Tempted and worse... how terrible am I?

[Lea28]

I actually have thanked critics too...

seems this thread's discussion is coming to a close.

the OP has obviously convinved herself she was "wrong" but not "that wrong" as always happens in this situation. and as usual with giving very minimle to no reasons why and only talking to those hwo shed positive light on her situation. (lol just wait about 6 months and see if the same opinion applies, or if the new relatoinship is still there for that matter)
and thanks to the few enlightened people here, all the arguments FOR the cheating have been obliterated.

its nice to know there are at least some people out there (and here) who know the way the real world works and dont think the bottom line is always sex (or tickling)

I have actually thanked many who have critiqued me harshly, and I have critiqued myself alot; the real world has little to do with tickling as you suggest, but alot to do with sex... where is Freud when we need him?

I'd like to think that I'm not a slut (but have acted like one at times) and that I really like my new friend, and not just "crave" him which I do... he seems to crave me as well.

I have gotten many wonderful and mature comments on this problem and I am grateful; some have been just mean, others flirty... I do like intimacy, I do love my feet worshipped and tickled, and I am otherwise not a hideous person; just flawed.

Thank you all, Lea

 

[FeatherFeet]

I have actually thanked many who have critiqued me harshly, and I have critiqued myself alot; the real world has little to do with tickling as you suggest, but alot to do with sex... where is Freud when we need him?

I'd like to think that I'm not a slut (but have acted like one at times) and that I really like my new friend, and not just "crave" him which I do... he seems to crave me as well.

I have gotten many wonderful and mature comments on this problem and I am grateful; some have been just mean, others flirty... I do like intimacy, I do love my feet worshipped and tickled, and I am otherwise not a hideous person; just flawed.

Thank you all, Lea

the real world has alot to do with sex because people make it about sex. sex is and always has been natures trick to get us to reproduce, and although it a part of all of us, many people revovle their entire lives around it, and thats just stupid, there are bigger and better things.

everyone's flawed, the important thing is to learn form this mistake, if you ever were to do it again, then yes that would make you a slut....and not a very good person to boot.

enjoy the new guy why you can, this whole experience from every end it was described screams to me that it wont last, for a multitude of reasons.

and i kno people would say "you dont even know them how can you tell?" well you can tell by the circumstances, and its usually better not to know them, knowing them usually clouds ur judgment.

best of luck....ur gonna need it.

 

[darkscar]

Just dump the the BF its not fair to him if u don't love him anymore.

 

[kis123]

seems this thread's discussion is coming to a close.

the OP has obviously convinved herself she was "wrong" but not "that wrong" as always happens in this situation. and as usual with giving very minimle to no reasons why and only talking to those hwo shed positive light on her situation. (lol just wait about 6 months and see if the same opinion applies, or if the new relatoinship is still there for that matter)
and thanks to the few enlightened people here, all the arguments FOR the cheating have been obliterated.

its nice to know there are at least some people out there (and here) who know the way the real world works and dont think the bottom line is always sex (or tickling)

When it comes to cheating, I truly believe that if they'll do it with you, they'll do it to/on you. So have the fun, enjoy the sex, because you're going to pay the piper down the road IMO. Don't fall in love with it (even though it sounds like it's a little late for that), because you're going to get hurt down the road and neither of you are going to truly trust each other based on the circumstances of how your relationship started in the first place.

Good luck to you Lea, but IMO, this is a win-lose situation. You won a great bedroom partner, but down the road, you're going to lose a piece of your soul by the time this is finished.

 

[FeatherFeet]

When it comes to cheating, I truly believe that if they'll do it with you, they'll do it to/on you. So have the fun, enjoy the sex, because you're going to pay the piper down the road IMO. Don't fall in love with it (even though it sounds like it's a little late for that), because you're going to get hurt down the road and neither of you are going to truly trust each other based on the circumstances of how your relationship started in the first place.

