What's with all the ruckus.......

[Goodieluver]

Well I'm not saying this goes for EVERY girl on the forum...
But I usually respond to messages that say something like
this...

"Hey how are you?
I've seen you posting a lot on the forum and you seem like a
cool girl. I'm new around here and am just trying to make
some friends ... if you ever want to talk let me know!"

Messages like that aren't creepy, it shows they notice you as more
than a girl on the forum, and it looks like they actually care.
Dunno. But that's usually how it works for me.
I don't respond to "hey you're cute... can we talk about tickling
sometime?"
That's just me though.
I mean when I message a guy on the forum [because it's not
just guys who send PMs!] I try to say something a little more
than just "hey!"

Hey! Whats your shoe size? Wanna talk tickling?

 

[fordtech30]

Hey! Whats your shoe size? Wanna talk tickling?

D'oh!!

 

[Adam]

Ok. Lets take this further. This is a good point. To comment on someone's thread or post.

But what people act like on the computer and the way they are in real life are sometimes two different things. Even if they have pics, it may not be them.

And even if they comment to a post. It still may be a tactic to get what they want.

The whole reason behind this thread was because people on here didn't seem to be serious abt anything. They know how to get people's attention and play the game so to speak.

I wasn't going to comment on this part of the thread, but I'm in the mood to type at the moment. This hits close to home for me. Over the years, I have experienced times in which I've felt that I'd made a genuine connection on the forum. I do not ever approach a female expecting anything other than friendship to come of it. But sometimes, given the nature of this site, the flirting can get pretty intense once you feel comfortable around each other. After a while, you begin to think, "Hmmm, there might be something legit here." The problem is that you really don't know for sure.

So you may begin to put a few feelers out there to get an idea of where this flirtatious talk is coming from. Is it for the sake of getting your jollies or is it from true feelings of affection and a desire for something more? And you know, when it's the former, it can be absolutely heartbreaking. I do understand the desire to release a little sexual tension, but it's important to remember that people have real feelings to consider.

 

[Tamia78]

Thank you Adam for getting this thread kinda back on track!

That's sorta what made me start the whole thread. You're exactly right with all the flirting and stuff that goes on here, it's really hard to tell when people are actually interested in you, or just being a big flirt (nothing wrong with that 😀).

I'm basically commending that there are those out there putting themselves (and their hearts) out there for someone to take notice. I never even knew there were people looking, honestly.

--T

 

[Goodieluver]

Thank you Adam for getting this thread kinda back on track!

That's sorta what made me start the whole thread. You're exactly right with all the flirting and stuff that goes on here, it's really hard to tell when people are actually interested in you, or just being a big flirt (nothing wrong with that 😀).

I'm basically commending that there are those out there putting themselves (and their hearts) out there for someone to take notice. I never even knew there were people looking, honestly.

--T

Isnt that simply prevalent in society? Growing up you are surrounded by mixed signals from people. You think someone likes you intimately but its only friendship and vice versa

It just becomes a session of trial and error. You will find those who are into you, and then you find those who were just being kind.

 

[FlockOfSeagulls]

Thank you Adam for getting this thread kinda back on track!

That's sorta what made me start the whole thread. You're exactly right with all the flirting and stuff that goes on here, it's really hard to tell when people are actually interested in you, or just being a big flirt (nothing wrong with that 😀).

I'm basically commending that there are those out there putting themselves (and their hearts) out there for someone to take notice. I never even knew there were people looking, honestly.

--T

Which can be a huge mistake because on the web you can pretend to be one thing and be nothing like that in real life. The expectations can also build to the point that know human being could ever live up to thus dooming the relationship as well

 

[Marquis De Sade]

Hey! Whats your shoe size? Wanna talk tickling?

Perfect example!

I don't know this person, but he is reinforcing my point. He sends a message to a girl and gets shot down right off the bat. Because the women on this forum probably get lots of messages. They get a little paranoid and who wouldn't.

True. But hey, look at your post counts. I dunno. Maybe post more? It'll show off your personality even more, let people get a feel for who you might be a little more you know? Not saying you haven't but there are a LOT of people here, it takes a while to stand out so when you do PM someone the person you're writing to knows, based on what they've read so far, that you're okay and not just after pics or a number or whatever. 🙂

 

[wishful1234]

I have 2 long-winded points (now I don't mean to get off on a rant here...)

1) Personality; Ladies, the door swings both ways. There's females on this forum who seldom post or who just "lurk" without ever posting- how are we males gonna have any inkling what your personality is like? And it really IS about personality.

