The Top Kick-Ass 80's Movie Characters (discussion/participation thread)

[makemlaugh2003]

As I sit musing over this being my one-hundredth post here on TickleTheater, I come to the inescapable conclusion that said milestone post of mine should have rather epic qualities, encompassing some of the best pop culture that the planet has ever witnessed (eighties films) and, at the same time, reflecting the embodiment of so many admirably heroic qualities that inspire so very much in all of us. You know, and crap like that. 😉 I'd love for this to hopefully blossom into discussion and debate from many sources, and I'd like to ultimately whittle the list down to a Top Ten for the decade in motion pictures. I DO, however, have some guidelines by which I plan on ultimately finalizing this list, and such criteria are as follows:

1) An actor or actress cannot appear on the list more than once
2) The character must NOT be a villain. That's not what I'm trying to advocate here. Sorry, but if you're a card-carrying baddie, you're off this list
3) No actual superheroes on this list, either. I mean, seriously, let's face it: if you're a supe, you're SUPPOSED to kick ass. That means we won't find The Terminator or Superman or the like highlighting this list of mine, keeds
4) The list mustn't include folks that essentially fight for sport throughout the whole movie, meaning no kickboxers/pugilists/street brawlers who stretch their violent hobbies out for pretty much the entire ninety-five minutes of the picture. You'll see why more versatility out of the characters on this list is so important here shortly
5) Hand-in-hand with the rule above it, it honestly helps if the actor/actress can at least, you know, ACT, a little bit, anyhow. So we have to thereby eliminate Chuck Norris, Steven Segall and Jean-Claude Van Damme (I'm fairly convinced those last two are the same person anyhow)

So what DO I mean by "kick ass," then? Well, to me, it's an all-encompassing collection of heroic traits and attributes, long beyond just the ability to boot tail when need arises. It also involves screen presence, charm, leadership ability and true depth of character: a "Renaissance ass-kicker," if you will. To wit, and to show how out of the box I'm thinking here, I offer a few of the ones from my preliminary list of twenty-five:

HAN SOLO (Harrison Ford, "Return of the Jedi"): Remember, we're talking eighties here, so forget the gruff, aloof, terminally hotshot flying ace from the original Star Wars. Once we get as far as Return of the Jedi, we see a far more well-rounded Solo, one that refuses to beg for mercy at the request of Jabba the Hutt when stationed on a plank above the Pit of Sarlaac, but yet panicks a bit at the mention of Boba Fett being nearby (and then kills him, COMPLETELY BY ACCIDENT), and later tries to politely defer when his eventual lady love, Princess Leia, in his eyes already had the hots for Luke Skywalker. Trouble is, by my rules, that leaves Indy Jones off the list, but ya can't win 'em all.

CHARLIE "C. D." BALES (Steve Martin, "Roxanne"): Talk about a guy that HAS to learn how to fight: C. D.'s cheese log of a honker was almost as much of a red flag for namecallers as Johnny Cash's boy named Sue. And sure, he was quick and lethal with a well-placed fist or tennis racket (he even poked a guy's eye almost completely out with that Coney Island dog nose of his), but he defended his honor and his colossal beak with such wit, charm and aplomb, gaining the respect of virtually all in that small one-horse town for which he was a dutiful fire chief. I mean, what OTHER film character got to both kick Kevin Nealon's ass AND kiss Daryl Hannah? 'Nuff said.

ATOUK (Ringo Starr, "Caveman"): A man of few words (due largely to a grossly-underdeveloped prehistoric vocabulary) in a movie of not too many words either, Atouk had to combat both a nearby tribe of thuggish bullies AND occasionally do battle with the type of animatronic dinosaur that made the one from the original Land of the Lost TV show look like a Rembrandt masterpiece. Much punier than some of the other cave dwellers (among them John Matuszak, Avery Schreiber (!) and Richard Moll, who was "Bull" later in Night Court), Atouk had to rely on his wits (such as they were) and weigh his survival instinct against his budding attraction for Our Fair Damsel, Shelley Long. His heart was pure, his loyalties unwavering, his brain the size of a walnut, but two outta three ain't bad...

