True attraction, and the space between...

[Krokus]

I recently started seeing this guy, and he has a "weight problem". I love him so much. He has the greatest personality, he makes me laugh, he challenges me, and he makes me feel comfortable. I get pissed off, because my "friends" think that I am "Desperate", and that it simply isn't possible to be with someone based on their personality. I am here today to tell you, IT IS POSSIBLE. This person, makes me feel like I am immortal. He makes me feel whole.


To me, it is how HE makes me FEEL. NOT, how I make MYSELF FEEL. I can only hope that we will stay together.


I hope that my "friends" can see this person for who he really is, and stop judging him, and myself, based on his appearance. I suddenly feel, as if my "best friends" ... Well, let's just say, that I feel as if I don't know them as well as I thought as I did.



Thoughts? Is appearance really ALL that matters?

 

[german]

Thats awesome for you.

 

[aurora5150]

it shouldn't be. and i think it's wonderful that you found someone so special that you care for. it's a rare thing. and if your friends don't like him just because he has a "weight problem" then maybe they are just to shallow or maybe they are jelous of what you have and this is just a panic reaction. the only feelings in this that matter are you and him. everyone else just needs to respect that. congratulations on finding someone that makes you feel so wonderful.

 

[Knox The Hatter]

I'm very happy to hear that you've found him, Kroke. Don't lose him...

The world is filled with shallow people, who tend to attract other shallow people, and they all live happily ever after in their oh so shallow happiness. You obviously crave something more. Let the shallow fend for themselves. And, no, they're not your real friends.

Good luck, Krokie. I'm in your corner, as always...

 

[Pokey]

Krokus, I haven't before had the peasure of saying hello to you so I will do that right now, hello!! I agree with Knox completely. Stay true to your ability to recognize your true feelings and embrace them. We never know how the other person will react, but from what I have seen, he will not let the opportunity to share time with you pass by. Happiness in relationships is fleeting these days and it is special when anyone can spend time with another and enjoy true unconditional love but it does take work like anything else but when you start with real feelings the chances are much higher for success. As for your friends, they aren't looking for that very special quality that your heart is looking at and if they are your friends they will truly enjoy your joy and if not, you will find those that are happy for you and your happiness. You will be happy to move on to others that don't judge everything by what they see on the surface. Good luck and be happy. Nice to meet you!

 

[isabeau]

no hon, great looks aren't everything...let me give you an example..i had a cousin who was very beautiful..however her personality sucked, she thought she was it, she went around with her nose in the air..so she was no longer beautiful..she was also spoiled rotten..

it sounds to me that you've found someone perfect for you..your friends are shallow and mean. in the long run, if they are true friends, they will see how happy he makes you and will accept him for how he is..

p.s. i got my revenge on that cousin..at a funeral, all the uncles and aunts made over me, saying i hadn't changed a bit..and she, well, she looked older and matronly..hehe..

 

[kis123]

I recently started seeing this guy, and he has a "weight problem". I love him so much. He has the greatest personality, he makes me laugh, he challenges me, and he makes me feel comfortable. I get pissed off, because my "friends" think that I am "Desperate", and that it simply isn't possible to be with someone based on their personality. I am here today to tell you, IT IS POSSIBLE. This person, makes me feel like I am immortal. He makes me feel whole.


To me, it is how HE makes me FEEL. NOT, how I make MYSELF FEEL. I can only hope that we will stay together.


I hope that my "friends" can see this person for who he really is, and stop judging him, and myself, based on his appearance. I suddenly feel, as if my "best friends" ... Well, let's just say, that I feel as if I don't know them as well as I thought as I did.



Thoughts? Is appearance really ALL that matters?

After what you've been through over the last few years, the fact that you're saying that you're happy makes me want to flip cartwheels!

No, appeareance is not all that matters-I've been going around the world with folks about this long enough one would think something would have stuck. But alas, this concept still falls on deaf ears to some.

I have a relative who is gay and she's going through some similar situations. She keeps going for the beautiful ones who are crazy. Not every beautiful woman is crazy, but all the ones she's dated have been certifiable. I can't get her to understand because she has "standards" to keep. So I guess she'll just be miserable until she gets it.

In today's society, there are enough people in the gay community to date and have relationships with so you should'nt let anyone accuse you of being desparate. Maybe he'll lose weight, maybe he won't. The fact that you love and accept him as he is RIGHT NOW may encourage changes on his part. But if he never drops a pound, you still love him. I think that's just wonderful.

You may want to evaluate your friendships especially if this guy's a keeper for you. If they can't accept him, maybe you should find friends who will. A good man is hard to find these days (gay or straight) and I wouldn't risk losing him over some folks who think they know what's best for you better than yourself.