Good luck to you Lea, but IMO, this is a win-lose situation. You won a great bedroom partner, but down the road, you're going to lose a piece of your soul by the time this is finished.

stated like an enlightened one!

^.^

 

[kis123]

stated like an enlightened one!

^.^

My "enlightenment" came at a very high price.

It was the result of poor decision making, bad choices in men, with low self-respect and self-esteem. It cost me having a child much younger than I was ready for, a marriage that never should've happened, and living single with two children to raise. We made it through, but it never had to happen.

When I see someone on a similar path to mine, I will speak up and let them know they're bringing unecessary pain to themselves. It's up to them how they'll deal with my information, but I wish there was someone in my life back then who would've talked to me about life and relationships. It could've saved me a world of hurt.

 

[tickleboynyc]

kis, no disrespect, but...i don't think lea's getting ready for marriage and motherhood...

 

[TicklishHope]

I feel sorry for your bf that you cheated on.. I'm not gonna sit here and BS you by telling you what you did was okay.. Because it wasn't.. He trusted you.. and you let him down. Does the guy you f***ed around on him with know about the other guy?

 

[darkscar]

I never like it when people cheat on other people. you would not be to happy if the guy cheated on u would u? People need to learn more self control. if u start to like someone else then brake it off with the old guy before u start to see someone new. so the same respect you would want them to have for u.

 

[kis123]

kis, no disrespect, but...i don't think lea's getting ready for marriage and motherhood...

None taken-I was just giving insight to what featherfeet described as enlightenment. Some of us got it the hard way; I'm hoping Lea doesn't end up walking a rocky path unnecessarily, that's all I meant.

 

[FeatherFeet]

My "enlightenment" came at a very high price.

It was the result of poor decision making, bad choices in men, with low self-respect and self-esteem. It cost me having a child much younger than I was ready for, a marriage that never should've happened, and living single with two children to raise. We made it through, but it never had to happen.

When I see someone on a similar path to mine, I will speak up and let them know they're bringing unecessary pain to themselves. It's up to them how they'll deal with my information, but I wish there was someone in my life back then who would've talked to me about life and relationships. It could've saved me a world of hurt.

hmmm, sounds ruff. people always say theres no better teacher than experience, but I think that statment isnt entirely true. I've never done something that's hurt my life (yet anyway ^.^, only 21) but i see people i know my age around me doing it all the time. (for the record im a straight edge no drug, no hook ups and doesn't drink unless its wine with italian food)
some people say "lifes too short to worry, go out and have fun" and stuff. i have plenty of fun, and I don't have the guilt that everyone else my age bears with them, and its my intent to never have it. i guess im learning from OTHER PEOPLE'S experiences in a sense. heh.
sad thing is, in my personal life, i can name the people who are in the same boat as me with one hand and have most of the fingers left over.

but i always get the rap for acting "holier than though" whenever i see a friend whose about to make a mistake that i can see down the line is going to really screw up their heads, they always yell, never listen, i waste my breath, but it always happens exactly like I say it would...*shrug* ive sort of realized its pointless, because people are giong to do what people are going to do even if you draw them a diagram.

but when i see a thread like this one, i kinda cant help it, the words jsut come pouring out of my mouth.

 

[Capnmad]

My thoughts would largely be a reiteration of those of others and sympathy for the jilted boyfriend, so I'll refrain, but I think it would be interesting to see how this evolves.

Here's hoping the OP will revisit this thread in six months and then in one year's time, and share with us their perspective as of then.

 

[Lea28]

Yes he does

I feel sorry for your bf that you cheated on.. I'm not gonna sit here and BS you by telling you what you did was okay.. Because it wasn't.. He trusted you.. and you let him down. Does the guy you f***ed around on him with know about the other guy?

Since the former boy and I are officially off, and i know he has also cheated on me in the past (maybe i always knew this down deep--not sure) I feel a bit less badly, however i cheated, and 2 wrongs never make a right; only in Algebra (negatives).

What i did was not ok, no way, and I will NOT do it again; I'm not a serial cheater...never have been.

