Why I F****** Hate Facebook

[IrvingKrebb]

Facebook is depressing me. A guy I went to school with, who I never liked in the first place, added me as a friend. For some reason I accepted. He's become some kind of exotic male dancer, hosts graduation parties and Bar Mitzvahs, and things like that; he gets the party going. I didn't need to know that. I don't need to know anything about the people I went to school with. I think it stands to reason that if we were friends, we'd still be friends. I don't need to know my ex is openly chronicling her body transformations. I wish she'd transform into the 19 year old who used to give me blow jobs. And I definitely didn't need to know that the adorable little minx of a thing whose pictures I've been stalking for the last year and a half is now married and has a baby. It's goddamned depressing.

I don't want people I grew up with finding me and poking me and sending me cheery, nostalgic messages. I moved three thousand miles to the left so I wouldn't have to see you anymore, and if it wasn't for these evil, invasive "buddy" sites, I would have continued to reckon that you no longer existed. That's a reality I'm more than happy to dwell in for the remainder of my days.

What happened to growing up, moving away, never speaking to anyone you grew up with (ever), and quietly drinking yourself to death over the course of a few, fun filled years? A perfectly good afternoon of drinking, pill popping and dope smoking is shot to hell just by refreshing the page. An adult version of some prick I grew up with, grinnin' like a mule eatin' garlic, fouls my feed and leaves me feeling dirty, and exposed. Forget me already, I don't exist, I'm somewhere else and you're not welcome here. And no, I don't remember that.

Don't notify me when my favorite stalk-ee is in a relationship with someone who tragically isn't me. If some other creep has his greasy paws on the stuff I've been monitoring for the last year and a half, I don't want to know about it. He's probably a fucking vegetarian and I'm sure he's blown raspberries on her belly by now, that pig. I seriously doubt he's been waiting patiently for her to vacation in some tropical place where a bikini might factor into her most recent photos - but I have. Do you think he's spent any time determining who her best friends are, friends who might possibly have pictures of our (my) girl, poolside, sipping sissy drinks in a tube top and sarong? I doubt it.

Too much depressing information is gleaned through this rotten site and I'm nearly fed up. I have a lot invested in both my privacy and imagination, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let a running commentary on the life and times of everyone I don't like - including the aforementioned creep who at this very moment might have his filthy mitts resting hornily on the bare hips of the girl I knew I'd never get but was able to take some small pleasure from - ruin my good time. I once willingly saturated my soul with vodka, only to become repulsed by the resulting fester, just to log-in. I had my reasons; probably not good ones; and neither is the reason I don't willingly revoke my membership.

 

[milagros317]

Thank you. You have just confirmed that I have been wise to never join Facebook and be subjected to crap such as you describe. I keep in touch with (and sometimes visit) exactly one person who was in my high school class and two people from my college years. That is because I like and respect those three people, and I have no need to hear from dozens of others.

 

[maniactickler]

I pray everyday that facebook will go down the shitter.

 

[BBGuy5240]

I've don't hate Facebook, but I've found myself using it less & less. I mainly just use Facebook Messenger now.

I think it'll be a while before it goes down the road of Myspace.

 

[IrvingKrebb]

I liked Myspace and I was sorry to see it go. Facebook came along and it felt forced...like you were being herded against your will into some kind of virtual reservation. I would be happy to go back to Myspace, but that's not going to happen. Facebook is that masochistic itch that I have to scratch despite the pain...or maybe because of the pain, who knows? I look at it but rarely engage.

Also - Mark Zuckerberg isn't a liberal. He's a happy little corporate genius who made good use of military technology when it became available. He's one of the new tyrants of the modern age, masked in the hoody and jeans uniform of the next generation of rulers. Word on the street is: the CIA routinely sends him huge crates of hookers and space drugs taken from crashed UFOs as thanks for his cooperation.

 

[primetime]

Hate to rain on this parade, but since you want privacy soooooo much, why on Earth did you even sign up for Facebook anyway? Also, you will never see, I repeat, NEVER, see former friend's, lovers, animals, whatever, if you DO NOT accept their friend request. Just delete your profile and evil Facebook will never bother you again. Problem solved....

You do realize you are causing your own pain right?

 

[IrvingKrebb]

Jesus Christ...it's meant to be humorous...it's a joke! Everyone is so serious all the time...good gravy.

 

[primetime]

Jesus Christ...it's meant to be humorous...it's a joke! Everyone is so serious all the time...good gravy.

I already knew it had to be "tongue in cheek" because no one is that crazy to be serious about the stuff you were bringing up. I got a good chuckle out of your "rant".

 

[IrvingKrebb]

Thank you, it's funny you say that because the original title was "A Social Network Rant" but for some reason I changed it. Also funny is the fact that you're not alone in thinking I might be serious...I sent that to a friend who thought I was really upset about it. My sense of humor runs dark, I admit, and I don't post much so I guess it can be hard to tell sometimes.

