Why are women so concerned about a guy being "fun" and "exciting" when that's not how

[NonConTickler]

Why are women so concerned about a guy being "fun" and "exciting" when that's not how

What the hell happened to women whose only real goals in life were to be a wife and a mother?? And that was all they really cared about...they didn't care how "fun" or "exciting" he was, just that he was safe. Not that I want kids, I don't like kids they would inconvenience me and impose on my "me time" which I need a lot of.

First, a little bit about me. I'm 35, never had a girlfriend and a virgin. Its mainly because I care much more about a woman loving me, being "mine", wanting only me, than I do about sex. When I tell a woman I like her romantically, she always says "sorry I don't feel the chemistry, I only like you as a friend", which makes me feel very unattractive which I am very insecure about to begin with. For my sexual urges I would much rather tickle a woman's feet and then masturbate on her feet, than have sex with her. What I want from a woman most is for her to want ONLY me, be in love with me, treat me like I'm attractive, important, stroke my ego, etc. I'm rather timid and very passive. I'm not the high testosterone, competitive, Type-A Personality. In fact, I'm probably pretty close to the opposite. I like to play video games and surf the internet. That's it. I'm very lazy.

My problem with women is how they all seem to be looking for a guy who is "fun" and "exciting", "unpredictable", etc. If a guy needs her too much, he must not have much to offer, according to what I read about women on the internet. My problem is, that's not how real life is! Fun and exciting is for young people, adult life isn't fun or exciting, and it should be as predictable as possible, to avoid anything bad happening. Real life is going to work, paying the bills, coming home and watching tv, eating dinner and going to sleep, then you do the same the next day. This is why women get hurt so much by guys who seem "fun" and "exciting" but end up cheating on or abusing them. They have to realize they basically have 2 choices...a life of pain with a bad boy, or an unexciting but safe life with a nice guy.

 

[Artoo]

You're creating a false dichotomy, by saying that there are "2 choices...a life of pain with a bad boy, or an unexciting but safe life with a nice guy."

I'm no "bad boy" in many senses of the word. I'm quite reserved, usually passive, lazy and I suck at talking to women. It doesn't stop me from being fun to be around. I think.

Women want fun guys because they want their relationship to have a spark of...well, fun, for want of a better word. And they should; life gets us all down - all of us have to pay bills, go to work, eat food, etc. So being with someone in who's presence you can enjoy life, and laugh, is not too much to ask. It works the other way round too; a woman with a fun personality is way more attractive to me than someone who is dull.

Also, I do not claim to speak for women, but I imagine that most all of them have aspirations beyond being a dutiful wife and mother. Because that's human nature.

 

[BellaRisa]

What the hell happened to women whose only real goals in life were to be a wife and a mother??

We got the right to vote and wear shoes and everything went to hell.

 

[cloudgazer2k]

why? because times have changed since the '70's. it isn't about "Man strong, work, bring home money. Woman weak, make babies, cook meals." anymore. women have a freedom to be just as choosy about their mate as men can be.

seems to me you ought to look into adopting a different outlook on life. as much as many want it to be, it just isn't a good time to be lazy and to do so little. if you want to find someone to be with, it's probably best that you grab life by the horns and take it to higher levels. for the most part, the women i have met want a guy that goes balls to the wall to make things happen rather than sit passively by and watch life go on. hell, Artoo may have described himself accurately the way he sees himself, but the dude does a lot to keep motivated and active.

get out there, man, and show yourself what you're really capable of. or, stand by and watch as the sun rises and sets. your choice.

 

[Babyshambles]

You know what I think. I think it is extremely easy to get a woman, if you try a little bit. If real life doesn't provide you with an opportunity, there are chat rooms, bars, nightclubs, escorts etc.

I think the real reason that you haven't slept with a woman has nothing to do with your being unable to achieve this. I think you have no desire to sleep with a woman. You prefer tickling. You are consumed with this fetish.

 

[Sandrock74]

Where to begin...

What the hell happened to women whose only real goals in life were to be a wife and a mother?? And that was all they really cared about...they didn't care how "fun" or "exciting" he was, just that he was safe. Not that I want kids, I don't like kids they would inconvenience me and impose on my "me time" which I need a lot of.

