Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?

[Eternal Tomboy]

It's been a long time since I started a thread, and I thought I'd share something that's been twirling around in my head for awhile....

Like many of you, I've had a love of tickling since early childhood. In the beginning (and right through high school), ANY tickling served to interest and thrill me. Giving, receiving, soft, rough, or simply a discussion - none of it mattered, as long tickling was somehow involved, I had rapt attention.

Then I went off to college, and things got a bit more complicated. In rough housing with my RA (who was a master at the art of pinning me), I quickly developed a desire to not only be tickled, but to be physically dominated as well. The amazing feeling I got when he put me in a helpless position and tickled me into submission was unparalleled by anything I had ever felt before. It was a powerful cocktail of pure adrenaline and sexual ecstasy all rolled into one.... and I was hooked.

That seemed to be good enough for me for awhile, and then new small sub-interests (wouldn't necessarily call them fetishes) began to crop up around it....

I guess linked to being pinned, I found myself attracted to guys with brut strength. They didn't necessarily have to be big, but they had to be able to easily take me on in a wrestling match. I was drawn to guys who had the ability to throw me over their shoulder or otherwise make me feel like I didn't stand a chance against them (physically). Some of these guys most girls wouldn't give a second glance to (because they weren't "textbook" handsome), ranked high on my attractiveness scale just because of their strength.

Then sense of humor came into play, and made my fetish even more complicated than before. I always loved a guy with a good sense of humor, but somewhere in my 20's, it became more than just one attribute on my top ten list of things I look for in a guy - it became the #1 thing. Surpassing even strength, I developed mad crushes on guys who could make me laugh (without tickling me). Again, the guys in this category weren't what most girls would consider handsome either. I suppose that there are guys with both rugged good looks AND a great sense of humor, but for the most part I've found that "okay" looking guys seem to develop a better sense of humor, almost as if it was keenly developed as a means of compensating for their mediocre looks. I know that sounds a bit harsh... no offense to all you class clowns out there... got nothin' but love for you guys, really.

And the first time one of these goofball guys coupled their sense of humor with tickling, another set of fireworks went off in my body. Making me laugh before tickling me made the tickling TEN TIMES more intense when it finally happened. Normally, I'm a very stubborn girl, and hate giving in too easily. When someone tickles me, I will fight laughter for as long as I can - it's a little battle of wills I play in my head. But these funny guys can tear down my skillful defenses with a few jokes or some goofy comments, and the game is over before its even begun. And believe me, in this one instance, surrender is sweet! 😉

Okay, so far we've got strong and funny, right? Moving on....

Outgoing is next on the list of must-haves. Or maybe I should call it talkative. I suddenly needed to be talked to when tickled play happened. I quickly lost interest in guys who were quiet during tickle play. I found that if my 'ler was quiet, then so was I. Most of these quiet 'lers assumed I wasn't all that ticklish, but it wasn't that at ALL. Attribute it to my wicked stubborn streak or my inhibitions, but I simply CAN'T laugh out loud when being tickled unless my 'ler is engaging me (verbally). His fingers can tickle like hell, but he won't get more than squeaks and groans out of me unless he talks. Talk to me, tell me things, joke around, tease me, but whatever you do, don't clam up! Because once you break the ice and get me talking, it starts to poke holes in my defenses, and gets my concentration away from keeping my silence.... and the laughter is sure to follow. And I couldn't achieve that "high" I was in search of without laughing. The harder, the better.

Next, and thank god FINALLY, there are guys who are overly-perceptive. Guys who had the ability to read me without me saying a word (because even though I want my 'ler to be verbal with me, I'm not naturally talkative as a 'lee. So I need someone who picks up on subtle cues.) If you've ever seen the TV shows "House" or "Lie to Me" then you'll know the kinds of guys I'm looking for. The characters that Hugh Laurie and Tim Roth play on those shows is exactly the kinds of guys I'm attracted to. I mean REALLY attracted to. Guys who can pick up on my bluffs or facial expressions and know in a heartbeat what I'm feeling or when I'm lying through my teeth (and I do that a lot when I'm being tickled... another little game I play). God that's sexy as hell!

Strong, funny, outgoing, and highly perceptive.... pretty freakin' specific. It's like I started out at the wide mouth of a funnel, and slowly over the years have worked my way down to the narrow end. The end that almost no ONE guy can fit through. And here's when it becomes complicated for me: because of all these needs (desires, sub-fetishes, whatever you want to call them), I'm almost never fully satisfied. A couple times in the course of a year, the stars will all align perfectly, and all of these qualities will display themselves all at once, and then orgasms go off like the fucking fourth of July!! There is no greater high for me - NONE. In that one moment, I'm happier than any girl on the planet and I don't mind having such a pain in the ass fetish.