 

[Ticklerguy4u]

I don't think it has to do with "looks" only. My ex broke it off with me because I made minimum wage and her friends were used to having fancy cars and clothes (only because they lived off of mommy and daddy, but that is another issue). They made fun of her because she was dating a poor guy.

Unfortunately, most people become friends with others because of a common interest or "click." If that common interest isn't challeged then it isn't an issue or doesn't exist thats why they get along. Some people are so comfortable with this arrangement that if any person that comes into the group isn't up to their standards will be shun as quickly as they came. You need to tell your friends to shut up, they aren't dating him. If you feel like you arent being loyal to them well think of it this way...where is there loyalty to you?

 

[aun_existe_amor]

I can't say much because I prefer bigger men anyway. The bigger the better for me. That's what attracts me. You should just do whatever you want to do. It's your life not your friend's life. If he makes you happy and he's good to you your friends should be happy for you and try to get to know him. Don't give him up just because you think that's what your friends want. You will only regret it. Good luck, be happy 🙂

 

[baby]

Krokus, finding someone, who makes you feel the way, you describe doesn't happen too often in our lives, its a gift. Listen to your heart. Never let your friends or anyone else get between the two of you. Good luck 🙂

 

[Tamia78]

Unfortunately, appearance is really all that matters to some people. Those people will never be happy in life if that's all they look for. I'm so happy for you that you know the real meaning of love, and look past things that any other shallow person would have a issue with. Kudos to you!

If these "best friends" are really your friends, you should be able to sit down and talk to them, and let them know how you feel, and even if they oppose it, they should try to support you as best as they can. Your friends are certainly entitled to their opinions, but if they love you, they'll support you anyways.

--T

 

[Mastertank1]

I know how this man of yours must feel.

I have always been big, and aftere I changed to a less physically active profession became severely overweight. I remained so for about 15 years and still am working to get back to a 'normal' weight.
There are at least three ex Significant Others who left because they succumbed to pressure from friends and relatives. All three are still friends. All three have expressed bitter regret that they ever left.
All three say the same sort of things bout me that you say about this man you have found.
Learn from their experience; if those friends can not learn to accept him and be happy for you, stay with him and give them their walking papers if it comes to that, and to hell with them.
Our society is very unkind to the overweight. There are many, many people eager to hurt us. Don't let these so-called friends turn you into another one that hurts your guy. Lose them instead.
Sorry if I sounded preachy. Didn't mean to.
Just that i've been through it.

 

[drew70]

Awesome!

Hey man, the folks here are telling it like it is. It's rare and wonderful to find somebody who truly makes you happy, and life is too damn short to worry about what others think. Embrace whatever happiness life has to offer! You deserve it!

 

[Strider]

You can tell your friends where to stick it, seriously. Your friends, in all honesty, are probably just normal narcissistic 20-somethings, most people tend to grow out of that shit sooner or later.

 

[slap'n'ticklee]

To me, this isn't how 'true' or 'real' friends should behave. They should respect your choice and if they see how happy you are with him they should be happy for you too, unless they know of him and have heard not so good stuff.

Bloody enjoy it, its not everday you'll get this feeling and no, whether or not someone is attractive etc shouldn't be the be all and end all, there's a lot of people out there with loads of love to give and they aren't all model types either 🙂

Have fun and glad you are loving him and yourself because of the way he's making you feel.

 

[Bugman]

I cant add anything to what has already been said krokus.Go for it my friend,and all the best to you.😀

 

[Krokus]

I'd like to thank everyone for the kind words. I'm considering whether I should give these "friends" anymore of my time.

Your friends, in all honesty, are probably just normal narcissistic 20-somethings, most people tend to grow out of that shit sooner or later.

That pretty much sums them up, unfortunately. They think that this "looks aren't the thing that matters most" talk is simply a way for "fat people to feel better about themselves" ... Those were their exact words.


Either way, it doesn't really matter what they say, because I know that this is a person that I want to be with, and what they think, should have no influence, and it doesn't.

Sigh... guess I should give up on you deciding you're straight and falling for me eh? 😉

Best of luck babe!!!

Anything is possible sweetcheeks!

 

[SmileyTkls]

I, too, haven't really talked with you Krokus, but being a person with a "weight problem," I can understand the other side of your plight. It's only been in the last few years, with losing some of the weight for health reasons and some self-esteem, as well as I suppose time making me look better to others my age, that I've not been so boxed in by it. So, if you can see the person not the body, then great for the two of you and phooey on the shallow folks whining about the fat people. 😉

 

[Barlow]

There's a lot of great advice in this thread. Just remember, beauty fades; crazy is forever. You may just have to take a firm hand with your friends and tell them to back off. If they see that you're serious, they may capitulate.

Barlow