How come Tron hasn't posted here yet?
Greatest entertainer and biggest personality: The Rock. The Mohammed Ali of pro-wrestling in my humble opinion.
The wrestler I most despised: Shawn Michaels.
Wrestler who was good in the ring but a total wanker in the office: Ric Flair.
Funniest wrestler when cutting a promo: Roddy Piper (Check out the one he did right before taking the IC belt off Jaques Rougeaux at the 1992 Royal Rumble!
😀😀😀)
Biggest physical coward when taking a bump: Mil Mascaras. Wanker.
Most talented guy who never got his big break: Me.
Alltime favourite, best talented, hardest working, general all-round sun-shining-out-of-his-arsehole super-dude that ever existed in the business: Bret Hart.
Wrestler who most sounded like he was smoking a joint and drinking home brewed poteen: Jimmy Snuka. Bless him.
Least convincing heel act in history of the business: Sgt Slaughter when doing his pro-Iraqi arc in early-mid 1991. (About as convincing a bad guy as Wolf from
Gladiators used to be.)
Man who pissed more talent up against the wall than anyone else and wasted his career: Marty Jannetty.
Guy who should have retired fucking years ago and is now a sad, wasted, pathetic, dried-up, wrinkly old elephant's testicle, who's jobbering around the circuit at a hundredth of the pulling power he had in his prime: Dead heat between Hulk Hogan and Shawn Michaels. Wankers.
Wrestler with most doomed gimic that we knew had fucked his career from the get-go: Aldo Montoya.
Guy with more guts, fortitude, courage and will-power to go on than any other; who achieved what he did against the odds and deserved every ever-fucking ounce of success he had: Mick Foley.
Biggest robbing, cheating, twisted, fucked-up, thieving, slandering, back-stabbing, cornholing son of a bitch ever to exist in the business: Do I really need to answer this?
Greatest professional for conduct throughout his career: Mark Calloway, a.k.a. The Undertaker. A true diamond geezer, who never forgot to help out someone lower down than him if they needed it and one of those rare creatures who can make it look like he's committing murder on someone without so much as disturbing their hair.
Ugliest fucker to ever step in the ring: Glenn Jacobs, a.k.a. Kane. Not that I'd tell him to his face mind you.
😀
Biggest ability to psyche a crowd up: Jim Hellwig, a.k.a. the Ultimate Warrior. Now there really IS a prime-time wanker!
Guy with least ability to fake a blow, resulting in having to throw real punches of near-decapitatory force: Leon White, a.k.a. Vader.
Guy with most understandable name-change: Shawn Michaels, a.k.a. Michael Hickinbottom.
Most Doomed relationship we all knew was never going to last: Randy Savage and "Mizz Eliddabuff". 9 months from marriage to divorce.
Guy who looks most like a geriatric old fucker: Ric Flair.
Guy with least convincing bump technique: Ric Flair. (That stupid effing stagger for five or six steps, before going
*timbeeeeeeeerrr* over on his face. Never seen anyone flapjack themselves before.
😕
Biggest mystery as to why anyone ever though he was talented in the first place: Ric Flair. What the fuck was actually good about that guy? He looked wooden and painfully stiff in the ring and his promos were about as believeable as Stumpy O'Leg McNoleg's participation in the Market Harborough marathon.
Biggest cop-out on a gimic, going purely for the very vague resemblance between himself and a famous martial-arts film star: Rob Van Dam. Twat.
Silliest/Funniest voice in the industry: Paul Heyman; Mr. Helium himself.
Shortest lived gimmick in the business: Nailz. About 5 months.
Wrestler we most knew was going to die young: Ronny Ounaki, a.k.a. Yokozuna. No surprise there.
Most feeble finisher: Roddy Piper, Hulk Hogan, the early singles career of Shawn Michaels and Tito Santana.
Wrestler most likely to be a closet gaylord: Rick Martel. Always wearing pink and spraying perfume? You're 'avin'' a giraffe guv'nor.
Worst luck ever: Darren Drozdoff. Less than a year in the business and he's nearly a quadraplegic. It doesn't get any shittier than that.
Least believable relationship between a diva and a wrestler: Shawn Michaels and Sensational Sherri. Somehow a whole lot less believable than Mae Young and Mark Henry.
Biggest anti-climax to a PPV match: Steve Keirn a.k.a. "Skinner" Vs. Owen Hart at Wrestlemania VIII. Lasted about 45 seconds and Owen somehow managed to win it by pinfall despite not getting in a single offensive manouver. Encroyable.
Guy most pumped up for a career in his own right, then ends up jobbering as a stepping stone for real superstars to roll over when they come in: Virgil. Becomes the only man to strip Ted DiBiase of his Million Dollar Championship, then ends up being on the receiving end for Nailz and Yokozuna. B-u-r-i-e-d with a vengeance. One wonders what he did to piss Vince off.
Least convincing prop: The Million Dollar Belt. That piece of shit was supposed to be worth 3 or 4 million dollars and be made from 24-carat gold and fine-cut diamonds? I've seen better and more convincing creations in the Arts & Crafts room of the local infants school.
Feud that erupted onto centre stage but disappeared up it's own arse five minutes later without an explainable conclusion: Ahmed Johnson Vs. Faarooq and the Nation of Constipation.
Crappest PPV of all time: Wrestlemania IX. Biggest pile of shit I ever saw. About two of the matches were average standard, the rest were dire beyond belief. Also the beginning of Bret being screwed up the arse by Vince, largely thanks to Terry Bolea being an arsehole who wouldn't do anything to help someone else, despite them helping him.
Referee who somehow has a brilliant reputation, but is in actual fact the dumbest sack of shit ever to pull on the striped shirt: Earl Hebner. The amount of bad-guy double teaming this prick has let happen because he suddenly develops a fascinating interest for the speck of grit under the good guy's fingernail is beyond belief. Somehow managed to miss Randy Savage braining Ultimate Warrior with a massive glass stick, numerous tags being made by face teams, the Nasty Boys repeatedly using a motorcycle helmet as a weapon, more cases of outside interference than anyone can count; the worst of which being the Bulldog losing the European Title to Shawn Michaels despite Bulldog being battered by Rick Rude, Triple-H and Chyna in full view of him without resulting in a disqualification.
Okay, so it was obviously in the script to be that way, but how are we supposed to swallow the blindest and dumbest son of a bitch in the sport being the most respected senior official?
Least believable champion in modern times: Bob Backlund. Huh?
Event which most sharply contrasts with the believability of said pensioner returning to the sport and becoming champion after a massive battle with one of the sport's most respected professionals: Backlund getting his arse pasted in eight seconds flat by Kevin Nash, a short week after taking the title off Bret.
Most hokey gimmick of all time: Razor Ramon.
That's all I can think off for now gators. Let you know if I think of any more.
