When is the line crossed to ''cheating'' if a person is married or in commited ...

[kis123]

At one time, the wife of my boss confided in me that she liked to be tied up.

At the time, I was single, so I had no moral obstructions, and she considered cheating to mean "having sex with someone other than your spouse", so on several occasions, I tied her up and tickled the living hell out of her, which she got off on quite a bit.

Cheating, in my opinion, is sharing something with someone other than your spouse or significant other that involves a deep emotional bond.

If you are sharing something with someone other than the spouse, it's cheating, deep emotional bond or not! If that's the case, then she should've shared her escapades with her husband and see what his reaction would've been.

If you're (you's hypothetical) are doing something behind a spouse's or SO's back and are keeping it secret and it has any physical or sexual connotation behind it, it is CHEATING!!

 

[kis123]

How could you look your boss in the face and not feel like incredibly guilty ???

Go back to the phrase "no moral obstructions" and draw your conclusions from there!

 

[cloudgazer2k]

my girl knows i flirt. she knows everything i do when it comes to the opposite sex because i tell her, and often include her. she knows i want to play with others, and she wants to be involved. i do nothing behind her back, and i make sure what i do is cool with her. if not, i stop.
that being said: if people could be more open with each other, especially with their sexual desires, there'd be less cheating in the world. but that is hoping for a lot.

 

[ViperGTS]

If you are sharing something with someone other than the spouse, it's cheating

So, by your logic, if:

Husband: "I'm going to let Frank borrow our lawn mower for the weekend."

then:

Wife: "CHEATER!"

is correct?

Sorry, I just found it amusing.

 

[kis123]

So, by your logic, if:

Husband: "I'm going to let Frank borrow our lawn mower for the weekend."

then:

Wife: "CHEATER!"

is correct?

Sorry, I just found it amusing.

Viper, you're splitting hairs and you know it!

This has nothing to do with a lawnmower; this has everything to do with trust and commitment; things that are obviously beyond your scope of familiarity.

When two people are in a relationship, the parameters are drawn and the rules are made. Can you really tell me if your woman stepped out on you because she didn't feel you coudl satisfy her sexually, that wouldn't bother you in the least?

cmon' Viper; that's a wad of horse hockey if you ask me!!! That would step all over your ego and you couldn't handle that at all!!!

 

[godoy1030]

When you're down her fucking throat.

No not really. This question is ridiculous (I'm not accusing anyone here). If you think the correct answer is SEX then you probably should not be in a relationship with anybody at all.

But that's my opinion. And I'm insane so it's all A-OKAY.

 

[kis123]

When you're down her fucking throat.

No not really. This question is ridiculous (I'm not accusing anyone here). If you think the correct answer is SEX then you probably should not be in a relationship with anybody at all.

But that's my opinion. And I'm insane so it's all A-OKAY.

You're not as crazy as you think!!

Actually, I think you're dead-on in your POV! It's cheating when the lines of trust and commitment get crossed! It's cheating when you're doing something with someone other than your spouse, partner, or SO that if told/exposed would cause harm, pain, etc.

You can't have the cake and eat it too on this one; if you're in an exclusive relationship and you step out of bounds, then you're CHEATING!! Plain and simple to me.

 

[ViperGTS]

this has everything to do with trust and commitment; things that are obviously beyond your scope of familiarity.

When you're able to have an adult conversation without insulting me, I'll be impressed.

Back on topic;

I guess I have just been in relationships that were less strictly bound to societal rules and regulations. For instance, the woman I am with now (Troy from my videos is my g/f before she's a model) hasn't a problem in the world with the fact that I tie down other women, tickle the daylights out of them, and often make them orgasm for the camera. I make them call me Sir, I make them beg for more, and she just goes upstairs and takes a nap. Yesterday, she sat and watched.

Oh, but she knows about it, you'll say. Not all of it. She does not care if I go out for a tickle session with someone else, on or off camera, without telling her. She and I trust each other to be smart and safe with the people we interact with.

The point is, 'cheating' can only be defined within the bounds of a given relationship. If Jane and Joe are super-faithful non-cheating maniacs, and Joe's eyed wander off after some super hot little blond broad for only a moment, Jane is likely to slap him or otherwise be a bitch the rest of the night because she feels he disrespected her.