Maybe i deserve to get dumped, but in the mean time I am doing my best to keep the new guy interested, and he is me as well. Its alot more than sex; i really like him on many criteria...

Now i need to worry if i am becoming addicted to him... thats an entirely new problem but with chemistry as intense as we have I am afraid this could happen.

Its not every easy is it?

Lea

 

[Lea28]

I should have....

I never like it when people cheat on other people. you would not be to happy if the guy cheated on u would u? People need to learn more self control. if u start to like someone else then brake it off with the old guy before u start to see someone new. so the same respect you would want them to have for u.

....broken it off just after we met; I knew it was not sustaining. So I let it go too long, and I obviously did not delight him either... he never even wanted to tie my hands to the headboard of my brass bed? I thought most guys like that... maybe he was too conservative for me, or I too wild... which is an odd statement as most think I'm super shy.

Thank you, Lea

 

[c7_assassin]

I'm not sure if anyone has brought up this point or not, haven't read all the comments in this thread...but this new guy seems like a bit of a seductive character. I mean, he met you at a party, and he made a comment about your feet. And then he saw the way you reacted and he used that as a way to manuever you into bed. And if he already knew you had a boyfriend... I'm not judging you, I've been with women who had boyfriends, and they always had good reasons for what they did. But that gives me a perspective that you don't have; guys can be very good at pretending to be able to give a woman exactly what she needs when it suits us. Don't mistake this for something it's not. Fucking is fucking, tickling is tickling, and if you get off on each other for now, great. But this doesn't sound like anything resembling true love. If this guy sees a girl with hotter feet than you tomorrow, then he's gone. Guaranteed.

 

[ovrec]

Sex is important (cheating still bad though...)

I'm not condoning cheating, because it is bad. It involves betrayal, selfishness, cowardice, etc.. The honorable thing to do is to break it off first (even though you lose the safety net of going back to your partner if it doesn't work out). Your partner will be hurt much less this way. But it does require a lot of courage and not everyone is that courageous. That means either you stay with your current partner that you are unhappy with or you cheat. I'm not really sure which is worse between the other two options though. But personal experience seems to indicate that staying with your partner ends up really bad in the long run (think wedding bells + unsatisfying sex for the rest of your life).

That being said, some people are saying that sex doesn't matter, etc.. It matters! Sex/Hunger/Thirst are natural drives. While you can go without eating for a little while, in the long run it will kill you. Sex is similar, you can go without enjoyable sex for a little while, but when faced with a lifetime of not enjoyable sex, you start to realize that sex matters. If you aren't getting what you need in bed, the relationship won't work in the long term. Unless you can convince your partner to give you what you need. But it is possible your partner won't give it to you or doesn't derive any enjoyment out of giving it to you. Then, it probably (unless you have some type of superhuman love that can overcome your need or you really didn't NEED the activity) won't work.

I made the mistake of saying sex doesn't matter (darn religious upbringing!!) and there isn't a day that I don't regret that decision. In addition, it does cause trouble for my partner because lack of satisfaction from sex = not wanting to have it anymore. And then my partner gets pissed off. Sex definitely matters. I'm not saying that you can get every desire fulfilled, but in general if you and your partner are on completely different wavelengths then it is better to break up. Also lack of satisfaction from sex = desire to get it from somewhere else (cheating, breaking up, etc.). And to cheat all it really takes is one moment of weakness (maybe you are diligent for 50 years but on year 51 you have a moment of weakness and oops). It's a bad situation to be in for the long term.

So to make a long story short sex matters. And if you completely aren't getting what you want in bed, you need to end the relationship (preferably before wedding bells).

 

[FeatherFeet]

i never said sex doesnt matter, i said there are things far more important.

other than the need for food and water, humans have two natural drives that cause more problems than anything, the violent urges, and the need for sex.

both of them are tools and tricks of nature, violent urges the tool to hunt and the need for sex the trick to reproduce. people dont realize that they are basically controlled by their sexual drive, and it holds them back in life, quite a bit.

