Finally a thread I can really get behind
There are so many I have done, and people I know have done. I will tell about four separate ones.
FIRST ONE
One friend as a kid took a bucket and filled it with water on a guys front porch. He then put a small plastic barrier, then put newspaper over that and lit the news paper on fire and rang the doorbell. The guy came out and stepped on the in the bucket to put the fire out (don’t know shy cause that is the stupidest thing you can do( but he stepped on it and water came shooting out back at him.
The next three all involve a dumbass named Wayne
SECOND ONE
My other friend went online to a site where you can type in sentences and then the site will replay what you typed in whatever the presets you choose. He chose an elderly woman, and he chose her to say it mad. He recorded it and then called up an ex non friend (Wayne) who had a business in the same field he did-chimney cleaning. He told Wayne he got a nasty message on his business machine that he said was left for Wayne by mistake on his machine. He said the lady got the wrong number and called his chimeny cleaning comapny instead of Wayne's. He played the message that he made on the computer over the phone to Wayne and his Girlfriend. So they hear this upset old lady screaming that "Wayne came to her house to clean her chimney, and she left him alone, but when she came back into the living room, he wasn't there. She looked around the house and found him in her bedroom smelling her underwear." Now Wayne was a kook, and everyone who knows him knew this is something that conceivable it is a possibility for him to be busted for doing. After the message was done, my friend said he could hear Waynes Girlfriend yell "God damnit. I knew something like this would happen!" Then he heard her chasing Wayne around the house, hitting him with a broom, calling him a "Dickless asshole." It was great.
THIRD ONE
I played a trick on a customer with Wayne when he was my employee at a chimney cleaning company. Wayne was fun to pick on cause for some reason dirt was magnetically attracted to him. He could walk though a clean room and come out looking like Pig Pen. To top it off, he never spent money on gear, or bought new gear. He would take old gear that he got at the Good will and Duct tape it, or whatever. To give you a clue, Wayne was too cheap to buy a motor mount for his 1968 Ford half ton when one broke, so he took chain and hung the engine on it from hooks screwed into the inside of the engine bay. The truck would bounce as it went down the street. He didn't spring for ladder rack and instead used old bed frames from good will tied together. Lets just say that from the moment he got to your door to clean your chimney he looked like hell. I still don't know why the boss kept him on.
Anyway, so Wayne got to this lady's house to clean her chimney. He had already cleaned two chimneys prior and so he was pretty dirty. She was outside waiting for him when his old, beat up yellow P.O.S. Ford comes bouncing down the street making more noise than a busted chainsaw. So already she is afraid. She lets him into her house to clean the fireplace, and then ran into the bathroom and locked herself inside. Then she called me asking me if Wayne worked for us and if she should be afraid of him. Now Wayne pissed me off earlier, so I wanted to have some fun. Now, the thing about Wayne is, if you talk to Wayne, even only for a minute, doesn't matter what the subject, or if you just met him, he will have said the word "fundamentally" at least twice. So I told the lady:
"No Mam. He has been great so far. I mean he was only released a few months ago, but he has worked out great for us so far. No problems. The only time we get worried is when he has said the word "Fundamentally" twice. It was the code word that they used I guess when he was in the military trained as a covert killer. But we were told that he was supposed to have been successfully de-programed. But we still notice when he says the word "fundamentally" more than twice that we have to leave him alone and let him cool down for an hour or he trashes the place."
Now that I have her hooked, and she is speechless thinking how a company can send an employee with these sorts of problems, alone, into other peoples homes, I ask:
"Has he said the word 'Fundamentally' more than once Mam?"
All of a sudden I hear the phone rattling and I hear her mousily say "Yes." I then say;
"Oh boy. I tell you what Mam. You did the right thing by locking yourself into the bathroom. Well if he is in your house it means he is near the end and will be leaving soon. Just stay in there."
All of a sudden Wayne knocked on the door telling the lady he was done and that he needed her to sign the safety inspection. She silently asked me "What do I do?" I told her:
"Stay in there and just slip the money under the door and tell him you cant come out. Say you have the runs."
