Why Are You Afraid Of Being Associated With This Site Publicly?

[duderino84]

I feel like those people don't understand how kink develops and you could compare it yo being gay or bi in that it's not like you can control what turns you on.

Because people are stupid in general. I get better results complimenting someone on their driver's license photo than offering if they want to laugh sometime.

 

[duderino84]

I think the whole "XXXX says she hates being tickled" needs to be taken in context. I know a lot of women who don't like other people (outside of the ones they're close to) putting their hands on them without permission, which is kind of what most people think of when they say that.
Let's face it, a lot of guys (who don't have a fetish) use tickling to try and cop a feel.
A lot of those same women loved being tickled, when they felt safe.

"It's just tickling."

Really who needs to care about some stupid kink.

 

[chicago]

Because people are stupid in general. I get better results complimenting someone on their driver's license photo than offering if they want to laugh sometime.

We'll yeah, small talk usually goes over better than fetish talk.

 

[Wolf]

We'll yeah, small talk usually goes over better than fetish talk.

I always had pretty good results with "Wow...I love your laugh."

 

[chicago]

I dunno. Probably approach to the topic and their own ignorance.

 

[Wolf]

Well, that took a turn.

 

[duderino84]

Well, that took a turn.

Most things in life do.

 

[kucheeku]

The prospect of outing oneself as a tickle fetishist poses an interesting quandary. On the one hand, yes, you can say it's nobody's business because it's private. On the other hand, many of us find it difficult to find people who are interested and serious in getting together and even socializing because so few people are "out" about their interests in tickling as a fetish.

In my case, I publicly "came out" as a member of the m/m tickling community in an interview with Dylan Reeve, the co-director of the movie "Tickled."

This documentary, when it's released into people's homes (presumably via HBO) and DVD/BluRay, will have even more impact on exposing the tickling community than the theatrical run it's gone through.

Letting others know about your tickling fetish is something you really have to prepare for--similar to coming out of the closet as gay. I think it's unwise to suddenly do so without being absolutely ready. An excellent book to put fetishism into perspective is "Perv." I recommend it.

Now the question you might ask is "why would I publicly come out as being part of the m/m tickling community?" For a few reasons:

1) I'm already out as gay, so coming out as being into tickling other adult males is not that far of a stretch.

2) There are many different degrees of tickling, from light/sensual to harsh/torturous and every spectrum in between. Knowing about all of these differences and explaining it to others will make it clear that YOU know way more about this fetish and its manifestations than they will ever have known. No amount of sex education in high school and most colleges will ever prepare them for it, so asking them to look it up and get facts is a very reasonable request, especially if others harshly rebuke you.

3) My friends know that I'm no nonsense and really don't take shit from anyone. I'm very civil with everyone but extremely firm when challenged. I would not tell friends about my tickling fetish without being ready to tell them to hit the road if they suddenly think I'm the Devil or worthy of derisive scorn. To the person whose "friends" laughed and ridiculed him: you should tell these two to fuck off and beat it. You shared something deeply personal with them and they decided to act immaturely about it. Tell them to hang out on the playground where they belong. Life is too short and there are millions of other understanding persons out there to have toxic people in your life.

4) "Non-fetish" people like to think they have no quirks and fetishists are weird, but guess what? The idea of what's a weird fetish is completely subjective. The biggest fetish in the world is the woman's breast and entire institutions have been created because of it. If you don't believe me, then you don't believe Playboy Enterprises exists. The general public won't believe that the woman's breast is in the category of a "fetish," because this has been institutionalized and makes money. The second biggest fetish known to humans is the foot fetish. You can bet your bottom dollar that if massive multi-million or billion dollar corporations existed because enough people engaged in money-for-feet commerce, foot fetishism would be "normalized" and most of us would not think of this fetish as weird. The same goes with tickling.

 

[arachnid95]

Awww, bubba! That sounds like a complete nightmare!

How did they even find out?

