what do we really want

[jj82277]

I have read some of the posts on how to tell your girlfreind about your fetish and i find most of the responses interesting. the most interesting thing that i find however is in the question itself. I think it's safe to say that 99% of people on this forum could not see themselves living in a completely tickle free existance with someone, and we all have the shared fantasy of a basement dungeon with our tickle wives/husbands and daily tickle torture sessions. if that is really what we want why the hesitation to let it be known up front (by that i mean date 3 at the latest). I don't know anyone with our fetish that has not been fascinated by or at least open to it since birth. The people that we are looking for have been looking for us too. why is it that we always seem to worry so much, if they hate it we would have been miserable anyway right?

 

[yatsabel1]

I think the thought of rejection and the thought of possibly being labelled a "freak" are so strong that we who not only love tickling, but are also obsessed by it, feel that that kind of risk is only worth taking when we feel really sure the person we are sharing it with will not: 1) reject us or 2) reject us and let everyone in our social circle know we are a "freak". It's a subconcious fear that is there.

Openness is always best, but regretably sometimes we don't have the self-confidence or the maturity to really be ourselves. The happiest ticklers and ticklees in the world are those who are most open about it. They also get it more frequently and they get better quality than lurkers or people who try to sneak in tickling into their daily lives. I think that is a fact.

Anyway, that's what I think.

 

[sepa]

"date 3 at the latest"

Well, what would you say if you sat down for a meal with someone on your third date and they casually told you they wanted to piss all over you and in your mouth?

 

[CellarDweller]

I think it depends on how important tickling is to you.

I enjoy tickling, but it's a more "playful" thing, than a bondage situation. I enjoy playful pokes and jabs to ribs and underarms, or strokes to the feet.

If I met a guy who loved me, and treated me right, and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, and ABSOLUTELY HATED to be tickled, I would be willing to never tickle him, if he could make me happy in more important ways.

 

[maxamum_sumthin1]

I think the thought of rejection and the thought of possibly being labelled a "freak" are so strong that we who not only love tickling, but are also obsessed by it, feel that that kind of risk is only worth taking when we feel really sure the person we are sharing it with will not: 1) reject us or 2) reject us and let everyone in our social circle know we are a "freak". It's a subconcious fear that is there.

Openness is always best, but regretably sometimes we don't have the self-confidence or the maturity to really be ourselves. The happiest ticklers and ticklees in the world are those who are most open about it. They also get it more frequently and they get better quality than lurkers or people who try to sneak in tickling into their daily lives. I think that is a fact.

Anyway, that's what I think.

dam right. i don't see the point in telling every one! being open is one thing, but as yatsabel said most of us (me included) are in fear of the rejection and the freak label. i mean if every one new, you wouldn't be able to work tickling into the everyday.

 

[morgandee]

i don't think lying down and being a wuss about yourself was the point there spud

wussville2k5

 

[jj82277]

Well, what would you say if you sat down for a meal with someone on your third date and they casually told you they wanted to piss all over you and in your mouth?

you are missing the point. i would feel a lot better about it on date three than i would after two years of a relationship.

and if everyone knew so what. what's the worst that could happen. that girl that really loves to be tickled/tickle you might just realize that you are her type of fellow. so which do you really want, to live comfortably posing as someone you are not in fear of exposure, or be bold and share your feelings with someone you are considering romantically.

consider the flip side. how many people do you know in outr community that are married to a person who does not share their fantasy. most of them reffer to their spouses as up tight or something to that affect. and then basically have to cheat on them with people on forums like this in the way of pornography cyber sex phone sex or worse. I just consider it a form of lazieness personally. you will NEVER, NEVER, NEVER get what you want if you do not at least ask right?

 

[Dussicar]

Meh.
I think I'll just hold out until a girl walks up to me and says "I really get off on being pinned down and having rotting camel bladders rubbed all over my face!" Just so I can say "holy crap!!! you're a bigger freak than I am!!! Want to go out?"

See? no more social pressure. 😎

 

[c_tickler]

I told my g/f a few months ago - it took me a year of hiding it and i wished i hadnt, cause.......
a) she wasnt too pleased that i had kept it from her.
and b) she was fine with it and i had missed out on a year of possible tickle sessions and plenty of personal photo oppourtunitys..........

Because we dont live close to each other once i had told her we arranged a day when her house was free and i went up and she let me do my work, we even went out to buy some sexy lingerie and black stockings..... that wa\s a turn on in it's self..............
Then when we got back i got to hog-tie her and tickle her feet......... it was AWESOME and she despite her not really liking her feet tickled she said she enjoyed it and was prepared to keep doing it.... bless her............ so i have got it out in the open and we both couldnt be happier........... gonna have plenty of more chances and she's gonna let me take personal photo's etc! BEST thing i ever did! even though i was terrified about admitting it..... 😀

 

[Blackstar216]

you are missing the point. i would feel a lot better about it on date three than i would after two years of a relationship.
QUOTE]

Not necessarily the case. I told my girl about it almost 3 years into our r'ship and the timing couldn't have been better for it. I asked her what things would have bene like if I had told her much MUCH earlier on and she said that if I had told her within the first months of dating, she probably would have been too estranged to continue a relationship. No fetish can compare to the woman I have so you better believe it was worth it for ME to time how, why, and when I told her all about it.

TWO bottom lines here:
1. To each their own. If you don't feel comfortable, then it's best you wait until you are. A great person is a lot harder to come by than a tickling friend. For those of you who tell the world, more power to you. For those who don't, it's fine too. If you're comfortable either way, that's the important part.
I HATE seeing people criticize others for whether they are open or not. It makes no sense. So when the question is asked, it's great to share success or failure stories but to say one is the right thing to do or the wrong thing to do is strictly up to each individual and circumstance. What works for you does NOT work for all. Whether you tell on date one, month 4, year 3, or never at all, do what works best in your life situation, not others.

2. Factor in stages of life. I might be wrong but is it me or are more of the people who ARE bold about their tickling fetish generally older than those who aren't? As we grow older, life often gets a liiiiiiittle more settled bit by bit. The drive for attempting to do what pleases use most gets stronger while fear of social consequence goes down a little. There's a great deal of difference between a 19 year old student being overt about it and a 39 year old securely employed person sharing it with close ones.
Need an example? Lifestyle BDSM'ers are raaaaarely young. But as they grow to know themselves more, it's okay with them to live out these things at an older age.

 

[jj82277]

when i was talking about the two years i was talking about hearing from your girlfriend trhat she has an obsession tha repulses you. i agree that there is a certain elemet of timing involved in every relationship.

The question that i was posing is based on a fundamental premice that i believe i should have declared and may add some direction to our conversation, and that is that all romantic interaction should have the goal of marriage (i'm not talking about engaging in casual tickle sessions). That being said then the dating process needs to take on a more focused set of peramiters. the main points being the development of a list of must haves and can't stands. this is the foundation for any real relationship. iof you don't know then you can't know that this is the right person for you. the question of what do we really want means is this something that we must have in our marriages. if it is then you are only wasting your time if you don't at some point before getting married talk about it. some people i know would rather be comfortable than happy, and that's alright. some people would rather be happy than comfortable and that's alright too. all i am asking is wether or not we especially the men in this forum have the balls to go after something that we really want. and i am 20 by the way and i feel as though i have a mateur enough grasp on the administration of my fetish.