Hi all,
I was recently in my favorite pub in Vancouver called the Cambie (if any of you come here, have a few pints there, it's great and cheap) and they release this seasonal rag with jokes and stuff but this one article had me in tears so i thought i'd post it for all of you. Tell me what you think.
The Five Stages of Drinking
LEVEL 1
It's 11:00 on a weeknight, you've had a few beers. You get up to leave because you have to work the next day when one of your friends buys another round. One of your UNEMPLOYED friends. Here at level one you think to yourself, "Oh come on, this is silly, why as long as I get seven hours of sleep (snaps fingers), I'm cool.".
LEVEL 2
It's midnight. You've had a few more beers. You just spent 20 minutes arguing against artificial turf. You get up to leave again, but at level two, a little devil appears on your shoulder. Now your thinking, "Hey! I'm out with my friends! What am I working for anyway? Besides, as long as I get five hours of sleep (snaps fingers), I'm cool.".
LEVEL 3
One in the morning. You've abandoned beer for tequila. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing FOR artificial turf. Now your thinking, "Our waitress is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen!". At level three you love the world. On the way to the bathroom you bu a drink for the stranger at the end of the bar just because you like his face. You get drinking fantasies like "Hey fellas, if we bought our own bar, we could live together forever. We could do it... Tommy, you could cook." but at level three that devil is a little bit bigger... and he's buying. Now you're thinking "Oh, come on, come on now. As long as i get three hours sleep... and a complete change of blood (snaps fingers) I'm cool.".
LEVEL 4
Two in the morning. The devil is bartending.
For last call, you order a bottle of rum and a Coke. You ARE artificial turf! This time on your way to the bathroom, you punch the stranger at the the end of the bar just because you don't like his face! Now your thinking "Our busboy is the best looking man I've ever seen." You and your friends decide to leave, right after you get thrown out, and one of you happens to know... an after hours bar. Here at level four you actually think to yourself, "Well... I was only gonna get a few hours of sleep anyway, I might as well STAY UP ALL NIGHT!!!! Yeah! That'd be good for me. I don't mind going to that board meeting looking like Keith Richards. Yeah, I'll turn that around, make it work for me. Besides as long as I get 31 hours of sleep tomorrow, (snaps fingers), I'm cool."
LEVEL 5
Five in the morning. After unsuccessfully trying to get your money back at the tattoo parlor ("But I don't even know anybody named 'Ruby'!!!"), you and your friends wind up across the border, in a bar, with guys who have been in prison as recently as...that morning. It's the kind of place where even that devil is going, "Uh, I gotta turn in. I gotta be in Hell at nine. I've got that brunch with Hitler, I can't miss that". At this point, your all drinking some kind of thick blue liquor, like something from a Klingon wedding. A waitress with fresh stitches comes over, and you think to yourself, "Someday, Im gonna marry that girl!" One of your firends stands up and screams, "WE"RE DRIVIN TO FLORIDA!!!"- and passes out. You crawl outside for air, and then you hit the worst part of level five- the sun. You weren't expecting that were you? You never do. You walk out of a bar in daylight and you see people on their way to work or jogging. They look at you and they know, and they say "Who's Ruby?". Let's be honest, if your 19 and you stay up all night, it's like a victory, like you beat the night, but if your over 30, then that sun is like God's flashlight. We all say the same prayer then, "I swear, I will never do this again (how long?) as long as I live!" Some of us have a little addition, "and this time, I mean it!"
Well there ya have it. I thought this was funny as hell, hope you got a kick out of it too.
Peas out
Pizunk
I was recently in my favorite pub in Vancouver called the Cambie (if any of you come here, have a few pints there, it's great and cheap) and they release this seasonal rag with jokes and stuff but this one article had me in tears so i thought i'd post it for all of you. Tell me what you think.
The Five Stages of Drinking
LEVEL 1
It's 11:00 on a weeknight, you've had a few beers. You get up to leave because you have to work the next day when one of your friends buys another round. One of your UNEMPLOYED friends. Here at level one you think to yourself, "Oh come on, this is silly, why as long as I get seven hours of sleep (snaps fingers), I'm cool.".
LEVEL 2
It's midnight. You've had a few more beers. You just spent 20 minutes arguing against artificial turf. You get up to leave again, but at level two, a little devil appears on your shoulder. Now your thinking, "Hey! I'm out with my friends! What am I working for anyway? Besides, as long as I get five hours of sleep (snaps fingers), I'm cool.".
LEVEL 3
One in the morning. You've abandoned beer for tequila. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing FOR artificial turf. Now your thinking, "Our waitress is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen!". At level three you love the world. On the way to the bathroom you bu a drink for the stranger at the end of the bar just because you like his face. You get drinking fantasies like "Hey fellas, if we bought our own bar, we could live together forever. We could do it... Tommy, you could cook." but at level three that devil is a little bit bigger... and he's buying. Now you're thinking "Oh, come on, come on now. As long as i get three hours sleep... and a complete change of blood (snaps fingers) I'm cool.".
LEVEL 4
Two in the morning. The devil is bartending.
For last call, you order a bottle of rum and a Coke. You ARE artificial turf! This time on your way to the bathroom, you punch the stranger at the the end of the bar just because you don't like his face! Now your thinking "Our busboy is the best looking man I've ever seen." You and your friends decide to leave, right after you get thrown out, and one of you happens to know... an after hours bar. Here at level four you actually think to yourself, "Well... I was only gonna get a few hours of sleep anyway, I might as well STAY UP ALL NIGHT!!!! Yeah! That'd be good for me. I don't mind going to that board meeting looking like Keith Richards. Yeah, I'll turn that around, make it work for me. Besides as long as I get 31 hours of sleep tomorrow, (snaps fingers), I'm cool."
LEVEL 5
Five in the morning. After unsuccessfully trying to get your money back at the tattoo parlor ("But I don't even know anybody named 'Ruby'!!!"), you and your friends wind up across the border, in a bar, with guys who have been in prison as recently as...that morning. It's the kind of place where even that devil is going, "Uh, I gotta turn in. I gotta be in Hell at nine. I've got that brunch with Hitler, I can't miss that". At this point, your all drinking some kind of thick blue liquor, like something from a Klingon wedding. A waitress with fresh stitches comes over, and you think to yourself, "Someday, Im gonna marry that girl!" One of your firends stands up and screams, "WE"RE DRIVIN TO FLORIDA!!!"- and passes out. You crawl outside for air, and then you hit the worst part of level five- the sun. You weren't expecting that were you? You never do. You walk out of a bar in daylight and you see people on their way to work or jogging. They look at you and they know, and they say "Who's Ruby?". Let's be honest, if your 19 and you stay up all night, it's like a victory, like you beat the night, but if your over 30, then that sun is like God's flashlight. We all say the same prayer then, "I swear, I will never do this again (how long?) as long as I live!" Some of us have a little addition, "and this time, I mean it!"
Well there ya have it. I thought this was funny as hell, hope you got a kick out of it too.
Peas out
Pizunk
Very good!