Well, it was partially my fault when my brother found out; back when we shared a computer, long before I figured out the intricacies of hiding my browsing habits, I got ratted out by autofill... >w>

And then my dad found my stash of stuff while fixing something on my laptop a few years back. He's not as bad about the mockery as my brother, but still...

 

[chicago]

If people are happy with keeping it secret, hey, that's cool. I don't mean to sound judgmental. I just think a lot of times people are more ashamed of it than they need to be and maybe opening up about it in a situation where it makes sense to bring up, some might be able to get more playtime. It sucks there are assholes out there who are cruel because they don't understand, but perhaps if more of us took the time to gently explain it, there'd be more understanding folk. Maybe I'm too optimistic I dunno lol

 

[Rectangle]

Because they just would not understand

This.
I'm not actually ashamed of all this all that much anymore, it's part of me and it's never changing and I'm fine with that, and can look in the mirror with peace on the issue.
It's not that I wouldn't talk about it with friends because it's sexual, I have conversations about sex with friends all the time too.
I don't think people would think I'm a monster for being this way, or be averse to being around me once they knew, or anything like that.
No more than if I somehow found out that a close friend liked being spanked or crossdressed on the side.
It's 2016. My generation and the one after are mostly over that shit.

I just think they wouldn't get it.
And I don't know if I could explain it in a way that they understood.
If it came down to it, I would try, and the response would probably be a "Ah, well, do you!" and that would be it with most of my friends.
This is a really important part of me and I don't think I could properly get that across, it would just be seen as some kinky sideshow in my life.

I'd be alright if some certain people in my close inner circle knew, honestly. Ones that I could trust and invest the time in explaining it and know they'd listen.
There's also some family members that I wouldn't want to know however under any circumstances. The older more traditional ones. They'd probably draw weird conclusions.

I'd have to lay some groundwork before dropping them straight on the TMF though.
Didn't realize how much of a near foreign language we speak until I brought my vanilla wife on here.
Had to play translator for days.

 

[pfromptown]

Because even though I'd like to think otherwise, even some of my closest friends would alter their opinion of me, consciously or otherwise, if I told them. Only two people are aware of my deviation - my partner and my oldest friend. My partner kicks ass and is actually into it too now (after a few teething problems). Issue dealt with, love of life found. My friend isn't really arsed because he isn't easily phased: he doesn't particularly "Get it", as such, but whether it is strange or wrong doesn't enter into his thinking because he's just not that sort of person. So I've had two positive outcomes from people finding out but that doesn't make me want to start blabbing about it to all and sundry.

I look at it like this: if you enjoyed your sexual partner inserting their finger up your arse during sex, would you want to make that the world's business? Apart from people who I am very very close to, I'm not sure I need to discuss what turns me on to that degree; it seems intrusive and superfluous. Of course, if other people feel the need to discuss it with more people than that, then that's their right, but I have to say I object to those who insist on saying shit like "If you tell someone and they think it's weird, then fuck them, hang out with people who are more open minded" etc etc etc - not all of us are extroverts and some of us like to keep private things private. I have friends whom I love very much who I know just wouldn't be comfortable with the idea, but it doesn't make them bad people. It's just an area where they and I differ, and exacerbating that for the sake of some kind of contrived sense of self-security doesn't seem worth the bother to me.

 

[kcantankerous]

Hello,

I outed myself with some close male friends because we talk about sex or whatever from time to time. I also outed myself to female friends that were directly impacted. By directly impacted, I basically said "I am fantasizing about you even as we speak." It was the truth, and I wanted them to know it. I explained that I feel horrible that it happens sometimes, but it does.

I see these women regularly via parties, small gatherings, pop ins, dinners, and so forth. Many of them still went barefoot or whatever seemingly without concern. None of them brought it up since I outed myself. We rarely engaged in tickling between us so I can't report on that. Imagine most of us assume the response would be similar to what poor Arachnid experienced.

My concern, as mentioned elsewhere, is the same as Comforts. I understand the different personalities and fantasies members have. However, if someone I knew landed on the forum and looked around for 10 minutes, they would most likely form an opinion of me that is not accurate. It is also apparent that my female friends may not have caught the piece about it not always being sexual in nature.

