What are your thoughts on people that cheat on thier spouses or have one night stands

[Butterfly wings]

The reason why i'm bringing this up is because Jennifer had to rent some Dvd's for one of her English classes because she has a paper that she has to due using the Dvd movies some how. And she went to the Library and couldn't find anything that she wanted. So she just picked up a Dvd for herself to enjoy and watch.

She rented a movie called: Unfaithful it came out in 2002.

''And the plot line of the movie is about Connie Sumner has a loving husband, a beautiful home, and a wonderful son, but she wants more. When she's approached one day by a handsome stranger while trying to hail a taxi, she becomes obsessed with him and eventually starts an affair.''

So after she told me the plot of the movie. I kind of got onto my soap box for a few seconds and told her how i didn't agree with Cheating or One night stands. And that it's wrong to do and that anyone that does that to their husbands or wifes or whoever really is just weak and totally totally wrong in their actions.

So i just want to hear your thoughts and opinions on what you think about cheating and one night stands?

And for the record i definitely do not agree with them no matter what.

 

[jim66e]

I've accually seen the movie, and thought it did a good job of presenting the negative sides to an affair.

Personally, I hold fiedelity to be one of the most important values to have. Therefore cheating on spouses is wrong. One night stands also show a lack of fiedelity.

 

[Butterfly wings]

hot topic, butterfly wings. I've been thinking about it lately, because I am supposed to get married soon. Something came up....a very strong online/phone relationship with another man which I met on a dating website during one of the down times with the fiance. I am very attracted to the new guy (who is my own age and from the USA). I don't know what to do...the new guy has lots of female chat friends, quite the exhibitionist...not good husband/partner material, well maybe not, but he sure makes me LOL at things. On one hand I don't want to end up alone, but on the other I think it's a bad sign that I am feeling such strong emotional and physical attraction to someone other than the fiance (who happens to be much younger and from a different culture, however the same religion). I'm sorry to divert from your topic with personal issues, but I'm gettin there. The conclusion is that I DO NOT approve of myself, so I intend to clear things up one way or the other.

Personally blondie i DO NOT agree with what you and both this new guy are doing. But i'm not here to nit pick alot and judge. So all i'm going to say and leave this as is good luck with you. And i really do hope that you really take a step back and take a look at yourself and what your doing to your fiance and straighten things out once and for all over this.


God Bless You blondie 🙂

 

[blondie46]

a coupla more thoughts

I hear u, butterflywings. I just had another thought on the subject, about one night stands, not long affairs. They're dangerous, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Someone will get hurt. One night stands for people who are not attached can even be dangerous, physically especially. No I don't approve of o.n.s's either. It's like so many activities are playing with fire: provacative dress, flirting, mixing with other men/women, even internet flirting (which got outa hand in my own case). I think I am destined to be the eternal bachelorette. Tonight is a good night for some self reflection, and thanks for opening up the topic.

 

[maniactickler]

My advice to anyone, dont get married! theres too many people out there to get tied down with one person. life is too short as it is. have fun. man was not created to be monogomous.

 

[amk714]

Most people would say cheating on a spouse or significant other is wrong, and I agree with jim66e that fidelity is important. But as Flatfoot's post shows, not everything in life is B & W. 😕 If a marriage goes sour I wouldn't blame the husband (or wife, or even both) for being unfaithful, immoral though it may be. Flatfoot, I'm glad you found someone special and ended your marriage before things got out of hand, and thanks for not being judgmental, Butterfly wings. Blondie46, I hope everything works out for you and your fiance. 🙂

As for one-night stands, I don't like them myself. But if a person has them on a regular basis, isn't abusing anyone, and doesn't believe in forming serious relationships, that's his or her business. 😱 Like maniactickler said, some people don't want to get married or tied down with one person (I assume he meant figuratively 😛), and if they're happy being single and uncommitted, leave them alone unless you think they're in trouble and you care about them, especially friends and family. 😱

 

[steph]

When I was in my 20s, I was much more judgemental. As I approach 40, I find myself to be much more liberal, I guess. I think for some people, it is unrealistic to think that ONE person will be able to fulfill all your needs. Do I endorse cheating per se? No, but I do think it happens and I do know people who have survived it and come out stronger as a couple~like my boss, married for 27 years, whose husband cheated on her in the early days of their marriage...
XOXO

 

[Mitchell]

