis]

Homer: "Dear Homer, I. O. U. one emergency donut. Signed, Homer." Bastard! He's always one step ahead.

 

[tickleterror]

Homer: How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

 

[goddess_nemesis]

Ralph Wiggum: My doctor says I wouldn't get so many noise bleeds if I just kept my finger out of there.

 

[luvgirlsfeet]

Homer: Hello my name is Mr Burns I believe you have a letter for me

Post Office clerk: Ok, Mr Burns what is your first name?

Homer: I Dont know

 

[tickleterror]

Homer: Here's to alcohol, the cause of—and solution to—all life's problems.

 

[goddess_nemesis]

Bart: There's no such thing as a soul. It's just some stuff they came up with to scare kids, like the bogey man, or Michael Jackson.

 

[seanc130]

Lisa: Mom! Dad built a device that would be deadly in the wrong hands! And he's holding it!

[the old folks have a dog for about a day]
Grampa: That's too bad. We've had that dog for as long as I can remember.
Other old guy: Who the hell are you?
Grampa: I wish I knew!

Homer: I've gone back in time to when dinosaurs weren't just confined to zoos!

Homer: What the hell are we going to do with ten thousand angel ashtrays?
Bart: I could take up smoking.
Homer: You damn well better!

Homer: Hey, who are you?
Ghost: The ghost of Cesar Chavez.
Homer: Why do you look like Cesar Romero?
Ghost: 'Cause you don't know what Cesar Chavez looks like.

Bart: Hootie and the Blowfish?
Chief Wiggum: Hey, it was cheaper than a blank tape.

[Smithers turns on his computer]
Picture of Mr Burns: Hello, Smithers. You're quite good and turning me on.
Smithers: Uhh ... you probably should ignore that.

Ned Flanders: My neighbour Homer released a radioactive ape into my house. It's, uh, taken over the top floor.
Bart: It wasn't dad's fault. The ape tricked him!

Homer [in confession]: I wiped a booger on your shirt, I made a dog and a cat kiss, I swiped a bolted-down TV from a Holiday Inn, I coveted the wife in Jaws 2, I lied to a waiter, I masturbated eight billion times and I have no plans to stop masturbating in the future. Woohoo, I'm clean! In your face, Lord!

 

[seanc130]

Lisa: Dad, have you been licking toads?
Homer: I'm not NOT licking toads.

Grampa: Big deal! When I was a pup we got spanked by presidents 'til the cows came home! Grover Cleveland spanked me on two non-consecutive occasions!

Homer [about to vote for Sideshow Bob]: Well, I can't say I agree with his 'Kill Bart' policy ... but I do like his 'Kill Selma' policy.

Ralph Wiggum: I almost died!

Homer: I guess some people never change. Or, they quickly change and then quickly change back.

Grampa: I used to be 'with it', but then they changed what 'it' was. Now what I'm with isn't 'it' and what's 'it' seems weird and scary to me.

Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.

 

[goddess_nemesis]

Bart: I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!

 

[tickleterror]

Chief Wiggum: Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1... 2.

 

[goddess_nemesis]

Moe: [answering the phone] Flaming Moe's.
Bart: Uh, yes, I'm looking for a friend of mine. Last name Jass. First name Hugh.
Moe: Uh, hold on, I'll check. [calling] Hugh Jass! Somebody check the men's room for a Hugh Jass!
Hugh: Uh, I'm Hugh Jass.
Moe: Telephone. [hands over the receiver]
Hugh: Hello, this is Hugh Jass.
Bart: [surprised] Uh, hi.
Hugh: Who's this?
Bart: Bart Simpson.
Hugh: Well, what can I do for you, Bart?
Bart: Uh, look, I'll level with you, Mister. This is a prank call that sort of backfired. I'd like to bail out right now.
Hugh: All right. Better luck next time. [hangs up] What a nice young man.

 

[tickleterror]

Marge - Stay away from my boy!
Sideshow Bob - Oh i'll stay away alright STAY AWAY FOR EVER!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ... wait thats not right. (walks off)(runs back)
Sideshow Bob - Ok, Marge, I've got a good one now, say "stay away from my boy again."
Marge - No!

 

[ChosenofMystra]

quite a bunch here!

Hans Moleman - Nobody's gay for Moleman

Hans Moleman - I was saying Boo-urns

Homer - Mmmmm sacrilicious

Otto - Zeppelin rules!

Comic Book Guy - Freakin' kids! I do not need this! I have a master's degree in Folklore Mythology.

Uncle Herb - Homer can't you stop thinking about your ass for one minute?

Ms Hoover - Ralph, remember the time you though Snagglepuss was outside the window?
Ralph (nervously) - He was going to the bathroom!

Martin - How much is your penny candy?
Apu - Surprisingly expensive!

 

[tickleterror]

Principal Skinner: Oh, you think this stolen 'H' is a laugh riot, don't you? Well, I'll tell you something that's not so funny. Right now Superintendent Chalmers is at home crying like a little girl! Well, I guess that is a little funny.

 

[luvgirlsfeet]

Superintendant Chamlers: Do these kids look as smart as they are

Principal Skinner: Why dont we pick one at random hmmm how about that one ( pointing to Lisa )

Chamlers: You mean this boy here ( asking about Ralph Wiggum )

Skinner: NO!! NO!! I mean Lisa Simpson

Chamlers: When was the battle of New Orleans?

Lisa: January 8, 1815 2 weeks after the war ( 1812 ) ended

Chamlers: First Rate

Ralph Wiggum: Whats a battle?

 

[Strider]

Burns: (watching Homer on a surveillance monitor) Look at that pig. Stuffing his face with donuts on my time! That's right, keep eating...Little do you know you're drawing ever closer to the poison donut! [cackles evilly, then stops abruptly] There is a poison one, isn't there Smithers?

Smithers: Uhh...no, sir. I discussed this with our lawyers and they consider it murder

Burns: Damn their oily hides!!

 

[Tamia78]

Bart: "What's Santa's Little Helper doing to that dog? Looks like he's trying to jump over, but he can't quite make it."

 

[tickleterror]

Wife: Now Cletus, why did ya haf to park next to my parents?
Cletus: Now, Now, Hun, they're my parents too...

 

[tkrexx]

Marge: "What did you learn about in church?"
Bart: "Hell."
Homer: "BART!! "
Bart: "What?? I sure as HELL can't tell you we learned about HELL without saying HELL, can I??

 

[tickleterror]

Titanya: But Duffman, you said if I slept with you I wouldn't have to touch the drunk!
Duffman: Duffman... says a lot of things! Oh, yeah!

 

[goddess_nemesis]

Homer: Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!
Marge: HOMER!
Homer: I gotta go Moe my damn weiner kids are listening.

 

[tickleterror]

Duffman: Hey Duff lovers! Does anyone in this bar loooove Duff?
Carl: Hey, it's Duffman!
Lenny: Newsweek said you died of liver failure.
Duffman: Duffman can never die, only the actors who play him. Ooh yeah!

 

[german]

Homer: Purple is a fruit

Kust

 

[tickleterror]

Lionel Hutz: Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace "accidentally" with "repeatedly," and replace "dog" with "son."

 

[luvgirlsfeet]

Scene from Brother can you spare two dimes

Unkie Herb: Lisa aren't you happy to see me

Lisa: Why didn't you write unkie herb?

Unkie Herb: What was I supposed to say, Dear Lisa last night I used a rat for a pillow because of your dad

Lisa: I see your point