Where do you meet your tickle-involved SO's?

[scorpionldr]

I'm trying to get out there in the dating scene, and frankly its difficult because 1 I'm shy (about this, mainly), and 2 I generally don't know where the people my age are other than the bars (mid-20s).

Tried dating sites.....People generally gawk at me and look at the next guy.

Any tips?

 

[Tickler15]

I'm trying to get out there in the dating scene, and frankly its difficult because 1 I'm shy (about this, mainly), and 2 I generally don't know where the people my age are other than the bars (mid-20s).

Tried dating sites.....People generally gawk at me and look at the next guy.

Any tips?

Well do you go to school, work at all? Have any hobbies, you like to particpate in? Go to the gym?

 

[scorpionldr]

Well do you go to school, work at all? Have any hobbies, you like to particpate in? Go to the gym?

As the old saying goes, I'm "in transition". Graduated from college January 2009, had a few jobs that were never really meant to last long. Currently I'm working a season with a large delivery company (which I'll not name) that I get a call from occasionally (every few weeks) to do a shift of running packages. Of course I'm looking for a better job, but the economy's doing a fine job of preventing me from that (not as in I'm not submitting, but I'm submitting and getting super-analyzed by every company).

So I wake up early each day to see if I'll get a call, and then I'll basically have breakfast and go to the local community college (just finished a Stage Production theater class) and work out in the gym (which is pretty empty whenever I'm around, but hey, free gym membership is thrown in when you sign up for a course).

As for hobbies, I play in a rock and roll cover band playing Bari Sax. The group is "just getting started" and hopefully in a few months we'll have a lineup thats large enough to start gigging. I'm by far the youngest guy in the group, but its good to get out and meet with people each morning.

 

[MaleTickleeDC]

I know where you're coming from. Most of the friends that I've made since grad school have been work friends. Luckily I tend to have jobs with other young-ish people. If I didn't I don't know where I'd meet people. I've never understood how you're supposed to "meet people" at the bar. Most people just go to bars to hang out with people they already know. Every now and then some random drunk girl will start trying to talk to me in the bar, but it never really goes anywhere. I tried the online dating thing too and like you said, girls aren't very responsive.

 

[GQguy]

Dating ain't easy! Meeting women ain't easy!

I've found that cultivating a solid group of single(ish)guy friends is a great first move. Preferably friends that are all in the same boat as you looks, career, beliefs ect. Why you ask? Well four guys looking for women is easier than doing it alone. Lets say buddy number 1 finds a great girl...odd are she has friends of the same caliber. Buddy number 1 just broke the ice for you...and you didn't even have to go to the bar the night buddy 1 found that girl. Those friends can also help you find out where the available women hang out. I met my gf at a sushi bar that I wouldn't have checked out on my own but at my one friends recomendation I did and pulled out a 10!

Activities! So you meet a girl...now what. What do you do for fun? It sounds like you've got this part covered buddy. Music and the performing arts sounds pretty bad ass!

As for spots to meet women...I like Happy hour. I think that is the BEST place to meet women. Especially on a thursday or friday when everyone wants to let loose. I also have a theory that the "nice" girls go to happy hour while the not so nice one's hang out at the bar till 2am. This is very general but something to think about. Go to happy hour with your buddys. Make sure they all have no problem meeting women. The hardest part is the initial contact "hi, I saw you from across the room blah blah" If you have 3 other buddies that are ok with making contact....then you have to do 1/4 of the work to meet new women. Buddy number 2 chats up the group of women and introduces you as the best guy he knows.

Network. Meet lots of guys, meet lots of girls. Invite them out. Throw events at your place. Think of fun group ideas and put it together. If there's a hot girl in your building you want to meet and hangout with, throw a small party at your place and invite her. I actually pulled this move for a world cup game this summer. We never hooked up after.....but she gained alot of respect for me and is always game to hangout.

Good luck buddy. Hope what I said makes sense!


As for tickle involved SO. I try to convert them one girl at a time!

GQ

 

[scorpionldr]

I know where you're coming from. Most of the friends that I've made since grad school have been work friends. Luckily I tend to have jobs with other young-ish people. If I didn't I don't know where I'd meet people. I've never understood how you're supposed to "meet people" at the bar. Most people just go to bars to hang out with people they already know. Every now and then some random drunk girl will start trying to talk to me in the bar, but it never really goes anywhere. I tried the online dating thing too and like you said, girls aren't very responsive.

Yea.....College I was sort of out of the loop with most people (different scene than I'm used to), the ones that I did carry good conversation with went off to form bands and tour/etc, so not much "chill" time there".

As for bars, I can't say I haven't "met" anyone, but everyone likes to stay dissociative to all those that are not in the comfort circle. I HAVE become friendly with one girl, but she's basically got some baggage behind her, along with a new boyfriend that she's not leaving any time soon (from what I've seen).

Don't get me wrong about net-dating. I've met a bunch of nice girls in particular, but it looks like my resources are depleted. The real issue I have is with the free dating sites, where your mindset is manipulated to believe that because your looking at a gallery style page, you can just pick a person, gawk at them for a second, and then go ".....nah" and move onto the next sorry sack. Its like any concept of having conversation is just totally forgotten.

