Tempted and worse... how terrible am I?

[maniactickler]

Ok so I was in a similar situation 2 weeks ago. Im married and altho no sex was involved it was a form of cheating....My husband works nights and on Halloween I had a guy from TMF over for some tickling while my husband was at work. I had previous permission to do so but only when my husband was here with me. I have never done anything like this before. Ive never been reckless and done something just because I wanted to and screw the concequences. Now I did say no sex just tickling and thats mostly true (I did loose my top). He bet me I couldnt keep my hands from blocking. I thought I had the self control to do it. For every time my hands lifted off his thighs (he was stradling me) I had a button undone. I apparently done have the selfcontrol I thought I had. The next day I felt guilty and my husband could tell. So I told him what I had done. He was pissed. I was delt the most intense tickle torture I have ever had as a punishment. And Im still paying for it. I got another round of tickle torture and severe spankings last night. But it has helped me too. My husband now knows more of the ways I like to be tickled and its improving our sex life. I will never go behind his back again!

Never dabble with someone else under your own roof. thats a huge slap in the face to a spouse. i would never meet anyone in their home under any circumstances. do a motel room if you have to.

 

[Anna6-9]

Never dabble with someone else under your own roof. thats a huge slap in the face to a spouse. i would never meet anyone in their home under any circumstances. do a motel room if you have to.

Yeah I know it was a HUGE laps in judgement! My husband and I were going thro a rough spot and I wasnt sure I was gonna stay with him. But the whole thing has made me realize just how wonderful I really do have it with my husband! I felt and still do feel like the biggest bitch for it. But my husband was understanding and forgiving and told me that he got all this kind of stuff out of his system when he was young. I got married young and had a baby and never did anything adventurous. Im not trying to excuse what I did it was wrong plain and simple I can admit that.

 

[marcusb]

I'm generally of the opinion that if you're straying something is missing in the first place. If this isn't something you've made a habit of doing in prior relationships then perhaps your "out of town SO relationship" has run it's course.

If you see it going somewhere with the new guy... break it off and seek your happiness.

 

[daryl]

I wouldn't venture an opinion if you hadn't asked, but here are the obvious questions/observations:

1. How are things with the guy you've been with? You don't say anything except that he hasn't picked up on what you want. Have you TOLD him?

2. is there anything besides the sex/tickling with the new guy? While it may be important, if you don't connect on any other level, I doubt there will be anything long term there.

3. Are you looking for long-term, or would you rather be alone? If you'd rather be alone and just have a sex/tickle buddy, that's very different than if you're looking for a relationship.

 

[Strider]

Do what you feel is going to make you happiest, and then be prepared to live with whatever comes of it. That's really all there is to it.

 

[luv2tikl]

Wow!

There's clearly a double standard here. When a girl does this, she's legitimately seeking her own happiness. When a guy does this, he's a cheating dog, scumbag, heartbreaker, asshole...etc.

Oh my gosh! This is an extremely excellent point, and now that I think about it that way it kind of makes me mad.

But you're right, put a guy in this situation and hands down he's going to be looked down apon and called a jerk... But here we have a girl doing it and everyone says to do what makes her "happy."

 

[godoy1030]

Oh my gosh! This is an extremely excellent point, and now that I think about it that way it kind of makes me mad.

But you're right, put a guy in this situation and hands down he's going to be looked down apon and called a jerk... But here we have a girl doing it and everyone says to do what makes her "happy."

And this is why our sexist society is bound to crumble and 90% of the people in it deserve to be crushed by the trash they have created.

 

[narin]

From personal experience;

I have yet to find a relationship with a perfect mix of emotional attatchment and sex. In a perfect world... well we sure as hell don't live in that.

I've had amazing emotional attatchments with no sex (sex on the side) and of course, that sex on the side had no emotional attatchment... Which was better? I wouldn't have been very happy with just one or the other, naturally, but me? I have yet to find the two together.

I've also never told a boyfriend I was cheating on him. I've been cheated on before and am firmly in the camp of what I don't know can't (or probably won't) hurt me. Unless of course the cheating is constant then it's an indication that I'm not doing something quite right, I want to know about it!!!

