Tickling Over Love

[TickleGoddess06]

What I never understood is how, people can say things like "If he/she loved you, I'm sure he or she would do it to make you happy" but what if he or she is not into it and/or it bothers them, should their happiness just be shoved to the side?

I think it's completely unfair for people into the tickling fetish, to just assume their partner should let them tickle them tied up or otherwise, just because they want to. What about the other person's feelings?

My girlfriend hates to be tickled. Yes, that makes me want to do it more but I don't because I love her. I consider her happiness, instead of just my own selfishly. Yes, I would love to have tickling involved in my relationship but it's not going to make or break a relationship for me. Compared to love, tickling falls flat.


I want to understand different view points on the situation. So, people... what's going on in your head?

 

[mb7700]

I agree with you completely. I would never choose tickling over true love, nor could I tickle someone whom I love that hates to be tickled (and I have been in that situation more than once--plenty of ticklish women hate being tickled!)

 

[LD_Tickler]

I agree with you that the idea that "if s/he loved you s/he'd be willing" to do whatever is bogus. You're absolutely right. Limited and naive accounts of love are the only ways to explain that attitude.

I will say, however, that tickling can make or break a relationship for some. For some people, it's an important, inextricable part of their sexuality and for many, without sexuality, a relationship is doomed.

If you're one of the people for whom tickling can be ignored, you're more flexible in your relationships.

 

[Miss Serendipity]

I think you misunderstood what some of us were saying. They weren't saying that you should neglect your partners feelings. rather that someone who loves you wouldn't ask you to give up something so important to you & would allow you to get your that part of you met some other way.

 

[chicago]

If you're in love, I can understand.

My whole thing is, there are too many people in the world to waste time trying to make things work with someone you're not compatible with.

There are so many people in long term relationships or marriages and they are unhappy because either they're too afraid to tell their spouses/significant others about this or they waiting too long just to realize the other person finds it gross, disgusting, or just isn't into it.

Relationships are about compromise and many times you have to do things you'd rather not do for the other and vice versa. I'm not necessarily into spanking, but my boyfriend is, so he tickles me, and I let him spank me. It's give and take.

If tickling is important to you, because it's not to all, you should bring it up fairly early when dating someone to gauge their response and see if you really want to spend time with someone who isn't into it, or if you'd rather keep looking.

I have more advice on how to bring up the conversation and how to go about talking about it, but I've posted it so many times people are probably tired of reading it. If anyone wants it, they can PM me.

 

[Miss Serendipity]

If you're in love, I can understand.

My whole thing is, there are too many people in the world to waste time trying to make things work with someone you're not compatible with.

There are so many people in long term relationships or marriages and they are unhappy because either they're too afraid to tell their spouses/significant others about this or they waiting too long just to realize the other person finds it gross, disgusting, or just isn't into it.

Relationships are about compromise and many times you have to do things you'd rather not do for the other and vice versa.

^ this is so true

 

[ViperGTS]

That's what they invented 'dating' for. It's like a test drive at the dealership - you get to mess around with all the buttons and knobs and switches to see what works for you and what doesn't (and even give her a little throttle now and then, if ya know what I mean ), then decide on whether you want to buy - or rather, commit to a relationship - based on how the potential other fits you.

It sounds selfish but people don't get into relationships unless they feel the other person can help improve their quality of life. The phrase "I want to be with you" is equivalent to "I think that having you around is going to make me happier as a person." If either or both people don't feel that way about each other, no relationship comes of it - but if they both happen to feel like they'd make each other happier, BAM, you have a relationship.

Now, in my personal opinion, tickling-compatability is one of the deciding factors. I don't look for the perfect girl, but there is a set of minimum system requirements that need to be met, and a willingness (or pre-existing interest) in tickling and BDSM is an absolute must.

I must be honest...if, as a tickling fetishist, you got into a relationship with someone, and when you agree to commit to each other the other person says they have no interest in your tickling interests and they are not going to help you with those desires, then you have no right to complain about it later on because you knew it from the get go and got into the relationship anyway.

If it wasn't a deciding factor for you back then, what makes it so important now?