Once you realize there is more than sex, you can satisfy ur needs and move to better things, rather than live for the next fuck, like 90% of the population, male or female do.

 

[kis123]

That being said, some people are saying that sex doesn't matter, etc.. It matters! Sex/Hunger/Thirst are natural drives. While you can go without eating for a little while, in the long run it will kill you. Sex is similar, you can go without enjoyable sex for a little while, but when faced with a lifetime of not enjoyable sex, you start to realize that sex matters. If you aren't getting what you need in bed, the relationship won't work in the long term. Unless you can convince your partner to give you what you need. But it is possible your partner won't give it to you or doesn't derive any enjoyment out of giving it to you. Then, it probably (unless you have some type of superhuman love that can overcome your need or you really didn't NEED the activity) won't work.

I made the mistake of saying sex doesn't matter (darn religious upbringing!!) and there isn't a day that I don't regret that decision. In addition, it does cause trouble for my partner because lack of satisfaction from sex = not wanting to have it anymore. And then my partner gets pissed off. Sex definitely matters. I'm not saying that you can get every desire fulfilled, but in general if you and your partner are on completely different wavelengths then it is better to break up. Also lack of satisfaction from sex = desire to get it from somewhere else (cheating, breaking up, etc.). And to cheat all it really takes is one moment of weakness (maybe you are diligent for 50 years but on year 51 you have a moment of weakness and oops). It's a bad situation to be in for the long term.

So to make a long story short sex matters. And if you completely aren't getting what you want in bed, you need to end the relationship (preferably before wedding bells).

Oh baby, I NEVER said that sex didn't matter! It does matter, just not on the scale so many have sold themselves out to.

If someone would've given me common sense reasons not to engage in sex until I was mature enough to handle the consequences (instead of hell-fire, brimstone, and eternal damnation), maybe I would've abstained. In today's society thare are plenty of reasons for abstinence or much-safer sex practices. Meeting someone on the fly and going to bed is NOT my idea of safe sex practice, condom or not!

Besides, a bad or average bedroom partner can be taught with patience how to become a better lover. Trust me on this, I've had my share and believe me they are much better lovers now then they were before I met them, and vice versa. It's about communication, love, patience, and a true willingness to please your partner.

I'd rather have an average sexual partner who will be faithful and respect me than a great sex partner who might cheat on me because he's great in bed and he knows it! We can learn together how to become better lovers if we love each other enough to be patient and to care about it.

 

[luv2tikl]

If someone would've given me common sense reasons not to engage in sex until I was mature enough to handle the consequences (instead of hell-fire, brimstone, and eternal damnation), maybe I would've abstained.

I'm sorry for digging this back up, but this kind of thing burns me up... Whoever told you would go to Hell for having premarital sex seriously needs to reconsider their religious views, and probably needs to actually open their Bible once in a while (providing that they're Christian), preferably to the new testament. Don't get me wrong, I am a Christian and proud of it, but it isn't my or anyone else's place to say whether or not and/or why anyone will go to Hell. Makes me mad, because these kinds of people give Christianity a TERRIBLE rep. And it's sad because they do so by doing something that Christianity was NEVER meant to do. So, even though it's totally irrelevant to this thread, I'm gonna say it anyway because I think it's that important; True Christianity seeks love without judgment, and, in my opinion, anyone who acts or says otherwise hasn't found it's true meaning.

I'm sorry for diverging, but I feel very strongly about this kind of thing. If the mods feel necessary, they can delete this post... But, this thread was pretty much through anyway, and I've already given my 2 cents about the actuall topic in an earlier post, so, whatever. Sorry that kind of thing ever happened to you, Kis.