On the other hand, a couple who's deeply in love with each other but have a more sensible grasp of human nature know that eyes will drift and minds will wander, but the point is, who comes home at the end of the night?

Now, I would never betray the trust of my companion, or disrespect the bounds of our relationship. But as I said, loyalty is something that's only relative to the relationship it concerns.

 

[kis123]

When you're able to have an adult conversation without insulting me, I'll be impressed.

Back on topic;

I guess I have just been in relationships that were less strictly bound to societal rules and regulations. For instance, the woman I am with now (Troy from my videos is my g/f before she's a model) hasn't a problem in the world with the fact that I tie down other women, tickle the daylights out of them, and often make them orgasm for the camera. I make them call me Sir, I make them beg for more, and she just goes upstairs and takes a nap. Yesterday, she sat and watched.

Oh, but she knows about it, you'll say. Not all of it. She does not care if I go out for a tickle session with someone else, on or off camera, without telling her. She and I trust each other to be smart and safe with the people we interact with.

The point is, 'cheating' can only be defined within the bounds of a given relationship. If Jane and Joe are super-faithful non-cheating maniacs, and Joe's eyed wander off after some super hot little blond broad for only a moment, Jane is likely to slap him or otherwise be a bitch the rest of the night because she feels he disrespected her.

On the other hand, a couple who's deeply in love with each other but have a more sensible grasp of human nature know that eyes will drift and minds will wander, but the point is, who comes home at the end of the night?

Now, I would never betray the trust of my companion, or disrespect the bounds of our relationship. But as I said, loyalty is something that's only relative to the relationship it concerns.

I didn't insult you; I spoke the truth from my own POV; if you think that's insulting, you must work on developing a thicker skin and a stronger spine.

You obviously need to learn relationship dynamics or else continue as you are because there are so many stupid women who can accomodate you. A real woman want's a commitment from her man. A real woman has a set of expectations that include exclusive sexual rights. That means that if we're sexually invoived, we expect fidelity! Now that might be a novel concept for you, but in NORMAL relationships, it's expected.

I just don't know where to go from here where you're concerned. You have a skewed value set where sexual commitment is concerned. I like my men fathiful and comitted to me and me alone! If he can't manage that, he can screw with someone else thank you very much!

 

[Bohemianne]

Cheating could have subjective definitions and boundaries. No matter how sophisticated it gets, it can only be summed up by the amount of DESTRUCTION it has done to a relationship.

Bottomline: A pope will have a different point of view compared to a necromancer...

 

[ViperGTS]

I didn't insult you; I spoke the truth from my own POV; if you think that's insulting, you must work on developing a thicker skin and a stronger spine.

You obviously need to learn relationship dynamics or else continue as you are because there are so many stupid women who can accomodate you. A real woman want's a commitment from her man. A real woman has a set of expectations that include exclusive sexual rights. That means that if we're sexually invoived, we expect fidelity! Now that might be a novel concept for you, but in NORMAL relationships, it's expected.

I just don't know where to go from here where you're concerned. You have a skewed value set where sexual commitment is concerned. I like my men fathiful and comitted to me and me alone! If he can't manage that, he can screw with someone else thank you very much!

So...I'm spineless, only stupid women will go out with me, I'll never get a "real" woman, and my opinion is wrong because it's different than yours.

Sigh.

---------

Cheating could have subjective definitions and boundaries. No matter how sophisticated it gets, it can only be summed up by the amount of DESTRUCTION it has done to a relationship.

That's what I'm talking about. I would be cheating on my girlfriend if I made out with another woman. Or if I had sex with another woman. or if I began to develop romantic feelings for another woman. There are certain things that my SO and I have agreed are acceptable and things that are not. If she went to the movies with some other guy, I might get a little bit jealous, but I know that she wouldn't do anything to violate that trust.

It's all relative. No one "POV" is correct...that's why this is a DISCUSSION thread, so we can talk about our varying perspectives.

 

[kis123]

So...I'm spineless, only stupid women will go out with me, I'll never get a "real" woman, and my opinion is wrong because it's different than yours.

Sigh.

