Why is Father’s Day (on June 15th) mostly ignored?

[chicago]

I didn't mean to insinuate that the mother was a better parent because she gives birth. I was merely touching on the subject of that "immediate biological bond" that is often talked about when referring to mother and child.

 

[Mitchell]

One other point about my own father. Our relationship ended because of a truly sick reason. My father always based his relationship with me not on how I treated him personally, but rather, how I treated "Other people" who were important to him. My paternal grandmother and uncle were and are vile, miserable human beings. They despised me because I was closer to my mom's parents, because mom's parents were warm, loving human beings, and they were awful. My father, regardless of their behavior, pushed them down my throat. I had to "See" my grandmother for "Half time", during any visit to Florida, because I "Owed it to Dad", because he was paying for the trips. So, being the compliant son, I had to go, and listen to such talk from them as "Your father's too good to you, you dont deserve it", or "You're a rich spolied brat". When I was 18, my grandmother and my mom had an ending argument because my grandmother threw up a grudge she had against my grandparents from a time 18 years eariler, when I was dying. At the time of my mom and grandmother's argument when I was 18, my maternal grandparents were both very sick, and the witch chose that time to lay into my mom about her grudge from 18 years earlier. I called my uncle, to try and mediate a family discussion. I wanted to head off another family estrangement. His reply to me was "I told your father to divorce your mother, and if you dont see your father, many kids dont see their children, life goes on". I got off the phone with him, and at that minute, said "Fine, I'm done with you fuckers. If thats how he feels, he's done, and if dad doesnt like it, fuck him too". My mom and dad's marriage lasted for another year and a half, before we split, and the estrangement between my father and I began.

For years, I prevailed upon him that I didnt want to be estranged from him. We had brief reconcillations, all of which failed. Then, in 1997, he got married. The woman married him while we were estranged, and didnt give a shit that his life was out of order. He and I reconciled again in 2000. I had no plans to see the woman he was married to, because I was really furious that he married her while we were estranged. He said he understood, but always acted covertly to me over her. In 2003, he had angiolpasty, and I promised him I was going to the hospital, and that if I saw Grandma, Uncle, and wife, I would be civil to them, for the day, because we all had enough stress, without added problems. He banned me from the hosptial, saying I had to "Have a relationship with them before I could be there". So, I didnt go, and a few months later, another estrangement. I had it in for this wife because a while earlier he said to me: "Cheryl says you should cut your bullshit, and call your grandmother, because shes old, and is going to die soon, and deserves your respect". I went ballistic. I was like "How the fuck does Cheryl know what went on? She never met me, and married you while we were estranged. She's a fucking troublemaker. She wasnt there for 18 years while the problem with your mother and me happened". Between that, and marrying my dad when he and I were estranged, I knew I could never deal with her.

Fast forward to 2005: Most know this: I pulled the phone out of my mom's hands, talked to my dad for a year. He lied to me that he wanted to have a different relationship with me, yet never put himself out to see me, even once. When our latest estrangement happened in late 2006, his final words to me were "The woman you have refused to acknowledge as my wife". He told me he was dumping me for her. I told him six years earlier I was not going to ever see her, due to what she and he did to me, with their marriage, and other things. He lied to me, and shook my hand, and said it was okay. So, hence our final estrangement, and what I believe will now exist for the rest of his life. My father dumped me, and if thats how the fuck feels, fine. As long as my mom's alimony check comes on time every month, he doesnt ever have to see me. I know he dumped me for two reasons, one, because I didnt see his bitch wife, and two, because my grandmother died, and she went to her grave without me kissing her ass.

Sorry if this is a long and ranting post, but, I truly have the father from hell. The guy doesnt deserve to be acknowledged on Father's Day. I dont matter to him. He has Cheryl, and Cheryl's daughter, and maybe by now even a step grandchild. He doesnt need me, and doesnt want me. Its very painful, and something I will never get over, but at least he wont have the opportunity to abuse his grandchildren the way he did me.

Anyhow, sorry again for the long post.

Mitch

 

[unclebill]

I didn't mean to insinuate that the mother was a better parent because she gives birth. I was merely touching on the subject of that "immediate biological bond" that is often talked about when referring to mother and child.

Good point, Miss Hall. When it comes to infants, the bond between mother and baby is evident right from the start.

 

[aurora5150]

in my family the only recognized holidays are christmas and thanksgiving. my father doesn't believe in mother/father's day, birthdays, 4th of july, or new years.

i'm not trying to bash him here this is just how he is.

 

[locker669]

Because you can't buy your dad a gift at Yankee Candle or Bath and Body works.