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Why do people complain about the forum and then stay?

Iggy pop

3rd Level Orange Feather
Joined
Oct 13, 2002
Messages
2,566
Points
38
I see so many post complaining about the forum, and then continue to post? I have to admit I'm a bit perplexed. They complain about the mods, complain about censorship, say that we are losers, and yet they continue to stay. I saw one poster who stated that accused the forum of engaging in immoral and illegal activities and that he was going to report the forum to the proper authorities. So did that poster leave? NO! He continued to stay and post and he continues to post to this day. Obviously the illegal activities didn't bother him that much. I mean if you hate this place this much then just go. Nobody is keeping anyone prisoner here. You don't have to stay. You are lucky I'm not a mod I would be kicking people out left and right. I guess to be a mod you have to be able to put up with people's bullshit. That is not something I do very well.
 
They stay because it is the best place around to satisfy their needs.

In short..they have nowhere else to go.😉

Kicking people out does not make us a better place to be. We continue to grow and to learn about each other and ourselves by learning how to tolerate and respect one anothers opinions and ignore the bullshit for what it is worth...everyone can see through the crap, Iggy...they fool no one.

Those that have been kicked out have respected no one. Most have left on their own because no one listens to them or answers their posts.


Ven
 
Venray, I understand your point of view. Tolerance is a good thing. I just know that if I threw party and one of the guests started complaining about the beer, the music, called me a jerk, and then starting accusing me of molesting children and told me he was going to report it to the police then guess what he wouldn't stay at my party for very long. I'm not saying you should kick people out. I'm just saying that is what I would do.
 
As would I..because he would be there in my face live and in person. Note that the one of whom you speak obviously had no grounds or we would probably all be gone from here by now...we separate the real from the imaginary as best we can and move on..😉


ven
 
But most of the people on TMF are pretty cool and decent and not like those on AMT who need to resort to being assholes to get attention.

Moderation is what seperates us from them.
 
i have been wondering that myself. i have no idea why certain people bitch about everything, but continue to stay. my theory is, they like the attention they get from their posts. they notice that they can cause some drama by acting like little children, ranting and complaining about everything. sometimes people do that and they think they are "just stirring the pot a little". they dont realize they come off as an ass. but then again, they probably dont care. they just like the attention......
 
primetime said:
i have been wondering that myself. i have no idea why certain people bitch about everything, but continue to stay. my theory is, they like the attention they get from their posts. they notice that they can cause some drama by acting like little children, ranting and complaining about everything. sometimes people do that and they think they are "just stirring the pot a little". they dont realize they come off as an ass. but then again, they probably dont care. they just like the attention......

That's what drove me away from AMT. Between Glenn's constant bitching and Jami's Holier-than-Holy attitude.... AMT has been reduced to a "who-can-out-bitch-who" contest.
 
I've been thinking the same thing, Iggy...

and I've wondered why such people stay...or return. I've seen people post, in other places, negative things about the TMF, say they're not coming back, then they come back and act as if they have amnesia. I understand that the mods here are adults and can take criticism; I also understand what Venray says: that they've nowhere else to go to satisfy their needs...or at least, nowhere as pleasant as the TMF.

I just don't understand why people feel the need to attack one another. Isn't there enough of that in the vanilla world?🙁

P. S. I edited this post because I suddenly realized that it is far too easy to cross that line and attack others. My apologies.
 
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I have to agree with Ray. People like that have no one else who will listen and nowhere else to go. We are moderated, but we are tolerant. The best way to deal with these kinds is to stop responding to them. The only thing in thier tired little lives is the feedback they get. They inflate themselves, make claims they can't back up and knock everyone else down for the same reason 8-year-olds do in school. They have nothing.

The best thing to do is ignore. You will never win an arguement, as another one will always fall in its place. Like they say "Arguing on the Internet is like running in the Special Olympics...even if you win, you're still retarded." 😎
 
solution to the mystery?