If you think the lapse was because BF isn't giving you the excitement you need, I'd say bring this up, without mentioning the cheating part. I don't think telling him about a one weekend lapse is going to accomplish anything but a loss in trust.

If you love the little bugger, and see yourself in the future with him, see if you can create some more excitement in your existing sex life...

I'd rather have a best friend to spend my life with and some fuck buddies on the side, personally, I don't think one person could be my everything. But hey, there are people who stay together for nigh on forever. I'm sure they're happy.. or something.

 

[LindyHopper]

That's a shit thing you did, and you're right to feel guilty. As for what to do next...

I don't know how long you've been with your current boyfriend, whether you're still getting to know each other, or have been serious for a while, or even thinking about getting married someday. Your current level of investment is relevant here.

If you really want to be with this new guy, then go. That's the best thing for all of you. But do consider whether the chemistry with this new guy (because that's all you have right now, you don't know what, if anything, will follow from this) is worth throwing away what you have with your current guy. Like I said, I don't know how much you'd be throwing away. But if you're considering trading a hot new tickling fan for a man you think you could build a life with... you ought to think long and hard before making that kind of decision.

Good luck to you! 😱

 

[paracarl44]

Are You Still Pondering?

Between Boyfriend #1 or Boyfriend #2. Have you made a commitment to BF#1 such as an engagement or a ring?

Do you feel that you could start a relationship with BF#2?

You must be careful of One Night Stands.

 

[Lea28]

Thanks Lee; appreciate another female view

If you think that this new guy is one you can have a real
and satisfying relationship with, and you feel that your
boyfriend has no idea how to please you, even after you've
told him what you like (really, I've met so few accurate
mind readers there may as well not be any, so if you have
not told him, you can't expect everything to be 100% as
you'd want it) then perhaps it's time to tell your boyfriend
that you want to split up.

I think it's just cruel to share that you slept with someone
else unless you plan on staying with the boyfriend, and
asking for forgiveness and trying to work it out, and even
then it would always be there in the middle of you two.

You also just met this other guy, so he may be fabulous at
sex and understanding your need for tickling (which is pretty
key for you, it seems) but he may have other traits which
you wouldn't find as desirable.

I wouldn't beat yourself up over this if it's the only time it's
happened (being a serial cheater is something different),
but it isn't the kind of quandry that I personally would want
to be in.

Does guy #2 know you have a boyfriend? Was he looking for
a relationship? I think that there are more serious questions
for you to ask to determine what you really want, and the
best way to go about it leaving minimum damage.

Lee

Really appreciate this; I feel horrible... the new guy knows I have a bf though he does not know him. This is the first time for me; I suspect the last cheating episode... better be.

The harse comments from a few here are fair (though I am normally a pretty nice person) I as they reflect mostly how I feel about myself, and yes, "mind readers" are few.

Yes, I fell to pure lust. He wants to see me again but I have resisted, painfully. Minimum damage; perfect thought.

Thank you Lee,

Lea

 

[ThatPercussionGuy]

Hmmm, Lea has been quiet ever since people have been posting in the negative towards her. It does seem as though Lea has made a mistake perhaps, but let's face it, nobody's perfect. It's how you react afterward that shows the kind of character you have.

The comment that I didn't care for was how Lea said something like now that someone played with her feet while she was on top and that she couldn't fathom having to tell her boyfriend what she likes, as if he should already know. If her boyfriend isn't into tickling or feet, how is he to know? There's a chance she isn't doing something that maybe he really would like her to do, so should he dump her because she isn't doing something he likes?

Anyway, I hope the situation gets resolved for both parties quickly, no matter how it turns out.

Tckleguy

 

[Lea28]

You are right...

Here's my two cents.

You may not be married but it's called respect. If you're in a relationship, unless expressed that it's not exclusive, then cheating is just wrong all around. The best thing to do is tell him and let things fall as they may. If you don't care for your boyfriend or at least care for this guy more, then be open with him, apologize and move on- I'm sure you would expect the same. I know it's hard to meet someone with this love of ours and to have both those loves can be even more rare. Also, where the hell were you when I went to parties?