Get the idea yet? There are some obvious ones, sure (John McClain as portrayed by Bruce Willis in "Die Hard" and Bud Davis, John Travolta in "Urban Cowboy" come to mind easily), but I intend for the list to be a varied one and yet still adhere to the guidelines I specified above. With that, PLEASE discuss, gang! I want input! This will end up being OUR list, not just mine. 🙂 This is certainly a raging debate that must once and for all be settled by none other than this merry band of TickleTheatergoers! lol

 

[FeatherDaemon1]

I'm thinking of a few here, but can we have an additional rule here. That would be limiting contributions by a poster to three. Ultimately lists like this will always attract someone who feels the need to list at least 100 people. That usually ruins it for other people who would like to participate.

 

[makemlaugh2003]

Excellent suggestion, FeatherDaemon!

I think I just found out who my chief co-contributor to this list is gonna be. 🙂 But, completely seriously (for a change coming from me), that's a great idea. Okay, gang, you can suggest anywhere between one and three movie characters from 80's films, to also adhere to the original guidelines I outlined in the first post on this thread. Thanks again, FeatherDaemon. It's folks like you that help make it really fun for me to be here. 🙂 And PLEASE feel free to offer your nominees as well!

 

[Gray]

A Little out of the criteria

I am about 40 years out of your criteria but the only man who springs to mind by reading your rules is Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart) in Casablanca.
He is cool, tough, chrming and ultimately selfless.
And most of the 80's suggestions you will get will be actors who wished they were Bogi growing up!

 

[FeatherDaemon1]

James Bond (Roger Moore version) - I understand that it is the 'in' thing to say I hate the Moore version espousing Connery. I like the Connery version too, but since we are talking 80's movies here its Roger, who wasn't all that bad. James Bond is the ultimate spy who uses a mixture of suave skills, technology and machismo to achieve his goals. How many times has he saved the Western world while knocking boots with hot women? The times are countless.

Buckaroo Bonzai (Peter Weller) - How can you not include this pop 80's icon in any list? He's a freaking brain surgeon, samurai and rock star. The role was masterfully played by Peter Weller. Yes this may knock out Robocop, but Buckaroo Bonzai is the quintessential 80's movie. He visits the 8th Dimension. Saves the world from the Lectroids. Pals around with Ellen Barkin, John Lithgow, Jeff Goldblum, Christopher Lloyd... that's a cast!

Jake Blues (John Belushi / Blues Brothers) - Jake is the criminal in search of redemption and on a mission from God! He gathers together The Band who in themselves are a terrific group of musicians. With his brother Elwood he blazes a path across Illinois pursued by Nazis (Henry Gibson), a psychotic ex-fiance (Carrie Fisher) and the cops (John Candy) among others. Alas, he does end up back in prison, but only after saving his old orphanage from the tax collector.

 

[makemlaugh2003]

Well, true, there IS no eighties version of Bogey...

...PLUS it being an eighties list also eliminates those like George Bailey (Jimmy Stewart, "It's a Wonderful Life") and even little Kevin as played by a young, precocious MacCauley Culkin in "Home Alone," which came out in 1990. All the same, though, you HAVE to admit that the eighties was a decade of pop culture phenomena of epic proportions, hence the reason I start there. It'd be great to see others do similar threads based on other eras and other forms of media and other nuggets of culture...thanks for your reply! 🙂

 

[FeatherDaemon1]

On a side note here Richard Moll was in Caveman? I don't remember him in there. Was he one of the bad cavemen?

 

[makemlaugh2003]

FeatherDaemon, your three are AWESOME!

That's EXACTLY what I had in mind based on my "Renaissance ass-kicker" theory: they've gotta be cool and they've gotta be strong (dang, I sound like that one song from the Footloose soundtrack!), and they have to possess those qualities I originally outline to start the thread off. Jake Blues is ESPECIALLY perfect! He's gonna be a hard one to keep outta the Top Ten ultimately, that's for sure. Thanks again! Those three examples are excellent! And I KNOW the rest of you guys have some to contribute, too...

 

[the_jimmy_james]

Okay, right off the bat you fucked this up. No villains? What the fuck? Some of the best characters ever are villains.

Khan.

Vader.

Jerith.

Shredder.

Freddy Kreuger.

These are some of the most badass people ever put into films, and it's a disservice to count them out.

 

[makemlaugh2003]

We could always start a separate topic for just the bad guys, Jimmy...

...I ain't hard to get along with (you can't go by what my ex-wife says :stickout ). A thread about villains from the same era might be rather interesting. I simply excluded them because villains are SUPPOSED to be bad-ass; it's what makes them villains. Lex Luthor and The Emperor from "Jedi" could've added well to your partial list, too. But let's not stray from THIS topic, though: any contributions are welcome, and if it spawns similar threads on semi-related topics, all the better!