---------



That's what I'm talking about. I would be cheating on my girlfriend if I made out with another woman. Or if I had sex with another woman. or if I began to develop romantic feelings for another woman. There are certain things that my SO and I have agreed are acceptable and things that are not. If she went to the movies with some other guy, I might get a little bit jealous, but I know that she wouldn't do anything to violate that trust.

It's all relative. No one "POV" is correct...that's why this is a DISCUSSION thread, so we can talk about our varying perspectives.

you're trying really hard, but you're stiill very much off the mark as far as I'm conccerned. You're just trying to sneak in the back door where we're concerned., You don't know women or how to treat them, now that's plain and simple . Juist because you can give a woman an orgasm doesn't ment you have the market on women in general. You have much to learn and I'm not the one to teach you. I guarantee you that you couldn't handle anythig I could bring you!!

You really think that you're smarter than me; and that's just a shame, I'd like to dialogue with those who have a global POV; you aren't remotely close. You'd best serve yourself by dealing with the stupid women that you obviously have access to. The rest of us can see you a hundred miles away and have no interest.

Back to the topic

I'm sorry;if you want to cheat, it's been explained ad nauseum. If you don't have the partner you want, then get the right partner and move on!

 

[ViperGTS]

you're trying really hard, but you're stiill very much off the mark as far as I'm conccerned. You're just trying to sneak in the back door where we're concerned., You don't know women or how to treat them, now that's plain and simple . Juist because you can give a woman an orgasm doesn't ment you have the market on women in general. You have much to learn and I'm not the one to teach you. I guarantee you that you couldn't handle anythig I could bring you!!

You really think that you're smarter than me; and that's just a shame, I'd like to dialogue with those who have a global POV; you aren't remotely close. You'd best serve yourself by dealing with the stupid women that you obviously have access to. The rest of us can see you a hundred miles away and have no interest.

Back to the topic

I'm sorry;if you want to cheat, it's been explained ad nauseum. If you don't have the partner you want, then get the right partner and move on!

...and now I am a womanizing jerk who has no idea who to act around ladies. You know so much, you should write a book!

Does being a sanctimonious bitch ever get boring? I mean really, does it? You seem pretty entertained by it all the time.

Congratulations on being the first person to make it on my ignore list.

----------------------------------

I actually had a discussion about this with my SO the other day. We were at a bar and the bartenders (all female) were in hot little outfits with boyshorts and sports bras. They get good tips. Anyway, my SO mentioned that the one who was getting our drinks would be great in a tickling video. I said, yeah I noticed that too but didn't want to be obnoxious by staring at her or asking her about it...my SO said Hon, you know I don't mind the tickling stuff, I don't like it that much but I want you to be happy too.

 

[kis123]

...and now I am a womanizing jerk who has no idea who to act around ladies. You know so much, you should write a book!

Does being a sanctimonious bitch ever get boring? I mean really, does it? You seem pretty entertained by it all the time.

Congratulations on being the first person to make it on my ignore list, twat.

Good! I'm glad that calling you on your crap means the ignore list!! I don't think anyone's challenged you at all. You have a thin skin and a jellyfishbackbone if I can bring this much ire from you.

Calling me a santimonius bitch is actually giving me a compliment because it exposes jackasses like you upfront, If you knew of the support I get behind the scenes where you're concerned, you woulldn't try this. Then again, you shouldn't bring a knife to a gunfight. You're totally unequipped to deal with me so you resolve to the name calling. If you really had something to bring to the table, you would.

Once again, grow up, man up and get a real pllatform to work with. Otherwise, you're right that there's nothing else we can discuss.

 

[BellaRisa]

Hmm...Kis darling?

I A real woman wants a commitment from her man. A real woman has a set of expectations that include exclusive sexual rights. That means that if we're sexually invoived, we expect fidelity! Now that might be a novel concept for you, but in NORMAL relationships, it's expected.

Kis, you know good and well that there are several women on this forum, myself included, that are polyamorous. We're in happy, long-term marriages that don't include sexual fidelity.

Are you really saying that we aren't real women because our relationship expectations don't completely match yours?

I know you better than that, you're not implying that I'm less than a woman. Are you?