Usually, Iam the most honorable person on the face of the planet, and would never think of cheating. That being said, I had the following circumstance arise in my family, as told to me by my mom.
As most on here know, Iam estranged from my father, because he was a vile, miserable, abusive human being to my mom and me, for basically my whole life. For years, my mom was hinged into him, choosing not to leave because she was worried that if she did so before I was 18, I could perhaps end up in his custody, or with unmonitored visitation with me, where he could hurt me more.
I know, that during my teenage years, my maternal grandfather, who was the most honorable man alive, and never cheated on my grandmother in the 52 years they were married, advised my mom to cheat. He didnt ever say this to me, but my mom relayed the information to me, with instructions from him that he would deny it if asked, because he didnt want to look like he was advocating cheating.
While cheating is usually wrong, and my intent in my marriage would always be to remain faithful, if I, for instance, was in the situation my mom was in, with a spouse like my father, I probably would cheat with no conscience whatsoever. I do know that my mom told me she never did cheat, because, despite what my grandfather said, and the fact that my father probably would have deserved it, due to the fact that he was an emotionally abusive husband, and father, she knew it was wrong.
So, my bottom line feeling on this: Cheating is morally wrong, in general. I feel if one says:" Until Death Do Us Part", those are very serious vows, and one shouldnt cheat. However, in completely extenuating circumstances, if one has a true bastard husband, or bitch wife, and decides to stay, either due to finances, the children, whatever, morality can sometimes be tossed out the window.

Mitch

One more thing I wanted to add after reading Flat's post. Flat, Iam very sorry to hear about how your ex wife was. That must have been a horrible situation for you. In general, when dealing with someone like that, your actions were understandable, as my mom's would have been had she ever decided to take my grandfather's advice, and cheat on my father.

 

[Storm_Cat]

hot topic, butterfly wings. I've been thinking about it lately, because I am supposed to get married soon. Something came up....a very strong online/phone relationship with another man which I met on a dating website during one of the down times with the fiance. I am very attracted to the new guy (who is my own age and from the USA). I don't know what to do...the new guy has lots of female chat friends, quite the exhibitionist...not good husband/partner material, well maybe not, but he sure makes me LOL at things. On one hand I don't want to end up alone, but on the other I think it's a bad sign that I am feeling such strong emotional and physical attraction to someone other than the fiance (who happens to be much younger and from a different culture, however the same religion). I'm sorry to divert from your topic with personal issues, but I'm gettin there. The conclusion is that I DO NOT approve of myself, so I intend to clear things up one way or the other.

It's probably best that you are having these feelings now as opposed to after a marriage. After reading what you say, I really don't think your proposed marriage is going to work out ... at least not with the current fiance.

 

[mark 19]

I don’t think you should cheat on your partner for any reason I know there are swingers who are happy with the idea of exchanging partners and if both you and your partner are happy with this from the beginning and you both know what the other is doing (or should that be who the other is doing) then its fine, but cheating on someone is something I’d never do and I’d be very angry if I found out some one had cheated on me or one of my friends. In my opinion the whole basis of a relationship (in less you’re a swinger) is the idea of being with just one other person who is special to you.

 

[Mephistopheles]

I'm a rotten bastard.

And secondly: one night stands are a different matter altogether than cheating

ONS's is simply having great sex with strangers. Nothing wrong with that unless you're some moral-obsessed sucker.

 

[blondie46]

It's probably best that you are having these feelings now as opposed to after a marriage. After reading what you say, I really don't think your proposed marriage is going to work out ... at least not with the current fiance.

True, stormcat. I even talked last night with my sons (2 are teens and 1 is 21) who live with me...They said I'd feel sorry after I was married, and would get into something over my head (with the age difference). I didn't even mention the other man to them. So today I did a real low down, but up front thing, I wrote the fiance an EMAIL and told him I was getting cold feet and couldn't commit, maybe some day, but not now, not soon. An email break up sounds so low, but he is in another country, and many times we've had phone trouble. My heart isn't in to him any more, (though I'm not saying I don't feel any regret at all)and I am very focused on man 2 (who will probably dump me lol, because of the what goes around thing).

Part of today's decision is due to giving it more thought, via this thread, and part of it is that man #2 is down where Wilma hit, and I feel worried about him. And now I feel FREE to worry about him, if you know what I mean. Again, thanks for opening up the topic, butterfly.

So here's another question...when you find the right person, do you even WANT to cheat?? I don't think so...

 

[german]

I think it all depends on the individual, I have never cheated on a girl I was seeing nor do I think I would. However one night stands I sort of agree with; likes it one night and obviously there was any lasting connection between the two people so why lie to yourself and the person trying to force a relationship. Like for me going out meeting people the ultimate goal is to find the special girl to spend your life with no point wasting peoples time.

 

[Knox The Hatter]

You know what I've learned?

I've learned not to judge anymore...but I've also learned not to scold...which too many people seem too fond of doing nowadays.

I don't do scolds very well, as so many of you know so well. My middle finger goes up, as did Dr. Strangelove's arm, automatically when someone tells me what I should or shouldn't do.

Now, I've been faithful to my wife, but then, that's my business. My attitude is, go out and get married, and then give me an opinion.

 

[lk70]

You know what I've learned?

I've learned not to judge anymore...but I've also learned not to scold...which too many people seem too fond of doing nowadays.

I don't do scolds very well, as so many of you know so well. My middle finger goes up, as did Dr. Strangelove's arm, automatically when someone tells me what I should or shouldn't do.

