Why, oh, why do they choose death over life?

[goddess_nemesis]

On May 31st, a guy I knew in school had just turned 19. In high school, he was always happy and carefree and doing crazy things. He was one of the popular kids and everyone wanted to be his friend.

However, on his 19th birthday which he was celebrating with a party, he had told a bunch of his friends that he was tired and had gone to his room. Later that night, his friends found him dead in his room. He had hanged himself. He had committed suicide.

BTW, a good friend of his had committed suicide 4 years earlier. His friend had died the same way.

When I found out, I was shocked and sad that he would choose death over life. And I'm wondering why.

Basically, I just don't get why anyone would choose to give up, to choose death over life. There are many explanations like maybe he was depressed, maybe it was drugs, maybe it was booze, but it doesn't help.

I don't know why and the person who knows is gone.

Godspeed, My Friend. May You Rest In Peace.

~~~~ticklingnemesis

 

[steph]

I'm very sorry to hear it. A kid that was a friend of my friend's son hung himself. What a shame.

Why you ask? We see a lot of suicide attempts in my hospital and I find, when talking to these patients, it's so much more complicated than it looks to outsiders.

Much of the time, things just start to feel too much for them, they don't have the coping skills, or know where to ask for help~getting out just looks like an easier way of stopping all that pain.

I remember one young guy who jumped off an overpass, fell 30 feet. Amazingly he lived and wasn't permanently injured. I visited with him everyday while he recoverd in my trauma unit for several weeks. In the space of a year, he'd lost his job, his house and his girlfriend dumped him. He told me, "I just didn't see the point anymore."

Anyway, I wish you and your friend's family the best.
XOXO

 

[Sultrybrunette]

Having been to that point and attempted it myself I can tell you its not one thing that goes through your mind. With me, it was alot of factors and its something that builds up. I dont think that its a spontaneous thing. I had been thinking about it for a long time. The time that chose me was not planned. I say that because it wasnt a coherent thought of the day or time but the despair and hurt took over completely. People thought I was on drugs even though I hadnt taken anything. Its really bad when the pain of killing yourself is nothing compared to the pain that your feeling inside. How much stress and unhappiness can one person take? Each of us has our breaking point. I think that in the instance with your friend, he held it inside instead of showing his pain to everyone and it got to be too much. No one that hasnt been through it cannot understand it. No one can really. You can never get into the mind of the person attempting to know what they are really feeling. I am sorry that he got to that point and know how difficult it must be for his family and friends. It will not do you any good to question why. Just remember him as you knew him.

 

[morgandavis]

maybe its peer pressure !!!!

i know many people who go "deth is kewl" and it is a chic fashion trend thing so to fit in other people start wearing black and talk about ``goth`` stuff and suicide

one time i tried to join the suicide fan club but then i only realized it was because i wanted to have sex with the suicide girls and they wouldn't have sex with me which made me feel worthless in life

 

[Edge]

It's just life, everyone I think at some point at least even if not "100% serious* thinks to themselves maybe I should just kill myself...although not being completely serious. Life can be depressing...if you have people around you who put you down or look down on you. Maybe you have $ issues and/or a lack of friends...maybe you got rejected by a girl one too many times, or maybe your on drugs and that is the cause of it. Maybe you feel you have no future and that you'll never be "successful" so whats the point of being alive? I think those are some things that run through people's minds...
Heck they've run through my mind, several times. Doesn't mean I'd actually kill myself, although I have felt like it sometimes out of frustration, being able to deal with it is the key...and finding things that make you happy.

 

[TklDuo-Ann]

*hugs* I'm so sorry to hear that. Having had a few friends and acquaintences choose this path, I can't give you any more answers than you have already. There IS no answer...only their absence. Feel free to give a yell if you need to vent about it.

one who understands

 

[kis123]

This thread brings back a lot of memories-most of them bad ones!

I know of a couple of young people who comitted suicide, way too young to make those types of decisions. But, when your soul has gotten so dark that you just can't see your way to another day of miserable mental and emotional pain, it doesn't matter how old or young a person is.

I went through a horrible experience several years ago. My mother who was my best friend died. My family went into crisis because my mother made me executor of her estate instead of my oldest sister. That was almost worse than my mom dying. My marriage fell apart day by day with no one even noticing. I was a very good actress and played the tough-as-nails role, but I was dying from the inside out. My job of nine years was gone-they played politics until I finally quit. My weight shot up dramatically-the fibromyalgia was out of control and I was in constant pain. I could hardly get out of bed to take care of my family. My ex didn't understand what was happening to me, so my marriage suffered even more. Eventually I lost my home and ended up on my sister's second floor for 14 months.

I already felt dead so I decided I was going to make it official. If not for the Grace of God, I wouldn't be here. God chose to save my life and let my kids keep their mother. I know how it feels to feel helpless and hopeless. The shame keeps a person from reaching out making the nightmare even worse. Sometimes it does get to the point death feels better than living another day in this emotional and mental jail.

I'm glad I'm still here for my children and myself. I'm glad I watched my son graduate from high school last year. I even got my college degree last December. It was a monumental year-it wouldn't have happened if I wasn't here. I wouldn't have gotten to see my daughter make it to AAU nationals in basketball.

In my situation, I had children to consider, young people do not. It's hard to hang on when you feel there's no one to care if you're gone.

I'm sorry I took so much space on this. It wasn't about me-but I was trying to make a point that I could relate to his pain. I was blessed that I actually didn't succeed.

My condolences for your friend. I wish he could look outside of himself and see how much pain his loss created for all who knew him.

 

[MrMacphisto]

Firstly, my condolences to you, nemesis. I can't imagine what you must be feeling now....

All I can say is that, given the suicidal thoughts I had during a much earlier period of life, it would seem that suicide often stems from a (unintentionally) selfish sense of pity. When a person is within the abysmal depths of suicidal temptation, the breaking point comes when they focus so much on their own misery that they forget the misery they would put others through as a result of the potential act itself.

Given what you've shared with us about this man, I doubt he would've gone through with the act if he had been thinking more about this. Love of family and friends is probably the most common deterrent to suicide. It's about the only thing that stopped me from going through with it, when I was younger. Sometimes, it comes down to this same thing, on the rare occasions that I enter a deep depression.

The funny thing about life is that it's not about what is meaningful to you personally. It's about what your life means to others. If no one loves you, then suicide is pretty straightforward: you can kill yourself and no one really cares. Thankfully, most of us have at least one person in their life that would care if they died. The problem of suicide arises when this is forgotten....

 

[goddess_nemesis]

Thank you so much for your kind words and to those who shared their stories of attempted suicides. Basically I just needed a place to vent and TMF has such a wonderful community of people who care.

Amnesiac, his family is coping as best as they can. His funeral will be Mon. June 6. I don't want to go, I don't want to see his coffin and to have it hit me that he's truly gone. Though I don't want to, I am going to go simply out of respect to his family. His mother is a high school teacher and I had her as a teacher. And to think this was supposed to be a happy time for them. His sister is getting married sometime this summer.

It's just so hard. And I appreciate all the kind words you all have shared. It helps to know that there are people out there who care and even some who have been there and know. Thanks!