Since, I rarely tickled them or vise versa it is a moot point.

Thanks,

K

 

[knicks255]

I guess I've always felt like it's kinda something that people don't really need to know? Like, some things, especially sexual, are kind of a faux-pas to just bring up in public.

I don't call my friends and yell "I AM AROUSED" into the phone, because they don't need to know. It's not something I'm ashamed of or hate myself for. I can't say people finding out wouldn't be embarrassing, but not really in the "They'll think I'm a monster" sense, more in the same reason you close the door while you change clothes. Nobody needs to see your ass. I'm not ashamed of the aforementioned ass, but it's not something I'm sharing with the world.

 

[chicago]

I guess I've always felt like it's kinda something that people don't really need to know? Like, some things, especially sexual, are kind of a faux-pas to just bring up in public.

I don't call my friends and yell "I AM AROUSED" into the phone, because they don't need to know. It's not something I'm ashamed of or hate myself for. I can't say people finding out wouldn't be embarrassing, but not really in the "They'll think I'm a monster" sense, more in the same reason you close the door while you change clothes. Nobody needs to see your ass. I'm not ashamed of the aforementioned ass, but it's not something I'm sharing with the world.

Lolol best response yet

 

[devioustickler]

There are already three people in my life who are aware of my tickle kink. One of them doesn't care, and bless him for that.
The other two mock and ridicule me relentlessly every time the T word comes up.
Watching some cartoons and a tickle scene comes on? "Oooooh, hey Miiiiichael, look! It's your fetish! Does that turn you on? You gettin' hoooooorny?"
Playing with my kid brother and a playful tickle fight breaks out? "Ewwwww, don't do that! I know you're into that! That's like--incest!"
Fuck that shit. I don't need this in my life. It's bad enough that those two individuals are aware of it; the last thing I need is for more people to find out about it and react the same way. Or for those same two people to find out that I draw and write fetish stuff, and that I frequent forums like this one. Just more fuel for their judgmental fire...

With the friends ridiculing you, I went thru that in highschool. I told my closest friends, who I had known since.. shit Kindergarten and we were all seniors in highschool and went out for lunch cuz it was a half day. I told them I had a foot fetish to women and all they did was tease n laugh at me. One of them actually took off his shoe n sock off in the pizza joint and was like, "Oh you like my feet don't you?" I was like "Fuck you guys" and got up and began to walk home when my best friend was just said they were razzing me and then took me home. That was the only time they made fun of me though. However with my highschool sweetheart, she knew about my foot and tickle fetish, hated both of them. However what sucked was ANYTIME, movies/ TV or in public, if a woman was barefoot, she immediately would turn and stare at me and be like "You're checking out her feet!" or "I know you were enjoying that scene in the movie with so and so's feet on the dashboard. That shit got infuriating but that was when I was young and in my teens and very early 20's. Now I am grown and don't let it bother me.

 

[devioustickler]

Now as to why I don't want to be associated with this site publicly.. I mean define publicly. My brother's and best friends and well friends, considering I literally have mostly female friends, all know of my foot and tickle fetish and know I go on websites..... truth be told, it is ridiculous to ask why some people do not want to be openly associated with this website. I don't need to let people know my screen name or what website I go on when I can easily meet a woman and openly tell her, "I have a thing for feet and tickling." Why give them unnecessary information, like being associated with this website, when I give them the core and only important information that they need, that I have a foot and tickle fetish.

 

[Wolf]

I also outed myself to female friends that were directly impacted. By directly impacted, I basically said "I am fantasizing about you even as we speak." It was the truth, and I wanted them to know it.

Why?

 

[kcantankerous]

Why?

Hello,

I told those ladies because I was/am ashamed. I wanted them armed with that knowledge because this fetish is a big part of me - unfortunately. Outside of introspective depression and rumination, my foot fetish and tickle fetish are dominant when women I want to engage with are present. I have a close relationship with those I told. I feel like less of a creep if they are aware. I'd do the same if my fetish was something else, and I couldn't necessarily turn it off.