Second point, did you ever tell your boyfriend that you liked these things done? People aren't mind readers, especially with something like tickling and toe sucking. Maybe your boyfriend isn't into this and you found a perfect match (at least as far as sexual compatibility ). What more do you know about this new guy? You said he knew about your thing but trust me, NOBODY is reading your mind, he must have been told this about you. Things worked out as far as his and your fantasies but if you were to tell your boyfriend and he decided to forgive you and he was fine with your wishes, would you still stay with him? Do you know anything else about this new guy?

Good luck in whichever way you choose to go.

You are very wise, and also right; I now know that he was told a few things about me even before the party... we have a few mutual friends obviously, and a few "rivals" maybe...

He hit the right buttons, and still is trying to hit them.

Darn it...

thanks, Lea

 

[Lea28]

I have been silent... and brooding

Hmmm, Lea has been quiet ever since people have been posting in the negative towards her. It does seem as though Lea has made a mistake perhaps, but let's face it, nobody's perfect. It's how you react afterward that shows the kind of character you have.

The comment that I didn't care for was how Lea said something like now that someone played with her feet while she was on top and that she couldn't fathom having to tell her boyfriend what she likes, as if he should already know. If her boyfriend isn't into tickling or feet, how is he to know? There's a chance she isn't doing something that maybe he really would like her to do, so should he dump her because she isn't doing something he likes?

Anyway, I hope the situation gets resolved for both parties quickly, no matter how it turns out.

Tckleguy

I agree...

Yes, he should dump me for a ton of reasons, perhaps and including that I may NOT satisy him... he DOES please me but I need to ask... I know he knows what I like at some level but to your point, may kinda not like what I like and NEED... really good points.

Actually, the critiques are deserved. I am pretty tough on myself too...

Thank you, Lea

 

[Lea28]

No, my current bf (until now) is kinda new too...

Between Boyfriend #1 or Boyfriend #2. Have you made a commitment to BF#1 such as an engagement or a ring?

Do you feel that you could start a relationship with BF#2?

You must be careful of One Night Stands.

I have only known my current bf for a few months; miles away from ring stage. He travels often and I really do not know him as well, obviously, as I should.

I am not a "one nighter" as a rule; but i messed up.

Lea

 

[Lea28]

Thnak you for caring

That's a shit thing you did, and you're right to feel guilty. As for what to do next...

I don't know how long you've been with your current boyfriend, whether you're still getting to know each other, or have been serious for a while, or even thinking about getting married someday. Your current level of investment is relevant here.

If you really want to be with this new guy, then go. That's the best thing for all of you. But do consider whether the chemistry with this new guy (because that's all you have right now, you don't know what, if anything, will follow from this) is worth throwing away what you have with your current guy. Like I said, I don't know how much you'd be throwing away. But if you're considering trading a hot new tickling fan for a man you think you could build a life with... you ought to think long and hard before making that kind of decision.

Good luck to you! 😱

I really appreciate you comments; you make some great points.

I am not sure what I am throwing away, or trading... not really.

Thank you, Lea

 

[LindyHopper]

I really appreciate you comments; you make some great points.

No problem.

I have only known my current bf for a few months; miles away from ring stage. He travels often and I really do not know him as well, obviously, as I should.

Well hell, if that's what we're talking about... Yes, a few-month commitment is still a commitment, but I think most of us would agree that the decision to leave someone you don't know all that well to begin with isn't nearly as monumental as leaving someone after years of building a life together.

I am not a "one nighter" as a rule; but i messed up.

Sure. But as several people have already said, it's what you do next that counts more.