First, a little bit about me. I'm 35, never had a girlfriend and a virgin. Its mainly because I care much more about a woman loving me, being "mine", wanting only me, than I do about sex. When I tell a woman I like her romantically, she always says "sorry I don't feel the chemistry, I only like you as a friend", which makes me feel very unattractive which I am very insecure about to begin with. For my sexual urges I would much rather tickle a woman's feet and then masturbate on her feet, than have sex with her. What I want from a woman most is for her to want ONLY me, be in love with me, treat me like I'm attractive, important, stroke my ego, etc. I'm rather timid and very passive. I'm not the high testosterone, competitive, Type-A Personality. In fact, I'm probably pretty close to the opposite. I like to play video games and surf the internet. That's it. I'm very lazy.

My problem with women is how they all seem to be looking for a guy who is "fun" and "exciting", "unpredictable", etc. If a guy needs her too much, he must not have much to offer, according to what I read about women on the internet. My problem is, that's not how real life is! Fun and exciting is for young people, adult life isn't fun or exciting, and it should be as predictable as possible, to avoid anything bad happening. Real life is going to work, paying the bills, coming home and watching tv, eating dinner and going to sleep, then you do the same the next day. This is why women get hurt so much by guys who seem "fun" and "exciting" but end up cheating on or abusing them. They have to realize they basically have 2 choices...a life of pain with a bad boy, or an unexciting but safe life with a nice guy.

OK, wow...after I got done laughing at the above statements, I have to say one thing: "Get a life, man!" (to paraphrase William Shatner).

Seriously, according to what you claim, all you know about women comes from the internet. The internet, of course, never lies or has incorrect information posted. Everything on the internet - especially about women - is completely true! You need to expand your horizons, dude.

Also, I have yet to meet a chick who only wants to watch a guy play video games and surf the net. I wouldn't want to hang out with someone like that, why should anyone else?

My best advice is this:
Turn off the tv, shut down the video games, leave the computer off, walk outside, get a tan, and INTERACT with humanity! Talk with women, listen to them, get to know them. Women are a lot more than feet for you to masturbate on. Seriously!
Work on making YOURSELF more appealing. Thats a big help too. Be funny, engage them in conversation.

Being 35 and a virgin who lives life as a shut in hasn't worked out too well for you so far, has it? Odds are that the problem hasn't been with whatever girls you've had limited interaction with...the common factor in everything is you!

Try following my advice. What with spring being here now, this is the time of year to try it. With any luck, you could net yourself a nice girlfriend by years end! (but you'll have to have sex with her)

 

[storm7400]

Ummmmmmmmmmm wow. Thats all that can be said.

Get over yourself and your outdated values. A guy and girl interract with each other for mutual interests. As a relationship and bond form and grow so do they together. Its not about being safe or a bad boy or whatever. Be yourself and let what happen, happen. If it works rock on, if not move on.

Not to mention, life is what you make it. If you think being an adult is boring and predictable, thats on you. To each their own. But don't stress your worries on women and moan.

 

[Babyshambles]

I think we have to be very careful what we say in response to this post.

I'm sure the OP is exasperated, frustrated, concerned, a little depressed and uncertain what to do.

I agree. Turn video games off. Stop always using the internet. Get out of the house. Do more. Lose weight (i'm guessing you are overweight), join a gym, get a tan, work on some muscles and start using moisuriser etc.

It's going to be mega hard to meet women - especially if you have no desire for sex. Look for platonic relationships then. See what happens.

Life was not designed for you, my friend. But try anyway. You might like it.

Maybe try to see a councillor if you can for some advice and help.

There is nothing wrong with you, but to get more out of life, you might have to adapt better to the world around you.

 

[TklDuo-Ann]

My problem with women is how they all seem to be looking for a guy who is "fun" and "exciting", "unpredictable", etc. If a guy needs her too much, he must not have much to offer, according to what I read about women on the internet. My problem is, that's not how real life is! Fun and exciting is for young people, adult life isn't fun or exciting, and it should be as predictable as possible, to avoid anything bad happening. Real life is going to work, paying the bills, coming home and watching tv, eating dinner and going to sleep, then you do the same the next day. This is why women get hurt so much by guys who seem "fun" and "exciting" but end up cheating on or abusing them. They have to realize they basically have 2 choices...a life of pain with a bad boy, or an unexciting but safe life with a nice guy.

