Venting: The struggles of our fetish

[Green_Machine]

Before I begin, heads up, it's a long story.

This is a very niche fetish that we have. Finding a romantic partner can be a struggle in itself. But finding someone that tolerates and is willing to indulge in the fetish is even harder.

I'm a little old-fashioned. I'm a virgin and have never had a girlfriend. I want my partner to be my first everything and someone that I grow with.

Not looking down on anyone, just my preferance.

I'm successful in my career thus far, but craved intamacy badly.

I had my own range of hobbies as well, such as MMA and volunteering at a children's hospital in my off time. There weren't any friends that knew of anybody available, either.

After no success with online dating or in real life, I began to feel hopeless and depressed inside. I was judged harshly by my family for my beliefs and thought of as stuck up, a snob, and even a prude.

I'm a confident guy with a good personality and considred attractive. Still, I could never find the right person, no matter how hard I tried.

Was never really into the whole hookup culture.

Although we are in the 21st century full of progressive and liberal movements, many gender roles have still remained the same.

In the eyes of society, it's my fault for not being, "man enough", or not having enough "game".

I'm currently on vacation and staying with my parents. Prior to that, I shared an apartment with a couple of roomates.

Good guys. Ocassionaly, one of them would invite his gf over. They were compatible, had the same interests and were in a loving, committed relationship.
He was a great guy and I'm happy for them both.

Through the walls, I could ocassionaly hear what appeared to be crazy, girlish laughter. Could it really be what I thought?

I was envious. I would cover my ears to block out the sound, but it didn't block out the pain that I felt inside.

At the beginning of this year, I felt as though I was going to explode inside. Watching videos only provided temporary relief and made me want the models in them badly.

I decided to set up for a paid session. I would never go as far as doing, "the deed", but experiencing tickling with someone that understood the fetish would scratch the itch that I felt.

I felt that it would fill the void in my heart for not having a gf.
I was wrong.

After some browsing, I picked some models that were around my age and seemed to have genuine personalities.

They had high rates due to their situation but I was happy they agreed. Desparation took over.

As time went by, the session dates continued to get pushed back due technical difficulties, and scheduling conflicts.

At times I questioned if this is what I truly wanted or not. I struggled a few times and had bad days at work. But the session to look forward to, gave me hope.

We eventually found ourselves approaching December, and I was running out of time. I'll be relocating overseas next month and would no longer be able to do it.

I let them know, but it simply didn't agree with their schedule, so it dropped to just one model and I rescheduled for her in January.

A few days ago, my parents sat me down to talk about my finances and asked me where all of my money went. Unable to tell them the truth, I deflected by making something up.

I'm an adult, but hate sneaking around or lying to others.

They began to grill me with questions:

"Is someone taking advantage of you?"

"Are you on drugs?"

"Are you gambling"

"Are you hiring prostitutes?"

I stated that I didn't want to talk about it and held my head down. An entire year of waiting, and for what? Now I had nothing.
My father became furious with me for not confessing, stating that I was ungrateful, and hadn't shown any results by not saving any money.

After telling my made-up story, I was chastised. I understand that my parents cared about me and my well-being, but was still distraught.

My mother advised me to count my losses and call it off, stating that, "these women are out here to trick you. It's a scam, and can get you in trouble." But what did they know?

Through all of, it, I laughed to myself inside. I may have told them one thing as a coverup, but they'd never know the truth.

I'm an adult and responsible for my actions, but respect my parents. Their house. Their rules.

I'm in the process of having my funds returned. I'm not bitter about it, but a little crushed inside. They've calmed down now, but their perspective of me has changed. In their eyes, I'm seen as a fool and a hypocrite.

I made a mistake and I learned from it, but will never ask of someone, something that I could not hold myself to.

Like sex, I consider tickling to be an intimate activity. It's possible to experience it with someone and still be somewhat conservative.

It can even be seen in some videos: Some models will explore the fetish and may even do some foot/belly worship, but won't do any kind of nudity or orgasms.

I felt as though I were going to explode inside. My desire for an intimate relationship and tickling (and foot fetish for what it's worth) swelled up inside of me.

Bottom line:

Father thinks that I've been banging prostitutes

Mother thinks that I tried to set up for sex with someone.

