What's your opinion on this?

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

I was recently given some advice from my Mom on dating and wanted to find out what people (especially guys) thought about it. In the world of dating, she told me that when I begin to date a guy, it's best to have him talk about himself and for the woman to reveal very little about herself. I asked her about how long should I remain a mystery to the guy and she said it depends but after a while.


What do you think of this? Is this wise advice or does it depend on the guy or the situation? I really need some feedback on this and any advice would be very helpful. Hope to get some helpful responses.

 

[MrMacphisto]

I don't know how I fit into the grand scheme of my gender's traits, but honestly, I prefer it if the girl starts talking first. Despite what my posts might imply here, I'm actually more of a listener than a talker.

From a guy's point of view, it seems that I've been most successful with women when I just listen to them for a while and throw in a few insights to spice things up.

Granted, there are a lot of guys out there that prefer to be the more talkative one. I guess it really depends on the guy you end up dating.

 

[amk714]

Ticklejen, I'm sure most of the others here know more about dating than I do, so I could be wrong 😛, but I think you should talk about yourself at least some of the time. For example, if he's got a big ego and loves to talk about himself, you should talk about yourself as well, because if you don't, you won't be able to get a word in edgewise. He's got to know about your needs as well as his own. And if he's shy and doesn't talk much, then if you open up to him, that might get him to open up to you. That's just my two cents. Good luck. 🙂

 

[ViperGTS]

My opinion is, you're old enough to form your own opinions on dating and make your own decisions.

I haven't asked my mother for dating advice since I was fifteen.

 

[Sultrybrunette]

I would say that you have to open up to them a little bit for the date to go well. If a guy had that big of an ego and talked about himself all night I would never date that guy again. Personally, if I am very uncomfortable during the date I would hold back. But if its going well and I think there is at least a chance of a friendship then I will open up some. You dont have to spill everything but enough to keep him interested. Besides, getting to know someone is not a one-nght thing.

 

[Deuce]

Well my take on this is like that of Sultry, but if your on a first date with someone and don't open up and make him carry the conversation but the guy is interested in learning about you and you don't help him with insight on you then he may not want to meet again cause he is looking for someone to share with. Now yes your mom maybe right with some she maybe wrong with others, that's were you have to look at that person and do a quick size up of him and ask yourself can he be the one or not and then take it from there. I will be the first one to say dating is very hard trying to find that special someone and to lump all guys or guys that lump all women together maybe letting that one slip away cause of someone else's advice tho that advise may of worked well for them it may not be the right advise for you. My advise is this for what's it's worth but "Life is like a fruit tree you need to go out on a limb to pick the one you want"

 

[chrisheaven]

its all a mystery to me 🙂

 

[Mitchell]

Jen, actually, I disagree. For this reason. If I go out on a date with a woman, and talk about myself non stop, I almost feel like an ego maniac, and like I'm the only one that matters. I want to hear about a girl, and for her to tell me about herself, her life, what she does, and how she thinks. It helps me to get to know her better. Yes, I do like to reveal details about myself, but Iam a good listener also. I feel that if I listen about her, and what she thinks, it can allow her to trust me more quickly, and grow into a meaningful relationship. Personally, if I was a girl, and all someone did was talk about themselves on a date, I'd probably come home and be like:" What a self centered person".
I know I may sound different than others who posted in this thread, but this is my view.

Mitch

 

[barefoot_m_uk]

I talk too damn much anyway ...

... but when I was dating and indeed when I'm with people generally, if I like 'em I tend to ask 'em stuff cos I'm interested in 'em. I want to hear their opinions on things, find out a bit about them. Like some others here, I'd worry if you were dating a guy whose his own favourite topic.

... And that's my two cents.