Your problem isn't with women themselves. It's with how you view them...and life in general. I mean that in a caring way, not a nasty way. I don't live in the south. But, I have friends and family who do. So, I know that the attitudes tend to be a bit different for guys down your way. Women want many of the same things guys want. They want a life where they can feel fulfilled, wanted, needed and loved. For some, being a wife and mother fits that bill. But, that isn't true for all of us.

Real life does involve many of the things you mention. But, those things don't have to exclude having some fun and excitement in your life as well. My hubby works all day...sometimes very long days. I'm unable to work any more. So, purely due to circumstances, I've become a boring housewife. I generally don't mind that. It gives me time for some things I wouldn't normally be able to do.

But, even the limitations of reality don't stop us from sharing some fun and excitement. It's those moments that make the rest more tollerable. He knows that, if he comes home with a sore back, he's going to get a massage. He knows that, if he had to rush through a crappy lunch, he'll at least have a good dinner waiting for him. And on those days when he isn't so tired and feels like having a bit of fun that will be here for him as well.

We may get in the car spur of the moment and take an unplanned day trip just for the heck of it. We may pick up a goofy movie and relax and poke fun at it. We may go on upstairs and hve some tickle fun. There are numerous ways to have fun and excitement that don't involve being dangerous or any of the things you seem to believe are necessary.

I once believed much the same about guys that you feel about women. They were either ugly and boring or cute and dangerous. There was no in between. What it came down to in the end wasn't a problem with guys (though, admittedly, some do fit that bill). The problem was that I was so afraid of putting myself out there and being rejected or otherwise hurt that I was building up excuses for myself to not even try. I wasted a lot of time doing that before I woke up to reality.

I'm not saying that I believe this to be what you're doing. I don't know you. I'm simply sharing it so that, if it rings true for you, you might be able to step beyond...even if it's baby steps at first.

Bottom line...? Don't sell yourself or women short. You're only cheating yourself out of happiness if you do.

 

[♡AimLEE♡]

I don't think you are gonna find what you are looking for anytime soon with that attitude.

Just my two cents.

:/

 

[TonyInMyThroat]

The answer to your dilemma is really quite simple; just “act” like you're fun and exciting for a few months. Then after you get married you can go back to being dull and boring again.

That’s what we did; just ask our wives if you don’t believe us!


Paid for by the Association of Guys Who've Been Married Forever Foundation; not meant as an endorsement to any immediate marriage action group.

 

[Sanhael]

I'm sure the OP is exasperated, frustrated, concerned, a little depressed and uncertain what to do.

What about 2, 3, 4 years ago? I remember these posts, vividly, as well as the much-dreaded chatroom rantings. I don't dispute that the OP is honestly trying to find the solution to a problem, but read on.

I used to despair. I used to wallow in self-pity as more or less a hobby activity, I used to blame everybody around me for all of my problems, and anybody who's known me for more than a couple of years is probably rolling their eyes in disgust right about now (I'd say "nodding their heads," but if I were in their shoes, I wouldn't choose to so exert myself in acknowledgment of said past behavior).

Y'know what it took to get over that? People not being there for me to lean on all the time, to answer all of my questions for me, ad nauseum.

If a person did not, for whatever reason, learn through their upbringing and youthful experiences of certain basic social skills which most people have so down-pat that they're taken for granted, there are two options: let them bumble about until they discover them on their own, or try to help them. I'm all for helping people, but if that approach hasn't worked after years of effort from multiple angles, I would suggest the former. It's "hard love," but it's still love for one's neighbor: if somebody is always there to hold an infant upright with only their feet on the floor, they will never learn to walk (it's just an analogy; I'm not calling anybody an infant).

I'm far from perfect; socially speaking, at the very least, I'm a great deal farther from it than most people seem to be. Many (apparently) basic aspects of interacting with other people still completely baffle and escape me; there are times when I feel like I'm Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory.