In reality:

Is the tickling fetish really that big of a deal? No. It's actually quite tame, espescially compared to the other things out there.

Would I ever reveal the truth to them? Absolutely not.

Based on what I've read, there are several ways people can react to the fetish

- Understanding and chilled about it.

- Disgusted, judgemental and condenscending about it.

Indifferent for the most part. Might tease you a bit, but that's all.

Weirded out. After seeing your browser history or finding something, they'll raise an eyebrow. After that, they'll never bring it up again and remain silent if it's ever hinted at.

I come here to vent, because this is the only place that truly understands the fetish and what we go through.

There was nobody else in life that I could explain the full situation to.

I always live by the principle of manifesting your own destiny and giving life your 110% every day. If all fails after that, then you can call it quits. But still, there are days where even I feel weary from battling so much.

Once again, I'm not looking down on and judging others. These are simply my preferences.

Thank you for anyone that takes the time to read this and respond to this post

 

[robmic]

Wow! I'm glad I'm not in your shoes! I am probably a total opposite of you. I've tickled since I was a little boy, and when I reached puberty, that "tingly" feeling I would get in my stomach dropped a bit to somewhere else. So my hunt was on to bang as many girls as I could and tickle them to boot. It took me until I was 17 to get laid for the first time. I thought that was old, but quickly made up for lost time. Since then, I've been married twice. First wife didn't like being tickled, but still was occasionally. Second wife accepted it totally and was tickled a lot. In between them, about 5 years, I was the male version of a slut, banging and tickling every decent looking gal I could! And there were lots of them! My second wife kind of cured me of the wandering, for about 6 years. Then that marriage went south. After her, I did go out with a lot of women, but not anywhere near as many as before. And the tickling dropped off, too. Now at my age, both are pretty much non existent. I've been divorced for around 25 years and not really in a hurry to jump into it again anytime soon. But, at least I have my past to look back on with fondness. Each person is their own, but you might have just set yourself up for failure, especially because it gets harder as you get older. Hopefully not, but you will find out I guess.

 

[Soles_Scream]

Green, my suggestion is to look up Dominatrix in your area that are down to be tickled or to tickle - depending on your preference. The ones I know are very professional.

 

[4Pawz]

I see your pain. I want nothing more than to give you a hug and just sit with you. I won’t judge your choices or values. We are all different and your choices should be respected.

I really get it about your parents. Mine don’t know either, and never will. I may not have the same values, but I do know the struggle is real.

I think sometimes we envy the idea of finding the perfect partner. Does it exist? Maybe, I really don’t know. But being divorced, I will say I don’t have one.

Hang in there. Be you. Take your time.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[brotherted]

We eventually found ourselves approaching December, and I was running out of time. I'll be relocating overseas next month and would no longer be able to do it.

I let them know, but it simply didn't agree with their schedule, so it dropped to just one model and I rescheduled for her in January.

A couple of questions for you. How many sessions have you paid for? The quoted section above made me think you hadn't paid for many yet, but they your remarks later indicated that money had been going somewhere you didn't want to admit to your parents. Also, to where are you moving overseas. That could end up being the most important "detail" in your future.

As I read your story, I think about the struggles I've had not with fetish, but with relationships generally. I've had lots of girlfriends, but never got married. I've been a player, and also been lonely. I've had plenty of friends and family members who are married and also divorced. I had an overbearing father who I alternately hated and appreciated.

I fought with my parents as a young man about all kinds of things. You don't need a fetish to clash with parents over the passage of control of your own life -- that transition is almost by definition fraught with trauma. What I'm saying is that if it weren't about where your money was going, you would have been fighting with them over your career choice... or how you spend your free time... or how much you help around the house... or how much you eat... or when you came home last night.

So too the relationship pain you're describing is nearly universal, even if sometimes the form varies. That couple you were hearing through the walls could be having terrible fights today, and you don't know about it. Or bored as hell with each other, secretly lusting after other people without the guts to act on it. I've been on all sides. Think their lives are so great?

And so... does our fetish make relationships harder? Maybe. But relationships are really f*cking hard for everyone. Have you ever heard married people say that their relationship is "work"? Yes, while there are probably some 0.5% of relationships where it's always smooth sailing throughout, in the other 99.5% there are resentments and problems in all kinds of ways.

