Tips on sneaking around

[Adam]

We shouldn't judge, we don't know what the marriage is like. Take it from someone who knows women that have been trapped in marriages because they were young and couldn't make it on their own at the time. These things happen, especially when a spouse is emotionally and/or physically abusive to top it off.

I wasn't, technically, attempting to judge anyone. I posted a follow-up to that effect as well. I think you have to read the original post and understand that it read, simply, as someone seeking to fool around, period. The "complicated situation" part was given later. But, let's imagine for a moment that you're correct and that there's abuse going on. Sneaking around can throw even more gasoline on a fire like that. Don't get me wrong, I feel horrible for anyone who gets abused. If that's the case (and we are, admittedly, speculating) then I hope the OP is able to get away from that situation.

 

[Adam]

The OP is a woman, folks, so suggests the handle and profile description. Just mentioning this since I've seen a few "dude" references.

 

[cloudgazer2k]

Whoops..

 

[a7hgsir4h3jk]

According to OP's profile, rdhd is a male (since there's an "m" for gender, and it also states his wife isn't into tickling).

...The OP is saratk.

 

[cloudgazer2k]

...The OP is saratk.

I stand corrected.

 

[rdhd]

What the.....can I be any clearer on my position?

 

[tkNUT]

I'm a "super duper Catholic conservative religious nut". But I'm married. Wife knows I sometimes visit here to talk about tickling, usually i just lurk. BUt i"m feeling chatty tonight.

For about 10 years she was not really interested in being kinky at all in the bedroom. And I quit using porn and suddenly was abel to have great sex 2-3 x a week (in my 30s). Now in my early 40s its about 1x a week (hey, things can slow down for some dudes). But I was OK with her not being into tickling or bondage in general. Sex is one of the least important things in marriage (my opinion). Neither of us have held it on pedestal. And of course we're more dedicated to staying married b/c of the Sacrament of Marriage than anything else. So when I act a fool and she's had it and ready to leave me, she remembers the promises (worse, poorer, sickness) and we stay together almost out of spite. It helps that we are still 'high school in love". That means we have that really intense, burning love that we both felt when we were in love with others as teenagers. But with that sort of love can come co dependence which I ended up having to work pretty hard on to make things better. Making sex the #1 thing or even a 'must have' component of a marriage is a bad idea. One day sex will not be possible due to some health complication, drug addiction, birth problem, prescription drug side effect, or when family members start to die as you leave the sex crazed 20s and enter the 30s and 40s. So we have always viewed it as a way to make babies first of all (that Catholic thing again - no religious debates please, my religion, my practice, go to a catholic forum to debate that). After that it's a way to form union with the wife and with the hubby. Isn't it amazing how make-up sex fixes 99% of all problems? And kinky, tied up sex is the ultimate showing of trust for someone. Especially the way we have played - no safe words, no mercy, no getting pissed off if you ask for no mercy and get no mercy. SHe's not much into being a ticklee but damn she loves to tickle from time to time. And with her hurtling towards 30 her sex drive is going up and up and up so things are really nice and spicy at home. However its never been the cornerstone of our marriage.

You 20 somethings reading this take heed. Your spouse's parents and siblings, grandparents and such WILL DIE one day. They may not want to have sex for ages afterwards. What then? Leave them? NO. That's why sex is rock bottom in importance to us. Plus there are times when we don't want to get pregnant and well, we abstained for 10 months at one point (that means no hand jobs either - we're very Catholic). Putting sex up that high in importance is not a great idea. I just got more religous at that time and learned the wonders of living a (mostly) fap free existence. I ended up confessing that i DID look at porn about every 3 monhts during that time, usually after a fight. She smiled and told me it was OK and i suspect she may have too during that difficult time when circumstances really did not allow us to even think about having sex b/c of the prego risk.

WTF is a Catholic doing on ticklingforum?

Sinning a little. ;-) I'm Catholic, not perfect. And not jerking off either, just enjoying the forums here. Lots of angry, opinionated, loud mouthed people who are fun to listen to. Anyone who tells you religious people aren't hypocrites is probably a religious person lying to themselves. We suck at practicing what we preach. But we get as horny as the next person too. though not when we are forced ot abstain. That's different. That's more worrying about the reason for abstaining.

WHy not jerking off? Wife just expressed an interest in me writing down my fantasies and her reading them and acting on them. The most extreme of them are her idea and her fantasy. That got written down in an encrypted file on the computer. I told her about it today after i bought new bondage supplies and told her she'd have to torture the password out of me. She thinks she can get it in 15 mins or less and didn't want to know what was in the file. I'm blushing its so rotten. 8) But that's FUN. She's totally excited about it. So no jerking off while we wait the 7 days for the damn package to arrive. I also didn't tell her what I bought (strapless strap-on *blush*). Never had one of those used on me. But she has expressed a desire twice now in our marriage to use one and well, I'm going to oblige her. I may have fun too, who knows. I probably will b/c she's the hottest thing i've ever laid eyes on. But then, when you are married and happy your spouse is always smoking hot in your eyes. No matter the weight, age, or whatever. THey may be bastards or bitches from time to time, but their hotness stays. Especially if you don't lust after other women or men. WHen we play she's going to want to see me cum 3x or more and that's a tall order so I'm just mega-horny the past 2 days and probably fo rthe next 5 while we wait on the package.