 

[FeatherFeet]

i just wanna say right off the bat, cheating is always wrong, no matter the circumstances (short of a partner threatening to kill you if you break with them, or other such extenuating circumstances( which obviously isnt the case ehre.

cheating is always wrong, no matter the happiness seeking, no matter trying to blame people for them not satisfying you. theres always a double standard here, girls will always defend girls who cheat and guys will always defend guys who cheat and its dumb, because anyone who cheats is wrong, because it is a breach in trust, a breach in the relationship and a slap to the face in all senses of the word.

aside from that, all im going to say is this: 95% of life is bullshit and crap. know why? because no one knows the difference between good or bad, or even betweeen what they want and don't want in the long run.
most people have no clue what they really want, and go with what loosk good or feels good at the moment. and all the people who say "do what feels right" obviously are not aware that many of the things we "FEEL" are the most impure, selfish things known on the entire face of the Earth.

most people don't know what they want, and a good portion of those people greatly GREATLY hurt someone else because they dont know what they want. the most important thing is life is to figure you what you want without breaking any hearts along the way. indecision is no excuse for infidelity, confusion isnt either. if you're not sure from the start, dont commit to a relationship. it's that simple.


are you a horrible person? not nessicarily, but it was wrong, and anyone here who is advocating your actions are wrong too, and are prolly only advocating it because they've done something similar. or think that the tickling is just the bottom line.

 

[prestidigits]

The Problem with Resisting Temptation...

...is that you might not get another chance!

Think about that!

 

[FeatherFeet]

lol i see almost no one said anything else after i replied.

yeah, i know i was harsh, but it's the truth.

 

[BorisandNatasha]

It's Sunday night; my bf is in Southern CA for a week and I went to a friends 30th birthday party last night... I met a new boy, we kissed, he tickled me, and I think I'm in love...

Quick details and then guilt... went to a party at a friends home, wore my fav black dress and black nylon, removed my shoes at some point, met a really cute guy that whispered to me after half an hour of semi-innocent flirting that he liked the way I "wiggled and flexed my toes while we talked..."

A bit stunned, I laughed... then he kissed me and whispered that he would love to suck my toes; I said "impossible becuase I am too ticklish..."

He said he already knew that (how?) and that I liked to be tickled... another kiss...

OK, we left the party, went to my apartment and had a fabulous night together. This is not what I do by the way... he sucked my toes as he very gently / lightly tickled my feet and other critical areas, and proved an amazing lover. I have never had a guy suck my toes as he tickled me... incredible sensation.

OK, it's Sunday night; I am exhausted and feeling really awful; I have a nice bf. I cheated, I suck. And I want to see the NEW boy again, like now!

Oh, he is ticklish too in 1,000,000 places and that made last night even more fun. He reads my mind, makes me scream, and I am pretty sure he had as special a night as I did... oh the night ended at 3PM this afternoon after we showered together (at 8AM thsi morning) and then went back to bed all day today... HELP!

Lea

Appears as if you are now self placed in a position where you must make a decision. Pretty plain and simple. You cannot have both and should not have both. Break up with your current 'nice' boyfriend and move on with the new who apparently does for and to you what you want and desire.
Pretty damn self explanatory and a simple. You can only help yourself and living a lie is not the path to take. You will end up with neither of them.


Boris

 

[tcklft]

i just wanna say right off the bat, cheating is always wrong, no matter the circumstances (short of a partner threatening to kill you if you break with them, or other such extenuating circumstances( which obviously isnt the case ehre.

cheating is always wrong, no matter the happiness seeking, no matter trying to blame people for them not satisfying you. theres always a double standard here, girls will always defend girls who cheat and guys will always defend guys who cheat and its dumb, because anyone who cheats is wrong, because it is a breach in trust, a breach in the relationship and a slap to the face in all senses of the word.

aside from that, all im going to say is this: 95% of life is bullshit and crap. know why? because no one knows the difference between good or bad, or even betweeen what they want and don't want in the long run.
most people have no clue what they really want, and go with what loosk good or feels good at the moment. and all the people who say "do what feels right" obviously are not aware that many of the things we "FEEL" are the most impure, selfish things known on the entire face of the Earth.

most people don't know what they want, and a good portion of those people greatly GREATLY hurt someone else because they dont know what they want. the most important thing is life is to figure you what you want without breaking any hearts along the way. indecision is no excuse for infidelity, confusion isnt either. if you're not sure from the start, dont commit to a relationship. it's that simple.


are you a horrible person? not nessicarily, but it was wrong, and anyone here who is advocating your actions are wrong too, and are prolly only advocating it because they've done something similar. or think that the tickling is just the bottom line.