Social media helps push a lie -- that other people's lives are beautiful, happy, wonderful and perfect. But they're not. We're all just re-defining ourselves with each new chapter, and each new journey, one at a time. Sounds like with your relocation overseas, you're about to too.

 

[ichbins]

I know it may be hard, but I think that you shouldn't have "a void in your heart" because you don't have a girlfriend. I mean, I understand the pain, and I see where it is coming from. Sometimes it makes me sad too, and I think why is it so hard? But it's not the centre of life, always remember that! You say you have a good career, go on with that concentrate on the real life, the one you are living, it's very individual, don't concentrate on "what could be" and "what will be" because it helps not (at least that was my experience). You are 23 (according to your profile", I'm 24, and although I had 2 girlfriends previously, I now struggle also with being alone and rarely finding connections to women especially. But I tell you, it's not the girlfriend giving you "a void". It may feel good for a time, but the feelings come back. When I had my first girlfriend I also thought: great! Now the pain will go away, my struggles are over. But it's an illusion! It's not like that. The struggles shift. And they often stay. So the best you can do, also for finding a girlfriend!, is in my opinion to concentrate on things and people you love and like. To shape yourself in the way you want, and then, it may sound stupid, but, the people will come, who like you for what you are. Then it doesn't matter if you are manly enough or not! Many people always thought I'm gay, so what? I still managed to find women who liked me, and trust me, I'm not "manly" at all and don't live up to "society's expectations". Now, as I've said, I've been alone quite some time, but that's life and I know that it's not going to be another person making the bad feelings go away, but in the end it's you doing things you like in life, enjoying life! Also when it sometimes feels unfair and you got the feeling that others have it much easier, I believe now that they have their own problems, especially because they are often just copies of each other and have nothing important to say about life. They are often boring and hence bored. But you see other perspectives of life, you know the bad sides, and it is an advantage too. Times are hard for good and honest relationships, but I think there'll come the time when you'll laugh at your struggles and will laugh at how much time you spent frowning about them. You will think: How could I ever think that it will stay like that? It was like that for me. And you are very young, never forget that. I don't think it's the fetish that is really the problem. Better times will come, I believe.

Listen to Stephen Sondheims "No one is alone" 😀 it makes me feel better

 

[OmahaTickler]

Family business is a personal thing, but since you invited us in-----you don't owe your parents ANY explanation, true or false, about what you do with your own money and time, as you are an adult, with a career, on your own, etc. The honesty thing is your own code, so I'm not going to get into what you should or shouldn't do----but the phrase "honesty is the best policy" is naïve bullshit. If honesty risks your parents thinking of you as a freak-----or if you never would be able to look them in the eye again, as you might get a glimpse of them judging you---then what's so great about honesty? Sure, you let it all hang out---but if it damages relationships or your self-esteem, it's corrosive. To be totally frank, they don't sound like the most open-minded people, so why risk your relationship with them for this noble honesty principle if it could ruin your family life forever?

 

[pacattack]

So... for whatever it's worth, your parents sound psychologically abusive as hell and like they don't respect your boundaries whatsoever. And they sound very, veey controlling.

What you do with your money is none of their business. Neither are the choices you make. You aren't obligated to be 100% transparent with them about everything. The guilt you feel is actually shame. There is a difference between the two. Guilt = you did something wrong. Shame = you are wrong/flawed somehow as a human being. Your parents are shaming the hell out of you. You have done nothing wrong by maintaining a boundary with them about this.

Who's parents ask questions like that?? Im sorry to hear your struggle, but you've done nothing wrong here my friend.

 

[4Pawz]

I think in a nutshell, what I am going to say is this: This isn't something to explore and work through on your own. When you say words like emptiness, it's time to seek some help with it. Find yourself a good, open counselor. We exist, and realize that fetishes can create some stress and added difficulties without getting judgmental.

Your desires are conflicting with your values, which is affecting you and your relationships. No one can tell you what to feel, how to feel it, or what is right or wrong. If your sexual identity is not congruent with your values, it's only going to get harder.

Find a good counselor. Unpack this with them. Process it with them. Then take the time to find and explore yourself. This is not simple and you shouldn't try to do it alone. It can get dark really fast and I don't want anything to happen to you. Feel free to toss me a PM and I will help with what I can.