 

[isabeau]

i think that you should each talk equally. and be honest. this idea of being mysterious is rather old fashioned i think. so that no one gets hurt feelings or wrong impressions, i think the more each other knows about the other the better. on my first date with my future husband, we drove around and talked. it was more of a friendly get together than a date at that time. and we learned much about each other, however i already knew him due to the fact that we were both in music. we were a bit nervous of course, but wow did we ever loosen up when we met some friends of ours and smoked pot in the back of their van lol

isabeau

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

I want to thank everyone for their advice so far. Viper, just so you know, my Mom is a very opinionated person who gives me advice whether I want it or not. I know I am an adult but everyone needs parents to a certain degree regardless of age. Just so you know, I make my own decisions about my life most of the time. Anyhow, I am understanding from your responses that I should reveal enough about myself to keep him interested but some things should remain a mystery for a while anyway.


However, there have been times when I have gone on date and I we both talked and talked. This was a first date and it seemed like we ran out of topics to talk about. As a result, it made things awkward for the rest of the date. This happened a few times but I'll take all your advice into consideration.

 

[Knox The Hatter]

I'm sitting there, in a restaurant, across a table from you, and after ten minutes of me trying to jump start a conversation with a reticent you, I might come to the conclusion that I might be doing that down the road as well. I don't like reticence. I like the free flow of words, of ideas, of fluid conversation, of easy laughter. 'Demure' ain't doing it. 'Demure' is only for guys with egos that need to be fed continually.

 

[phfttklr]

I'm with isabeau on this. I think both should be able to tell a little bit about each other and forget the mysterious bit. Depending if one or both of you are the shy type, the conversation should flow easily. If you are the shy type but like the person, then get him to talk about himself and then maybe a topic that you are interested in as well will give you that opening. I also agree with not telling the other person everything about yourself in one evening. Keep it simple on the first date if you think it has potential. If meeting him for the first time, avoid going to the movies and or a dinner, as it would be a very uncomfortable and long night if there is no interest. Maybe, go out for a drink, tea or coffee.

Good luck

 

[Vae]

I was recently given some advice from my Mom on dating and wanted to find out what people (especially guys) thought about it. In the world of dating, she told me that when I begin to date a guy, it's best to have him talk about himself and for the woman to reveal very little about herself. I asked her about how long should I remain a mystery to the guy and she said it depends but after a while.


What do you think of this? Is this wise advice or does it depend on the guy or the situation? I really need some feedback on this and any advice would be very helpful. Hope to get some helpful responses.

I totally disagree. Hiding yourself, which I think is what she's suggesting, is more than likely a bad thing. I'm all about honesty, about sharing interests. Making him talk about himself fully will probably make him uncomfortable, ESPECIALLY if he's not the revealing type or generally taciturn. Perhaps another suggestion were to be to have him share one of his interests and you respond to it or maybe share one of yours.

The main thing about relationships, as they've been to me, is just getting to know one another. I feel this applies to friendships; the fun part is getting to know the other person, finding out what makes them tick and how different people can be from what you've come to know. Mystery is fine and dandy... but I tend to see it as a silly game that makes no sense to me in the long run. It's up to you what you want to do. You have to make judgements based on his reactions on what you should say and what you should reveal, but I've always felt honesty makes relationships better and whole.

Oh, hi, btw. 🙂 I'm new here. First post!

 

[mark 19]

On the one hand I think if you get dumped after the first couple of dates it should stop you from feeling so rejected and with a lot of guys listening to him will probably get you further that talking. Personally though I like to listen and would prefer to get to know a girl on a date so I would enjoy it very much if you kept quite.

 

[giantfan121262]

I was recently given some advice from my Mom on dating and wanted to find out what people (especially guys) thought about it. In the world of dating, she told me that when I begin to date a guy, it's best to have him talk about himself and for the woman to reveal very little about herself.

I disagree with this assessment as well. When I was dating, I always thought women viewed me as an egotistical, insecure little boy. I always think that if a guy has to consistently talk about himself, he has a chip on his shoulder and always has something to prove. This can fuel resentment in other ways in the fact that it can turn into a game of one upsmanship.

A relationship should be a two way street as is conversation. Talking about youself can hopefully open up the conversation and yopu can branch out onto other subjects.

I wish you the best of luck