I thought not. You're better than that .

No one gets to define a 'normal' relationship. There IS no normal, we're all different and thank goodness for that. You don't even get to call your way 'traditional' or 'old fashioned'; that makes people feel better about their morals for some reason, but it's actually false since monogamy is a tiny, tiny blip on the timeline of humanity. We lived in groups that shared and cared for one another waaayyyy longer than this nuclear family one man-one woman dynamic that's working oh-so-well... 🙄

But I digress, because poly vs mono isn't the focus of this thread and I'd rather not be party to the hijacking .

In reading the thread up to now, and past threads like it, it seems to me that the question folks really contemplate isn't what defines cheating, we know that already; but what kind of cheating is wrong. And yes, I realize that many feel that ANY cheating is wrong/abominable/shoot him in the white meat. Whatever. My personal take is that life doesn't always work in a way that sounds pretty in romance novels and Motown songs. Humans and our needs are more complex than that. Break it down: if what you're doing hurts your relationship, someone is unhappy/lonely/wishing you paid them more attention and respect, it's bad cheating. If what you're doing enhances your relationship is some way, by taking pressure off your spouse to do things they hate for instance, and your partner is happy and healthy and *always* feels loved and number 1, keep doing what you're doing and ignore the self-righteous damaged folks who just want to you be as miserable as they are.

My 4 cents, YMMV

Bella

 

[ViperGTS]

I apologize for my use of the word 'twat.' I was angry.

The sentiment still stands, but I could have used a different word.

 

[Coda]

Is hugging another girl cheating? Is kissing? Is sex?

If a couple has agreed that kissing other people is cheating, then there's no doubt it's cheating. If they've agreed that kissing other people makes sense to them, but sex is going to stay exclusive, then that's the case.

If they haven't discussed anything, they're probably the kind of couple that sort of assumes societal averages are absolute. That's asking for trouble when it comes time to judge each other on the fine lines, because they're not defined well enough by society.

There are no rules, and that's a great thing because it means that every couple gets to make their own. So many people haven't figured this out, and they inevitably charge each other with breaking the rules, when in fact neither of them ever agreed to any.

So, the solution is to have a seat with your partner and tackle this question until you've created the answer.

 

[Capnmad]

I'm going to step back in for a sec, to cover something I think folks may have missed, but I'm going to try and side-step the volatility to a degree...

I guess what concerns me is this:

At one time, the wife of my boss confided in me that she liked to be tied up.

At the time, I was single, so I had no moral obstructions, and she considered cheating to mean "having sex with someone other than your spouse", so on several occasions, I tied her up and tickled the living hell out of her, which she got off on quite a bit.

Cheating, in my opinion, is sharing something with someone other than your spouse or significant other that involves a deep emotional bond.

By this description, all concerns of "cheating" only took into account what she defined as cheating, and what you defined as cheating. This strikes me as rather selfish in that it only polls the opinions of those complicit in the act, and not those of the one who actually has the potential to be offended by it -- in this case, her husband.

Maybe I'm too old or my code of ethics is obsolete... Maybe this is only my opinion (and I shudder to think that it might be), but in my understanding of morality and acting in a decent and ethical way, in these sorts of things, if you care for the people involved, deference goes to the opinions of those with the potential to be hurt, not the ones who stand to reap the rewards. It's not surprising that those who have the most to benefit from the act will rationalize it. What is concerning is the complete disregard of the thoughts and feelings of the third party.

This is a very old-school basic ethics premise -- so long as it harm none, do what you will. This and related sentiments have been around for centuries, and yet, it is so often ignored.

Now, I would never betray the trust of my companion, or disrespect the bounds of our relationship. But as I said, loyalty is something that's only relative to the relationship it concerns.

Relationship -- that's a key word. Better yet, understand there's a plural there. Please tell me you honored not only her wishes, but the relationships involved, and cleared things with the husband before you did anything sexually oriented with her.

But I digress, because poly vs mono isn't the focus of this thread and I'd rather not be party to the hijacking .

In reading the thread up to now, and past threads like it, it seems to me that the question folks really contemplate isn't what defines cheating, we know that already; but what kind of cheating is wrong.