I agree 100%. 😀

 

[FeatherFeet]

Appears as if you are now self placed in a position where you must make a decision. Pretty plain and simple. You cannot have both and should not have both. Break up with your current 'nice' boyfriend and move on with the new who apparently does for and to you what you want and desire.
Pretty damn self explanatory and a simple. You can only help yourself and living a lie is not the path to take. You will end up with neither of them.


Boris

oh yes...cuz what someone does to you sexually is always the most importnat thing, has nothing to do with whether or not the person will be there for you the next morning. ^.^

 

[tickleboynyc]

really, i don't think you should beat yourself up. it's not like you went out looking for someone to cheat with. it just...happened. we're human beings. we don't always control our emotions, our desires.

it's not a NICE thing to do necessarily...it IS a breach of trust. if your bf did the same to you you'd be upset probably.

but it's not the end of the world either. you're human, you make mistakes. people have cheated and found their mate that way. it happpens. it's not nice, but it happens. nobody has all the answers. nobody knows how and if and when we find the one that will make us happy.

instead of beating yourself up. concentrate on moving forward. you obviously have a decision to make. who will it be? only you can make that decision. listen to your heart. ultimately YOU are the only one who can decide what to do.

all this beatiing yourself up is only gonna cloud the issues, and stop you from making the right decision. it happened. now make sure you don't make things even more messed up. you need to come clean, and make your decision.

maybe you need to ask both men to give you a little time. if either one freaks out over that, that should give you a clue right there.

you're HUMAN. you're young. relationships can be tough. be as honest as you can but don't beat yourself up over this.

 

[FeatherFeet]

really, i don't think you should beat yourself up. it's not like you went out looking for someone to cheat with. it just...happened. we're human beings. we don't always control our emotions, our desires.

it's not a NICE thing to do necessarily...it IS a breach of trust. if your bf did the same to you you'd be upset probably.

but it's not the end of the world either. you're human, you make mistakes. people have cheated and found their mate that way. it happpens. it's not nice, but it happens. nobody has all the answers. nobody knows how and if and when we find the one that will make us happy.

instead of beating yourself up. concentrate on moving forward. you obviously have a decision to make. who will it be? only you can make that decision. listen to your heart. ultimately YOU are the only one who can decide what to do.

all this beatiing yourself up is only gonna cloud the issues, and stop you from making the right decision. it happened. now make sure you don't make things even more messed up. you need to come clean, and make your decision.

maybe you need to ask both men to give you a little time. if either one freaks out over that, that should give you a clue right there.

you're HUMAN. you're young. relationships can be tough. be as honest as you can but don't beat yourself up over this.

personally though, people who find theyr mates after cheating never really works out with either of them. to be honest, cheating is usually a one way ticket to losing both of them, whether the person cheated with was looking for a one night stand or not.

as far as most woul dbe concerened (including the first boyfriend prolly) you most likly lost your right to be with him the second you cheated on him, circumstances down, and even if by some miracle he forgives you, niether of you will ever be able to get over it. people always think they can look the other way, they cant, they will never trust theyre partner again and the one who cheated unless theyre divoid of guilt will never get over what they did to the person. its like a natual cause to break up.

and even if the second person is the right one for you, which is prolly doubtful and more likley he wanted a screw, because people who will go for a girl who is already taken as a RULE have no honor. you woul dnever be able to get over the terms in which you met. and even if you got with the person, its a breach in trust for THEM to know that you got with them based on cheating on someone else, cuz sooner or later they will start to wonder "how long before she cheats on me too"

hoenstly, you dont have a decision to make, because the act of cheating itself prolly made you lose both of them.

one option most people take is blowing off the guy you cheated with and never tleling the boyfriend you cheated in the first place, which is just another testimate to how the person doesnt deserve to be with the origional partner in the first place, by placing TWO breaches of trust.

yes we're human, but some things can never be taken back, this is one of them.