> >TO: Everyone Who Still Believes
> > in Santa Claus
> >
> > FROM: Santa Claus, Proprietor
> > The North Pole Workshops
> > The Earth
> >
> > SUBJECT: Method of Present(s) Delivery
> > December 24th, Christmas Eve, 2006
> > * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
> >
> > I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I, Santa Claus
> > will no longer serve
> > the following States on Christmas Eve:
> >
> > Georgia;
> > Florida;
> > Alabama;
> > North Carolina;
> > South Carolina;
> > Tennessee;
> > Mississippi;
> > Texas; and
> > Arkansas
> >
> > Due to the overwhelming current population of the Earth, my
contract
> > was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209.
> >
> > As part of the new and better contract, I also get longer breaks
for
> > milk and cookies, so keep that in mind.
> >
> > However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with
> > your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba
> > Claus.
> >
> > His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of
> > delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are
a
> > few differences between us, of which you should be aware.
> >
> > Differences such as:
> >
> > * There is no danger of the Grinch stealing
> > your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun
> > rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that
> > reads:
> >
> > "These toys insured by Smith & Wesson."
> >
> > * Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus
> > prefers that children leave an RC cola and
> > pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace.
> > And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a
> > little snuff though, so please have an empty
> > spit can handy. By the way, Bubba prefers
> > Copenhagen over Skol.
> >
> > * Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-
> > eared, flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer.
> > I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of
> > my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now
> > overlooks Bubba's fireplace.
> >
> > * You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on
> > Donner, and Blitzen..." when Bubba Claus
> > arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt,
> > on Andretti, on Gordon and Petty."
> >
> > * "Ho, Ho, Ho" has been replaced by "Yee Haw"
> > And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves
> > respond, "I her'd dat! Let's get 'er done!"
> >
> > * As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba
> > Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety
> > triangle on the back with the words "Back
> > Off."
> >
> > * The usual Christmas movie classics such as
> > "Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful
> > Life" will not be shown in your negotiated
> > viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg
> > Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit
> > IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and
> > dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each
> > other.
> >
> > And finally:
> >
> > * Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were
> > you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids
> > turn the other way when he bends over to put
> > presents under the tree.
> >
> >
> > Sincerely Yours,
> >
> > Santa Claus
> > in Santa Claus
> >
> > FROM: Santa Claus, Proprietor
> > The North Pole Workshops
> > The Earth
> >
> > SUBJECT: Method of Present(s) Delivery
> > December 24th, Christmas Eve, 2006
> > * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
> >
> > I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I, Santa Claus
> > will no longer serve
> > the following States on Christmas Eve:
> >
> > Georgia;
> > Florida;
> > Alabama;
> > North Carolina;
> > South Carolina;
> > Tennessee;
> > Mississippi;
> > Texas; and
> > Arkansas
> >
> > Due to the overwhelming current population of the Earth, my
contract
> > was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209.
> >
> > As part of the new and better contract, I also get longer breaks
for
> > milk and cookies, so keep that in mind.
> >
> > However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with
> > your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba
> > Claus.
> >
> > His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of
> > delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are
a
> > few differences between us, of which you should be aware.
> >
> > Differences such as:
> >
> > * There is no danger of the Grinch stealing
> > your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun
> > rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that
> > reads:
> >
> > "These toys insured by Smith & Wesson."
> >
> > * Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus
> > prefers that children leave an RC cola and
> > pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace.
> > And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a
> > little snuff though, so please have an empty
> > spit can handy. By the way, Bubba prefers
> > Copenhagen over Skol.
> >
> > * Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-
> > eared, flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer.
> > I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of
> > my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now
> > overlooks Bubba's fireplace.
> >
> > * You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on
> > Donner, and Blitzen..." when Bubba Claus
> > arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt,
> > on Andretti, on Gordon and Petty."
> >
> > * "Ho, Ho, Ho" has been replaced by "Yee Haw"
> > And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves
> > respond, "I her'd dat! Let's get 'er done!"
> >
> > * As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba
> > Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety
> > triangle on the back with the words "Back
> > Off."
> >
> > * The usual Christmas movie classics such as
> > "Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful
> > Life" will not be shown in your negotiated
> > viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg
> > Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit
> > IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and
> > dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each
> > other.
> >
> > And finally:
> >
> > * Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were
> > you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids
> > turn the other way when he bends over to put
> > presents under the tree.
> >
> >
> > Sincerely Yours,
> >
> > Santa Claus