The few people who do this like shit throwing contests. They think it makes them important and influential. In fact, it just adds proof to the knowledge that's already out there...that they're losers. If they want to keep providing evidence to that fact so people can laugh in their faces, so be it. After all, tickling isn't the only thing to laugh about! :devil:

Ann
 
My thoughts entirely, Iggy! 😎

And as a former mod, I can only affirm the points Ray, Dave, and Ann made... 🙄
 
Re: solution to the mystery?

Originally posted by TklDuo-Ann (most deleted)
The few people who do this like shit throwing contests.
Ann

The thing to remember, before you blast away in one of the controversail, uncivil threads, is this: Even the winner of a shit throwing contest ends up smelling like what was thrown. 😀
 
quite correct-well siad that man!
Phew!....what's that smell in a thread lower down?
 
I usually laugh when I see such a thread, "I'm not coming back, etc." The only time I don't laugh is when it's someone I wish would really go, and I know the person will be back, and I just sigh.
 
OK .....lets get this straight.........

....once and for all, so you all understand. This site is absolute BLOODY RUBBISH!!!!! never in all my life have I seen such a lousy set up, the whole thing just STINKS!!! every one who comes on the boards is a complete arse hole! I hate the bloody lot of you. As for the mods, they are all a load of power mad, third rate Hitlers who should be rounded up and dropped off at all corners of the globe to set up their own bannana republics so they can execute anyone who dissagrees with them.

Basically the whole idea of the TMF is pathetic, its not even a proper fetish site, give me "Lesbian anal fist fuck a go-go.com" over this feeble sicko stuff. Good god! cant you sad bastards get yourselfs a FUCKING LIFE!!!! ......YOU MAKE ME WANT TO PUKE MY FUCKING GUTS UP, THE BLOODY LOT OF YOU!!!!!......so hear me good you bunch of cretins, I am through with you all, and this pathetic excuse of a web site.....so good riddance and goodbye.
 
...er.....erm..........

...oh, high there!! how you all doing?......so.....how is every one? good to see all the old faces!!!! good old Q and Jo Belle and my old mate "Venners".....blimey, what a bloody great site this is!! what a great job all you mods do, I take my hat off to you all......blah, blah, blah..........
 
Dead red...

Might be a typo, but I think red DID mean "high".

Complaints have their place. I complain at various times and places in my life as I'm sure nearly every sentient being has done. Restaurants, the gym and while in the car come to mind quite quickly. Sometimes I'm just venting, other times I'm hoping for change or renumeration. Your chances of getting somewhere are directly proportional to the dollars you spend/have spent in a location in my experience. On a free forum you better have a helluva valid point I guess...lol.

Anyway, the mere act of voicing a complaint doesn't mean you automatically desire to be excluded from a commnity/store/whatever, just that something is bothering you and you'd like someone to acknowledge it or even change it perhaps. Doesn't always happen, rarely happens fast enough to suit one, but you never get if ya never ask....

:zzzzz: Q
 
Re: Re: solution to the mystery?

milagros317 said:
The thing to remember, before you blast away in one of the controversail, uncivil threads, is this: Even the winner of a shit throwing contest ends up smelling like what was thrown. 😀

Ooooo! Someone who knows effective fraternal correction. You're correct, sir. I thought I smelled something when I got finished with that!

Ann
 
It was always my opinion that people who come on here and post that they're leaving, blah, blah, are hoping that someone will post and say something like "Please don't go! You're a wonderful person! I care, I care!"

I think people get frustrated with the fly-by-night nature of the Net and the rather impersonal quality of it all. I say if you want to go, just go, don't announce it. It's true that most of us are a bunch of strangers here, brought together by our mutual interest in you-know-what. Some of us are lucky enough to meet others in person, some not, and some never will.

If someone can't deal with that, they should probably go for their own sake. Just an opinion...
 