 

[Gadilici]

I agree with much of what everyone is saying. My thing is, like Miss Serendipity said, if she can't (won't) provide what I need in tickling, then I need to be allowed it elsewhere. Annie is also right, compromise, give and take, etc, but it's only fair to ask them to put up with so many bondage/tickling sessions if they just ain't diggin' it. But so long as you are free to feather the feet of others (or get feathered if that's your preference), I think it's fair tolerable.

The difficulty (at least throughout my life) comes when you're non-TK fetish other inextricably associates your fetish with sex. As in, "If he tickles another girl, he's gonna do her." This is the problem I've always had. Never seriously dated a tickle girl (various fetishists, just not tickling), so it's often been 'nilla ladies allowing themselves to be tied and tickled out of affection for me.That's fine, but they can't really handle the frequency or intensity of torture I like to dish out. My wife, who is definitely NOT vanilla, can't deal with it (frequency, intensity is not a problem, just some days she's not ticklish). And she associates BDSM activities with intimacy. The same intimacy that should occur during love making (as opposed to monkey sex). Without that intimacy there is no desire for such acts. Which is great, but it's the inverse of my feelings on it. For me, the intimacy of tickling (or spanking, flogging, etc) is entirely dependent on my relationship with the woman. Intimacy doesn't drive the act, nor is the act innately intimate. If my relationship is of an intimate nature, then so is the tickling and the experience.

It's been an uphill struggle getting her to understand that. Even tho she has her own fetishes which are non-intimate sorts of things, she still thinks of tickling as a foreplay-only sort of fetish. which means if I tie her and tickle her, she expects sex. I know, poor me. But if I DO make love to her, that reinforces the notion, making it harder to get her to see it as the sport that it is in situations where I'm not sexually intimate with the lee. So I have this quandary. Tie up my wife occasionally, use it as foreplay, and make her more sure that this is the way my fetish works; or do I resist the urge to tie her, hoping that she finally gets it, and doesn't have to choke down the idea of me tickling other women? Tying her and NOT making love is right out. That would just piss her off...lol

So, it can be a tricky question. Often in dating, yeah, quick deal breaker. But one must tread carefully as things progress, or they think its just sexual kinkiness, and not something that can be enjoyed by itself of it's own merits.

Lord, I ramble when I'm tired.

Christopher

 

[rhiannon]

I totally agree with the TO! And guess what guys: Sometimes it happens that you fall in love so quickly that you don't have time to find out how compatible you are sexually, especially since it is most of the time great at the beginning even without special fetishes. Unless of course you can't get aroused without them!

 

[Cif]

I love sex.

 

[solescratcher99]

If you're in love, I can understand.

My whole thing is, there are too many people in the world to waste time trying to make things work with someone you're not compatible with.

There are so many people in long term relationships or marriages and they are unhappy because either they're too afraid to tell their spouses/significant others about this or they waiting too long just to realize the other person finds it gross, disgusting, or just isn't into it.

Relationships are about compromise and many times you have to do things you'd rather not do for the other and vice versa. I'm not necessarily into spanking, but my boyfriend is, so he tickles me, and I let him spank me. It's give and take.

If tickling is important to you, because it's not to all, you should bring it up fairly early when dating someone to gauge their response and see if you really want to spend time with someone who isn't into it, or if you'd rather keep looking.

I have more advice on how to bring up the conversation and how to go about talking about it, but I've posted it so many times people are probably tired of reading it. If anyone wants it, they can PM me.

I agree.

I also believe in queer theory. Queer theory states that sexual 'identities' are plural and fluid. So, if my first impression of my partners preferences were "that's weird or obscene", then I'd either A.) have to find someone else - I'd consider it inconsiderate to both of us if we don't share similar preferences - or B.) I'd be into it. Why not? If I'm into her, it makes sense I'd be into whatever she wanted to do within a specific set of criteria (i.e., no peeing, pooping, strapping my nuts to car battery, etc.).

Also, I use tickling and feet as a form of foreplay. Personally, I've never had any complaints about it so far. But that might be because I also like to have sex afterwords instead of just doing the 'fetish' act in and of itself.