Tacit cruelty on behalf of members

[tickledorange]

It's a porn forum, not a hug box. Go get your validation elsewhere.

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[the tickleshow]

I'm of two minds on the subject; and I am sorry if this has been covered; I haven't had the chance to read every post on this thread.
I agree, people should out of common decency respect others, rather than express ill will, harrassment or senseless anger. On the other hand, people are entitled to free speech.
I have never initiated any flaming of another member here, although I have responded in kind to those who tried to tell me how to post my video clips or run my clips store in rather harsh terms. (Someone once told me I should leave the forum because the name "TickleShow" was stupid.) I always ended those "discussions" by saying they were entitled to their opinions, but how I operate here (or anywhere) is my business. I lurked for a long time before becoming more active a few years back, so I know there will always be creeps out here. I know I will always have to adapt to them in order to minimize their impact.

 

[Cosmo_ac]

interesting point Orange, but just because it is a tickling fetish forum doesn't mean people should act like assholes.

 

[Deadsea7777]

I agree with "If to be rude is to be strong, to be polite was never a bad thing" From Rudyard Kipling.

Is the old need to compromise between individual liberty and the collective needs to be able to interact as a group.

We cannot make everyone to complain by force to a correct standard we may think is correct without destroying the freedom in the TMF. And if we use force, it will turn into a war.

From my point of view, when it comes to really dangerous stuff for the TMF, namely child porn, child sex/abuse, consistent persecution of one member, the moderators are quick and fast and do a really good job. So I am happy with the overall result. I think the TMF it has a great capacity to selfregulate.

And never forget, that in mainstream everyday life we tickler lovers are very often consider "creepy".
That should not be taken as to grant permission to abuse other people, simple to ponder that it would not be to easy to spot clean the TMF without destroying it.
I would also dare to say, the producers, with their logical interest to have a place to sell and promote its products would contribute significantly to keep the TMF between reasonably limits, if only for self interest. Or so I believe.

 

[texastickler]

You can pick apart the OP and find phrases that you disagree with all you want - but really the overall message is pretty indisputable, in my opinion. There's way too much hostility around here, and we'd all do well to think before we respond. It may be tempting to reply to a ridiculous post with sarcasm or insults, but really that's just adding to the problem. You can tell people they're being inappropriate or coming across a certain way without sinking to their level. I think that's the whole point here.

I agree. As I said before the argument is a good one.

 

[tickledorange]

interesting point Orange, but just because it is a tickling fetish forum doesn't mean people should act like assholes.

Oh, I know. It was just my response to someone else's response.

 

[AmericaRocks]

1) AmericaRocks: I see why you thought I meant that, and I apologize. There are many introverted and socially awkward people who are not creepers, and actually quite nice people. I meant the other direction of correlation- that creepers tend to be introverted and socially awkward. All squares are rectangles but not all rectangles are squares, etc.

It's all good. And it's definitely true that almost all creepers lack social skills, but a lot of them aren't introverted. Some people who seem creepy are that way because they're way too forward. I think if someone's shy and introverted, they're less likely to approach a woman and be like "I wanna lick your toes, babeh." One particular guy that I know comes to mind. He's not at all shy around women, and he excessively compliments and flirts with them, not caring whether they're in a relationship, married, gay or otherwise not available, and doesn't back down even when they tell him they feel uncomfortable. Because of this, he's seen as really creepy. A lot of quiet, introverted people can be creepy, but I think it can go both ways.

 

[Phineas]

And never forget, that in mainstream everyday life we tickler lovers are very often consider "creepy".

This is a fallacy and an excuse for poor behavior.

The reason tickle lovers (or foot lovers, they seem to get a lot of hate as well) are often considered creepy is because they act that way. It is very rare, in my experience, that people negatively judge someone for simply having a kink... unless their only experience with that kink is via someone expressing it in an unhealthy and boundary-crossing way.

And, because of the kind of people we're talking about in this thread, most of mainstream America's exposure to tickle fetishists is through that sort of behavior. A girl who's had a foot fetishist as a boyfriend and reveled in the endless foot massages is going to have a far different opinion of "foot guys" than some poor girl who had her YouTube videos spammed with comments from idiots demanding "more bondage".

Politeness and civility doesn't work with creeps, because one of the primary hallmarks of creeperdom is the inability to see other people as people, rather than a vehicle for the satisfaction of your own desires. Very often they know what they're doing is wrong, but the philosophy around here seems to be "it's only creepy if you get caught" - so rather than try and explore constructive attitudes they simply try harder to avoid notice.

I do agree, though, that some of the hostility here could be toned down - but I really think it depends on the context. If I post a thread in Politics & Religion that says "I don't think Obama's doing a very good job", then yes, I'm well within my rights to not have someone's response be "OMG, rot in hell you pig f*cker!". But if, on the other hand, I post a thread in Tickling Discussion that says "hey guys, I'm thinking of pinning my maid under the sofa and tickling her feet, do you think it'd be okay if I gave her an extra hundred to keep her quiet?" (an actual thread from eons past), then I should damn well expect people to tell me they hoped my cellmate bufu'd me a new one.

One of the problems, unfortunately, is that a lot of them retreat into the "I was only kidding/relating a fantasy" defense when it turns out that nobody's on board with the kidnapping/remote surveillance scheme, so it looks like we're coming down hard on someone merely for "trying to contribute". They know damn well that's not what happened, though - but since half of the community has the attention span of a golfish, and the other half has raised lying and self-justification to an art form, nobody ever actually remembers the details - they just see somebody loudly complaining that "All I did was post a story and people jumped on me" without knowing that the story was about the time he paid someone to tie up his babysitter.