So she yells this , terrified. You can hear Wayne through the door going "Okay." He takes the money and slips the safety inspection under the door. I stay with her on the phone until she tells me that she heard him drive away. Wayne comes back into the office saying "I just had the weirdest customer" He then proceeds to tell us what happened, and the owner of the company and I are biting our lips trying to keep a straight face. He then leaves for anther job, and as he drove away, we laughed so hard.
FOURTH ONE
I played another trick on the owner of the company involving this guy too. Everything was going great. I had sales nearly triple what they were from the year before (I made my boss $300,000.00 richer from the previous year) and he was so happy he was damn near whistling Dixie out of his bunghole. I thought it was time to play a prank on my boss. When I first got to the company my boss had these idiot employees working for him, and customers would call up complaining and asking to speak to the owner. He would talk to them and then give them half price on the job due to the bad work done by any one of these boneheads he had working for him. I came in and fired them and got good guys, but we kept Wayne for some reason. Well, if a complaint had come in and the owner wasn't there, I would take down everything on a note in red ink, explaining what happened and telling him he needed to call the customer. Then when he came into the office he would do that first thing. So here we are a year with no complaints except the occasional small ones for Wayne, which I would handle myself so it never got to him. So I left a note that said this. (Now keep in mind that this Wayne guy is such a nut job that this is conceivable that he could have done this. This would not be something that you would question Wayne being dumb enough to do)
"(Owners name)
Wayne’s 11:30 appointment called up and she is furious. She said Wayne had came to her house and set up his ladder and stared heading towards the roof before even going to the door. Apparently she forgot hat she had called two companies and mistakenly scheduled us and (other company) to clean her chimney. They got their yesterday. So she was shocked that someone was up on her roof. She went out to ask Wayne what he was doing, and Wayne told her he was there to clean her chimney. She suddenly remembered that she forgot to call us and cancel, but that someone cleaned it yesterday. Wayne got furious, saying "GOD DAMMIT! I drive all the way out here and you forget to cancel. What the hell am I supposed to do now!" They argued, and Wayne refused to leave her roof, saying that he was going to clean her chimney and she was going to pay him for it. Well she told him she was calling us to talk to him, and went into the house. As she was calling the us, she heard something drop down the chimney and looked to see a pile of crap come down into her fire place. She ran outside to see Wayne sitting on the chimney taking a dump down it. She freaked, and ran into the house. She was just about to call the cops when Wayne jumped off of the roof. he grabbed his ladder, then he ran to the side of her house and grabbed her water hose. Apparently she had her dog tied up back there, and Wayne kicked it, then stole her gardenhose, threw it and his ladder into the back of his truck and drove off. She is pissed and you need to call her. She is thinking of pressing charges but she wants to talk to you first."
Now my boss just got back from building a chimney (He was also a mason) and had a big smile on his face. All of the employees minus Wayner are there. All are in on the act. All just have this look somber like "oh man the shit is going to hit the fan when he sees this" look on our faces. We couldn't have looked better. No one said anything, they just looked at the Owner. Now all I said was "Hey, Wayne ...well it is better if you read the note. All I can say is this lady is pissed." There were a few other employees in the office, and they were in on the thing. My boss went in and read it and came out and looked at me laughing, asking "This is a joke, right?' I just looked at him straight face and shook my head No. He said "Come on. Your joking right?" I shook my head No again. Then I said "Dan. It's Wayne. What do you think?" All of a sudden he got this 'Oh shit' look on his face. He went back into his office, locked the door, and you didn't hear anything for about 30 seconds. Then you heard the boss screaming
"GOD DAMN THAT FUCKING CHIMNEY SHITTING, DOG KICKING, GARDEN HOSE STEALING DICKHEAD!!!!"
We all started laughing. My boss heard us and realized that we Punked him. By this time was white and thinking he might have lost his company. It was so funny.
In case you are wondering, the company was all men, and we joked and played practical jokes on each other all the time so you wouldn't get fired for doing so, no matter how bad the practical joke was.
5TH ONE
Last one involves my brother. He fell asleep on the beach, and, while he was asleep, I took the sun block and wrote "asshole" on his back with it. He woke up with a sunburn all over his back except for the word "asshole" which was bright white. He was walking back to the car and everyone was yelling "Hey Asshole!" at him.
Well that was five of them but I have a lot more.