 

[FeatherFeet]

I'm sorry for digging this back up, but this kind of thing burns me up... Whoever told you would go to Hell for having premarital sex seriously needs to reconsider their religious views, and probably needs to actually open their Bible once in a while (providing that they're Christian), preferably to the new testament. Don't get me wrong, I am a Christian and proud of it, but it isn't my or anyone else's place to say whether or not and/or why anyone will go to Hell. Makes me mad, because these kinds of people give Christianity a TERRIBLE rep. And it's sad because they do so by doing something that Christianity was NEVER meant to do. So, even though it's totally irrelevant to this thread, I'm gonna say it anyway because I think it's that important; True Christianity seeks love without judgment, and, in my opinion, anyone who acts or says otherwise hasn't found it's true meaning.

I'm sorry for diverging, but I feel very strongly about this kind of thing. If the mods feel necessary, they can delete this post... But, this thread was pretty much through anyway, and I've already given my 2 cents about the actuall topic in an earlier post, so, whatever. Sorry that kind of thing ever happened to you, Kis.

i think that ur the one here with the misinterpretation of christianity. why? because you saw a really big connection and insult to it here when there wasnt one. (like most fundemental religious believers tend to do)

im pretty sure that everything you said dindt even cross the person's mind when she said hellfire. she was using it as a metaphor saying she did alot of immoral things, hurt people, did things she herself regrets ect and wish's she never did. its very unlikly that she meant what she said about hellfire in the literal sense, and even if she did, the fact you automatically jump to the christian view says that you think see things with only one lens.
and somehow you managed to take the topic of this threat and pour a nice useless helping of religion into it. not trying to dis christianity here, but its totally irrelivent to this thread.

 

[luv2tikl]

i think that ur the one here with the misinterpretation of christianity. why? because you saw a really big connection and insult to it here when there wasnt one. (like most fundemental religious believers tend to do)

im pretty sure that everything you said dindt even cross the person's mind when she said hellfire. she was using it as a metaphor saying she did alot of immoral things, hurt people, did things she herself regrets ect and wish's she never did. its very unlikly that she meant what she said about hellfire in the literal sense, and even if she did, the fact you automatically jump to the christian view says that you think see things with only one lens.
and somehow you managed to take the topic of this threat and pour a nice useless helping of religion into it. not trying to dis christianity here, but its totally irrelivent to this thread.

You're right, it is irrelevant and I already pointed that out, thank you. I'm sorry, but the way I took it is that the only thing anyone ever said against premarital sex was people telling her she'd go to Hell for it, and that's what makes me mad when people do that. Maybe I had a misunderstanding, and if so then I apologize.

Also, I'd like it if you'd please quit putting me in a box with all of the other "religious people," I get so sick of that "you're just like the other religious people, you're closed minded, you only see out of one lens" crap... I'm a person, not some kind of animal that's been dehumanized because of religion... And about seeing out of one lens; try reading my post and you might actually see that I'm standing up against people who condemn "wrongdoers" to Hell and can't keep an open mind about people who don't act like they do. That's NOT what I am, I am very open minded... I'm a Christian on a tickling forum, don't you think I kind of have to be? Again, I'd like to be treated like a normal human being and not some kind of animal, if that's alright with you...

Good day, Happy New Year, and I'm sorry for the trouble.

 

[Jasmine9]

Dont tell your bf! It will only hurt him, and you, needlessly. Whichever one you decide to be with, in my experience, when it comes to cheating, ignorance is bliss.

 

[FeatherFeet]

Dont tell your bf! It will only hurt him, and you, needlessly. Whichever one you decide to be with, in my experience, when it comes to cheating, ignorance is bliss.

what a moron.

she does something unfaithful, damaging her trust factor, and you suggest she make it better by doing another thing to damage the trust factor?

yeah, that makes her worthy of being with him, alright. *sighs*

_______________________________________________________


and i didnt mean to offend you luv2tikl

 

[luv2tikl]

and i didnt mean to offend you luv2tikl

No harm done... I didn't mean to cause problems, so I'm sorry for that as well...

 

[tcklft]

Dont tell your bf! It will only hurt him, and you, needlessly. Whichever one you decide to be with, in my experience, when it comes to cheating, ignorance is bliss.

Oy vey.