What NOT to do during LOTR Movies

[BellaRisa]

This was sent to me via Livejournal today, more tea spewed on my screen:

WHAT NOT TO DO DURING LOTR Movies

1. Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, "Wait... where the hell is Harry Potter?"

2. Block the entrance to the theater while screaming: "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

3. Play a drinking game where you have to take a sip every time someone says: "The Ring."

4. Point and laugh whenever someone dies.

5. Ask everyone around you if they think Gandalf went to Hogwarts.

6. Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Mr. Anderson."

7. When Aragorn is crowned king, stand up and at the top of your lungs sing, "And I did it.... MY way...!"

8. Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off someone's finger and fall down the stairs.

9. Dress up as old ladies and reenact "The Battle of Helms Deep" Monty Python style.

10. When Denethor lights the fire, shout "Barbecue!"

11. Every time Elrond appears, shout out (in your best 'Dobby' voice) "Clothes! Master gave Elrond Clothes!"

12. In TTT when the Ents decide to march to war, stand up and shout "RUN FOREST, RUN!"

13. Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: "That's what I'm Tolkien about!" See how long it takes before you get kicked out of the theatre.

14. During a wide shot of a battle, inquire, "Where's Waldo?"

15. Talk loudly about how you heard that there is a single frame of a nude Elf hidden somewhere in the movie.

16. Start an Orc sing-a-long.

17. Come to the premiere dressed as Frankenfurter and wander around looking terribly confused.

18. When they go in the paths of the dead, wait for tense moment and shout, "I see dead people!"

19. Imitate what you think a conversation between Gollum, Dobby and Yoda would be like.

20. Release a jar of daddy-long-legs into the theater during the Shelob scene.

21. Wonder out loud if Aragorn is going to run for governor of California.

22. When Shelob comes on, exclaim, "Man! Charlotte's really let herself go!"

24. After the movie, say "Lucas could have done it better."

 

[Oddjob0226]

ROTK was SO disappointing.

Honestly, Frank Oz was at probably his worst this time out as Gollum. He hasn't sounded this stiff since Babe, Pig In The City. And WHERE was the part where the little girl says "7 days"?

Wasn't Frodo or Mojo or somebody supposed to put on a magic mask and say "Smmmmmmmoking!" ??? Hello - I thought I read that on one of the rumor pages..... But thank God they cut out the Christopher Lee pie fight at the end of the movie. It did NOT work in DVD director's cut of Schindler's List at all.

They never even mentioned the midichlorians from the 1st movie, BTW!

And what's with the elves speaking whatever gibberish they were speaking? Why didn't they stick closer to the book, which is in ENGLISH last time I checked. I don't do sub-titles. I mean, if I wanted to read I'd buy a library card off of Ebay.

It's just sad that, as Gandolf, George Plimpton's last role had to be in such a stickeroo film as this.

Hopefully part 4 where Sam picks up the story will be better. Not one of Coppella's best, IMHO.

 

[Lazarus]

Geez....

Just when that damn headache was starting to go away....

😉

 

[AffectionateDan]

I suppose the "tea spewed on the monitor" riff sholda been warning enough, but NOOOOO

2. Block the entrance to the theater while screaming: "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

Orrrrrrrr... "None Shall Pass", clad in your finest Black Knight garb.

Orrrrrrr... "Whomsoever would see the film of DEATH shall answer me these questions three, 'ere the movie ye see!"

"WHAT... is your name?"

"WHAT... is your quest?"

"WHAT... is the airspeed velocity of an unladen hobbit?"

6. Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Mr. Anderson."

OMG, this was the first close-call for me... I choked, but managed not to spew. MOST triumphant riff, that.

7. When Aragorn is crowned king, stand up and at the top of your lungs sing, "And I did it.... MY way...!"

LMFAO! Anybody who knows me can see me actually doing this one...

9. Dress up as old ladies and reenact "The Battle of Helms Deep" Monty Python style.

This may be my favorite one, however!

12. In TTT when the Ents decide to march to war, stand up and shout "RUN FOREST, RUN!"

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!

13. Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: "That's what I'm Tolkien about!" See how long it takes before you get kicked out of the theatre.

GROOOOOOOOANNNNN!!! Boo! Hiss!

14. During a wide shot of a battle, inquire, "Where's Waldo?"

This is where I sprayed Dr. Pepper all over my freakin' screen, thankyouverymuch. I'll GET you for that, babygirl...

17. Come to the premiere dressed as Frankenfurter and wander around looking terribly confused.

I thought I was gonna wet myself when I saw this one!

18. When they go in the paths of the dead, wait for tense moment and shout, "I see dead people!"

Laughed out loud at this one, but wasn't drinking, so I was fine. 😛

20. Release a jar of daddy-long-legs into the theater during the Shelob scene.

ALLLLLLLmost got me again, here. Bad BAD Bellabrat.

21. Wonder out loud if Aragorn is going to run for governor of California.

Okay, dated, but still funny!

 

[Dave2112]

When the Witch-King dismounts his beast and turns to face Eowyn, stand up and shout "I....AM...IRON MAN!!!"

Ask everyone around you when Aragorn is going to turn into Vader.

Tickle the neck of the person in front of you when Shelob appears.

When the ship sets sail for Valinor, start singing "The Heart Goes On" with four of your friends.

Chant the "One Ring to Rule them All..." passage everytime you see the Ring. (Also better with a few friends)

 

[AffectionateDan]

When the Witch-King dismounts his beast and turns to face Eowyn, stand up and shout "I....AM...IRON MAN!!!"

Tickle the neck of the person in front of you when Shelob appears.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAaaaaa! Eeeeeevil!

 

[tommytikl]

Some other "bad" ideas...

Hold and talk to your popcorn like Gollum speaks of the Ring..."The Precious is mine"

Whenever you see Gandolf on the screen say, "Man that Magneto really has acting range"

Every time the flying "dragons" make the high pitche screech yell,
"Damn it, what does my wife want now!!!"

Couldn't they put the drain somewhere ELSE?(Two Towers Reference)

Everytime Gollum appears on the screen yell, "Jar Jar rules!"

Whenever you see Frodo on the screen, say "Mr. Potter".

Speak aloud, "I heard there is a Kick ASS Quidditch Match towards the end of the film!!"

When Legolas(Orlando Bloom)is about to kill all the people on the "elephant" yell,"Hey got any Grey Pupon over there!!"

 

[BellaRisa]

I'll GET you for that, babygirl...

Yes. You will .



"Couldn't they put the drain somewhere ELSE?"

Dude, I've been physically abused more than once lately for wondering out loud "where the HELL where those giant eagles when everybody was doing all that damn CLIMBING?? THAT'S when they needed giant eagles..." 😛

bellabrat

 

[Cav88]

I didn't get #7.

 

[AffectionateDan]

Ever heard of Frank Sinatra, Cav? Listen to the song, maybe it'll make more sense after that. Trust me, #7 was funnnnnnnny.