 

[BrightEyes1082]

I thought it was real, too. I didn't really pick up on anything to suggest it was satire, and mostly just thought, why is this guy even on Facebook?

 

[knicks255]

Thank you, it's funny you say that because the original title was "A Social Network Rant" but for some reason I changed it. Also funny is the fact that you're not alone in thinking I might be serious...I sent that to a friend who thought I was really upset about it. My sense of humor runs dark, I admit, and I don't post much so I guess it can be hard to tell sometimes.

You had me going there too.

I suppose I should have picked up on it when you mentioned exotic dancers at Bar Mitzvahs, but it flew right over my head. Well played.

 

[Bohemianne]

Facebook is depressing me. A guy I went to school with, who I never liked in the first place, added me as a friend. For some reason I accepted. He's become some kind of exotic male dancer, hosts graduation parties and Bar Mitzvahs, and things like that; he gets the party going. I didn't need to know that. I don't need to know anything about the people I went to school with. I think it stands to reason that if we were friends, we'd still be friends. I don't need to know my ex is openly chronicling her body transformations. I wish she'd transform into the 19 year old who used to give me blow jobs. And I definitely didn't need to know that the adorable little minx of a thing whose pictures I've been stalking for the last year and a half is now married and has a baby. It's goddamned depressing.

I don't want people I grew up with finding me and poking me and sending me cheery, nostalgic messages. I moved three thousand miles to the left so I wouldn't have to see you anymore, and if it wasn't for these evil, invasive "buddy" sites, I would have continued to reckon that you no longer existed. That's a reality I'm more than happy to dwell in for the remainder of my days.

What happened to growing up, moving away, never speaking to anyone you grew up with (ever), and quietly drinking yourself to death over the course of a few, fun filled years? A perfectly good afternoon of drinking, pill popping and dope smoking is shot to hell just by refreshing the page. An adult version of some prick I grew up with, grinnin' like a mule eatin' garlic, fouls my feed and leaves me feeling dirty, and exposed. Forget me already, I don't exist, I'm somewhere else and you're not welcome here. And no, I don't remember that.

Don't notify me when my favorite stalk-ee is in a relationship with someone who tragically isn't me. If some other creep has his greasy paws on the stuff I've been monitoring for the last year and a half, I don't want to know about it. He's probably a fucking vegetarian and I'm sure he's blown raspberries on her belly by now, that pig. I seriously doubt he's been waiting patiently for her to vacation in some tropical place where a bikini might factor into her most recent photos - but I have. Do you think he's spent any time determining who her best friends are, friends who might possibly have pictures of our (my) girl, poolside, sipping sissy drinks in a tube top and sarong? I doubt it.

Too much depressing information is gleaned through this rotten site and I'm nearly fed up. I have a lot invested in both my privacy and imagination, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let a running commentary on the life and times of everyone I don't like - including the aforementioned creep who at this very moment might have his filthy mitts resting hornily on the bare hips of the girl I knew I'd never get but was able to take some small pleasure from - ruin my good time. I once willingly saturated my soul with vodka, only to become repulsed by the resulting fester, just to log-in. I had my reasons; probably not good ones; and neither is the reason I don't willingly revoke my membership.

Actually, I am not a fan of any rant, but I was caught by this. It's well expressed! Made me actually laugh...

I read this a day ago but wasn't able to comment at once... Now I don't know what has been edited.

 

[IrvingKrebb]

Thanks you Bohemianne, it's not edited at all, appreciate the hard-way laugh. 😉

 

[kopfhorer]

Facebook, if you don't watch yourself, is a worse time-sink than TV.

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

I guess I'm in the minority. I like hooking up with old friends and acquaintances that I'd otherwise likely never hear from again. I've never had trouble unfriending or unfollowing somebody from whom I'm tired of hearing. Some people post 5 or 6 times a day or even more. I generally post 3 or 4 times a month to my timeline.

 

[Wolf]

Jesus Christ...it's meant to be humorous...it's a joke! Everyone is so serious all the time...good gravy.

That's the problem with good satire...it becomes hard to distinguish from the real rants and trolling around here.
I would have bought into it, but I refuse to believe the man who brought us the best "amateur" tickling video ever could be so bitter.

 

[IrvingKrebb]

Jeepers, thanks man...betcha I can guess which one!

 

[suikoden]

That's the problem with good satire...it becomes hard to distinguish from the real rants and trolling around here.
I would have bought into it, but I refuse to believe the man who brought us the best "amateur" tickling video ever could be so bitter.

And so say all of us. VV was special and I would love to see more from Krebb and co should they ever decide to get the cameras and restraints out again.