I did tell her she had to give me 2 hours warning so i can shower and make sure I'm clean.... inside and out... *shiver* before we play. ugh. I'm scared of her and i like it.

If sex is so important that it can destroy a marriage, then its too important.

 

[rdhd]

tkNUT - I'm Southern Baptist and pushin 60. Nothin new to me. Others that are here, should they stick around, will find the same things as you and I. It's called "life". Even Pres. Jimmy C. admitted to "lusting after women" a few years back (and I mean A FEW). Not to mention another with the last initial C. You could also ask, WTF is any of us doing on TMF? We be doing whatever floats our boat.

 

[OmahaTickler]

There's no right or wrong answer here, of course, but I think saratk --- and I'm not her spokesman -- already knows it would be bad if she were caught, that's it's risky, etc. I don't think she's here wanting any of us to talk her out of it. I think she's made the "go" decision and simply wants any advice we can give as to how to approach this. Those of you on this thread who would rather preach fidelity to her over and over and over and over and over again, fine, go on and do it, but it seems clear she's going to do it, no matter what, and it would seem a better use of this forum's time if we gave her advice on what to do after she takes the plunge and not keep trying to talk her off the diving board.

 

[kingofkaboom]

Why don't we not judge her. Maybe her husband is physically or emotionally abusive to her but for reasons we don't know about she can't leave the marriage at this time. Happens all the time. Ask police why women don't report abuse and they will tell you it's often times due to financial constraints.

Everyone on here is using their own personal experiences to judge this person. Just because other people were able to say "you know what, I am not happy and I'm leaving," doesn't mean it's that simple in all cases. Maybe there are people out there that say "hey, I have no respect for people that spend all their time on fetish forums instead of being constructive with their lives."

When you're in a relationship, ESPECIALLY in a marriage, if a problem such as this arises you need to communicate to the other person what the issue is and what needs to be done to solve it. If not, you have no one to blame besides yourself. Marriage is the most serious of all commitments and if you failed to have that discussion prior then it's your own damn fault if you have needs that aren't being satisfied. Cheating is wrong, period and it bothers me that some people can't seem to figure that out.

 

[primetime]

The one thing I have learned about this forum over the years is that people have a tendency to cast judgment and shame whenever they can. Look, I know most of us would never cheat in our relationships. It is wrong. We know that. However, the reality is, people do cheat. They have cheated since the dawn of time.

The OP is asking others on how to do it discreetly, not asking if she is doing the right thing or not. So why do people feel compelled to come in and "wag their finger in shame" at the OP? Why is there a constant stream of people who come in acting "almighty" when they themselves are not perfect. You don't condone cheating? Fine. But why the endless campaign of playing "moral police"? When I saw this thread, I myself thought "why on earth are you asking people on how to cheat discreetly?" I personally would never put that information out there, but I am not the OP. But you know what my response would be? Nothing. Whether we feel cheating is wrong or not, the OP is going to do what she wants to do.

And people wonder why there is a segment of people referred to as the "moral police". We are on an internet forum. A vast majority does not know each other personally. Mind your own business and if there are negative consequences in the OP's plans, well, that is what she brought onto herself. Stop the shaming folks...It won't change their mind, but I guess it makes you feel better.

 

[CapturedDoll]

I would think there are better places to ask this question than here. Last time I checked I wasn't visiting a place called "The Cheating Media Forum". Tickling involved or not. And considering the fact this person has yet to come back to this thread and engage in the conversation she started... (yeah I know real life gets in the way) but... I don't know I get the feeling this person may just be looking to start trouble for others. Or as a shout out for those that don't mind cheating and would gladly meet up with her. And granted it's my perception. But again there are better places to ask such a question. And if she is in such a bad or abusive relationship... she needs more help than we could offer her. Because this place also doesn't say "Victim And Abuse Support Media Forum". Even though I know how kind people are in helping others here through some of the things we go through.

Shaming may or may not have it's place here... I myself hate cheating. It's a cowardly and self hating act. (Course I'm not a Therapist so my opinion on why anyone does this is just my opinion- wrong or right) But... the best shame anyone could give her (if that's what you want to do) is to ignore this thread completely. Or any others that pop up in the future. Silence speaks volumes. Because I might be wrong but I bet she's ignoring every piece of "Don't cheat" advice she's been given. The good that came out of this thread is seeing all of the people who came out to say "DON'T DO IT'S WRONG". Just another reminder among the countless reminders of how much I love this place.

 

[chicago]

The one thing I have learned about this forum over the years is that people have a tendency to cast judgment and shame whenever they can. Look, I know most of us would never cheat in our relationships. It is wrong. We know that. However, the reality is, people do cheat. They have cheated since the dawn of time.

