About 10 years ago, some friends at work and I would try coming up with Letterman style Top Ten lists. Somebody would pick a topic and do numbers 10 and 9, then the next guy would do 8 and 7, etc. Some were lame, but others not too bad. Anyway here is the Top Ten things to do while stuck in traffic on the Beltway:
10) Roll down your window and yell out to the guy next to you, "HEY! YA WANNA TRADE PANTS?"
9) Purposely ram into a Yuppie couple driving their Volvo. When the police arrive, simply state, "Officer, I was only performing my civic duty."
8) Count how many drivers are picking their nose because they think being in their cars gives them the power of invisibility.
7) Wearing a serious face, get out of your car, gyrate your hips and scream, "Shimmy shimmy coco bop, shimmy shimmy bop!" Then get back into your car and do the Kramer shrug.
6) Spit on people's windshields and marvel at the wide variety of reactions.
5) Pull up next to a biker and his chick and say in a Thurston Howell III accent, "Biff!! Muffy!! Are you going to the Hamptons this year?"
4) Get a huge, inflatable penis, hold it in your lap with the tip at about chin level when you're next to male drivers and say, "It could be worse. I could have a boner!"
3) Get a mouthful of Campbell's Chunky Beef Soup, barf it out the window, then pick the chunks out and eat them. Talk about reactions!
2) Swerve your car sideways on the American Legion Bridge stopping all traffic. Stand on the roof of your car. Then entertain all the folks with your Ethel Merman melodies. You'll find that everyone loves the "Merm"!
1) Wear a big, red clown wig and rubber nose while holding a realistic toy gun in plain sight and repeat in a loud, maniacal voice, "NOBODY FUCKS WITH BOZO!! NOBODY FUCKS WITH BOZO!!"
10) Roll down your window and yell out to the guy next to you, "HEY! YA WANNA TRADE PANTS?"
9) Purposely ram into a Yuppie couple driving their Volvo. When the police arrive, simply state, "Officer, I was only performing my civic duty."
8) Count how many drivers are picking their nose because they think being in their cars gives them the power of invisibility.
7) Wearing a serious face, get out of your car, gyrate your hips and scream, "Shimmy shimmy coco bop, shimmy shimmy bop!" Then get back into your car and do the Kramer shrug.
6) Spit on people's windshields and marvel at the wide variety of reactions.
5) Pull up next to a biker and his chick and say in a Thurston Howell III accent, "Biff!! Muffy!! Are you going to the Hamptons this year?"
4) Get a huge, inflatable penis, hold it in your lap with the tip at about chin level when you're next to male drivers and say, "It could be worse. I could have a boner!"
3) Get a mouthful of Campbell's Chunky Beef Soup, barf it out the window, then pick the chunks out and eat them. Talk about reactions!
2) Swerve your car sideways on the American Legion Bridge stopping all traffic. Stand on the roof of your car. Then entertain all the folks with your Ethel Merman melodies. You'll find that everyone loves the "Merm"!
1) Wear a big, red clown wig and rubber nose while holding a realistic toy gun in plain sight and repeat in a loud, maniacal voice, "NOBODY FUCKS WITH BOZO!! NOBODY FUCKS WITH BOZO!!"
