Why Are You Afraid Of Being Associated With This Site Publicly?

[Wolf]

It should go without saying I validated their feelings. But since you wanted to talk sex, I wasn't just some feel-copping idiot the whole time. It's a game of give and take. What you take should matter. Just like the trash we post that people end up reading, no?

I'll be glad to jump off of this exchange as soon as someone wants the parking space for an on-topic comment, but I have to ask, based on the first sentence...
Do you think there's a checklist or something?

 

[Wolf]

Do you think there should be?

Only if you think people are so easily quantified.

 

[Wolf]

Bullshitting again in hopes I take some more bait, huh?

No...I'm genuinely puzzled. Honest.
It's like you think people (women, in particular) are just things you can program for compatibility by going through the motions of what you think they want. There's a certain detachment in the way you're talking about the checklist items.

 

[Wolf]

Not at all. I think people are personalities. But I also recognize it takes a lot more than good intentions to make someone recognize if you're a good person. I see a lot of people just ignore me based on pretense, therefore I think they're shallow. I see myself at work trying to get through to poor listeners therefore I believe they aren't that bright. And for the most part I give no fucks about self-centered, marriage pushing idiots that look to reduce me to a dispenser of presents for some fun and relating.

When will I meet anyone who fits the definition of "great"? When will it be someone taking an interest in the things I do rather than in reverse? Maybe never. But I don't care anymore.

I hope you don't think I'm pushing marriage. I never said it was for everyone.
But...the last few sentences...that's sad on so many levels.

 

[Rectangle]

If you were to find a proper lee, would you want to keep her around or write her off as one of a billion potential dates you go on?

You would think I said something unfathomable.

No..I just didn't understand what you wrote.

I found a "proper" woman, fell in love, got married, lucked out that she thought all of this was fun, encouraged it, hopped in the car to go meet TMF'ers with me, and now she's practically kicking me out the door to go to munches/gatherings.

Wouldn't have happened if I set her worth of "keeping around" solely on her worth as a lee.

Could it have worked out the other way? That she hated it?
Sure.
I'd still be married to her, would still have my daughter, I'd probably still be posting here, I just wouldn't be active at all in the scene and would keep that shit on lock in my personal life.


The love came first. Tickling came second.
I'm glad for it.

 

[Wolf]

Well maybe when I get a copy of your book "Dating with Wolves" I'll become some model husband.

I don't get it. If you've got it all figured out...
why are you so unhappy?

 

[Wolf]

No..I just didn't understand what you wrote.

I found a "proper" woman, fell in love, got married, lucked out that she thought all of this was fun, encouraged it, hopped in the car to go meet TMF'ers with me, and now she's practically kicking me out the door to go to munches/gatherings.

Wouldn't have happened if I set her worth of "keeping around" solely on her worth as a lee.

Could it have worked out the other way? That she hated it?
Sure.
I'd still be married to her, would still have my daughter, I'd probably still be posting here, I just wouldn't be active at all in the scene and would keep that shit on lock in my personal life.
The love came first. Tickling came second.
I'm glad for it.

He didn't say a proper woman. He said a proper lee.

 

[Rectangle]

He didn't say a proper woman. He said a proper lee.

I know.
Should have italicized "woman" to carry my tone.
Was implying that I didn't set out looking for a lee in the first place.
That's not at all why I went on dates.
Fixed.

 

[chicago]

I'll put it very simply. Seeing is believing.

Yes and no. You could not see something your whole life but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist or the possibility doesn't exist.

Some people go their whole lives without finding someone "great" for whatever reason, maybe they are shitty people, maybe they hang around shitty people, maybe they aim too high, who knows. But unless you're in your 90s, you still have a lot of life to figure it out.

And to be fair, it might be best to curb your disappointment by being realistic about some things. Even the most hardcore lees need breaks. If I feel pain, even in my face from smiling that's not hot. And you call these women exes so I'm assuming they we're serious relationships. Why not broach the topic of tickling prior to embarking on said relationship?
Lastly, compromise. A lot of people have hard limits. Bad back would cause a person to have tickling be a hard limit - easy to find out before entering a serious relationship. However, a lot of vanilla women would probably compromise themselves and indulge you, or even enjoy it, if you we're able to compromise and give them breaks when their face hurt, for instance.

Otherwise, it's like you're just fucking em to complain about em later?

