Venting of a Moral Dilemma

[fatalis112588]

Greetings and salutations fellow members. I usually don't say much in regard of anything, being a generic lurker and all. Today, though, I needed to vent something I can't really say to anyone who knows me.

I have been single for quite some time, not without lack of effort of course. I am on the heavier side weight wise, and a total nerd. Talking video games and anime and everything in between. This has not made it easy on my attempts at courtship, as finding a woman around my age (mid 20's) that enjoys even a few of my hobbies and pastimes is severely difficult.

Now comes the real kicker. My best friend, who I have not only have known for 6 years, but has actively been trying to help me, from setting up blind dates to motivational support. He is an amazing friend, and that makes this next bit all the worse.

He is engaged to who I believe is the most amazing woman I have ever met. Fun, witty, and into everything aforementioned. (good luck finding a woman who actually plays Dark Souls 2) Between the lack of success in my life, and his continuing success in his, not only have I begun getting jealous, but I can't keep myself from lusting after his Fiancee. I can clearly tell the difference between love and lust, but it is literally driving me crazy lately, to the point where I sometimes think I have been spending time with them just to be around her. We are all planning to move into a house together, since having three peoples income will make everything easier, but I might go insane or do something unforgivable when the time comes. I have even considered prostitution, thinking that maybe ending my dry spell would put an end to this. I really am lost right now, and I have no idea what to do.

They are family to me, and I know that there is no better friends than they are. I don't want to tell them about this, and I can't really discuss this with actual family or other friends due to the sensitivity of the topic. I don't really expect answers, or advice, as I am hoping that venting my frustrations will be enough for the moment to ease my troubled mind. If you feel you can share nuggets of wisdom, I will not shrug away free help. Thank you all for listening and I hope your days are going better at least.

 

[Volsung1]

Yeah, sometimes writing your dilemma's out can help.
If you want to really avoid temptation, don't move in together.

It's as simple as that.

 

[TKLVR181]

By your use of terms like 'unforgivable' and the fact that you clearly know this is a moral dilemma, I'd say you're not in as much danger of crossing 'that line' as you fear you are. Moving in with a situation like this is definitely hard, and your guilt is probably making your problem seem much more dire than it actually is.

My advice would be perhaps not lurk so much here and anywhere else you might be hanging out online--and, even going out IRL more. You'd be amazed how much making new friends might help take your mind off what you desperately don't want to do! As for wanting to meet women who're into gaming and the like, there are a few around here (can't speak to their availability, as I'm married m'self)--but maybe plain platonic human interaction might help alleviate some of your loneliness!

You're always welcome around here. Stereotypical nerds abound in this place, you'll definitely fit in somewhat just in that category alone. This place pulled me out of a lonely depression a decade ago, I can vouch for the healing power these people can have. I hope to see you around more!

~K (I'm Karen btw ^_^ )

 

[shadowscurse1]

I am having a similar problem as you, minus moving in with friend and fiance. I have been attracted to my friends significant others before, but you just have to put it out of your mind and respect your friend. If it helps focus on you and your friends relationship, try to strengthen that and it should help keep you from doing something that may end said friendship. Really other then just interacting with different people and respecting friendships and relationships, there's not much else you can do. Try and be happy by yourself or find things to occupy your time so you don't feel lonely. I don't think you NEED a partner to be happy, but you do need friends and family at least. Try not to dwell on her too much, just be friends and have fun

 

[MistressValerie1]

Based on what I have heard from other people in similar situations, I think that moving in with the couple would be a bad idea which would put the friendships at risk.

 

[Cryptic71]

I have Jedi-level control over my emotions, so I really can't comprehend where you're coming from.

Although, my logical brain can think of one applicable course of action.

As anyone can agree, it is easier to make friends with members of the same sex. Therefore, it will be much easier for HER to find other girls like her than it will be for YOU to find other girls like her. Use that to your advantage. Take her and your friend to places where fellow nerds are likely to congregate. It will only be a matter of time before you start attracting like minded people to you. Let her be the one that weeds out potential partners for you. Girls that are compatible with her will likely be compatible with you as well.

To put it simply: Use her as a sort of probing device to find ones that you yourself may be interested in.

Any of this sound good to you?

 

[fatalis112588]

I can see the problem in moving in, but that probably won't change. I have been adamant on this for over a year now.

I do feel better listening to you all, and just seeing people take the time and assist has helped a bit, so thank you all. I want to stay strong, and plan on doing so. I guess i do just need to keep seeing people irl.

 

[chicag0]

You're gonna have to toughen up and practice some self-discipline. A woman's attractiveness is not an excuse to "lose control" of yourself.

Despite lack of dating life, you are still very young - in the infancy of your life. The lack of experience is leading you to believe that this woman is perfect, like there aren't billions of others like her.

Nothing worthwhile is easy. I may have found the love of my life, but it took about 7 years of friendship, a handful of gatherings, tons of late night phone calls, a year of long distance relationship, constantly flying back and forth for visit, and finally moving 1500 miles from everything I knew to be with him.

If you really feel like you can't control yourself around this woman, not only should you not move in with her, but you should seek help.

 

[BlasterMaster]

I gotta agree with both Chicago and Val. If it's too much for you to emotionally handle then try to find another place to live. If your out of options then chicag0 is right, you gotta toughen up and realize that she isn't the only woman in the world. It may be scary to take that first step and yes your probably going to experience rejection on more than one occasion but like chicag0 said, nothing worth having is ever easy. So try some well rated dating sites, visit some local dating establishments (singles clubs / bars), and discover what interests you so you can join / hang out with a crowd and find a lady who can not only relate to you but you can relate to her. Lastly, remember that any worthwhile relationship have three important factors: empathy, respect, and trust. Good luck and I hope you succeed in this game we all roll the dice in called life.