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The worst jokes you have ever heard,period.

B

Bugman

Level of Quintuple Garnet Feather
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What do you call a lightningbug who got his butt pinched off? Delighted.:blaugh:

Whats the last thing that goes through a bugs mind when he hits the windshield at 60 mph? His ass.:jester:

What do you call a dog with no legs? It don't matter,he won't come anyway.:manicd:

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs floating in the water? Bob.:jester:

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs being pulled behind a boat? Skip.:roflmao:



:xpeepsofa
 
What do you call a masturbating bull? Beef strokin' off

What's the difference between an airplane and a baby? One goes from city to city, the other goes from titty to titty

Those are probably the two worst, but I'm sure I'll think of more.
 
How do you make a dead baby float?

Soda water, chocolate syrup, and two scoops of dead baby. 😱
 
Q: How did Helen Keller break her arm?
A: Reading the speed limit.
 
Actually, I like this one but what the hell.

What did Mick Jagger say when he saw Hugh Grant humping Dennis Weaver?

"Hey, Hugh! Get off of McCloud!"
 
Some that I would like to forget:

How do you know if you are sharing a telephone booth with an elephant?

A: By the smell of peanuts on his breath.



What do you get when you cross a bee with a doorbell?



A: A hum-dinger.

What did the little boy say when he saw the elephants in a parade?

A: "Here come the elephants".
 
bugman said:
OMG,what have i done here?:roflmao:
Click to expand...

You've invited us to post unfunny, disgusting, offensive jokes. Like:

What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?

You can't unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork. 😱
 
You are crossing the desert and you need your camel to drink extra water.
How would you accomplish this?:ermm:


A: While your camel is drinking you walk behind him and bang his testicles between two bricks.


Doesn't that HURT?


A: Not unless you get your fingers between the bricks.:idontwann
 
Didya hear the one about the crazy geneticist who crossed Lassie with a cantaloupe? He got a meloncollie baby.
 
Talking Cockroach.

A prisoner,while serving his sentence, had a pet cockroach and taught him to talk.

He had big plans for making money with this talking cockroach, on the outside.

He walks into a bar, orders a drink, and calls the bartender over. He shows the bartender the cockroach and says: "See this cockroach".

The bartender slams his hand down on the cockroach and says: "Yes".
 
What do you call four blonds in a freezer? Frosted flakes.:jester:


If four blonds and a monkey are sitting in a tree what do you call the monkey?The branch manager.:blaugh:

How many blonds does it take to make popcorn?Five.One to hold the pot and four to shake the stove.:roflmao:
 
What do you call a with no arms or legs hanging on a wall? Art.

What do you call a guy with no lower legs? Neil.

What do you call a girl with one leg? Eileen.

What happened when the lady backed into the fan? Disaster!


Oh, and this one really works better "live"...until your kids have repeated it umpteen zillion times:

Knock knock. Who's there. Interrupting Cow. Interrupting c--MOO!
 
Last edited:
i got some for yaz

Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows?
They're making headlines!

Why didn't the little girl want to leave nursery school?
She wanted to be a nurse.

When is a school paper not a school paper?
When it's turned into the teacher.

What do flies wear on their feet?
Shoos.

What's Mary short for?
She's got no legs.

What is a dentist's favorite musical instrument?
A tuba toothpaste.

Why was Jon walking backwards on the first day of school?
Everyone kept saying it was back to school time.

A guy went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, and then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor replied, "It's very simple. You're two tents."


Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?
If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

What do you say when a dog runs away?
Dog-gone!
 
I've opened the portals of joke hell here!I LOVE it!:jester:
 
A guy was backing out of his driveway and clipped the neighbors cat,severing its tail.In a panic he jumped out of the car,grabbed the cat and tied its tail back on with some string.The lady next door,seeing what was going on called the police.The cops showed up and the man was arrested for..
































retaling pussy on the street.:xpeepsofa
 
bugman said:
A guy was backing out of his driveway and clipped the neighbors cat,severing its tail.In a panic he jumped out of the car,grabbed the cat and tied its tail back on with some string.The lady next door,seeing what was going on called the police.The cops showed up and the man was arrested for..



































retaling pussy on the street.:xpeepsofa
Click to expand...



hehhehehe nice one dude
 
Boy: "Mrs. Jones, can Johnny come out and play baseball with us?"

Mrs. Jones: "You know that Johnny has no arms or legs, how can he possibly play baseball?"

Boy: "I know that. We want to use him for second base."

😱
 
milagros317 said:
Boy: "Mrs. Jones, can Johnny come out and play baseball with us?"

Mrs. Jones: "You know that Johnny has no arms or legs, how can he possibly play baseball?"

Boy: "I know that. We want to use him for second base."

😱
Click to expand...


hehehehehe nice one dude loved it
 
pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel between his legs... bartender says....what's up with that steering wheel Capt pirate replies.. I don't know but it's driving me nuts
 
Where does a penguin keep his money?
In a snow bank.


What did the man say when the picture fell on his head?
I've been framed!


Professor: Heavens! Someone stole my wallet!
Wife: Didn't you feel a hand in your pocket?
Professor: Yes, but I thought it was mine!


What happens when two snails fight?
They slug it out.
 
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