I'm glad Bella jumped in here with her experience on relationship matters. Here's where I'd draw a line linguistically, however...

"Cheating" has a negative connotation which suggests something being kept secret and hidden from someone else -- like cheating on a test is kept hidden from the teacher, and you'd be in trouble if you were found out.

Poly relationships, where there is an understanding between partners different than that of mono relationships, isn't cheating at all. It just has different boundaries than a mono marriage or other exclusive relationship... That is, the teacher knows you're working with Billy or Bobby or Linda or Betty, so I don't think "cheating" is actually an applicable term, nor should we say we're wondering what kind of "cheating" is okay...

If you feel it's important and necessary to hide sex or sexually oriented activities from someone who has a close, loving relationship with you, it seems to me that's a litmus test that there's something you're doing wrong. That's cheating -- not because you're breaking a traditional mono marriage/exclusive relationship rule, but because you are cheating (keeping it secret, hidden and separate from) the person you claim to love.

And under that definition, I do not believe there is a "right" or "okay" way to cheat, because regardless, to cheat, you are knowingly betraying and potentially hurting a loved one. It's rule-breaking along with secrecy that makes it cheating.

Those who differ, please let your voice be heard, and correct me where you think I'm wrong.

 

[Redmage]

This strikes me as rather selfish in that it only polls the opinions of those complicit in the act, and not those of the one who actually has the potential to be offended by it -- in this case, her husband.

Right on. This is why the "would you tell your partner" test is important. It's a test of your own conscience, because if you're doing something with another person that you know would upset your partner, then you know, really, that you shouldn't be doing that.

 

[tickledgirl]

By most of your definitions, it seems like you regard anything one does that one doesn't want one's significant other to find out about, it's cheating. Last week I spent a day watching television and didn't want my wife to know this.

Why wouldn't you want your wife to know you were watching TV? If it's just that you don't feel a need to tell her every single move you make, then I don't think that'd be cheating. But in that case, it's seem more that you don't care if she knows and don't see any reason to tell her.

On the other hand, if she thought you were home working, and maybe was going to do something special for you to thank you, then yes you were cheating a little.

For example, a friend of mine from several years ago had a very jealous wife. Just going to lunch with one of his many female co-workers was considered by his wife to be a breach in trust. He finally got tired of all her fussing and just quit telling her about it. He never had any romantic liaisons of any kind with these women, and only on rare occasions did he socialize with them after hours. I personally don't view his silence as cheating, but rather a refusal to be browbeaten into being anti-social simply to appease his wife's rampant paranoia.

Hmmm...this is a good point. The definition of cheating obviously varies from couple to couple. What he did seems pretty reasonable to me. Still, if I were in that situation (on either side actually) it seems to me that it'd be better if the "cheater" openly said "Honey, I'm going keep going out to lunches with co-workers." At that point, there's no hiding going on.

I agree that the line can get kinda fuzzy when there isn't agreement on what constitutes cheating. At that point it seems best to me to be very clear about what you're going to do. That way at least there's no deception going on.

 

[drew70]

Kis, you know good and well that there are several women on this forum, myself included, that are poyamorous. We're in happy, long-term marriages that don't include sexual fidelity.

Are you really saying that we aren't real women because our relationship expectations don't completely match yours?

I know you better than that, you're not implying that I'm less than a woman. Are you?

I thought not. You're better than that .

Though I agree with the conceptual value of Bella's statement, I suspect it might be better received if it didn't come off like Mr. Rodgers addressing a special olympics team. I'll try to be only a fraction as condescending.

A woman's authenticity should never be measured by her adherance to protocol. Gender is determined strictly by biology and anatomy, not submission to social standards. That's my opinion, at any rate.

No one gets to define a 'normal' relationship. There IS no normal, we're all different and thank goodness for that. You don't even get to call your way 'traditional' or 'old fashioned'; that makes people feel better about their morals for some reason, but it's actually false since monogamy is a tiny, tiny blip on the timeline of humanity. We lived in groups that shared and cared for one another waaayyyy longer than this nuclear family one man-one woman dynamic that's working oh-so-well... 🙄

Hmm. It sounds to me like Bella is saying it's not okay to call polyamory abnormal, but it's evidently okay for her to deride monogamy. The truth is that today, polyamory IS abnormal because it is a radical departure from the mainstream. I don't regard "abnormal" as automatically bad, but I don't regard it as automatically good, either. Polyamory had a brief popularity in the 70s, when lots of people were doing the Bob, Carol, Ted, and Alice thing. But like double-knit polyester leisure suits, afros, and two-tone platform shoes, polyamory was dismissed by most as a bad idea that was best left back in the 70s. A small blip on the timeline of last century.