Sounds familiar.Where I work "bitching"is the norm.Bitch about their pay,Bitch about what type of clothes they have to wear to work,Bitch about the hours they have to work,Bitch about the tips they make.Well,what I say is let them "bitch"I will do what I do at work🙄 then move on and find something postitive to do or here at the forum look for a positive thread.Get used to it folks "bitching"is just a part of life:bouncybou :bouncybou

:atom: I put up with "bitching"at work because I make good money:wavingguy :wavingguy:atom:
 
Maybe they stay for the same reason that many Americans trash whatever current presidential office is in place, yet refuse to move out of the country. Just because one disapproves of the administration doesn't mean he/she wants to give up the cool landscape. Would you cut off your head just to cure dandruff?

Why do people stay, you ask? Many don't. You only hear from those who do. Some resign to the belief that the TMF will always be censored and will never evolve into somthing greater. They simply want no part of it. Others believe it's important to not leave such heinous policies unchallenged, dispite the fact that such urgings are generally met with responses that suggest they have no business questioning authority.

I like to believe that there is a difference between chronic complaining versus communicating a genuine vision for a better way to run things. I can't speak for the others, but when I talk about censorship, it's because I feel it's wrong, and that the forum would benefit many-fold from it's removal. I don't badmouth Myriads or his staff, I do however, question the policy, the decisions and the actions.
 
Some indeed leave and are never heard from again. Some stay and cease their complaining. Some stay and keep right on complaining.

And some create their own tickling forum, where they can be the founder/moderator. This course of action does not preclude staying here also. 😀
 
I'd like to take this opportunity to address some particular experiences I have had in this web site. It might give some more insight to have personal experiences, rather than all these vague generalities that everyone else keeps lofting around like safe, verbal beach balls.

To be quite honest, I suspect one of two things will happen to this post-- it will either be deleted and I will be banned from posting on the Forums again, or it will be entirely ignored. If a moderator feels the need to do this, I will respect their authority to do so, but I will also be saving a copy for myself. It will be an interesting test, actually, of how far this place has actually progressed in the nearly year and a half since I originally left. If someone actually uses points made in this post to address problems here at TMF and make this a better place, I will be delightfully surprised.

I originally joined this site in May 2001 to share my stories and pictures with other people so I could get some feedback. You see, I had this creative block that was preventing me from doing any more writing or drawing. Starting in Dec 2001 and culminating through May 2002, I was subjected to harrassment in both the old chat room and via my email address. On Christmas Night that year, I was in the TMF chat room because I was lonely and depressed and quite simply did not want to be sitting in my house alone.

For some reason, literally almost every person in the room turned on me that night. I think, since the majority of offenders were male, that they were trying to impress a girl in the room. Someone (and granted, this is in chat) pretended to pour a bucket of vomit over my head, another person (who was and still is a chat mod, to the best of my knowledge) pretended to strip off my pants. No one faced any consequences for their actions that night. That is not opinion, that is fact. Everyone who was there knows what really happened that night, and I'm not going to embarrass anyone by mentioning names here.

The other people who were there but not participating, did not make a single move to defend me-- although one or two of them "were kind enough" to email me later on and tell me "how badly the felt for me at the time." Gee, thanks . . . . If I ever get mugged, I'll be sure to call you for help, but only after it is safe.

I made multiple attempts to go through legitimate channels to end the harrassment, but quite frankly I got no results. I was told, in a very patronizing and condescending manner, basically just to do nothing. And yet, when someone allegedly made an inappropriate PC to summerdaez (anyone remember her?), the entire room was turned upside down in an "emergency meeting." When enny was being allegedly harrassed by a specific individual in the chat room, that person was banned.

I maintain then, as I did now, that there is a definite clique here and there is a double standard of "justice." I tried posting about this multiple times on the forum and debated until I was blue in the face. Everyone wanted to make excuses, talk about tangents, but no one wanted to address the real problem.

Here is the message I picked up from that experience: "Too bad, we just don't care if you get harrassed because you are not really one of us." Fine, when a member of this clique or a mod asks me for ANY assistance, I will be sure to remember what sort of attitude that person had towards me before I decide whether I will help or not. And, one day, when this place is long gone and we are out in the real world and you come onto my realm, we will see how things turn out.

