I completely agree with Ann. In our society, the attitudes about marriage and the family have gone downhill greatly in the past 30 years. Whereas divorce used to be frowned upon, it is now seen as a part of every day life, something that is acceptable in society.
I dont want to get on my soapbox here, but there is another reason for marriages not being taken seriously. The "no fault" divorce laws. In such a case, many times, if you have a couple who is divorcing, say, because of an abusive partner, the judge will often not penalize such a person either financially or in any which way. Additionally, many times the members of a person's social, or even religious, systems will in no way hold a person responsible for their actions in marriage.
Case in point, and again, not to get on my soapbox. I have been estranged from my father for 12 of the 16 years since my parents seperated. At no time, during any of that time, did anyone, either from his family, or his friends, who knew me since childhood, attempt to ever contact me, or prevail upon him, to do anything different which would percipitate a reconciliation. Women dated him, and one even married him,with a rabbi's "blessing" when we were estranged, without even probing into the reasons for our estrangement, what he did, and why we were estranged. At no time did anyone say to him:" Alan, get help, get your son back, this isnt right for you to be living without him." His family, his friends, and his current wife just didnt care. There was no intervention for either one of our sakes to ever promote a reconciliation. Also, he got away with an absolutely outrageous divorce "settlement" with my mother, using tactics outside of the law, again, because there were no social, justice, or religious systems to go to.
Until society starts penalizing people, and examining the facts of why marriages fail, and the consequences, especially for women and children, of such marriages, the whole family structure will continue to deteriorate. Men will leave, and not pay alimony, or child support, while engaging in rebuilt lives for themselves at their first family's expense like my father did. Until people begin to say: Divorce, and estrangement from children, and not paying alimony or child support is a sin, and society begins to take action against these people, by shunning them socially, and penalizing them for non payment of support, severely, nothing will change. Iam one who believes no fault divorce should be unconstitutional, and that laws should be changed. Maybe if this were to happen, people would value their marriages, work at them and their families more, and not feel :" Oh, sure if this doesnt work out, I'll just divorce, and maybe I will pay support if Iam ordered, and maybe I wont" Until laws are changed, and people are held accountable legally, and socially, society will continue to deteriorate in this area. I speak from experience, and I can say that I wish things would change, not only for my mom, but for the millions of others like her who got so screwed in divorce with no where to turn, as the men who act like family and social criminals survive and thrive, with second wives, families, big lives, and no consequences from either society or the courts for their sinful actions.
Mitch
P'S I hope I didnt get a little off topic here. My apologies if I did. My point was to take this a step further of why marriages are often unfaithful, and to build on Ann's most excellent point about people not taking marriage so seriously. I feel I made some important points about society's attitudes toward marriage, divorce, infedility, and the family, using my own situation as an example. I stick to my belief that until society's attitudes, and laws change, in regard to divorce, and throwing away the family, things will remain the same.