The OP is asking others on how to do it discreetly, not asking if she is doing the right thing or not. So why do people feel compelled to come in and "wag their finger in shame" at the OP? Why is there a constant stream of people who come in acting "almighty" when they themselves are not perfect. You don't condone cheating? Fine. But why the endless campaign of playing "moral police"? When I saw this thread, I myself thought "why on earth are you asking people on how to cheat discreetly?" I personally would never put that information out there, but I am not the OP. But you know what my response would be? Nothing. Whether we feel cheating is wrong or not, the OP is going to do what she wants to do.

And people wonder why there is a segment of people referred to as the "moral police". We are on an internet forum. A vast majority does not know each other personally. Mind your own business and if there are negative consequences in the OP's plans, well, that is what she brought onto herself. Stop the shaming folks...It won't change their mind, but I guess it makes you feel better.

But you did respond and not even on topic to police the judgment police

 

[duderino84]

Well, I don't really shame the OP, because as TKNUT mentioned, we all die. So might as well enjoy the ride. I'm raised Roman Catholic and progressed into faithful agnostic. Look, I don't think sneaking around will solve anything. But we're in an age where ppl might want to see who fits how. I think if you admit you have a poly relationship or whatever designation, go with it. Just don't leave the other person in the dark as to the reason he's waiting to bust a nut while you are getting wet trying to find someone to make you laugh yourself into oblivion.

But, as I've been told, an unsuccessful lover is like a bad chef, so take my dish as you will.

 

[primetime]

But you did respond and not even on topic to police the judgment police

Good to know you comprehend my post. You are right. I did not respond to the topic because as I said in my post, "But you know what my response would be? Nothing." That pretty much shows I was right....

As for the judgment police, chew on this for a moment. We have a certain group of people who for some unknown reason feel they must cast judgment on others on this forum. If someone said they were doing something illegal, then sure, people should call that out, perhaps even call the cops. However, when it comes to how we view our own sexuality and how we should behave, people feel that their point of view is "right" and need to "shame" others because they don't have the same moral outlook as they. No one is superior or more "holier than though" than someone else because you may feel like you are "good" on one view, but if your own life was examined, people can find something about you that is "bad".

I only wish I could see these same "moral police" spend as much energy shaming people who want to discriminate against people of different races, jobs, religions, etc. There is a lot of rhetoric out there in the world where one group of people feel they are better than others. That should be "shamed", not someone like the OP or others who post certain topics. We see it all the time. Just don't respond to it, or give constructive reasoning as to why you feel differently. Unless you like feeling like you are better than that person because you feel your morals are "better" and want to "shame" the person. Like I have said, I don't condone cheating, but I am not going "shame" the OP with my opinion. Not everyone who posted in this thread against the OP did the "shaming", but people know exactly who I am referring to.

 

[chicago]

Aiight. I just found it interesting one set of people responding to the OP with wagging fingers and now others are chiming in, holier-than-thou, to wag theirs at them lol with no tips on sneaking around.

To stay on topic, my tip is, keep a good poker face and accept that the risk might be losing your spouse. Try Ashley Madison

 

[TickleUEmo]

And don't be surprised if you run into some people who, in their public persona, would be wagging their fingers at you LOL

 

[Avenger314]

I'd recommend against it. Leaving aside moral concerns (people have summed them up), it's a losing proposition with possible short-term gains and definite long-term losses. The upside, is of course, potential tickling partners. Downside is a painful end to a relationship where instead of it being mutual and fault-free, there's pelnty of ammunition making it your fault. If a divorce would be involved, you'd get hit pretty hard in the settlement.
A better course of action would be an honest conversation. It may possibly result in improvement on the tickle front. Even if it doesn't, you know where you stand. You may even just be able to say, 'look, I really need tickling to be happy. If you can't give it to me, I'd like to have tickle sessions with other people. It won't be sex and it won't be love, just tickling.' It may actually happened--your partner may be relieved not to have to shoulder the burden. If not, a quick, less painful, breakup may be in order, which will be a lot less messy than if you get caught cheating.

 

[saratk]

Thanks to all the non finger pointers. I have experienced in the past on here, and proven once again, this is not the place to get support for complicated issues. I get it from my friends and in therapy. I'll keep that in mind and never share something super personal on here again. Cheating is wrong and you should just be open and honest about your feelings no matter what and always do the right thing even if that means being "tickle celibate" forever. Sounds like sound advice.

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

Sara, you might also try WhatsApp for texting. It's reliable and discreet.

And I'm sorry you got dogpiled by the Morality Police. Somebody mentioned "troll posts?" Every post in this thread that disdains extramarital tickling is a troll post.

 

[brotherted]

Sara,
You can get an alternative email address through Yahoo! and then if you download the Yahoo! app to your smartphone, you can read those emails using a different app than your smartphone's usual email app. (You can even hide the Yahoo! email app in a folder, at least on an iPhone.)

 

[brotherted]

I don't know if you're familiar with the poster in question, but she's made numerous comments/threads in the past about ways to trick people into answering "The Question" or otherwise indulge her fetishistic need to talk about tickling without them being aware of it. This is just the latest manifestation of that trend, and I'm perfectly fine judging her over it.

So your example that proves she's worthy of judgement is that she poses questions in conversations that get people to talk about tickling? Is this the newest frontier of the non-con police? Talking? #Nonsense