 

[makemlaugh2003]

Moll was actually the Abominable SnowGuy-Feller-Thingy in the ice cave, FD

It's hard to tell unless you happen to spot his name in the credits, though lol

 

[Dr. Bill Kobb]

I'm gonna roll with John Travis, otherwise known as the Omega Cop! :33:

 

[Dr. Bill Kobb]

It's hard to tell unless you happen to spot his name in the credits, though lol

Speaking of Moll: if you ever get the opportunity, check him out in the cheap-but-highly-entertaining Night Train To Terror (1986). He gets a really choice villain-role you can tell he's having a blast with it.

 

[makemlaugh2003]

The Travis reference is great, Rick! That one slipped under my radar!

Of course, the movie didn't HAVE to gross $75 mil at the box office (which was KILLER dough for eighties' flicks, don't forget) to have a truly exemplary ass-kicker on the levels I described back when this thread first kicked off. Well done, Rick! And, to further exemplify what I feel made for a truly complete "Renaissance ass-kicker," let me throw out one more example, the movie mainstream, the "hero" in question perhaps not as obvious:

KESUKE MIYAGI (Pat Morita, "The Karate Kid") Now HERE'S the quintessential guy for this list: faithful, toiling handyman by day, wise, almost mystic self-defense instructor by night. Not only did his methods promote practical housekeeping work ethic ("Show me...paint the fence!"), but they also transformed a skinny nebbish into a martial-arts terror. He announces his presence behind a knocked-on closed door with a simple, straightforward "Miyagi!" and one simply CANNOT forget how, when his prodigious Daniel-san had his knee blown out illegally in the tournament semi-final, Miyagi clapped his hands together, summoned powers from...well, SOMEPLACE...and managed to put Daniel's gimpy knee back together again. There's truly few better prototypical 80's movies ass-kickers than the Bansai-toting Miyagi. I sure do miss Pat Morita a lot.

 

[Dr. Bill Kobb]

Of course, the movie didn't HAVE to gross $75 mil at the box office (which was KILLER dough for eighties' flicks, don't forget) to have a truly exemplary ass-kicker on the levels I described back when this thread first kicked off. Well done, Rick! And, to further exemplify what I feel made for a truly complete "Renaissance ass-kicker," let me throw out one more example, the movie mainstream, the "hero" in question perhaps not as obvious:

KESUKE MIYAGI (Pat Morita, "The Karate Kid") Now HERE'S the quintessential guy for this list: faithful, toiling handyman by day, wise, almost mystic self-defense instructor by night. Not only did his methods promote practical housekeeping work ethic ("Show me...paint the fence!"), but they also transformed a skinny nebbish into a martial-arts terror. He announces his presence behind a knocked-on closed door with a simple, straightforward "Miyagi!" and one simply CANNOT forget how, when his prodigious Daniel-san had his knee blown out illegally in the tournament semi-final, Miyagi clapped his hands together, summoned powers from...well, SOMEPLACE...and managed to put Daniel's gimpy knee back together again. There's truly few better prototypical 80's movies ass-kickers than the Bansai-toting Miyagi. I sure do miss Pat Morita a lot.

It's probably been a good 20 years since I saw any of the Karate Kid franchise, but you have me wanting to watch the first one again. :yinyang:

 

[TickleTheater]

You know whenever someone mentions 80s movies I automatically think back to Flash Gordon... BECAUSE OF THAT BLOODY EFFIN' INFECTIOUS SONG!

But seriously, hmmm...

Indiana Jones - (Harrison Ford, "Raiders of the Lost Ark") A no brainer for the list in my opinion. This character a mix of kick ass, intelligence, surliness, and a ladies man all in one. The first movie character I know of with a trademark hat.

Ripley - (Sigourney Weaver / "Aliens") Pretty bad ass female persona up in space blowing the shit out of Alien lifeforms. Yeah, nuff said...

 

[makemlaugh2003]

Wow, Bossman, incognito AND citrusy? You rock, man!