This is no longer looked at, by me, as something to feel sorry for myself over. It is a challenge to be met and overcome, and since I've decided to simply do my best and throw myself (figuratively, usually) into some semblance of "having a life," hey...

I've met up with people, first encountered online, due to two or three different interests (tickling being one of them), I've met and moved in with my first girlfriend, I've been accepted into her family, I've made new friends... I've found jobs on my own, which used to never happen, as I'd walk into an interview unshaven and scruffy-looking and expect my internal ability to Totally Master the job to simply shine from my face like a sunbeam.

I'm far from "grown up" yet, but I'm growing. I'm no longer allowing myself to be a victim of the blind panic that says "I'm almost 30, and look how far behind everybody else I am in life!" because I'm not "far behind," and for the first time in my life I realize that. I'm not where I want to be, specifically, but I'm off in the outfield somewhere, not buried six feet under it. I am a unique individual with many talents, skills, abilities, opinions (yeah, you know it), and my own list of accomplishments, more than fit to hold my head high.

I would not be where I am at, in terms of daring to live, if the people who'd been trying to help me see reality had not at some point thrown up their hands and said "Y'know what, I can't deal with this anymore; call me when you want to go grab a beer."

 

[Snail Shell]

We got the right to vote and wear shoes and everything went to hell.

Have I told you lately how much I love you?

As for your question NonCon, "fun" might not be the best word as much as "passion". Everything else has been said already.

Snail Shell

 

[Adam]

Where to begin...



OK, wow...after I got done laughing at the above statements, I have to say one thing: "Get a life, man!" (to paraphrase William Shatner).

Seriously, according to what you claim, all you know about women comes from the internet. The internet, of course, never lies or has incorrect information posted. Everything on the internet - especially about women - is completely true! You need to expand your horizons, dude.

Also, I have yet to meet a chick who only wants to watch a guy play video games and surf the net. I wouldn't want to hang out with someone like that, why should anyone else?

My best advice is this:
Turn off the tv, shut down the video games, leave the computer off, walk outside, get a tan, and INTERACT with humanity! Talk with women, listen to them, get to know them. Women are a lot more than feet for you to masturbate on. Seriously!
Work on making YOURSELF more appealing. Thats a big help too. Be funny, engage them in conversation.

Being 35 and a virgin who lives life as a shut in hasn't worked out too well for you so far, has it? Odds are that the problem hasn't been with whatever girls you've had limited interaction with...the common factor in everything is you!

Try following my advice. What with spring being here now, this is the time of year to try it. With any luck, you could net yourself a nice girlfriend by years end! (but you'll have to have sex with her)

Nicely said. To the OP, I'm not trying to pick on you, but Sandrock is right. You do have some things to work on here, putting it mildly. If you don't, nothing is going to change for you. Best of luck.

 

[Sandrock74]

Nicely said. To the OP, I'm not trying to pick on you, but Sandrock is right. You do have some things to work on here, putting it mildly. If you don't, nothing is going to change for you. Best of luck.

Thanks Adam! I don't often hear I am right...it's an odd, yet delightful feeling.

 

[Babyshambles]

Thanks Adam! I don't often hear I am right...it's an odd, yet delightful feeling.

This all seems cruel to the OP.

Nice to know that we are here for other members of the community?

Or do some other members exist merely for our amusement?

 

[cloudgazer2k]

This all seems cruel to the OP.

Nice to know that we are here for other members of the community?

Or do some other members exist merely for our amusement?

apparently you aren't reading what's there (no surprise).

though it may seem like the OP is getting hammered, truth be told, honesty can't always be gentle. guy asked a question, and answers have been given.

 

[chicago]

We got the right to vote and wear shoes and everything went to hell.

LMFAO!