I really, really feel strongly about this. So much so that when a friend of mine "came out" to me about her tickling/foot/bondage predilections and found out that a place like this existed on the Internet, then asked me for the URL, I actually had to think about it for a few days. My initial thoughts on the subject were not, "Oh boy! Another member brought into the fold!". They were, "Son of a bitch. She's 19, and a model. Talk about raw meat to the wolves. I'm not letting her within ten IP addresses of this place."

 

[Nestor Blue]

FWIW, this place seems to do a pretty good job at self-regulating. I post in other places, and this is actually by far the most civil forum I am acquainted with. Even when people are being really creepy or weird, it seems to be recognized as such and responded to appropriately.

Maybe there's an inherent solidarity that comes from sharing something that's considered extremely unusual by mainstream society. In any event, this place does pretty damn well as far as the internet goes.

 

[Morning Lorie]

I agree with the OP

I have a good amount of tolerance for rudeness, but like most everybody I do have my limits. Even when those limits are reached, I'm perfectly able to deal with any rudeness that comes my way. I can return the favor. I can try to reverse it by extending an olive branch. Or I can just ignore it altogether.

I really like the idea of people self-regulating their own behavior, but I recognize that lots of folks are unwilling or unable to do that and so we need moderators. That's all great.

Here's what's not so great. It's one thing for forum administrators to mandate a reasonable level of respect we members need to show one another in our posts. It's quite another thing for forum members to mandate what thoughts and ideas are permissible, and enforce those mandates with personal attacks on the character of the ones who don't fall in line with the popular school of thought. This thread is a good example. The OP was polite, nonthreatening, and without the slightest measure of disrespect. But because his point of view differed radically from the forum mainstream, he was flamed, ridiculed, and mocked.

I find this kind of behavior way more offensive and reprehensible, particularly when you consider that many of those that flamed him are elsewhere vocally intolerant of trolls and general troublemaking. But in that context, the behavior seems to be tolerated by the majority, so I just chalk it up as yet another of life's funny little inconsistencies. 🙂

 

[Oddjob0226]

It is very rare, in my experience, that people negatively judge someone for simply having a kink... unless their only experience with that kink is via someone expressing it in an unhealthy and boundary-crossing way.

A lot of it may be about where you live, I suppose. As a Bible-Belt resident who has been going to BDSM functions since 1988-ish, it has been my experience that the negative judgment of someone having a kink is pretty much standard. Even kinksters have issues witrh the kinks of other kinksters (there's of evidence of that here on the TMF itself).

To the nonkinky, or highly closeted kinksters, or those struggling to supress their desires, the word "kink" = "out of the ordinary", or "abnormal" or - to use the ubiquitous word du jour, "creepy". A kink is by its nature is something that seems out of place; of course many 'normal' folk will look upon that poorly. They continue to do so.

 

[Deadsea7777]

This is a fallacy and an excuse for poor behavior.

The reason tickle lovers (or foot lovers, they seem to get a lot of hate as well) are often considered creepy is because they act that way. It is very rare, in my experience, that people negatively judge someone for simply having a kink... unless their only experience with that kink is via someone expressing it in an unhealthy and boundary-crossing way.

...................
I really, really feel strongly about this. So much so that when a friend of mine "came out" to me about her tickling/foot/bondage predilections and found out that a place like this existed on the Internet, then asked me for the URL, I actually had to think about it for a few days. My initial thoughts on the subject were not, "Oh boy! Another member brought into the fold!". They were, "Son of a bitch. She's 19, and a model. Talk about raw meat to the wolves. I'm not letting her within ten IP addresses of this place."

A fallacy is a misconception resulting from incorrect reasoning.
A misconception an incorrect conception
A conception is an abstract or general idea inferred or derived from specific instances.

The sentence you quote:

“And never forget, that in mainstream everyday life we tickler lovers are very often consider "creepy".”

That is not a fallacy, because is not derived neither inferred. It does not involve reasoning. It simple reports an observation namely: that tickle lovers are very often consider “Creepy” in mainstream. It does not deduce or infer anything from the specific instances, it only report that instances have been observed, therefore is not a fallacy.

That it is an excuse for poor behavior, on the other hand, it actually a fallacy, because it is neither deduce or inferred from the sentence in question that the observation “ticklers lovers are often consider
Creepy” is an excuse for poor behavior or was even intended to be.
That is your subjective interpretation only. Legitimate, true, but subjective.

Now from the dictionary:

Creep: someone unpleasantly strange or eccentric

Creepy: annoying and unpleasant; "some creepy kids were bothering her"

To be strange is simple to be different, out of the ordinary. In that sense, all tickler lovers and ticklees are out of the ordinary, all a bunch of creeps.
To be unpleasantly strange (different) is subjective. My behavior may not be unpleasant for me, but can be intolerable to my neighbor. The only objective criteria I know to decide about says, “If it is not forbidden by law, the you can engage on doing it” and even that criteria is not bulletproof. However in the case of child abuse and pornography the criteria I mention holds very well. And the moderators enforce it very well too. So overall I am happy with the self regulation of the TMF until now.

About the example you put; I will have a very different approach to the one you described. I would have told to the 19 years old, that is like a coin, on the good side there is a lot of people to share your tastes, on the other side it also has a sizable proportion of members that can not find anything better to do that persecute you in everyway they could think. Is a trade off. You will have to deal with them, reject them , ignore them, etc. Your are over 18 years old, choose.
My personal advice would have been lurk for a while, and then decide, to get in or not, since she is old enough not to be naive about human nature. And never give away any important data about yourself, as it is with all the web. Be prudent, walk with open eyes, protect your privacy, trust nobody.