I honestly didn't know that was you at first, hazily-headed enough of me. :huh Great contributions, though. Ellen Ripley was actually on my preliminary private list of twenty-five ass-kickers, and she was the only gal that made the list (but who ELSE could've held an eight-year-old panicky girl in one arm while blasting a MF of an alien being with a line like "Back off, you bitch!!!"?). Well done, as always, though like you need MY praise to assure the masses of your unwavering, Vitamin C-filled coolness. 😉

One more suggestion straight from my original private list just to get people's minds a bit broadened as to the scope of potential ass-kickers I had in mind:

LT. FRANK DREBIN (Leslie Nielsen, "The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!") Allowed far more free reign of the punting of posteriors once moved from television to big screen, Drebin ruled So Cal with the type of oblivious earnestness that led him to almost dry-hump the Queen of England, wipe out virtually every overseas tyrannical ruler AND off Ricardo Montalban (with the help of a steamroller, a marching band, etc.) all in the same picture. Sure, he may have "faked every orgasm" with Priscilla Presley, but he otherwise fired nothin' but sharp bullets at all of the world's bad guys, and our funny bones, and hit dead-on. And anyone that can belt out that particular "version" of Our National Anthem just HAS to make this list.

Thanks for the contributions, all, and let's see how far we can milk this thang!

 

[melanie2]

Shirley MacLaine in "Terms of Endearment" there was one kick-ass mom

Goldie Hawn in "Private Benjamin" sure she started out as a sheltered spoiled rich girl, but look how she kicked ass when she decided to finally settle down and be a true Army Private..

Molly Ringwald in "Pretty in Pink" a true fighter from beginning to end..

 

[makemlaugh2003]

OUTSTANDING choices, Izzy!

I applaud the shrewdness and true out-of-the-box thinking you've done here to come up with these three nominees! All female, generally from spoiled, pampered upbringing, and yet, as you duly, cleverly noted, all were true fighters and ass-kickers in their own specific domains and realms within their characters. VERY well done indeed! And I thank everyone responsbile for contributing to this thread AND for not letting it fall quickly down to the dreaded "Page Two" portion of the GD subtopic so shortly after the thread's creation! :cool And sure, plenty of more mainstream, clearly obvious choices abound (Martin Riggs, Mel Gibson from "Lethal Weapon"; John J. Rambo as portrayed by Sly Stallone in "First Blood"; and certainly Kevin Costner's Eliot Ness in "The Untouchables"), but Izzy's brand of steel-trap thinking is the type, along with others of you that have contributed, that's made me glad I started this thread in the first place. A quick rundown of the "rules" regarding nominating 80's film Renaissance-style ass-kickers:

1) no repeat actor/actress; 2) no villains; 3) no super-heroes; 4) no full-time fighters for sport; 5) at least SOME discernable acting ability required

With that, allow me to offer one more from my preliminary list for appraisal:

WESTLEY (Cary Elwes, "The Princess Bride") So slick, so cool, so purely period and swashbuckling and debonaire that he only needed one name, Westley quipped and preened and cavorted and dropkicked derierres ALL through this fanciful picture, matching wits easily and shrewdly with Wallace Shawn, going toe-to-toe mano e gianto with Andre the Giant, and realizing that Billy Crystal would OBVIOUSLY know everything, all leading Our Hero to the heart of one Robin Wright, whose undying affections he secured even as he appeared dead. He might be a bit TOO literally "Renaissance" for this list, but did you honestly expect that NO ONE from a Rob Reiner film could work his way onto this roster somehow? 😉

 

[FeatherDaemon1]

I thought of a couple more that I'll write more about in a bit. I need to finish a few things up. Plus I wanted to wait to give others some time. Ah hell, here's one for now... 😆

1) Dr. Loomis (Donald Pleasance / Halloween) - The old Doc knew that he was in pursuit of evil incarnate and didn't back down and hide. He was a scrappy old man who took no crap from anyone. He dispensed his wisdom from behind the barrel of a gun and wasn't afraid to use it. He faced down Michael several times and the conspiracy which gave birth to him.

 

[makemlaugh2003]

Thanks very much again, FeatherDaemon!

In fact, it's been through the contributions of you and other very observant and clever respondents that this thread has gone from merely decent enough to very, very good. I knew I could count on you guys to give me the help I needed here! Your last nominee, FD, demonstrates that you have the broadness of scope of this topic that I myself need to aspire to, and I can't thank you enough for your assistance! I can't wait to see more of your suggestions for our ever-growing list when you find time! 🙂

 

[Big_Dogg85]

I dunno... I would be more inclined to choose Axel Foley (Eddie Murphy, Beverly Hills Cop 1984) as he was kick ass from a more hilarious stand point. I still feel that Beverly Hills Cop was Murphy's best work and one of the better comedic action flicks to come out of the 80s.