It seems the women who post regularly are already taken and make it a point to say so-the ones who may be available seem to never reveal any part of their personality.

Call me hopelessly old-school, but dinner and conversation with an intelligent woman is one of the great treasures in life; (and it's NOT just some obligatory female formality to tolerate on the path to sex!) And what do you think sustains a real solid relationship? Just physical compatability? Two unhappy strangers who have sex but nothing else in common?? It's about everything else; values, character, mutual interests, easy-goingness, tolerance, and a hundred other "grown-up" things.

Yes, some of us just want a live female body to use as a sex toy; but if you want a man who appreciates you for who you are, you have to reveal some of your personality to us, or you'll all seem like "just another pretty face"

2) Prove we're normal and not creepy...... Ummmm this is an EROTIC FETISH website- This is a digital temple devoted to tying women up (mostly women) and tickling them to ecstacy in all sorts of bizarre sexually-charged scenarios! By all rights there should be NO entirely "NORMAL" PEOPLE HERE. (Harrumph!)

For "normal" guys go to "Jocks who dig hot chick's boobs.com" or "40y/o compensating rich-guy show-offs with BMWs looking for 21 y/o blond armrests.com"

I think you'll find more depth than that here..... I've found some amazing depth in people I've chatted with online (men and women) from this and other tickling fetish sites. Politics, medicine, crisis, hopes, dreams gasping for life, deep desires, talents, intelligence, eloquence......

(...or I could be mistaken)

 

[ShadowFyre]

Which can be a huge mistake because on the web you can pretend to be one thing and be nothing like that in real life. The expectations can also build to the point that know human being could ever live up to thus dooming the relationship as well

People lie on teh intarwebz?

 

[wishful1234]

Yes, Virginia; sometimes people lie on the intrawebz 🙂

been tossing around a short SF story about "what if everything on the web were really true?" Just think what that world would be like...

 

[Mister Scruff]

Dating someone from here is rough. If you can do it, awesome, but it's hard to find a normal guy that you can actually see dating. Most of them just want to hook up for tickling or they're so socially retarded you can't really relate to them or they're fucking crazy or they live on the other side of the country/Earth. And I have learned multiple times that the long distance thing is not for me.

We would have had beautiful, if homicidal, children 🙁

On topic; what she said. Although a funny thing to note is that it doesn't really reverse; there are a lot of mad-heads within the male portion of the membership, but aside from the odd shut-in, attention ***** and drama llama the women seem to come off quite reasonably. It also says something that said attention *****s, drama llamas and shut-ins don't seem particularly interested in dating either. I'm not sure what it says, but it says something.

Or maybe it doesn't.

 

[Phineas]

Funny. I was just thinking about this very topic recently, myself. I've been around here a long time... and while it's reasonable for a newbie to think that maybe they might meet someone here, the fact is, the odds are stacked well against you. I've completely given up on ever trying to date someone from this community and simply focus my efforts on converting the vanillas.

not to mention not too many guys out there actually looking for dateable females on here (or maybe it's just me)

It's just you. Or rather, you have two types of guys; the 'OMG SHOW ME URE FEETZ' type, and the other type. The other type would like to meet someone here, but as was previously mentioned, we simply can't get our foot in the door for a multitude of reasons.

First, as was mentioned, most of the women here are taken. Hell, I've been an active member of the local gathering scene for like three years now, and most of the women there are taken. The few that aren't taken (locally), don't want to be. The ones here that aren't taken don't quite advertise that they want to be taken - or they give off a "stay the f**k away from me" vibe to scare off the perverts, and the decent guys get thrown out with the proverbial bathwater because they don't want to be lumped in with the other ones.

Then, you have the issue that you don't even really know who to approach. Most women don't bother to fill out the Location field of their profile with something accurate, rather than cutesy things like "Gigglefield, USA". I'm not going to try and meet someone 3000 miles away. I want to stay local.

And, there's the privacy issue. Lots of them don't want to show their faces, and scream about how it shouldn't matter all you want, physical chemistry is important.

So, let's say you do finally run into someone interesting, who flips your switch appearance-wise, who's local, not taken, and actually interested in meeting a decent guy. You now have the problem whereby she may not be interested in you, for any one of a hundred other reasons you probably have no control over. Welcome to Dating 101, where not everyone will like you.

Now, if you do write to this person, you have an interesting catch-22; you have to swear to the heavens that you just want to be friends and that you have no alterior motives whatsoever. Never mind the fact that you're a male, she's a female, and this is a sexual fetish forum. You can't act like you may actually like the person, despite it not working that way in Real Life.

It's mind-blowingly weird.

