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simpson quotes

Superintendent Chalmers: "Well, Seymour, you are an odd fellow, but I must say- you steam a good ham."
 
Lenny: "Why Do They Call This A Yard Of Ale?" Carl: "Easy, After You Drink It, You're Passed Out In A Yard."
 
Lenny: "Aw, If They Hire A Woman, We Won't Be Able To Spit On The Floor." Carl: "And We Can't Take Off Our Pants When It Gets Real Hot."
 
Homer picking up looking at a switch blade knife

Homer: I see the switch, but where's the blade.

(Blade pops up and stab Homer in the eye)

Homer: OW!!!!
 
After Homer caused a scene in a bank by putting a Candy Apple he had in his pocket he couldn't talk right and got hit with a taser and had to appear before Judge Harm.

Judge Harm: Homer Simpson for causing a commotion in the bank I hear by sentence you to 100 hours of Community Service

Homer: Community Service, but that's work. What about Jail?

Judge Harm: Community Service!! (bangs gavel)

Homer: No I wanna go to jail. Free food, tear drop tattoos, library books that come to you. I'll serve anything but the community!!
 
Homer has some of the best.
Homer: "To alcohol, the cause of and solution to, all of life's problems."
 
Burns to Homer: The Boy wants to live with me, I suggest you leave.

Homer: Or what you will release the Dogs or the Bee's or the Dog's with Bee's in their mouths and when they bark they chew bees at you Well go a head, do your worst.

Burns: My worst eh? Smithers release the Robotic Richard Simmons.
 
Nelson Muntz: The thing about huckleberries is once you go fresh you never go back to canned
 
Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals!...except the weasel.
 
"I'd like to announce my retirement from the world of Video Boxing." (Bart after being undefeated vs. Homer Season 1).
 
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