 

[laughtermech]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts in this forum, Green_Machine.

As was said by 4pawz, sending you a big virtual hug through the cyberspace, and not an ounce of judgement.

Definitely some tough stuff to be going through.

Please know, as I think this thread attests, that you’re not alone. What you are going through is what many of us in our 20’s have gone through. I’m on the verge of 5 decades on this planet and can put myself back in your shoes like it was yesterday.

I too was a virgin at 23 and holding out for the ‘right person’.

I was brought up in a religious household that treated sexual desire in a very serious way. The repercussions of not taming and training your sexual desires had a consequence of eternal damnation.

I’m not saying our sexual energy isnt a serious thing. I think it is. I just don’t think it has to be treated in quite the same manner that many of the main religions on this planet treat our sexual energies; usually as bad, dirty, repulsive. This is a whole other topic for another day.

I’ve since migrated away from that very binary and very harsh view of our sexuality, and am beginning to embrace this beautiful energy that lives within all organisms on this planet. We all share this sexual desire and it is what has gotten us all here to this point in our evolution.

Just think if you DIDN’T have this drive within you?

Our world would look very different indeed.

What I’m trying to say is first and foremost just take a deep breath and realize you are a part of this vast universe and a part of our shared human experience on this planet. It is an AMAZING story just to look at how you got here as a human being. To reflect on that story gives me solace.

I think there’s some great advice in this thread; especially with what 4pawz has said about not trying to heal yourself alone. And I think we ALL require healing. Just the mere fact of living on this planet produces mutliple daily traumas we have to navigate. This navigation is best done with the help of others.

Finding a good counselor who will listen and offer different ways to think about the things in your life that are bringing you pain is so necessary during this difficult time in your life.

As someone mentioned earlier about relationships, they are a tremendous amount of work. It’s meaningful work for sure. But at the end of the day with a spouse and kids, demanding bosses and situations at your work, friends and family that pass away, your own body that grows old and begins to break down, our lives here are fraught with pain and personal anguish. We can’t escape it. As my Dad once told me, with a smile, ‘Son, none of us are getting out of this alive.’

There are a few things I’d recommend for immediate relief as you seek out a good counselor in your area. By the way, as an aside, I’d recommend finding someone with at least a masters degree in psychology or closely related field, preferably someone with a PhD in the same. People with these higher degrees tend (not always) to have a better handle on the latest research in how our minds work, and how we can help our brains calm down and work more effectively and more kindly towards ourselves and others. I am still learning how to calm down my own mind on the precipice of 50 years here on this planet.

It’s not an easy thing to do, but it’s very worthwhile to start taking note of your thought processes.

A good counselor/therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist will help you do that.

Tara Brach is a wonderful meditation teacher and I would recommend checking out her books, podcasts, and YouTube videos. In many ways, her words have soothed me the most over the past 5 years.

Another person I would check out is Noah Church. He has a YouTube channel dedicated to porn addiction. His work really helped me too to see that I was living in a virtual world most of my time rather than in a real one.

Finally, Alan Du Button (sp?) wrote a piece entitled, ‘Why You Will Marry The Wrong Person’. I so wish I’d come across his work earlier in my life. Such a profound piece on our plight as relational human beings. Highly recommend checking out his work. The podcast On Being has an excellent interview with him.

I hope all this may help.

Please know again that you are not alone although with our fetishes for feet and tickling it can sure make us seem like it alot of the time.

There are so many great resources available on the web to help you through this difficult time, and I recommend leaning on them.

At the same time, there’s alot of bad information out there too.

As someone said, social media has a tendency to curate only the good parts of peoples’ lives and make others viewing it think that life must be perfect for those on the other side of that proverbial and literal wall where you heard that woman laughing.

It’s most likely as that same person said that they’re going through their own set of problems that you just can’t see and will never see unless you get to know that person really well.

We’re all fighting huge battles.

Even Donald Trump, whom most people either really love or supremely hate (I tend toward the latter, but with the knowledge that...) is a human being and is fighting with his own demons.

I hope you can find a good therapist to help you through this difficult time in your life and begin to accept yourself for who you are, a beautiful part of this fabric of life on this planet. You bring a unique story to our planet, and it’s one that you can use for the good of all that live here.

It’s a monumental responsibility to live here.