 

[Babyshambles]

apparently you aren't reading what's there (no surprise).

though it may seem like the OP is getting hammered, truth be told, honesty can't always be gentle. guy asked a question, and answers have been given.

if we're being pedantic cloud gazer - the guy never asked what he needed to fo to get a girlfriend. we all just assumed that.

he asked - why don't women like the type of man that he is?

in fairness - we've all just waded in and called him a social retard who needs to change if he wants to get laid and have some fun. (as good as)

maybe he doesn't want to get laid? maybe he doesn't want to change who he is just to get a girlfriend?

in answer to the OPs question - why are women so concerned about a guy being fun and exciting etc.?

Basically, lets see if we can find a woman for NonCon. She must be

Needy
Unambitious
In love with dull men
Hate excitement
Hate driven guys
Turned on by video gamers
Enjoy being tickle tortured
Be very, very ticklish
Enjoy having her feet masturbated on
Hate sex
Hate children
Hate attention from a guy
Hate romance
Love sitting around and doing nothing

Now come on. Don't be shy. If there are any girls out there who fit the bill, PM non-con and he will show you the time of your life! If you can handle the excitement of course.

 

[Artoo]

if we're being pedantic cloud gazer - the guy never asked what he needed to fo to get a girlfriend. we all just assumed that.

Um. He mentions not being very good with women and why they don't go for guys like him. If that's not a masked cry of "How the hell do I get women to be interested in me", I don't know what is.

he asked - why don't women like the type of man that he is?

There may be many women who do like people like him. But he needs to get his head out of the sand to see them - judging by this OP, he's wallowing in self-pity (also not a particularly attractive trait) rather than focusing on his goal.

in fairness - we've all just waded in and called him a social retard who needs to change if he wants to get laid and have some fun. (as good as) maybe he doesn't want to get laid? maybe he doesn't want to change who he is just to get a girlfriend?

And me may not have to change who he is, just his approach to women. As he mentioned, it's not done him any favours yet, he just needs new perspective.

in answer to the OPs question - why are women so concerned about a guy being fun and exciting etc.?

I already gave my answer to this question; having a fun partner makes a relationship more enjoyable for both parties. It's not that women *must have* someone who is fun/exciting/dangerous, it's just that if you're as boring as a stick then no one is going to pay you any heed. You gotta put yourself out there, you reap what you sow, etc, etc.

 

[Sandrock74]

This all seems cruel to the OP.

Nice to know that we are here for other members of the community?

Or do some other members exist merely for our amusement?

Nice dig at me there Baby. Be careful about pushing my buttons, I hit back.

By the way, who said I was being cruel? He made statements and asked questions and I gave constructive feedback. Adam agreed with said feedback and I made a joke about being correct. Maybe you can draw me a diagram or show me a piechart or something?

 

[Babyshambles]

sorry sandrock, not my intention to have a dig at you.

 

[RobAce]

We got the right to vote and wear shoes and everything went to hell.

This is soooooo going in my signature now.

Rob

 

[Miss Serendipity]

I don't believe your problem has anything to do with women themselves, its how your viewing them. Times have changed. "get with the times man". (that phrase just seemed appropiate) Women have ambitions and dreams just like men.


More often than not, Women want many of the same things guys desire. We want a life where we are fulfilled, wanted, needed, loved ect. For some people, being a wife and mother is enough. But, that isn't true for us all! Some of us need/desire to be more than that. Having a guy who is fun or exciting adds spice to life and relationships but it's not all we look for.

 

[KrazieDog]

You spent a lot of time laying out each and every little thing YOU want in the original post. So in essence you are wondering why can't women just be a way to exactly conform to what you want. It's pretty selfish to expect a women to want a boring life just to suit you. Granted I get what you are saying about the love side. Most of us want a woman/man in the end that has eyes only for us, but wanting her to not want anything else out of life? She is your partner, not your slave. At the end of a long work day, sometimes we need a break and want to go out to dinner, or a show, or anything to get a away, and a stay at home mom needs the same thing. She is busting ass harder at home then we are at work, almost all the time, so why should she want nothing more than boredom.

An underlying problem also is as Ru mentioned, "2 choices...a life of pain with a bad boy, or an unexciting but safe life with a nice guy" is a very narrow minded way of thinking. You think both women and men fall into only "wild" or "boring" categories and that simply isn't true. People have lots of different personality types and can fall into multiple types. It's not just black and white. Good luck to you in your search.