But the other 99% of the time, it's sorta hell. It's complicated to manage, and I think I would give it all up if I had the ability to. But after thirty years, I'm pretty sure I'm in it for the long haul. And that's okay. I know there are much worse things to get off on. But WHY can't it be like it was in the beginning? Back when I wasn't so ridiculously picky?? Back before my mind put so many restraints on my fetish?

I can feel another one starting to crop up on me now: having a guy get a ticklish reaction out of a spot on my body that has never really been ticklish before.... how's THAT for impossible to fulfill?? If this continues, by the time I'm 50 there will be a mile-long laundry list of requirements in order to satisfy me!!!

 

[mabus]

You mentioned looks a lot - how important are looks to you?

The more you narrow your field, obviously, the less the pool of men who satisfy you becomes. If you go for all the other desires.....can you get past the looks, and also, are you worried about that OTHER people, society I guess, find them attractive?
Are YOU attracted to them? Basically, can they give you the fantastic orgasm, even though "society" doesn't find them attractive?

Sadly, in our world today, the pool of guys and girls isn't that big.
You take the total number of guys out there. Now, take out the ones in jail, the druggies, the wife beaters, the creeps, the losers, the evil bastards......I don't know what that number will be, maybe half! Depending on what part of the country you're in.... Then you need one who will accept all those things you state....many won't on just, judgemental, ego, what-society-thinks-bullshit grounds, and others on religious grounds....(and I'm sadly discovering with more and more home schooled people out there, this will become tougher in the future. My good friend went to Catholic school, as did I. I fell away from the church, he is very into the church and his faith. But he has a sense of humor, I even joke about fetishes and sex with him and our group all the time. But he telle me, HIS friends, many who were home schooled, will like, completely shut down when anything interferes with their profoundly narrow world view. For example, he mentioned once to them that he thought the wings at Hooters were pretty good. They immediately changed the subject! Wouldn't even acknowledge he said anything. I've see this with my home schooled friends. Don't find one of those, they probably don't even know there ARE fetishes, and wuld probably throw holy water on you if you mentioned the tamest of your wants....)

I'm a guy who goes for looks, but what I'M attracted to. I started that thread recently about how beauty is affected by things you mentioned...I think many folks misundersood me. There were girls I knew in my life, who "society" wouldn't find attractive but would knock my socks so far off it would take me three weeks to go get them back! Then you add if they had a tickle fetish, if they liked ME, if they were wearing pantyhose, if they were totally into my interests.....plus all the other "relationship" things people need...the attraction multiples. Some things more than others.
I don't really give a damn what anyone else thinks about them, do they turn ME on?
Why would I want to be with a girl who society, or even my friends, think is beautiful, but doesn't turn me on? Yet many people do care what others think, and usually suffer for that.

Also, if you find a guy who matches SOME of your wants/needs, you may have to ASK him for the rest. There may be ONE or TWO men in America who will perfectly fit the things you've mentioned, but the rest will have to work at it.

You should focus on someone who is tolerant of you, your wants and desires, and on the other hand! You would have to accomodate HIS wants and desires. Then there's the other things - does he listen to me, does he respect my interests and views, even if he holds different views? Will he share, put me first (and you put him first) care for me when you're sick, sacrifice for me when you're in need, etc. Those will either add to, or take away from, tha desire. If you found a guy who matched your list, but was an asshole, after a while he just wouldn't be attractive anymore trust me. No matter how pretty a girl is, most guys would get REAL tired of her if she is a complete bitch.

 

[Eternal Tomboy]

Mabus -

Thank you so much for such a thoughtful response. Most on here don't take the time to respond, and even less put as much effort into it as you did.

But I think I must have been unclear about my point. I know I mentioned looks a couple of times, but that was only to express how far down on the list good looks are to me. I went after these guys who were strong, funny, outgoing, etc. because of their character traits, NOT because of their looks. That's all I was trying to say.... obviously badly, lol. 😛

I know that I've created somewhat of an impossible situation for myself lumping all of these desires on top of an already hard thing to satisfy.... believe me, I know! But they are there none the less. It's not that the guy has to embody all of these traits ALL the time, but rather sometimes, when we're in bed together, playing. I have favorite scenarios in my head that go along with all of these character traits, and sometimes without me saying a word, the guy happens to hit on one of them - that's when I get REALLY into it and the fireworks go off.