I've found that cultivating a solid group of single(ish)guy friends is a great first move. Preferably friends that are all in the same boat as you looks, career, beliefs ect. Why you ask? Well four guys looking for women is easier than doing it alone. Lets say buddy number 1 finds a great girl...odd are she has friends of the same caliber. Buddy number 1 just broke the ice for you...and you didn't even have to go to the bar the night buddy 1 found that girl. Those friends can also help you find out where the available women hang out. I met my gf at a sushi bar that I wouldn't have checked out on my own but at my one friends recomendation I did and pulled out a 10!

Heh, most of my buddies weren't great at "fishing" for prospects, and they've moved on to attempt to find other avenues of people. The real challenge is going to be actually finding new places that I CAN meet my next group of friends.

Activities! So you meet a girl...now what. What do you do for fun? It sounds like you've got this part covered buddy. Music and the performing arts sounds pretty bad ass!

oh? haha, I'm pretty boring. Nah I mean I bowl, I sometimes booze, I play bass in bands when I can. Done the bar scene, it was unrewarding (no dates/no close buds). The current band I have going right now is just taking a long-ass time to get their stuff together. I hope it'll turn into a good source of contacts/etc. My town is kind of a dead spot for new bands, but I post on craigslist and occasionally get some responses.

As for spots to meet women...I like Happy hour. I think that is the BEST place to meet women. Especially on a thursday or friday when everyone wants to let loose. I also have a theory that the "nice" girls go to happy hour while the not so nice one's hang out at the bar till 2am. This is very general but something to think about. Go to happy hour with your buddys. Make sure they all have no problem meeting women. The hardest part is the initial contact "hi, I saw you from across the room blah blah" If you have 3 other buddies that are ok with making contact....then you have to do 1/4 of the work to meet new women. Buddy number 2 chats up the group of women and introduces you as the best guy he knows.

Happy Hour sounds like a good time. I'm going to have to learn to go it solo tho. After all, if a fisherman can't reel his catches in by himself, then what does it show for the quality of his work, right?

I'll be the first to admit, I'm blank for ideas of "good approaches" to meet new girls, especially when it comes down to wading through their friends.

Network. Meet lots of guys, meet lots of girls. Invite them out. Throw events at your place. Think of fun group ideas and put it together.

Still gotta find a way to do that other than the old "meet em through work" deal, as my position is unreliable. idk, ever do the "net friends" thing via craigslist? I haven't heard much about singles clubs or whatnot, and I'm not sure I want to do something like join a bowling league, as I'm prettymuch in saving mode.

I appreciate all the help so far, please keep it coming! 🙂

 

[playfuldude]

It sounds like you are doing everything right man. I've been in the same boat and the process of meeting, dating, tickling, courting and so on is a long, grueling, patience testing process, especially if you are a nice and easy going guy looking for the "nice", easygoing woman. Believe it or not the "nicer" girls are just as picky, and cautious as you are(if not more so) And if you try to go after the "wilder women" well your sort of dating out of your league which may work but you are more than likely going to end up either heartbroken or miserable. I feel your pain man, but such is life. Keep on keepin on, and don't lose the faith. You'll get there. You've got some terrific advisors here at TMF.

 

[scorpionldr]

Ha, the last "nice" girl I met turned out to be out of her mind. One date and disappeared into oblivion. And to think, she even said that she had a fetish for tickling as well.

 

[fireguardian]

Well if you are looking for a girl from this group the bes thing to do is try to make it to a gathering at some point. That's where I met my current boyfriend. And the best way to approach it isn't to go expecting more than just getting the oppertunity to meet people. Regardless if you or shy or not, being polite and introducing yourself can get you pretty far to build a great friendship here. Worked great for my guy when he found out we lived about 45min from each other. The little time at the gathering built into hanging out regularly to then dating.
I've never been one for the bar thing. I find it really hard to meet any one there. They are usually packed and dark. Better to find another place that is connected to something you enjoy and go from there. Are there any groups at you college? Like different clubs or something? It's one way to meet people and either learn something new or expand on something you already liked. Just an idea.
But honestly if you want to meet a lady from the community gatherings are the way to go. Or if there is a munch held in your area. Here's a secret too. If you have a few female friends it can only help you. You'll probably meet some of her friends too.

 

[Tickler15]

As the old saying goes, I'm "in transition". Graduated from college January 2009, had a few jobs that were never really meant to last long. Currently I'm working a season with a large delivery company (which I'll not name) that I get a call from occasionally (every few weeks) to do a shift of running packages. Of course I'm looking for a better job, but the economy's doing a fine job of preventing me from that (not as in I'm not submitting, but I'm submitting and getting super-analyzed by every company).

So I wake up early each day to see if I'll get a call, and then I'll basically have breakfast and go to the local community college (just finished a Stage Production theater class) and work out in the gym (which is pretty empty whenever I'm around, but hey, free gym membership is thrown in when you sign up for a course).