~~~~~~ticklingnemesis

 

[thetickleking]

My condolences regarding your loss. The human mind is one of those things that can never truly be comprehended. Each person knows what goes on in his or her own mind. They know and understand how they perceive things, however, whether another person perceives things the same way will never truly be known. No matter how much science we have, we will never be able to truly look at life through another person's eyes. Thus, how I might perceive a concept, and how another might perceive the exact same concept in an identical context, might be completely different. Also, while many are good judges of character, and have a good perception of sincerity, a person can put up an intricate pattern of good natured behavior, while being secretly tortured by a battle of conflicting emotions. In such cases, it is almost in possible to tell how a person truly feels. I for one am an expert at hiding my true feelings. I have to be. I'm in sales. I have to be able to put on a gameface, that shows no indication of what goes on within. I'm not by any means suicidal, but while I may come across to some (as I've been told) as an explosive, joyous character, many times I am deeply troubled within, by financial woes, family discord or sorrow, and many other things.

To top it all off, all of the information we are given about death, gives us the concept of a glorious afterlife. Whether by the Christian perspective, that one live will eternally in a perfect body, with no sorrow or pain, or by the reincarnation perspective, that one will be given a new life, somewhere else, someone else, or something else, with a chance to start all over, or many other teachings. Even Satanists believe that they are going to be rewarded after death. I've known several people who committed suicide, and none were Atheists (if you're friend was an Atheist, it still doesn't necessarily disprove this). Typically, people who commit suicide, do it, because they feel that there is something better waiting for them after death. They are tired of dealing with life's troubles, and weary to move on to something better. Atheists believe that everything ends with death, but some Atheists may still feel that an end to existence would be better than what they are going through.

I wish that no one would commit suicide. I believe that life is God's to give and take away, not ours to take upon ourselves. If anyone is thinking about suicide (hopefully not) and reads this post, find someone that you trust, and confide in them. Tell them why you feel the way you do. Most people who are swayed from suicide are swayed because they find someone they can share their frustrations with. When one doesn't feel alone, they are less apt to have suicidal thoughts. If you don't have anyone you feel you can trust, find me. I'm no more than any other person on this earth, but if I can help keep someone from taking their own life, I will gladly do it.

Well, sorry if I got a little deep, there, but that's a subject I've always taken very seriously.