There have been a few threads about dating that I've seen pop up over the last couple of weeks.

There's also been two or three threads about tricking people and/or drugging them. I think it's a coincidence. Stuff runs in cycles around here. Heck, there's Yet Another Celebrity Thread on the front page as I write this.

Also, it seems to be males who are initiating these threads.

Of course it is. Males are the ones who are still socially expected to make the first move - but they don't know how, because women constantly complain that they get hit on, and they don't know who it's okay to do it to, because none of the women advertise that they're looking or use the Personals forum out of self-preservation.

The odd "how do I tell my boyfriend?" thread aside, you gals actually do have a much easier time getting your guy to do what you like than us guys do, because your guy is generally willing to bend over backwards if it means he'll get some. (It's not a bad thing.) Especially if the gal is a 'lee - there's no overcoming any "resistance" on the part of the person being tickled because they like it by default. Nine times out of ten, male 'lers have to deal with being with someone who hates being tickled and won't submit to it to make them happy.

So in short, the womenfolk merely need to say "hey, I'm single and I want you to do this" and they'll have a line 'round the block of guys willing to do it. Guys? Not so much. So we have to go out and stand in that line. Or, start a post asking where the line is.

it's hard to find a normal guy that you can actually see dating.

This one goes for both guys and girls. Simply being 'normal' and liking tickling isn't enough.

There's always the personals section - why isn't that enough for people?

The Personals do not work. They never have worked, and they never will work. They simply keep all the 'm4femfeet' spam in one spot. Quick poll; do any of the women on this forum even read the personals, let alone use them? Five bucks says you don't (and, most likely, because you don't need to).

Why are they not easy to prove?

Because a lot of women here, having had very bad experiences with jerks, have a permanent set of 'defenses' up whereby they will be suspicious of anyone who writes to them. I've had it happen to me. Fortunately, I was able to talk my way out of it... but the fact remains, women are on guard around here.

I'm not admonishing them for being so, by the way. Just saying, the deck is stacked against us.

Well I'm not saying this goes for EVERY girl on the forum...
But I usually respond to messages that say something like
this...

"Hey how are you?
I've seen you posting a lot on the forum and you seem like a
cool girl. I'm new around here and am just trying to make
some friends ... if you ever want to talk let me know!"

Messages like that aren't creepy, it shows they notice you as more
than a girl on the forum, and it looks like they actually care.

On the other hand, would they be E-mailing you that kind of message if you were a guy?

Like I said, it's all about pretenses. Not that I think being disrespectful is the way to go, but let's not mince words, here... you're a girl, and they're interested in you. The irony is, if they act like they're interested, they won't get anywhere.

It still may be a tactic to get what they want.

Everything is, technically, a tactic. Few people are so truly altruistic that they do nothing with their own self-interest in mind. We all want companionship, whether via friendship or something more. Communicating with people is a 'tactic' that will gain us social interaction.

Anyway, these are my thoughts on the subject. Dating on the TMF is a needle in the haystack at best, and a paradox at worst. The only constant is that the personals are useless. 🙂

 

[syzygy]

As a young male on this forum, the age of 21 mind you, I'll offer my perspective to those in my age bracket 18-20-something...23 or 25 is it? Not sure.

Anyway, I think the main reason, for the younger members mind you, is most of them are fresh out of high-school, on their own, etc...so, it's not like many of them are living with their parents, so a meeting to them seems much more realistic.

Secondly, this forum is stacked with pretty ladies. I'm such a suck up 😛

Third, and this one is fairly important, these kids are only a few years out of high-school. Now, in high-school being different is not a great thing...and yes, they are out of HS, but they still have that mentality, well some, but not all. Regardless, it's the fact that tickling perhaps makes them seem out of place. Yet, you drop them in a place where, what they think is their weirdest personality quirk is, is socially accepted (to an extent) mind you, well, you're going to have the inevitable flood of trying to hook up.

Fourth, well, for the guys anyway...we're young and we think with the wrong head ;D.

Though, I suppose dating on the TMF is alright, I'd recommend sticking closer to home. Long-distances are hard to maintain and even harder when you finally do meet the person. There's a lot of discomfort, especially if they act differently from what they did online. I don't think you necessarily need to find someone in this community to enjoy your fetish. I mean, with the right person, then your fetish shouldn't even be a problem in their eyes, just another playful night in the bedroom.

Mind you, these are just my thoughts and perhaps they were expressed already, I didn't actually read all five pages of this.

 

[Marquis De Sade]

Now, if you do write to this person, you have an interesting catch-22; you have to swear to the heavens that you just want to be friends and that you have no alterior motives whatsoever.

