I dont know what kind of reaction this post is going to get me, but I've been having some thoughts lately about myself, fatherhood, and the type of parent I'm going to be, compared to my parents, especially my father, and wanted to post this to air some thoughts.
Let me start by saying that my mom has been the best mother on the face of the earth. Warm, loving, considerate, always there for me when I needed her most. I have no complaints in that department. I'm a lucky man.
Which brings me to my father. Most of you who know me know that I'm estranged from him. We have had many estrangements over the past nineteen years since my parents split. His main problem has always been never basing our relationship on he, and I, but rather how I treat other outside family members, his mother, brother, and most recently his wife. I didnt talk to his mother the last 17 years of her life, because she caused the end of my family. His brother's RX when I called him for help, was that my parents should divorce, and that I shouldnt see my father. My father's wife thought it was fine to marry him when we were estranged, and then shoot her mouth off about what relatives I should deal with, without ever meeting me. She is a large cause of our estrangement.
That being said, when I was younger, my father was very verbally abusive to me. I was terrified of him, until one night before I left for college, 18 years of rage came out, and I let him have it, verbaly. That was the beginning of a long journey for me, in standing up to him.
It's tragic that he didnt know how to love a child, because if he had, he would have been a cool father to have. As most of you who know me are aware, he was Kiss' business manager for seven years. Additionally, he also knew guys like Johnny Bench, Joe Namath, and the entire championship Knicks teams of the 70s, including the coach. My parents had floor seats at MSG every weekend, right behind Woody Allen, and all the Knicks insiders.
He taught me how to swim, how to drive, and how not to be afraid of things. He was only 29 when I was born. He taught me how to throw a football, and how to do math. He also took me on my first rollercoaster, believing that I had to get over my fear.
When friends knew me, everyone was always like: "Ask Mitch's dad. He knows everyone. He can get us concert tickets, and the best Yankee seats, and seats on Broadway".
He just had no emotional ability to be a father, which is so tragic.
Which brings me to myself. I'm going to be 40 in a little more than a year. With an uncertain business, and an uncertain future, due to the economy, it will likely be a few to several years before I can marry. I will likely have to marry someone much younger then me in order to have at least one child, which I do want.
As all of you know me are aware, I have high blood pressure, so I cant go on things like rollercoasters, or fast go carts. I dont have the connections my father had. I'm just an antiques and art sales person, trying to find his way in the world.
I can teach my kids about history, and politics, and have meaningful conversations with them. They will also know that they are first in my life, always.
So, my question is: Do you think young children, and teenagers, can appreciate a father who loves them, and can guide them, even if he's old, and not "cool", or do kids like the idea of having a "cool" father?
Many times, I'd wish my dad was just "normal", instead of the way he was. Yes, I met Kiss, but would I have been better off just having a normal dad, who was stable in the head, and didnt know Johnny Bench?
Finally, are my kids going to appreciate me for the love I can give them, even if I'm an older father, and cant do all the things with them that my father did, or will it just be like "Dad's okay, but he's old, and lame" ?
Just some thoughts. I will be interested to hear feedback. Thanks.
Mitch
Let me start by saying that my mom has been the best mother on the face of the earth. Warm, loving, considerate, always there for me when I needed her most. I have no complaints in that department. I'm a lucky man.
Which brings me to my father. Most of you who know me know that I'm estranged from him. We have had many estrangements over the past nineteen years since my parents split. His main problem has always been never basing our relationship on he, and I, but rather how I treat other outside family members, his mother, brother, and most recently his wife. I didnt talk to his mother the last 17 years of her life, because she caused the end of my family. His brother's RX when I called him for help, was that my parents should divorce, and that I shouldnt see my father. My father's wife thought it was fine to marry him when we were estranged, and then shoot her mouth off about what relatives I should deal with, without ever meeting me. She is a large cause of our estrangement.
That being said, when I was younger, my father was very verbally abusive to me. I was terrified of him, until one night before I left for college, 18 years of rage came out, and I let him have it, verbaly. That was the beginning of a long journey for me, in standing up to him.
It's tragic that he didnt know how to love a child, because if he had, he would have been a cool father to have. As most of you who know me are aware, he was Kiss' business manager for seven years. Additionally, he also knew guys like Johnny Bench, Joe Namath, and the entire championship Knicks teams of the 70s, including the coach. My parents had floor seats at MSG every weekend, right behind Woody Allen, and all the Knicks insiders.
He taught me how to swim, how to drive, and how not to be afraid of things. He was only 29 when I was born. He taught me how to throw a football, and how to do math. He also took me on my first rollercoaster, believing that I had to get over my fear.
When friends knew me, everyone was always like: "Ask Mitch's dad. He knows everyone. He can get us concert tickets, and the best Yankee seats, and seats on Broadway".
He just had no emotional ability to be a father, which is so tragic.
Which brings me to myself. I'm going to be 40 in a little more than a year. With an uncertain business, and an uncertain future, due to the economy, it will likely be a few to several years before I can marry. I will likely have to marry someone much younger then me in order to have at least one child, which I do want.
As all of you know me are aware, I have high blood pressure, so I cant go on things like rollercoasters, or fast go carts. I dont have the connections my father had. I'm just an antiques and art sales person, trying to find his way in the world.
I can teach my kids about history, and politics, and have meaningful conversations with them. They will also know that they are first in my life, always.
So, my question is: Do you think young children, and teenagers, can appreciate a father who loves them, and can guide them, even if he's old, and not "cool", or do kids like the idea of having a "cool" father?
Many times, I'd wish my dad was just "normal", instead of the way he was. Yes, I met Kiss, but would I have been better off just having a normal dad, who was stable in the head, and didnt know Johnny Bench?
Finally, are my kids going to appreciate me for the love I can give them, even if I'm an older father, and cant do all the things with them that my father did, or will it just be like "Dad's okay, but he's old, and lame" ?
Just some thoughts. I will be interested to hear feedback. Thanks.
Mitch