But I too, digress. For me, cheating is breaking any agreed-upon conditions of a relationship. Some believe certain things "go without saying." The problem with that is that the list of things that "go without saying" will likely differ from person to person.

"How could you have done that?!"

"What do you mean? You never said that kind of thing bothers you."

"Oh come on! Do I really NEED to say that?!"​

YES, YOU DO! I maintain that whether or not you think it goes without saying, say it anyway. Make it clear to each other what would bother you personally, emphasizing any actions that you consider a dealbreaker.

Of course, it's difficult if not impossible to cover every conceivable scenario. In situations in which you have doubt, simply reverse the roles and honestly consider how YOU would feel if your partner were in your situation. If the idea of your significant other being tied and tickled by another man is something you would oppose, then you can hardly justify tying and tickling other women.

 

[drew70]

Why wouldn't you want your wife to know you were watching TV? If it's just that you don't feel a need to tell her every single move you make, then I don't think that'd be cheating. But in that case, it's seem more that you don't care if she knows and don't see any reason to tell her.

Ah, tickledgirl....I speak the earnest truth with no sarcasm whatsoever when I say I've really missed you. 🙂

In the scenario I mentioned, it's not a matter of omitting needless information. This would be something she'd want to know, but I'd be reluctant to tell her, because it would invite conflict. I just don't believe spouses have the right to know everything. If it's that important to her, she can ask me.

On the other hand, if she thought you were home working, and maybe was going to do something special for you to thank you, then yes you were cheating a little.

I admit that would be a little awkward, but I wouldn't call it cheating simply for not volunteering information. Now, if she asks what I've been doing and I tell her I've been working, yes that would be deception and prevarication.

Hmmm...this is a good point. The definition of cheating obviously varies from couple to couple. What he did seems pretty reasonable to me. Still, if I were in that situation (on either side actually) it seems to me that it'd be better if the "cheater" openly said "Honey, I'm going keep going out to lunches with co-workers." At that point, there's no hiding going on.

Nope. No hiding. Just endless bitching, conflict, tension, and aggrivation. Compared to that, hiding looks pretty good to me. Even if he tells her that he's going to continue to socialize platonically with his female co-workers but refrains from mentioning every instance of it, she'd be asking every day, "So, who'd you have lunch with TODAY? Huh?" and life would be miserable.

I agree that the line can get kinda fuzzy when there isn't agreement on what constitutes cheating. At that point it seems best to me to be very clear about what you're going to do. That way at least there's no deception going on.

Unfortunately, that would give one's partner a sort of veto power by disapproval over anything you do. I sure don't want that. Do you? I think you and I have different ideas on what constitutes deception. For me, it's SAYING one thing and DOING another, or the outright denial of doing something you did. For you it seems to be anything less than a full accounting, whether or not the information has been requested.

I think it's more fair to place the burden of responsibility on the one who has concerns. If you want to know what your significant other has been doing, it's your responsibility to ask them, not their responsibility to volunteer the information.

 

[kis123]

Kis, you know good and well that there are several women on this forum, myself included, that are poyamorous. We're in happy, long-term marriages that don't include sexual fidelity.

Are you really saying that we aren't real women because our relationship expectations don't completely match yours?

I know you better than that, you're not implying that I'm less than a woman. Are you?

I thought not. You're better than that .

No one gets to define a 'normal' relationship. There IS no normal, we're all different and thank goodness for that. You don't even get to call your way 'traditional' or 'old fashioned'; that makes people feel better about their morals for some reason, but it's actually false since monogamy is a tiny, tiny blip on the timeline of humanity. We lived in groups that shared and cared for one another waaayyyy longer than this nuclear family one man-one woman dynamic that's working oh-so-well... 🙄

But I digress, because poly vs mono isn't the focus of this thread and I'd rather not be party to the hijacking .