The guy I'm with does know a couple of these key points, but I've been bad at laying everything out on the line for him. He accommodates me best he can, and most of the time it's fine. But two nights ago - BAM - he got it perfect. And in that moment, it was magic. It had been a really long time since that happened. And I guess that's what prompted me to write the thread. All those feelings I hadn't experienced for so long resurfaced, and got me wondering. Wondering about my fetish, my attractions, and all the things that go on in my head. And being a bit of a writer, when I wonder, I've got to write.

I don't envy my husband (yes, I'm married) because I know how hard it must be being a vanilla guy with a partner who has a fetish that is outside the norm. He knew I liked to be tickled when we got married, but since I was 22 years old at the time, even I didn't know the full extent of my fetish. But now we BOTH know that it's a NEED not a WANT. Tickling has got to be part of our sex life if we're both going to walk away from the experience satisfied. So he tries. And I try. And that's all anybody can ask, right?

 

[Backstep]

I think you should seek out some couples counceling/therapy. Things really shouldn't have to be perfect for you to feel sexually satisfied. You should still be able to enjoy other sensual behaviors and scenarios. Or even other kinds of tickling. A therapist should be able to help you enjoy a wider range of sexual activity, which is all that someone with a fetish could ask for.

And you mentioned that your husband is 'vanilla', doing what he can for you. There's nothing wrong with that, but what do you do for him? He may not have a fetish, per se, but may have other fantasies or things he wants to try as well. You need to talk about that.

In addition, how do you feel about your husband? Do you think you're getting more picky to unconsciously shut him out?

 

[Eternal Tomboy]

Backstep, I couldn't agree more. You made some very good points, and they are all things that I have considered over the years. I've been married for 14 years, and like most couples, my husband and I have had a lot of ups and downs. It's to be expected.

There is a lot that's good with our relationship, and a number of things that I wish could be different. And like you pointed out, all of that could probably be remedied, or at least addressed, in counseling. I'm working up the courage to ask him if he would do that with me. He's never put much faith in counselors, but I don't know if that's because he feels it's a waste of time or because he's afraid that getting things out in the open will shine a big spotlight on all the things that are wrong, and it will lead to divorce. I'm kind of scared about that too. I may entertain thoughts of divorce on occasion (I think a lot of couples probably do), but it's not what I really want. I would truly love to make this work.

I love him, no doubt about that. He's a good man. Granted, there are some things about him that drive me straight up the wall, but I'm sure he could say the same about me. I know that most of the bedroom related problems are mine. He's SO easy to please in that regard, it's ridiculous. I suppose like most vanilla guys, if he's getting some, he's happy. But I bring so much crap to the table that it's hard to kick things off most of the time. You're right, things shouldn't have to be perfect for me to be satisfied... but that's kind of the way it is at the moment. And it sucks. And I guess that's the frustration I was trying to vent here. I've become so freakin' high maintenance over the years, and I don't know how to get back to basics.

 

[ticklemepls]

I can feel another one starting to crop up on me now: having a guy get a ticklish reaction out of a spot on my body that has never really been ticklish before.... how's THAT for impossible to fulfill?? If this continues, by the time I'm 50 there will be a mile-long laundry list of requirements in order to satisfy me!!!

Its normal to develop a taste for things that really "rock your world" sort to speak... I think we all, at least on some level, do it. However, as you know, it does certainly lead to a world of frustration!

as for finding a spot that has never really been ticklish before--- ohhhhhh trust me, it will crop up when you least expect it 😀 Enjoy the ride and before you know it, that will for sure be on your list too.... that one spot that only certain people can bring out in you.

 

[Backstep]

If you guys have a good honest relationship, you could approach it this way:

"Dear, I love you more than words could say. And no matter what happens, that will never change. And no matter what comes in the future, I do not want to be without you. Not now, not ever; I want you in my life for life, come what may. Period.

But I need to talk some things through with a professional. There are some things sexually and emotionally that I'm going though, and in order to be a better partner to you, I have to try to work though them. And it's important to me that you come with me to do it. I'm not as strong without you; you keep me grounded.

I've asked a lot of you, and I hope you've felt the openness to do the same. But I need your support on this. You've been good to me so many times before; please do this for me?"

 

[mabus]

Also, many men are terrified they'll go see a counselor, and they'll just be attacked the whole time. This has happened, and they are afraid of that.
That the counselor may hasten the end of a marriage that could have been saved.