Now, I've been faithful to my wife, but then, that's my business. My attitude is, go out and get married, and then give me an opinion.

YEE BUDDY KNOX! Thanks for injecting some logic.

 

[isabeau]

You know what I've learned?

I've learned not to judge anymore...but I've also learned not to scold...which too many people seem too fond of doing nowadays.

I don't do scolds very well, as so many of you know so well. My middle finger goes up, as did Dr. Strangelove's arm, automatically when someone tells me what I should or shouldn't do.

Now, I've been faithful to my wife, but then, that's my business. My attitude is, go out and get married, and then give me an opinion.

wtg knox best answer here ever xoxo

isabeau

 

[Knox The Hatter]

Thank you both.

 

[LindyHopper]

Okay - here are some thoughts from an alternative lifestyle.

I believe that most (read: "normal") people confound the concepts of committment and monogamy: fidelity is important, so cheating is bad. Sure, I agree that "cheating" is bad (though several of you did a good job showing that the world isn't always so black and white). "Cheating" shows a lack of communication and is a violation of trust. But... what if you have a healthy, committed relationship in which you DO feel free to communicate about your desires for other people... and even act on them, with your partner's consent, and then come home to swap stories? I'd say that would qualify as messing around outside of marriage, but it isn't "cheating."

I believe that no matter how much you love the one you're with, desiring other people is natural. To answer blondie46's question, I think when you find the right person, you'd have no desire to cheat, because you'd hate the idea of ever hurting them. However, "swinging," which Mark_19 mentioned, is about having fun experiences with other people; it isn't about deceit.

Bottom line: I believe you can be committed to a person who makes you very happy, and still have extracurricular fun with other people, provided that you are confident in your devotion to each other and your ability to communicate openly and honestly. To quote a very peppy and liberal Savage Garden song, "I believe that trust is more important than monogamy.) 🙂

 

[jugner]

this is a touchy subject. i have never ever cheated on my husband. would i? i dont believe in one night stands. however if i absolutely fell in love im not sure i just dont know. like steph i have changed somewhat in feelings of fidelity. but my husband is so great in most ways i would probably never forgive myself. he doesnt satisfy all my needs but he has stood by me thru all my trials in my life and i owe him big time. we married after college and here i go being totally honest, he was my first if you know what i mean. life is short true mania i found that out this past year. i used to think cheating would qualify you for immediate hell, but i've changed. i dont know what i think now. im confused . i consider marriage to be a sacred honor. and if i ever did cheat, i would leave him. i couldnt live with myself if i cheated and stayed with him. and i would only cheat if i realy really loved the other person and it would be more than a one night stand. just my opinion. dont think im a horrible person for feeling this way. my husband is the best as i said, but i've never had passionate sex. no marriage is perfect and maybe i'll just have to live my life without experiencing wonderful sex . hope i'm not too open about this. i just feel i can tell people here everything and not be judged.

isabeau

I don't mean to sound harsh, but maybe you should tell this to your husband.

 

[jugner]

Cheating on a spouse is wrong. Period. Rationlize all you want. I work with many older people , most have been married for 40+ years, and almost all I asked what was the most important thing to a successful marriage, I didn't lead them to an answer, but of the responses about 8 or 9 said honesty and fidelity, one just said honesty, and one just said fidelity.

Now I'm not blind, Mitch, your mom's situation was hard, and I can see where she may have had reasons. But not being happy or being satisfied is no reason worth cheating. If you have reason to contemplate an affair, you have reason to get a divorce.

 

[Knox The Hatter]

Here's something else I've discovered along the merry road: the people who are the most sanctimonious about this subject are usually catting around on their spouses, or hiding even worse things. If it's one thing we have absolutely no shortage of in America, it's hypocrisy.

 

[amk714]

If it's one thing we have absolutely no shortage of in America, it's hypocrisy.

That's true, and hypocrisy applies to all subjects, but since this thread is about being faithful, I'll keep the focus on that. Look at all the people who speak about fidelity, yet are divorced, re-married, separated, or are single and play the field. Once again, your post is right on target. Thanks for pointing out what should be obvious, but isn't to short-sighted people. It's fine to have opinions but it's even better to not be a hypocrite. And may I say your blog is a fine piece of work too. 😎

 

[Knox The Hatter]

😀

Thank you, my friend.

 

[isabeau]

Here's something else I've discovered along the merry road: the people who are the most sanctimonious about this subject are usually catting around on their spouses, or hiding even worse things. If it's one thing we have absolutely no shortage of in America, it's hypocrisy.

hypocrites abound everywhere why should i be surprised that this forum would be lacking in it? i only regret having posted at all here as i am too open and honest for my own good and expect others to be like me which unfortunately is not the case.

isabeau

 

[Knox The Hatter]

You shouldn't regret it, hon. You're a well liked personage here; your opinions are certainly valuable ones.