 

[Wolf]

Yes and no. You could not see something your whole life but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist or the possibility doesn't exist.

Some people go their whole lives without finding someone "great" for whatever reason, maybe they are shitty people, maybe they hang around shitty people, maybe they aim too high, who knows. But unless you're in your 90s, you still have a lot of life to figure it out.

And to be fair, it might be best to curb your disappointment by being realistic about some things. Even the most hardcore lees need breaks. If I feel pain, even in my face from smiling that's not hot. And you call these women exes so I'm assuming they we're serious relationships. Why not broach the topic of tickling prior to embarking on said relationship?
Lastly, compromise. A lot of people have hard limits. Bad back would cause a person to have tickling be a hard limit - easy to find out before entering a serious relationship. However, a lot of vanilla women would probably compromise themselves and indulge you, or even enjoy it, if you we're able to compromise and give them breaks when their face hurt, for instance.
Otherwise, it's like you're just fucking em to complain about em later?

The advantage to being negative and cynical about the whole dating thing is that if it goes well, then it's a pleasant surprise,
but if it doesn't, at least you can tell yourself you were right all along.

 

[duderino84]

I don't get it. If you've got it all figured out...
why are you so unhappy?

You know, there's other words to express discontent or disappointment than implying that I'm somehow upset.

What DOES make me ask you to "go write a book" is the reasoning that if I'm just so warped or incorrect in my perspectives of people, then what are the "right" answers?

He didn't say a proper woman. He said a proper lee.

Oh no. You mean I've done the unthinkable. ....used regular terminology used in a BDSM FORUM?! THE HORROR! Now I've made one mistake. ....they'll just keep piling on. I've no idea how many have suffered. We're FUCKED! FUCKED DO YOU HEAR ME?!

Lol

 

[Wolf]

You know, there's other words to express discontent or disappointment than implying that I'm somehow upset.
What DOES make me ask you to "go write a book" is the reasoning that if I'm just so warped or incorrect in my perspectives of people, then what are the "right" answers?
Oh no. You mean I've done the unthinkable. ....used regular terminology used in a BDSM FORUM?! THE HORROR! Now I've made one mistake. ....they'll just keep piling on. I've no idea how many have suffered. We're FUCKED! FUCKED DO YOU HEAR ME?!
Lol

If your approach to relationships is anything like your approach to conversations in the forum....

 

[Wolf]

Not unless I'm dating women that call themselves "Wolf" and all words need to be explicitly placed in order to be read.

Yeah...I remember when I thought I knew everything, too.
Thank god I grew outta that.

 

[Wolf]

Damn, I was hoping that book was hitting the printing press by December. You've shattered me, Wolf. Like a mirror.

If only.
You might have to let go of being right all the time, though.

 

[kcantankerous]

Hello,

This is all quite fascinating. Thanks to Wolf and Dude, this thread keeps chugging along. I think part of the fear of relation here has to do with how one looks at their fetish. Are you here because you think it is fun - not sexual? Are you here because it is purely sexual? Is it both at once, and neither one? Are most if us here because we are ashamed? That could explain our secretiveness.

What I can't wrap my brain around - among a bevy of other topics - is feeling the need to hide something like this from a serious (via marriage or protracted relationship) significant other.

Thanks,

K

 

[chicago]

Yup, but when you've lowered your expectations enough, is it finally still fun?

So 20 minute sessions with breaks are too extreme?

Like I've mentioned in half the other threads I've mentioned this in, ultimately it's whether or not people actually listened to you tell them your "big" secret to start off with. In recent months, I've learned those ears just don't work so great.

You can lower your expectations and also improve on yourself. There's no end to self-improvement, which will allow you a greater pool of "fish" so to speak.

As far as boundaries and limits, every person is different. Someone with a bad back might not be able to go that long. Someone who's got weak face muscles might need more breaks from laughing lol

It's easy to blame other peoples ears than look at where our communication may have gone wrong. I think many people here believe that it's an all or nothing approach to talking about this with potential romantic partners / play partners. Either they never bring it up out of fear, or they wait until late in the relationship to do so, - or they bring it up once and think that's enough, when, like anything else in a relationship - it takes frequent, clear, and kind communication. Even in my own relationship, which has been going on 5 years with someone I've known for over 10 from this community, we have to talk often about this.