As for hobbies, I play in a rock and roll cover band playing Bari Sax. The group is "just getting started" and hopefully in a few months we'll have a lineup thats large enough to start gigging. I'm by far the youngest guy in the group, but its good to get out and meet with people each morning.

Well what I am trying to say is you meet the best people at work, school, gym, "spinning class", ect......not bars and clubs.

 

[scorpionldr]

Well if you are looking for a girl from this group the bes thing to do is try to make it to a gathering at some point. That's where I met my current boyfriend. And the best way to approach it isn't to go expecting more than just getting the oppertunity to meet people. Regardless if you or shy or not, being polite and introducing yourself can get you pretty far to build a great friendship here. Worked great for my guy when he found out we lived about 45min from each other. The little time at the gathering built into hanging out regularly to then dating.
I've never been one for the bar thing. I find it really hard to meet any one there. They are usually packed and dark. Better to find another place that is connected to something you enjoy and go from there. Are there any groups at you college? Like different clubs or something? It's one way to meet people and either learn something new or expand on something you already liked. Just an idea.
But honestly if you want to meet a lady from the community gatherings are the way to go. Or if there is a munch held in your area. Here's a secret too. If you have a few female friends it can only help you. You'll probably meet some of her friends too.

I'll see about making at least one munch, if it ever comes around to somewhere close in NJ. My only concern tho is regardless of how nice everyone is, that the focus in two people "connecting" will be the tickling aspect, which isn't bad, but......well, you get the idea. 🙂

Since I've been in class and sort of seen things, I'm not sure I can say its conclusive for the whole CC environment, but things feel like what my peers call "high school plus". idk, my problem as a whole is just being more social in general. I can chill with the "video game club" but really I mean, I'm not one to approach anyone outright, really.

Well what I am trying to say is you meet the best people at work, school, gym, "spinning class", ect......not bars and clubs.

True, however the avenues I've went (school/gym) I seem to end up going where the people arent. The one thing about bars is despite everyone being there to drink, at least its surrounded by people. So I attempt to make the most out of that. Finding "real" places with "real" people is obviously a bigger challenge than you and I anticipated. I'm considering volunteering (as its a form of "work" that pays off with people being around others to socialize), but other than that I just don't know where the people go.

 

[Morpheus72]

idk, my problem as a whole is just being more social in general. I can chill with the "video game club" but really I mean, I'm not one to approach anyone outright, really.

This is your issue. Right here.

In my experience, "finding" SOs happens through meeting people, making friends, meeting friends-of-friends, and so on. Work on yourself, expand your circle, and things will happen. Unless you look like Brad Pitt, girls will not, in general, fall all over themselves trying to come up and meet you. But, if you get out and project a look that you like, along with confidence and a positive vibe, some girls will make it known that they are interested in you.

As to the tickling part, that's been discussing ad infinitum here. It's not too hard to integrate that, if the person you're with likes you.

Dave

 

[Morpheus72]

I just don't know where the people go.

One other thing here. Don't worry about where the people go. Develop your own interests,go where you want, and do what you like. This will help you be happier and more positive. I've always figured it's better to meet people who share in your interests anyway. It makes for happier people and happier relationships.

Dave

 

[scorpionldr]

One other thing here. Don't worry about where the people go. Develop your own interests,go where you want, and do what you like. This will help you be happier and more positive. I've always figured it's better to meet people who share in your interests anyway. It makes for happier people and happier relationships.

Dave

Then I'm apparently nebulous to everyone around me......

 

[Morpheus72]

Then I'm apparently nebulous to everyone around me......

Yep, many of us are, but keep at it and stay positive. It's worked for me, many times!

Dave

 

[Libertine]

Force yourself to start conversations with five attractive women a day, every day- at bus stops, in libraries, in the laundromat, at the supermarket- anywhere. Most of the time this will lead to nothing but an exchange of pointless pleasantries, but eventually through simple practise you will stop feeling and sounding like an idiot and learn to talk to people. Just never ask any questions which can be answered with a simple 'yes' or 'no' - this is the way to keep things flowing.

Once I did this when I happened to be sitting at the adjacent computer to a beautiful girl with waist-length hair in an internet cafe, and we recently celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary. And she's very ticklish...

 

[scorpionldr]

Force yourself to start conversations with five attractive women a day, every day- at bus stops, in libraries, in the laundromat, at the supermarket- anywhere. Most of the time this will lead to nothing but an exchange of pointless pleasantries, but eventually through simple practise you will stop feeling and sounding like an idiot and learn to talk to people. Just never ask any questions which can be answered with a simple 'yes' or 'no' - this is the way to keep things flowing.

Once I did this when I happened to be sitting at the adjacent computer to a beautiful girl with waist-length hair in an internet cafe, and we recently celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary. And she's very ticklish...

sounds awesome, congrats. I'll make sure to try and do that.

The combination of my brother recently getting married (making me one of the only bachelors between our three families) and seeing guys online posting elsewhere about similar issues has shown me I gotta get on the ball in the social aspect of life or I just won't get anywhere, period.

Thanx a lot, Libertine.