I tried to put my best face on it and decided to sign up for a certain gathering in 2002. I was hoping that I might get be treated better face to face, but a funny thing happened. For some strange reason, I got a different set of registration information instructions initially than other people I was in contact with did. When I tried to get accurate information, I had three different people pointing me at each other. Despite multiple attempts to get this confusion straightened out via email, it never got cleared up. It became very obvious to me that I was not wanted or welcome at this gathering, so I emailed the responsible party and told him to remove me from the guest list. It has subsequently been explained to me that this was an "administrative glitch." If you say it was an accidental oversight, then it was an honest mistake.

And don't worry, I have no plans to attend any future gatherings which are predominately attended by TMF members. Since I am a ticklee as well as a tickler, in order for me to play, it would be necessary for me to be restrained. And quite frankly, there is a small handful of people in this site membership that I would not want to be in the same room with while I am in restraints. These specific people think nothing of being cruel and vicious to other people in a chat room, so why should they be any different in real life?

The comment about "no other place to go" is not accurate. There are other web sites, but as was previously pointed out, the transitory nature of the web makes it difficult to feel a sense of community belonging. But there are still plenty of other places to go; they are out in the real world. Turn off your computers, and go to that weird record store with all the underground newspapers, look in the personal ads sections. There are all sorts of people out there WHO DON'T USE COMPUTERS TO MANAGE THEIR SOCIAL LIVES. They are very nice and friendly-- come on out and play with them. One of the best ticklers I've ever met can't even type! Ha, the irony! 🙂

As for posting negative comments about the TMF, yes, I have done so. I have done that both here and on my own personal web site. As a matter of fact, some nameless, faceless members here even tried to go to Myriads and convince him to deactivate my membership based on criticisms I made about this place on my PERSONAL WEB SITE. And yes, I will continue to exercise that right whenever I feel people here have personally wronged me and the matter has not been addressed properly. It's called "airing a grievance." The last time I checked, this was considered free and protected speech, as long as it does not slander or libel anyone.

I don't feel the need to justify my return to this place to ANYONE, including Myriads himself. It is a public web site on the WORLD WIDE Web, but since the predominant question has been "Why do these people come back?" I figured I would offer to share some of my reasons for returning.

1) Referrer links from this site keep turning up in my non-tickling personal web site's visitor logs, even a year after I've left this place. Requests for the f->m photos and clips I did over 17 months ago still pop up in my site's search engine on a monthly basis. I haven't been here in over a year and people still keep looking for my original material. Hmm, isn't that funny?

2) Maybe the people who treated me badly have gone elsewhere by now?

3) Maybe the site has better management and policies to address such things as stalking and harrassment?

4) Maybe there will be some new people there who I can meet and be friends with who will not believe all the awful and untrue things that others have said about me behind my back?

5) Maybe I can host my own tickle gathering and make sure that only people I know and trust will be in attendance? Yeah, right . . . and maybe one day I will discover the cure for colon cancer. But, nevertheless, it is a dream that I will eventually find people who accept me for who and what I am without persecuting me.

6) Although some people here would prefer that I never returned, I am afraid the simple truth is I have as much right to be here as you do. You do not have to like me, but you do not have the right to try to run me off with harrassment either. If you don't like it, ask Myriads to make it a pay site or a private one for "members only."

Please note that nowhere in my list of reasons is "to get even with people who have hurt me." Here's the deal: I know what happened, they know what happened, and God knows what happened. You do your thing in your space, I'll do mine in mine, and maybe if we are really lucky we won't see each other again until Judgement Day.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled thread.
 
complaining

PEople complain wayyyyy to much at this forum. They take their anger out by getting smart with the moderators. Which is really ridiculous. Also, they start cursing out a single member to make their lives miserable.

A second thing is. People love attention in the chat room. IF nobody is talking to them, they randomly pc someone until they do. Also, they sit there in the chat room and complain that they're bored or they dont like the conversation. Well...

1) start your own freakin conversation
2) Leave the chat room

This isnt rocket science or were not splitting atoms over here. drives me nuts.:sowrong:
 
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