 

[makemlaugh2003]

No, see, Big Dogg, that nomination is perfect!

...and I'm NOT just saying that because he was on my preliminary list of twenty-five, either. You hit the nail ideally on the head with that one. Foley's no physical powerhouse, but he CAN fight, has a temper a mile wide, a truly acerbic, biting wit AND his own killer theme music! (I mean, if you can listen to it and NOT feel that ol' testosterone searing through your bod, then you're either deaf...no, heck with "either," you're just plain deaf) I LOVE the scene (can't remember whether it's from I or II, though) where he wails in a bar that he is "having a VERY bad day," the lowlights of which include someone blowing up his Porsche. Even as he warned the bar patrons that he was pretty much on his last nerve, someone DID mouth off to him, questioning his cajones, and Murphy made this AWESOME "Oh YEAH, mf'er?" expression as he blew off the guy's kneecap. EXCELLENT stuff, and a GREAT guy for our list. Many thanks, Big Dogg! 🙂

 

[FeatherDaemon1]

OK I'll toss out two more to fill my quota for today

2) Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick) - Matt pretty much owned the 80' s before he went on tour with The Producers. Ferris is like a living breathing Mentos commercial. There is literally nothing that he can't away with. He is someone that you know was in your corner you would find a way to get out of trouble. He was good friend to Cameron and pried him out of his shell.

3) Jack Burton (Kurt Russell / Big Trouble in Little China) - My initial Kurt Russell impetus was obviously Snake Plissken, but Snake is a war hero. He is expected to walk into New York City and save the President taking on The Duke of New York. You don't quite expect that from the driver of The Pork Chop Express driving through the seedier side of Chinatown. Jack takes on all manner of martial arts badasses and saves the Green-Eyed honey of Wang Chi and dispatches the Three Storms and eventually Lo Pan himself!

 

[makemlaugh2003]

Two more undeniably shrewd picks, FD, as I've come to expect from you

The Burton reference is yet another one that totally slipped under my radar, and is very well nominated! Kurt Russell was the perfect embodiment of an eighties ass-kicker in several roles, two of which you mentioned, and he likely deserves a spot on our ultimately streamlined and finalized roster. And Bueller...Bueller (long live Ben Stein!) is the type of selection that I honestly had conceived of in general when I first created this thread. In fact, here are two more from me, then, one more in the Russell vein, to an extent, the other very much along the Bueller lines:

PETER VENKMAN (Bill Murray, "Ghostbusters") A sham of a psychiatrist, absurdly in over his head in his pursuit of Sigourney Weaver (on this list herself from another film, ironically enough) and scarcely thought of as having a legitimate "business," Venkman nonetheless coolly, detachedly swayed through the picture with the kind of aloof, smart-assed savoir faire that helped shake up New York City's supernatural realm. He'd cross streams, take on gluttonous Slimer and crazy, vicious netherworld Demon Dogs, he'd tell a city councilman that he lacked a male sex organ, he just kicked ass the way they DID in the eighties: wit first, charm second, stage presence third, and the violence and force came in when it was truly necessary. Who WERE ya gonna call? This guy and his merry band of spookstoppers, that's who.

LLOYD DOBLER (John Cusack, "Say Anything...") By the end of the movie, he himself realized what his female buddies, and those of us in the audience, knew all along: he was no "guy," he was a man. Battling his infatuation with and pursuit of one Diane Court (Ione Skye) AND tolerating her overbearing, uberprotective embezzling poppa (John Mahoney), not to mention dealing with the megabitchy older sister he shared a pad with (real-life sis Joan) AND his own occasionally wavering sense of identity (he made one HELL of a keymaster at that senior bash, though ("You MUST CHILL! I've hidden your keys! CHILL!")), Cusack never came off as a guy that was acting. So natural, so very real and much like where ALL boys have been at one point or another, Cusack struck a chord with all of us, AND he was a budding kickboxing afficianado TOO, don't forget (he was WAILING on that one guy near the end of the film, taking out his breakup frustrations on a sparring partner until he was distracted by Skye coming in and nearly got his schnozz busted). He's the reason this is one of my favorite all-time flicks, eighties or otherwise.