Number 5:
A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and
as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are
both quite startled. The man turns to her and says
"Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I
know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If your dick is
as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221."
Number 4:
A businessman boards a flight and is seated
next to a gorgeous woman. He notices she is reading a
manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it
and she replies, "This is a very interesting book. It
says that American Indians have the longest penises
and Greek men are the best in bed. By the way, my name
is Jill. What's yours?" He replies, "Tonto
Papadopoulos, nice to meet you."
Number 3:
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the
husband starts rubbing his wife's arm. The wife turns
over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a
gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay
fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over. A few
minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife
again. "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow
too?"
Number 2:
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been
employed there for a number of years when he came home
one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible
compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the
pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a
sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would
be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the
compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home. His
wife could see at once that something was seriously
wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you
remember that I told you how I had this tremendous
urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh,
Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did. "My God, Bill, what
happened?" "I got fired."
"No, Bill. I mean, what happend with the pickle
slicer?" "Oh....she got fired, too."
Number 1:
A couple had been married for 50 years. They
were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when
the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were
sitting here at this breakfast table together."
"I know," the old man said, "We were probably
sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered, "Let's relive some old
times."
"You know, honey," the old lady breathlessly
replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they
were fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be surprised,"
replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other
one is in your oatmeal."
A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and
as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are
both quite startled. The man turns to her and says
"Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I
know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If your dick is
as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221."
Number 4:
A businessman boards a flight and is seated
next to a gorgeous woman. He notices she is reading a
manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it
and she replies, "This is a very interesting book. It
says that American Indians have the longest penises
and Greek men are the best in bed. By the way, my name
is Jill. What's yours?" He replies, "Tonto
Papadopoulos, nice to meet you."
Number 3:
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the
husband starts rubbing his wife's arm. The wife turns
over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a
gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay
fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over. A few
minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife
again. "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow
too?"
Number 2:
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been
employed there for a number of years when he came home
one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible
compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the
pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a
sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would
be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the
compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home. His
wife could see at once that something was seriously
wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you
remember that I told you how I had this tremendous
urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh,
Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did. "My God, Bill, what
happened?" "I got fired."
"No, Bill. I mean, what happend with the pickle
slicer?" "Oh....she got fired, too."
Number 1:
A couple had been married for 50 years. They
were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when
the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were
sitting here at this breakfast table together."
"I know," the old man said, "We were probably
sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered, "Let's relive some old
times."
"You know, honey," the old lady breathlessly
replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they
were fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be surprised,"
replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other
one is in your oatmeal."
sounds right to me 