It’s also a beautiful thing to experience life and share this life with others.

That’s ultimately what I think it’s all about; shared experiences with those you love and care about.

Again, another big virtual hug.

You can do this.

Don’t give up.

Your life’s just begun.

Your story has yet to be told.

Live with purpose and with meaning and don’t forget to be kind and compassionate EVERY day to yourself FIRST, and THEN to others.

Kindly and compassionately,
TLM

 

[Green_Machine]

Thank you, everyone, for all of your replies, thus far. It truly has helped me feel that I'm not alone, and been very comforting in this dark time. 4pawz, thank you for recommending a counselor. I never considered how experienced many of them may be, and open-minded to some of the more peculiar parts of life. It's truly not a problem that I can continue to manage on my own, and I will look into it.

In regards to honesty and making my own decisions, I understand. Honesty all depends on the situation at hand. Screwing over a friend or loved one, simply because it's, "the right thing", wouldn't be the best course of action in some instances.

I truly do feel conflicted inside, sometimes. I wouldn't go as far as to say, "All activities outside of marriage are wrong!", but would rather share acts of intimacy between someone that I have a connection with. And yet, I don't want a relationship for the sake of having one. It's something that I must come to terms of agreement with myself, and determine what it is that I want.

 

[anchientstar]

I honestly can't help you as I feel like I wouldn't be able to say the right thing, being in a similar position and definitely still there.
But the community is with you, many of us are happy to chat to you, help you through any issues you may have and support you in the fetish world.
You are not alone, and I wish you the best mate!

 

[Ita24]

I am similar to you in the sense that I also view tickling as a very intimate and sensual activity and I want it to be between myself and a romantic partner. Unfortunately also, I haven't had much luck finding a woman to have a relationship with. I can't really speak to the financial or parental side of this story, but as for that other stuff we're very similar, seemingly. I get discouraged frequently because I do feel a very strong craving for tickling and I worry when I finally do find someone, if they're not into it, I'll struggle to make the relationship work. I will say though, you never know how things will play out. Sometimes things look totally hopeless and before you know it, you've found someone and they enjoy tickling and all those concerns are in your past. I wish that for you, and for myself. Best of luck!

 

[TickleScout]

I echo the suggestions to see a counselor. I started talking to a therapist about my own need for tickling when I was about 21 (currently 26). It was the first time I spoke to any mental health professional about tickling at all. It took me some time to get it out, but it was really helpful in the end. It gave me someone to talk to, someone to vent to, someone to explain my pain to, who I knew would never reveal it to others. It wouldn't fuck up my life. It wouldn't be used against me. The therapist was there to help me. Be sure to get one with a good level of schooling, and if you don't click well with the first one you see, try again until you find someone you feel comfortable with. It's ok to shop around. You need someone with the right experience, background, personality, and therapy style to truly be of valuable help to you.

I also echo other sentiment here regarding wanting to give you a big hug. Imagining you covering your ears to block out the sound of your friend tickling his girlfriend broke my heart. I understand that pain. I think many of us do. Especially those of us for whom tickling is a very intimate, connecting, and emotional act. Don't give up. We're here to help you through it.

And, again echoing other statements, set boundaries with your parents. I know you are only 23, but you are an adult nonetheless, and their behavior is unacceptable. They are shaming, manipulating, and hurting their child. Recognize that the way your parents are trying to paint you is not the truth of who you are, it is a product of their own issues.

Keep going, it'll get better.

 

[Libertine]

I'm a little old-fashioned. I'm a virgin and have never had a girlfriend. I want my partner to be my first everything and someone that I grow with.

The best therapy available for you is to get out there and find someone who shares your completely disgusting perversion. I mean, if you were normal you'd only want to break into women's dwelling places and steal their dirty laundry to fuel your daily masturbatory sessions. Or kidnap, molest and murder little boys. Or become an embalmer and violate a few of the corpses you're prepping for open casket funerals- all THAT'S all quite normal and understandable, but YOU, you hopelessly vile, irredeemable degenerate...

You're a grownup. Parental explanations aren't necessary and never were. If you're on holiday, why are you spending it with people to whom you've had to lie about your (non-existent) sex life and who still think you're 'a sinner'?