Hello,

This is all quite fascinating. Thanks to Wolf and Dude, this thread keeps chugging along. I think part of the fear of relation here has to do with how one looks at their fetish. Are you here because you think it is fun - not sexual? Are you here because it is purely sexual? Is it both at once, and neither one? Are most if us here because we are ashamed? That could explain our secretiveness.

What I can't wrap my brain around - among a bevy of other topics - is feeling the need to hide something like this from a serious (via marriage or protracted relationship) significant other.

Thanks,

K

For me, personally, curiosity brought me here. I was aware from a young age that it was probably uncommon to be into tickling on the level I was/am into it. Because of that, I knew there could be many people that did not understand and that I should be careful who I express this to for fear of being judged. That said, the secretiveness did not come from a place of shame so much as it came from a place of not feeling the need to open up to mean-spirited people who did not get it.

Tickling is a kink for me, but I can function without it. I would much rather not, so it is a deal breaker in relationships. They have to be at least willing to indulge me. I think it can be fun with friends and also sexual in relationships. It is contextual for me as I don't respond to my boyfriend the same way I respond to a friend.

I do not understand feeling the need to hide this from someone you are supposed to "love" in a serious romantic relationship.

 

[Rectangle]

Not unless I'm dating women that call themselves "Wolf" and all words need to be explicitly placed in order to be read.

Yeah...I remember when I thought I knew everything, too.
Thank god I grew outta that.

Damn, I was hoping that book was hitting the printing press by December. You've shattered me, Wolf. Like a mirror.

If only.
You might have to let go of being right all the time, though.

I'm so confused right now.
What is going on?

 

[Wolf]

Hello,

This is all quite fascinating. Thanks to Wolf and Dude, this thread keeps chugging along. I think part of the fear of relation here has to do with how one looks at their fetish. Are you here because you think it is fun - not sexual? Are you here because it is purely sexual? Is it both at once, and neither one? Are most if us here because we are ashamed? That could explain our secretiveness.

What I can't wrap my brain around - among a bevy of other topics - is feeling the need to hide something like this from a serious (via marriage or protracted relationship) significant other.

Thanks,

K

It's both fun and sexual, depending on the situation. Came here because I was curious.
And I'd never hide this from my mate.
Heck, she used to come here, until she got uncomfortable with some people.
Now, I just keep her updated on What's Up On the TMF.
And I may have wondered if I was normal, but I've never been ashamed.

 

[Rectangle]

What I can't wrap my brain around - among a bevy of other topics - is feeling the need to hide something like this from a serious (via marriage or protracted relationship) significant other.

I've never had to "hide" this from anyone in a relationship. The closest I've been is that early on period where I'm gauging whether or not we're at a comfort level where I can drop it on them.
I have been in a situation though, where my partner flat out didn't like being tickled. Period.
I'm a switch, so we compromised, and I never really felt the worse for it.

If I were in a relationship where my partner or wife flat out wanted nothing to do with it, at all? Ler'ing or Lee'ing?
I don't really know. I'd probably have some internal issues and doubts as to why she's not willing to do anything to make me happy in that regard.

Like I said, I fell in love with my wife completely separately from the kink, I doubt I'd have cut that off regardless.
We were both in a much more religious state of mind at the time, we met at a monastery/seminary where I was living at the time and she was a church camp counselor that summer.
We didn't do anything physical for the entire "falling in love" portion of our relationship.

By the time we got around to it, we were already firmly established in a serious relationship and were considering marriage, and like I said, I got lucky.

If I wouldn't have been lucky? If she just flat out refused for whatever reason?
I wouldn't have hid it, but I wouldn't have split. Not at that point.
I don't know what my life would look like after that.
I would just bear it I guess.

 

[kcantankerous]

Hello,

I will create a separate thread about the partner issue, because I find your last paragraph stimulating more dialogue on that front. Chicago has broached it here, and Wolf as well. I will not be upset if someone beats me the punch.


Thanks,

K

 

[Wolf]

Wolf is an expert and I was patronizing him. As for me, I'm a lot of ideas and hypothesis on people issues.

I'm no expert. I'm just happy.

 

[CapturedDoll]

Edit: My try of "tough love" didn't work so there's no point in keeping this here.

Tough love sucks anyway.

 

[CapturedDoll]

Edit: Erased

 

[CapturedDoll]

Edit Erased for the good of the thread.

 

[CapturedDoll]

Edit: Erased for the good of the thread.