Thanks,

K

 

[kcantankerous]

Hello,

BTW I didn't mean association down to your screen name. Just that it is a site that you go to. For example, if you shared a computer and visit here would you delete your tracks afterwards. If so, why would you feel compelled to do so?

Thanks,

K

 

[Wolf]

Hello,

I told those ladies because I was/am ashamed. I wanted them armed with that knowledge because this fetish is a big part of me - unfortunately. Outside of introspective depression and rumination, my foot fetish and tickle fetish are dominant when women I want to engage with are present. I have a close relationship with those I told. I feel like less of a creep if they are aware. I'd do the same if my fetish was something else, and I couldn't necessarily turn it off.

Thanks,

K

I see no problem in "coming out" to whoever you want to, but for what purpose are you arming your female friends with the knowledge that you're fantasizing about them "even as we speak"?

 

[kcantankerous]

I see no problem in "coming out" to whoever you want to, but for what purpose are you arming your female friends with the knowledge that you're fantasizing about them "even as we speak"?

Hello,

The lady I said that to and I were having a discussion about how powerful my fetish can be. At the time she was laying on the sofa with her freshly pedicured feet sticking out of her blanket. I was sitting on the other side of the L shaped sofa. At this point I was making a conscious effort not to stare at her feet. She asked, "just how powerful is your obsession." That is when I told her the truth. I said, "it is happening right now, though in the background of my mind." I explained how I actively have to suppress those thoughts, and sometimes they are more prominent than other times.

Again, I did not look to see if she hide her feet after I told her. She mentioned that her only truly ticklish spot is her feet. I told her I knew because an event that happened over 10 years ago between her and her now husband. I think she fully understood after that.

If I told their husbands/boyfriends, I am sure they would tickle their wives in front of me to make me uncomfortable lol.

Thanks,

K

 

[Wolf]

Hello,

The lady I said that to and I were having a discussion about how powerful my fetish can be. At the time she was laying on the sofa with her freshly pedicured feet sticking out of her blanket. I was sitting on the other side of the L shaped sofa. At this point I was making a conscious effort not to stare at her feet. She asked, "just how powerful is your obsession." That is when I told her the truth. I said, "it is happening right now, though in the background of my mind." I explained how I actively have to suppress those thoughts, and sometimes they are more prominent than other times.
Again, I did not look to see if she hide her feet after I told her. She mentioned that her only truly ticklish spot is her feet. I told her I knew because an event that happened over 10 years ago between her and her now husband. I think she fully understood after that.
If I told their husbands/boyfriends, I am sure they would tickle their wives in front of me to make me uncomfortable lol.
Thanks, K

So, you told them so you wouldn't be uncomfortable fantasizing about them when they're around.
Aren't you worried that might make them uncomfortable?

 

[kcantankerous]

Hello,

No Wolf, I told them so if it made them uncomfortable then they can express that to me and or chose to disassociate with me if truly bothered. However, the result may be as you have mentioned, but that was not my intention. This exercise started out as a way to see if my obsessions/fetishes were negatively perceived. Since it was a significant factor in my own self loathing. Thus, if they told me as much, or their behavior changed as a result then I would feel either justified or unjustified in my self loathing. To them, there would be no secret to my actions.

If their behavior changes drastically, then I would make the disassociation decision for them. It is messy - and illogical - but it is the only way I am aware of to help me cope. I think it is fair for them to know. Otherwise, I feel like a voyeur peaking in on an unsuspecting person.

Thanks,

K

 

[duderino84]

. She asked, "just how powerful is your obsession."

Basically translates to "what would you do to get with me" "how horny do I make you".....basically, if she eventually gets tired, "how much of a fool can I make this guy".

Dude I get you have a fetish, but this is basically a test to see if you have self-control or if you're going to blow your chances and your proverbial load.

Once again why I no longer want to discuss my turn-ons in any intimate situation. I knew a girl who liked to mess with guys to test who she liked, saying she liked to "make guys fall in love with me". I can't imagine the other side of the story being so pleasant.