IMO, this is such a waste of time. Why should here be any different from the outside world? It's just another form of communicating. Instead of actually talking, you're typing. But the same shit that comes outta your mouth if that person were standing in front of you should be typed out on the screen as best you can, otherwise you'd just be being false to who you are and who that other person is in regards to the dynamic between the two of you. False questions, answers and anything else "designed" to make something seem "as if" instead of "what is" will most likely get you the same in return: Something false.

So, if you like someone for God's sake tell that person.

This is of course, assuming that the two of you are already somewhat friends and there's trust there. Why? Because that's how it works in the real world and again, why should here be any different? You don't just walk up to some random chick and be like, "S'up babay!! We should totally hook up, date, have sex, get tickled, whatEVA." unless you're a complete tool. No. You get to know that person, see if you have anything in common, make sure you don't hate each others guts, etc. Same rules, again IMO, should apply in forums. Different rules for different places (online/real life), acting one way if you're something else, it just makes everything more complicated than it has to be.

Never mind the fact that you're a male, she's a female, and this is a sexual fetish forum. You can't act like you may actually like the person, despite it not working that way in Real Life.

So what happens if the two of you (general "you" here), finally meet up in real life?

He: Sooo...heyguesswhat I like you.

Her: Really? Shit. I had no idea.

*awkward silence*
*crickets*
*one of you wishes they had a time machine*

It's mind-blowingly weird.

Nah. Attracted to someone? Become friends. Tell 'em. Hook up. Whatever. It's easy.

Unless that person has like, you know, horrible eating habits or something. You can't see that shit over a computer. Like, if I can hear you chewing your food? Nuh uh. Kinda gross. If I can see the food you're chewing AND hear it? I'm leaving you with the bill.

There's also been two or three threads about tricking people and/or drugging them. I think it's a coincidence. Stuff runs in cycles around here. Heck, there's Yet Another Celebrity Thread on the front page as I write this.

Yeeah...LOL. If someone PM's someone and they're like, "Hey! S'up. I've seen you around and think you're cool." and then you check their past posts and sometime earlier in their forum history they asked what the most effective date rape drug is...you know, I wouldn't really continue the conversation with that person. With enough posts, your real personality shows through whether you're trying to hide it or not.

Of course it is. Males are the ones who are still socially expected to make the first move - but they don't know how, because women constantly complain that they get hit on

This is no different though than physically being at a party, in a bar, in a club or whatever where there are men and women present. Online it just may take a little longer, and it rightfully should because I DO acknowledge that people can pretend online, BUT, the basics should remain the same. A smart dude or chick knows to trust his or her instincts after a while. And besides, isn't what pepper spray is for?

Especially if the gal is a 'lee - there's no overcoming any "resistance" on the part of the person being tickled because they like it by default. Nine times out of ten, male 'lers have to deal with being with someone who hates being tickled and won't submit to it to make them happy.

This (minus the butt scratcher):

LOL! Buttscratcher!

Sorry. Yeah, I agree. People just need to make friends on the forum,
and then if something happens, great. If not, you've got a large number
of awesome friends all over the globe.

The OP was about DATING on the TMF. We ALL have a tickling kink here so it goes without saying it'll happen IF:

...you make friends first.
...you meet up.
...you start dating.

Don't confuse tickling with dating, and I mean that nicely sir. IMO they don't mix well in the beginning. And if they ever do mix before you've actually met that person, well then congrats. Chances are you've gone and accomplished the first part.

Because a lot of women here, having had very bad experiences with jerks, have a permanent set of 'defenses' up whereby they will be suspicious of anyone who writes to them. I've had it happen to me. Fortunately, I was able to talk my way out of it... but the fact remains, women are on guard around here.

Again, same as the outside world. Approach, converse, get to know here as you would outside and I don't see what the problem is.

There's a close female friend I have here. Took us a whole YEAR before we even heard each others voices over the phone. We JUST recently found out how we got into this whole thing in the first place. And you know what? I kinda like it like that. Why? Because we know each other's taste in music, movies, favorite whatevers, past, presents, futures, names of our fuckin' cats, laughed, cried, bitched, supported, etc. and whatever else goes into what it means to be a friend.

You think it'll be awkward when we finally meet up? Doubt it. Same should go if you're interested interested in someone.

Granted, it is sometimes hard to not wanna "prove" you're not a psycho when YOU know you're not, but respect the other person enough to just chill.

Just saying, the deck is stacked against us.

It is what you make it.

The irony is, if they act like they're interested, they won't get anywhere.

Meh. Be upfront. Saves time. Games suck. People get hurt.