Get out there, talk randomly to interesting-looking women about anything you can (this will be impossible for quite a while, like figuring out how to tie your shoes or riding a bicycle or learning to play baseball or tennis) and get used to being called an imbecile. It's what happens until some girl doesn't call you an imbecile and sleeps with you. This 'finding a virgin' business for its own sake is pointless, overrated and a recipe for disaster. I'm reminded of the cavalry recruit who tells his troop sergeant he's never ridden before. The troop sergeant replies that he can have a horse that's never been ridden before, and the two can learn together.

KT and I have met many guys like you while DMing at NEST and other fetish events. Almost invariably the only thing wrong with them is simple overcomplicating shyness. A lot of people are shy, women included. Put a shy woman at ease even in spite of yourself and she'll be so grateful to you that you're 3/4 along the way. And some very hard-learned advice for you- in my bachelor days I dated a few very attractive women who were also very shy, rather than being snobbish or stand-offish. Help them along.

Sailors don't complain that the ocean has waves; they just accept that it's a given and get on with it.

And remember- unattached single men have to pay to look at real live breasts. But any girl in sandals is quite innocently providing you with lovely scenery- not everyone can receive visual gratification simply strolling down the street.

 

[RevyBL]

Doesn't the fact you paid for a tickling session negate the whole "saving yourself" thing? Yeah, you didn't have sex but you did engage in tickling which is something you said you wanted to save for a "special someone" just like with sex. Just seems counter productive. You don't need to be a full blown womanizer, whether being deceitful( a dog) or being up front(player), but it seems saving yourself isn't doing you any favors and should try getting girlfriend to relieve these feelings.

 

[Wolf]

Doesn't the fact you paid for a tickling session negate the whole "saving yourself" thing? Yeah, you didn't have sex but you did engage in tickling which is something you said you wanted to save for a "special someone" just like with sex. Just seems counter productive. You don't need to be a full blown womanizer, whether being deceitful( a dog) or being up front(player), but it seems saving yourself isn't doing you any favors and should try getting girlfriend to relieve these feelings.

If I'm reading correctly, he never met with any of the "pros" he'd sent money to; they all kept having scheduling issues and stringing him along.

 

[TickleMonsterD]

As much as I'd like to have a girlfriend who's accepting of my fetishes as well, I don't dwell on that, because I have more important things to take care of right now, such as trying to get and keep a job, and then be working hard enough to move out and keep a roof over my head. When all of that is finally taken care of, then I'll look into getting a girlfriend. While I have been talking to one young woman about being play partners, that's not the same thing as her and I ending up together, especially since she's said she's asexual. Probably the advice I could give is after you've gotten settled in living overseas, look for play partners on here who live in the same city as you will, and see if that leads to a serious relationship.

 

[AquaFeline]

Green_Machine, thanks for sharing. It sounds like what you're doing isn't working for you right now. I hope you can find something that does.

 

[Blank account]

Something that helped me was to be blunt about having a tickle fetish. I can empathise with your frustrations. From when i began dating and into my early 20's, tickling was detrimental to my relationships. I remember reaching a point where i stopped dating, and considered what i was going to change in how i acted about having this particular interest.
I decided i could:
* Tell the girl i was dating early on: getting the sentiment out in the open, but potentially scaring them off
* Tell the girl later on: increasing the likelihood of creating a relationship, but not necessarily with someone who was into tickling
* Find a tickle friend: meeting someone who's mutual interest is implied is nice, but you have to consider that your personalities might not match, which can subtract from the intimacy
* Hire a tickle friend: I've honestly never done this, but i can say - 1. Seems expensive 2. You should consider that they may or may not be laughing because you're paying them 3. Will you ever reach a point where you feel comfortable about it?
* Bonus: if you never feel comfortable about it, and are exclusively acting out of desperation, are you truly doing yourself a favor?
Telling the person upfront was the best option for me because it got a potentially uncomfortable situation out of the way before it developed into a bigger problem. There was nothing more to hide. But as mentioned, it runs the risk of coming across as creepy or awkward, so you do need to be tactful. In my best moments i would confidently state, after knowing them long enough to get a feel for the type of person i was speaking with, that i thought they were attractive and that i wanted to tickle them. Some said no. Some were incredibly turned on by it, my wife being one of them.
What i meaning to say is that with the forthright approach, it's important to be open to moving on to a person who is better for you.