The Psychology of Being a DOM/ME or SUBMISSIVE (very serious subject)

[Redmage]

And so while it's fairly obvious to me what bottoms get out of submission, it's less clear to me what tops get out of domination. It doesn't appear to me that there's an equivalent high. So I agree with Amnesiac that it would be great to hear from more Doms about this. What does topping do for you, psychologically?

I think there is an equivalent high, really. Some kinksters call it the "domgasm." I know that for me at least it feels a lot like the sensation of connection and intimacy that I get from physical sex. That's one reason why I'm often tired after play.

 

[chicago]

Ha, this thread's become hijacked by people complaining about it getting hijacked.

What a mess.

[Hijack post #16.34234232]

 

[huskys]

Fascinating thread...too much "splitting hairs" ....I think the individual "spinning" of the definitions of buzz words like...torture, abuse, rape, consensual, innate....is creating some of the controversy. Typically, these words are used in a setting of violation, against the will of another. When the words "consensual" are put alongside the word "torture" a gray area is created. I like the original intent of the thread...it is helping me integrate these definitions.....very interesting and I learned something about myself. Ticklishgiggle's posts and Vipers first post are great info.........thanks. I hope this thread becomes more informative again instead.

I agree!!!
Viper and Ticklishgiggle were simple and informative with their contributions.
Too many others have been more concerned with trying to show off their (perceived) masters in psychology with ridiculously long and drawn out rants that are barely related to the actual topic.
Thank you to those people who have contributed sensibly, I have learned a lot!!! 😀

 

[P[a]pi]

I'm just gonna say some things that I think.

First off it seems to me that Drew is against a person inflicting pain on another person, even if the person receiving the pain has consented to it.

I agree with him if it's a lot of pain and I disagree with him if it's a little pain. Of course, a little and a lot are subjective. Every body has different limits.

I have inflicted some pain on my girlfriend when I've put her in difficult bondage positions. We are fine with this, Drew might not be.

However, I'm not a fan of inflicting a lot of pain on a sub, like excessive spanking, poking with pins, shocking, etc. Even though it's consentual it still bothers me if I see it, but I don't know if it's immoral. Drew has said that he thinks it is.

But, I don't think Drew's opinion means that he is against all that bdsm has to offer. There is more to bdsm than just inflicting pain on people. He is just against pain in bdsm.



Enough about pain. I don't think the whole dom/sub thing is that complicated. It isn't for my girlfriend and I at least. I'm a ler, which is a type of dom and she is a lee, which is a type of sub.

We do switch a lot (at tying and tickling each other), but she doesn't do me the same way I do her. She is still submissive, even when I'm being submissive. And when she does me a make out session comes after it, but we aren't dom/sub when we are giving each other orgasms. We have them when ever we feel like.

When I do her my goal is to physically exhaust her and nothing comes after the tickling session. I just push her to the max. Sometimes I might get an orgasm after it, but usually not.

I also like bondage a lot and I've gotten her to like it more. I like putting her in difficult bondage positions sometimes. And I like putting a collar and leash on her. We have tried it the other way, but neither of us liked it.

We also do this thing called punishment that only I do to her. She always has to wear her collar when we do it and usually I blindfold and gag her too. But even though it's called punishment it can be good or bad. We usually alternate. When it's good I do a lot of things to her that she likes and she is in a comfortable bondage position. When it's bad I do things to her to frustrate her and I put in her in a difficult, uncomfortable bondage position. Sometimes a little pain is involved, but not a lot.

The reason we call it good punishment or bad punishment is because either way her getting tickled isn't the main focus. And she loves to just be tied and tickled the most.

Also, she can't put me in all the positions that I put her in. But, when she does me sometimes she is mean or bad, and she enjoys getting me back good.

But the bottom line is we only do all the stuff we do for 2 main reasons. Because we think it's sexy and fun. All of the things we like about what we do derive from those 2 words.

 

[GiantMaster]

The psychology of being a Dom and Submissive

First off let me say this a very, very cool site. Never in a million years would I have thought that a site like this would exist. I only found it because a friend told me about it.Secondly, kudos on bringing up a very interesting, and I think, important subject. I think those who have a particular personality or are into a particular "lifestyle" or who have a particular "sexual fetish", rarely stop and ask themselves...Why? I think discussing things such as this can assist others in knowing they are not alone, and that a "fetish" or an erotic taste for something is continually unfolding, and evolving...just as we ourselves do. There all sorts of likes and dislikes. What floats one's boat may not float another's. Even in tickling. It is so vast and expansive. Some like pantyhose on the person, men and women. Some like the person tied up. Some like them gagged, and on and on and on. None is better or worse than the other. It is who and what you are. It is a part of your passion, and it should be embraced fully.

This isn't really the topic to be posting stories. So if you're interested in reading one of my favorite encounters, I'm going to post in the real stories section. I too have my own particular way of dealing with my subs. Heh heh heh!