In reading the thread up to now, and past threads like it, it seems to me that the question folks really contemplate isn't what defines cheating, we know that already; but what kind of cheating is wrong. And yes, I realize that many feel that ANY cheating is wrong/abominable/shoot him in the white meat. Whatever. My personal take is that life doesn't always work in a way that sounds pretty in romance novels and Motown songs. Humans and our needs are more complex than that. Break it down: if what you're doing hurts your relationship, someone is unhappy/lonely/wishing you paid them more attention and respect, it's bad cheating. If what you're doing enhances your relationship is some way, by taking pressure off your spouse to do things they hate for instance, and your partner is happy and healthy and *always* feels loved and number 1, keep doing what you're doing and ignore the self-righteous damaged folks who just want to you be as miserable as they are.

My 4 cents, YMMV

Bella

Bella, are you serious??

At this point you should know exactly what I'm talking about, but it obviously needs discussion. A real woman does want boutdaries and parameters in her relationships regardless what the situation is. You're polyamorus-I get that. You have a unique situation, and I get that too. Are you trying to tell me that there are no boundaries and parameters set in your relationshsips? You know that there are. There may even be more than the so called tradional relathionshps we vanilla people are accustomed to.,

A real woman has expectations in her relationship, plain and simple. Simply put, if I'm screwing you, I don't expect you to be screwing someone else. That's not a hard concept to embrace. I'm thinking that in poly realtionshiips that this holds true as well. But you're free to correct me if I'm wrong.

 

[kis123]

I apologize for my use of the word 'twat.' I was angry.

The sentiment still stands, but I could have used a different word.

So eloquent! So very original! So intelligent! So very predictable and actually boring at this point! Take your sentiments to the bathroom the next time you need to go and flush them!

Once again, don't bring a knife to a gunfight...you're totally unequipped to deal with me. You're angry because I know what you're all about and can so easily call you on it. You don't like it when a real woman calls you on anything because you're oh so DOM! Yeah, right, and whatever!! Your transparency is obvious to everyone but you at this point.

Now back to topic:

Regardless of the type of realtionship there are parameters and expectations. Unless you've discussed an open relationship, it is assumed that you remain monogamous. I don't understand why this is hard for some to wrap their minds around.

 

[BellaRisa]

Bella, are you serious??

At this point you should know exactly what I'm talking about, but it obviously needs discussion. A real woman does want boutdaries and parameters in her relationships regardless what the situation is. You're polyamorus-I get that. You have a unique situation, and I get that too. Are you trying to tell me that there are no boundaries and parameters set in your relationshsips? You know that there are. There may even be more than the so called tradional relathionshps we vanilla people are accustomed to.,

A real woman has expectations in her relationship, plain and simple. Simply put, if I'm screwing you, I don't expect you to be screwing someone else. That's not a hard concept to embrace. I'm thinking that in poly realtionshiips that this holds true as well. But you're free to correct me if I'm wrong.

I'm completely serious. Forgive me for reading what you actually wrote rather than attempting to decipher your true meaning based on your past posts. When you wrote "A real woman has a set of expectations that include exclusive sexual rights. That means that if we're sexually invoived, we expect fidelity! Now that might be a novel concept for you, but in NORMAL relationships, it's expected"

I assumed you wrote such things because you meant them. My apologies if you didn't mean what you said.

Of course there are boundaries and parameters in my relationships. All I'm saying is that the fact that they don't include monogamy in no way lessens my womanhood. Or the commitment between my life-partners and myself. And I took valid offense at the use of the word 'normal', because no one here gets to decide what's normal; I dislike the term because it allows those who follow a given pattern to see their way as more acceptable/morally rich, and there are too many kinds of equally valid relationships for that to fly.

(And frankly my situation isn't remotely unique; I'm just one of a few willing to discuss it openly, as insecure scoffing and nay-saying don't really phase me ).

Again, not to take away from the point of this thread. I simply preferred not to allow a broad insult to non-monogamous folk, women in particular, to remain unchallenged when it was so false and so very unecessary for the current conversation.

Bella