I'm going through a divorce now, (yes, folks, I was married, and it was profoundly unhappy. I usually never even GOT to the tickling, since after having your wife insult you and be condescending all fucking day long, by the time night came...no, I didn't want to tickle her. At all. And no, not even for a "revenge" thing. I hope no one, NO ONE, ever has a relationship like I had. Where you feel about one millimeter tall all the time. Even the guys who have fantasies of that only want that as a FANTASY, and would never want an empty, unloved, life like that.)

So if there's hope, grasp the shit out of it. Because the grass may not be greener elsewhere. And if your husband is tolerant up to this point, there's certainly room to grow.

Divorce is bad. There aren't many people who want to go through divorces. Yes, life is better after if you had a marriage like me, but my soon to be ex-wife is making it hard, and intends on making it worse.

Why not just have that heart to heart talk, and TELL him everything you want?
Honestly, most people have no clue!
No one can read minds.
They may be DAMN perceptive, and get big ass hints, like if you wak out in lingerie, you might want to have sex, but it takes big things like that sometimes!

I mean, it's the great dilemna of life! If ONLY I could walk around and KNOW what girls are attracted to me, and which aren't! If only I could KNOW which girls would be open to a tickle fetish and which would be close-minded! If only I could know what girls even HAVE a tickle fetish! Still to this day, still, I'm the ONLY human being I've ever encountered, out of the THOUSANDS of people I've known, who has any kind of a fetish at all. I've met one girl, who MAYBE, I mean, maybe, has a tickle fetish because she always tried to tickle her best friend, but she could have been just tickling her! But she was a total bitch, so there's no hope there, trust me. And again, being a total bitch is fine for the fantasy world where you can write stories or do videos, but in real life, no, you wouldn't tickle someone like that, you wouldn't want to.

Good luck with everything, I really mean it. I hope you find what you're looking for, and don't end up like me.

 

[Backstep]

Mabus, I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. And I'm with you about being open in terms of communication and trying to ensure that a councelor will strengthen a marriage instead of pulling it apart.

I will say, though, that if you've known thousands of people, you've met people with all sorts of sexual fetishes, hang-ups and picadillos. You just don't know what they are. The media has a lot of people believe that most people who want to have sex just pair up missionary-style and then call it a night. But there are lots of things that the media would call risque or weird that TONS of people do. They just don't talk about it so much, to some end because they'd feel stigmatized.

 

[mabus]

I agree completely Backsetp, that many of those folks may have had fetishes. I just wish I knew who, but they wee probably scared to reveal it too. Of course, this is a big Christian community in south Louisiana, and it totally depends on who you talk to - some won't even say the word sex" and others could care less. And you never know with THAT, which is why I included "I wish I knew who was tolerant and who wasn't."

Yeah, communication...I had almost NONE in my marriage. Whjen you can't even talk to your wife because she'll get condescending and insulting, there's no where to go in the relationship. I really hope daisycrazy can get through this.
Ironically, maybe seeing a priest may be easier, but find one who isn't a sex hater. But there's a comfort level in the fact that it's far more unlikley that the priest will pick sides or start laying into the husband, or wife for that matter.
I'd honestly be more comfortable talking to a priest than a counseler, since I've never really talked to EITHER.

For those who have, how IS a counseling session, either way - priest, pastor, counseler?
I've always dealt with things on my own. I can't say if I would have been better off getting another perspective. (In my marriage, however, nothing would have helped. I didn't love her, she sure didn't love me, there was no communication, it was too far gone for anyone to help it.)

 

[Backstep]

I've never been to couples counceling. I saw a psychiatrist for a couple of years in my early teens, but I never spoke the word 'tickling' once. I went due to a couple of issues I was having and my parents got a full report, so I wisely left it out of our therapy sessions (I have a minor learning disability that I have long since developed coping mechanisms for).

When I was a couple of years out of college, I saw someone for a little bit just to feel out if this fetish could be erased after I'd had a serious lull relationship-wise. The doctor basically told me that it would probably never go away, but that the key was to take steps to ensure I enjoyed other kinds of sexual experiences that still led to gratification; to 'branch out' as it were. I think it helped not only to not feel shackled by tickling, but to expand my sexual horizons in general.

Tickling is still my main sexual focus seeing as only media related to tickling really excites me, but I can engage in a variety of activities and still enjoy them almost as much.

 

[tommytikl]

Hi Daisy, I might be confused...
So you have been married for 14 years to one guy but getting tickled by other guys?
OR is is the Fantasy of what you want your married husband to be?

Either way, I totally get what you are saying... years ago, any mainstream vid would be awesome...now they barely register.

And she should have a certain laugh...blah, blah blah...

Funny enough, this escalating issue only occurs in videos with me, not real life...